Drunkblogging Films (TAKING REQUESTS)

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #0 (isolation #0) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:37 am

Currently taking requests.

what follows is an impromptu liveblog of Southland Tales:

so far it's like Red Dawn for liberals

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #1 (isolation #1) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:37 am

WAIT A MINUTE

THERE ARE MIDGETS

IS THIS LIKE WILLOW?! IS THIS GOING TO BE 9/11 WILLOW

OH GOD TELL ME IT IS

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #2 (isolation #2) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:39 am

perpetual motion? inconceivable!!!

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #3 (isolation #3) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:42 am

buffy goan stab 9/11

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #4 (isolation #4) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:45 am

with someone's very large and important cock, apparently

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #5 (isolation #5) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:46 am

ok so I'm pretty sure that 90 percent of their budget was spent on sunglasses.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #7 (isolation #6) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:48 am

also...I don't think the scriptwriter actually knows who Marx was. They keep namedropping Marx, but never in situations that app-HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THE PECS ON THAT MAN

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #8 (isolation #7) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:49 am

also the guns in this movie are taken directly from Goldeneye. use the rcp guys, it has the biggest mag.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #9 (isolation #8) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:50 am

get the fuck out of my ice cream truck you cro magnon bitch

why is she angry

what is happening.

why did she call him a cockfucker

why am I going to exclusively call people cockfuckers now. IS THAT AMY POEHLER

HOW DID THIS CAST HAPPEN

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #10 (isolation #9) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:51 am

HOLY SHIT IT'S AVON BARKSDALE

I'm choosing to believe this is a Willow/The Wire crossover. this explains everything.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #11 (isolation #10) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:52 am

this dystopian future is the result of the passing of the golden age of midgetry. our lesson is to cherish our midgets while we still have them

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #12 (isolation #11) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:54 am

on another note, if they just took this cast and had an orgy, I'd buy that movie

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #13 (isolation #12) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:55 am

wait, did they pick the rock to play an idiot because he's a bad actor or is he aware that he's perceived as a bad actor and is intentionally reading his lines poorly?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #14 (isolation #13) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:57 am

is someone going to fuck stifler's mom? is that punchline not going to happen? WHERE IS STIFLER'S MOM.

wait, smg is a pornstar in the universe of this movie?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #15 (isolation #14) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:59 am

this baby processes energy differently

oh my god

nuclear. fucking. baby.

GET THIS MAN A CONTRACT

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #16 (isolation #15) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:00 pm

this "is pooping in the bible" scene was ad libbed and they just left it in because the script probably had some more justin timberlake scarface nonsense in it speaking of which WHY IS SHE SLOWLY EATING A FRENCH FRY AND WEARING A RAINCOAT WITH NO UNDERSHIT WHAT THE FUCK WHERE ARE THE MIDGETS

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #17 (isolation #16) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:02 pm

this republican senator is more liberal than Obeezy. Frost/Elliot 2016

all their ads can just be smg making out with beefy tattooed gentlemen

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #18 (isolation #17) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:03 pm

proposition 69. sounds like a tuesday evening

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #19 (isolation #18) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:03 pm

also smg drinking a 40 with her face on it is all the reason I need to vote for this movie

wait

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #20 (isolation #19) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:04 pm

THEN IT BECOMES THE MORNING BEFORE PILL

SHE'S A GENIUS

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #21 (isolation #20) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:05 pm

time for a jew wedding

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #22 (isolation #21) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:10 pm

brb cooking

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #26 (isolation #22) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:49 pm

I'm not even half done

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #27 (isolation #23) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:39 pm

alright I have a libation in my hand and I am ready to plow through the rest of this

RELEASE THE KRAKEN

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #28 (isolation #24) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:48 pm

so avon barksdale sounds like tracy morgan when he's wearing a jew nose

MOTHER

OF

GOD

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #29 (isolation #25) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:48 pm

...bikini stores are against the law? did I miss something?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #30 (isolation #26) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:49 pm

they shot the handlebar right off his mustache

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #31 (isolation #27) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:49 pm

OH MY GOD MIDGETS IN RIOT GEAR

THIS IS HAPPENING

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #32 (isolation #28) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:50 pm

guns with hinges are almost as cool as riot gear midgets but if I had to choose one obviously I would take the midgets

FORTUNATELY WITH THIS MOVIE YOU NEVER HAVE TO CHOOSEEEEEEEEEEE

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #33 (isolation #29) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:51 pm

so that's now two shots of someone getting shot on a toilet. you guys realize that wasn't the reason pulp fiction was cool, right?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #34 (isolation #30) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:51 pm

THE ROCK EATING A SALAD. UNREALISTIC. TERRIBLE MOVIE.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #35 (isolation #31) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:52 pm

a dungeon made of sand is also sometimes called an anthill

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #36 (isolation #32) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:53 pm

a thousand people locked inside of me....you're talking about midgets, right? this movie is all a big metaphor about the everyday struggle of midgets.

I still prefer little people big world but this is a close second

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #37 (isolation #33) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:53 pm

well obviously willow is number one, but it's not fair to judge it on the same axis

also the number of ridiculous body tats is reaching critical mass

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #38 (isolation #34) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:55 pm

the rock getting in a slap fight with an old lady midget

classy as fuck

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #39 (isolation #35) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:57 pm

like seriously what is this book store scene? is it supposed to be like Macbeth? wait, we're having scrollover text MIDWAY THROUGH THE FILM with no previous use?

also wait this is supposed to be like TSA or Homeland security or something? I'm pretty sure they're allowed to wear undershirts. WHY IS SHE CRAMMING CHEETOHS IN HER MOUTH?! I'm pretty sure if undershirts aren't allowed cheetohs would be right out.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #40 (isolation #36) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:58 pm

Tiny Poehler and Avon are part of a different, better movie that was spliced into this because isn't wasn't long enough

she can't be a housewife. she likes to suck. dick. that's what she likes to do.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #41 (isolation #37) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:59 pm

JOHN LOVITZ!? WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING IN THIS MOVIE?! HOW IS HE NOT DEAD. I thought he committed career suicide.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #42 (isolation #38) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:59 pm

so this scene with the neighborhoods...there are still not as many amurrican flags as there are in the town my parents live in

lulz

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #43 (isolation #39) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:00 pm

Ok I am just so positive the rock is kidding

he's kidding right?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #44 (isolation #40) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:00 pm

is this entire movie ad libbed?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #45 (isolation #41) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:01 pm

WOAH

PHILIP K DICK REFERENCE UP IN THIS BITCH

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #46 (isolation #42) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:03 pm

see...because he said flow my tears...and he's a policeman...

seriously I don't know why he would do that the whole purpose of that quote is to contrast the nature of police work with that particular detective's interest in fine arts in an increasingly barbaric society WHAT THE FUCK IS THE ROCK DOING WITH HIS HANDS

THAT'S THE RETARD GESTURE BRO

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #47 (isolation #43) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:04 pm

...ok so if they're going to rollerskate why do they have to use those weird giant wheels? why not just use regular skates? someone had to MAKE those

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #48 (isolation #44) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:05 pm

....I mean, an advertisement of two cars fucking would be pretty persuasive

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #49 (isolation #45) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:06 pm

IS THAT MANDY MOORE?!

oh southland, just when you push me away, you draw me back in

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #50 (isolation #46) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:07 pm

although seriously, that animation was some ReBoot shit

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #51 (isolation #47) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:07 pm

wait...so the MacBeth book store witches are cahooting with the republican senator? what kind of sense does that make? midgets are diametrically opposed to republicans

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #52 (isolation #48) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:09 pm

I love how they're afraid to end a shot without first letting me ogle some hot biddy

it's like they know

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #53 (isolation #49) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:09 pm

WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING WITH HIS HANDS

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #54 (isolation #50) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:11 pm

you can't tase stifler. how will we find his mom?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #55 (isolation #51) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:12 pm

if I had to pick the worst writing device ever, I'm not sure if Justin Timberlake reading bible verses would win, but it'd definitely be in the running

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #56 (isolation #52) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:14 pm

remember that scene in Being John Malkovich where everyone was John Malkovich? I'm trying to figure out which actor in this film would best serve that role for this entire script, but I can't decide if it's Amy Poehler, a midget, or the rock

probably the midget

unless Amy got her tits out, although I'm pretty sure they'd just be hilarious

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #57 (isolation #53) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:15 pm

oddly enough I think the movie would make more sense if everyone was played by the same actor QUOTING THE BIBLE DOESN'T COUNT AS SCRIPTWRITING JUSTIN

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #58 (isolation #54) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:15 pm

THAT'S THE TAKE YOU WENT WITH? SERIOUSLY? you couldn't get a better reading of "you're my wife!"?

also why is the senator inexplicably wearing a bolo tie? although I guess in my dystopian future everyone would wear bolos

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #59 (isolation #55) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:16 pm

John Lovitz is fucking magical. that take of "you wanna fuck" makes up for the wife one

also GOOD LORD smg

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #60 (isolation #56) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:17 pm

THE FICTIONAL PORNO TITLE YOU WENT WITH WAS COCKHUGGERS?!

REALLY?!

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #61 (isolation #57) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:17 pm

there's nothing sexier than a nekkid woman in a raincoat

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #62 (isolation #58) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:18 pm

and her drink tastes...really really good

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #63 (isolation #59) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:19 pm

I'd vote yes on her proposition 69. yowwwwww

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #64 (isolation #60) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:19 pm

that guy wearing eyeliner? INCONCEIVABLE!

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #65 (isolation #61) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:20 pm

she is definitely not a two bit porn star. she knows not to use teeth.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #66 (isolation #62) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:21 pm

Mandy Moore is secretly a pretty good actress. Wait. Everyone is pregnant? WHO IS THE ASIAN WHORE PREGNANT BY? THE MIDGET? I'M ALL TINGLY WITH ANTICIPATION

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #67 (isolation #63) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:22 pm

...the rock is trying to be bad at acting, right?

OH MY GOD THE MIDGET IS AN ORACLE. EVERYTHING IS FANTASTIC.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #68 (isolation #64) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:23 pm

so as a technical note I've noticed that all of the zooms are just slightly too fast. is this intentional? why is it? is this movie intentionally bad, or was intended for falcons?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #69 (isolation #65) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:23 pm

on another note the sound editing in this movie is GREAT

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #71 (isolation #66) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:24 pm

oh shit they're predicting war in syria

ARE YOU A WIZARD

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #72 (isolation #67) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:26 pm

wait, they have an entire field of flag-draped coffins and they just go and pick one up from the middle? is this just a storage facility for corpses? they just retrieve them as people request them? why would they not just send remains if they had that many casulties? WHY IS THE MIDGET ORACLE IN EVERY SCENE

WHY DID THEY PICK AN ACTRESS WITH A-CUPS FOR ALL THE SIDE BOOB SHOTS

I mean I know she's asian but OH MY GOD SHE CUT OFF HIS FUCKING HAND!?

INCONCEIVABLE

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #73 (isolation #68) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:26 pm

oh my god I hope she starts fisting herself with the severed hand

I still have hopes that this will turn into a porno

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #74 (isolation #69) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:27 pm

I mean it'd be a weird porno, but that's ok I'm drunk

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #75 (isolation #70) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:27 pm

...is it just me or can that scar not decide what side of JT's face to be on?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #76 (isolation #71) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:28 pm

JT is actually doing a really good job all things considered. I mean half of his lines are bible verses read gruffly over the rock looking autistic

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #77 (isolation #72) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:29 pm

angels that can see through time

MASTERFUL LINE READING BRO. ALL THE OSCARS

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #78 (isolation #73) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:30 pm

so in the future the US army carries glocks as their sidearm

I can buy that I guess

WHAT IS THIS MUSIC VIDEO DOING IN THE MIDDLE OF A MOVIE

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #79 (isolation #74) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:30 pm

this is like beauty school dropout but without the good song or singer or set or costumes

I guess it has blowjob references though, so there's that

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #80 (isolation #75) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:31 pm

did anyone actually thing marilyn monroe was hot, or were we all just being polite? because no thank you

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #83 (isolation #76) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:33 pm

so wait, are they supposed to be nurses? is it because he's inexplicably covered in blood? is it because nurses are hot? because I mostly associate nurses with medical devices giong into holes they shouldn't be in. I don't get the attraction. OH SHIT MORE SCROLLTEXT

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #84 (isolation #77) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:33 pm

TAI CHI AT WORK?! THIS IS LIBERAL AL QUEDA FASCIST COMMUNIST SOCIALISM RIGHT HERE

FUCK YOU OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #85 (isolation #78) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:34 pm

AND there's a zepplin? is there anything this movie doesn't have?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #86 (isolation #79) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:34 pm

well, it doesn't have smg getting nude yet, but I have hope

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #87 (isolation #80) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:34 pm

...sex dolls with florescent lights stuck through their heads are the height of bohemian sophistication

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #90 (isolation #81) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:37 pm

this is a lot of hot laddies in workout clothes. I can get behind this scene. LITERALLY.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #92 (isolation #82) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:37 pm

wait so he shoots himself because he got an uncle sam advertisement? that's a pretty stupid reason to

oh, he just was putting the gun to his head because...uh...he read the script I guess

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #93 (isolation #83) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:38 pm

I'm PRETTY SURE loose mesh isn't acceptable clothing for a barbecue joint

OH GOD THEY'RE DRINKING RED STRIPE. THIS REALLY IS A DYSTOPIAN FUTURE

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #94 (isolation #84) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:39 pm

...no matter how many ex husbands you have, I'm pretty sure "half of my ex husbands" isn't the correct unit of measurement

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #95 (isolation #85) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:40 pm

DON'T TASE MY BALLS BRO

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #96 (isolation #86) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:40 pm

also those are cattle prods

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #97 (isolation #87) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:41 pm

ok so

the rock just opened all the tabs in a six pack and poured them on his face.

like. that was the whole scene.

FANTASTIC

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #98 (isolation #88) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:43 pm

man, remember that time that George W Bush was the president? like seriously, the president of the united states, for eight years, was functionally retarded. like I'm pretty sure that every single decision he ever made was the exact opposite of the decision that I would have made. it's like eerie how bad he was at his job. in the marketplace he wouldn't just have been fired, he would have been put to death.

also he's still drinking that six pack

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #99 (isolation #89) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:44 pm

also that cheetoh girl is like Bizarro Flo

that's the take of "I want to suck your dick" that you went with?

also WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT WITH YOUR HANDS

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #100 (isolation #90) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:45 pm

although to be fair if some chick demanded to suck my dick on a beach I would say no

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #101 (isolation #91) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:45 pm

"Jericho Kane is going to make your dream come true"

WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING THAT WITH HIS HANDS WHAT IS THAT WHY WHO TOLD YOU THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA THEY NEED TO BE STOPPED

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #102 (isolation #92) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:46 pm

it seems liek john lovitz based his character on racist batman

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #103 (isolation #93) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:47 pm

a bar named poop deck should rightly be a gay bar

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #104 (isolation #94) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:48 pm

is that a PAY GLORYHOLE? who pays for a gloryhole?

on a related note this is the best fight scene I have ever seen that involved miniskirts

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #105 (isolation #95) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:48 pm

YOU CAN'T KILL RACIST BATMAN

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #106 (isolation #96) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:49 pm

there's an awful lot of partying for a dystopian future

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #107 (isolation #97) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:50 pm

so I love how faux karen walker is watching jello wrestling and fox news simultaneously, and also a guy vomitting

new vogue nero up in this bitch

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #108 (isolation #98) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:50 pm

man this got gay really quick

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #109 (isolation #99) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:50 pm

there's so many washboard abs in this scene my clothes just got cleaned

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #111 (isolation #100) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:52 pm

so why do you want to kill yourself. excellent conversattion starter

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #112 (isolation #101) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:53 pm

stop saying dawg. you're too white.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #113 (isolation #102) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:53 pm

YOU DON'T HAVE A VISA DAWG BECAUSE YOU KEEP DAWGING DAWG DAWG. AIGHT.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #114 (isolation #103) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:53 pm

seriously this movie is packed to the gills with hot biddies.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #115 (isolation #104) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:54 pm

and it's even realistic, because the only person I'd cheat on mandy moore with is smg trufax

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #116 (isolation #105) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:54 pm

and maybe the rock. no homo.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #117 (isolation #106) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:54 pm

he just has really soulful eyes. I think he'd be gentle.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #118 (isolation #107) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:54 pm

with mah butt

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #119 (isolation #108) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:55 pm

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT BEARD

WHO IS THIS MAN

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #120 (isolation #109) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:55 pm

POOP. DECK. IMPLOSION.

close it up guys, we have the best headline ever.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #121 (isolation #110) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:57 pm

fishnets. fishnets everywhere.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #122 (isolation #111) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:58 pm

TIME FOR MORE DISAPPOINTINGLY INADEQUATE SIDEBOOB

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #123 (isolation #112) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:59 pm

like seriously, you can't just cake on eyeliner and hope it will make up for your lack of boobage. I love me some itty bitty titty but you can't wear clothes specifically designed to accentuate ample mammaries if you're barely pushing grapes.

also I can see your dang nipples gurl. respeck urself

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #124 (isolation #113) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:00 pm

I'm pretty sure they got a greenscreen of uppity white people for this scene

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #125 (isolation #114) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:00 pm

AND THE AWARD FOR MOST INAPPROPRIATE USE OF BEETHOVEN GOES TO THIS SCENE

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #126 (isolation #115) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:03 pm

the rock does not comprehend this fire extinguisher oh wait. IT'S A GUN.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #127 (isolation #116) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:04 pm

man, don't show right wing fucknuts this movie. they'll start suggesting that wej ust keep guns in the walls on sides of buildings because WHAT IF BLACK PEOPLE GET IN OUR BUILDINGS WE NEED TO PROTECTOURSELVES ITS' THE SECOND AMENDMENT it's clearly the best and only way to protect ourselves

I also note that the midget oracle is in this scene too

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #128 (isolation #117) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:05 pm

do you think that midget oracles are only able to predict things that concern the greater outlook of middgetry? does that mean that after Willow the oracles started to not be able to detect anything?

why is the raincoat man carrying a gun over his cock? shouldn't that building be pretty safe?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #129 (isolation #118) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:06 pm

OH SHIT SHE'S PREDICTING SMALLER THAN NORMAL THINGS AGAIN

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #130 (isolation #119) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:06 pm

OH MY GOD. THAT GUY IS THE TOPHAT CHARACTER FROM BETTER OFF DEAD. I love that guy!

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #131 (isolation #120) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:07 pm

the soul of a monkey can't survive the dimensional threshold

EPIC LEVEL WRITING BRO

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #132 (isolation #121) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:09 pm

...wait are they trying to reference 12 monkeys?

is that why he's doing a stupid hand thing?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #133 (isolation #122) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:09 pm

YOU'VE MELTED ME WITH A SIMPLE WINK MISTER ROCK

MY ANUS IS READY

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #134 (isolation #123) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:10 pm

what is this accent that JT is doing? speaking as someone with a southern accent, I say pish posh to your accent sir. good day.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #135 (isolation #124) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:11 pm

bold prediction: in the future, ATMs won't be the center of gang activity and crime

OH MAN LOOK AT DAT KARL ROVE REFERENCE

can you believe that pissass fucknut ever had any power? he seems like the perfect candidate to be a recipient for my angriest piss. fuck that guy.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #136 (isolation #125) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:12 pm

bold prediction: in the future you won't be able to put a chain on an atm and rip it out of a building

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #137 (isolation #126) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:14 pm

bold prediction: the national anthem will never again be performed this way. this is like Black Angels had a baby with Evenescence. ick.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #138 (isolation #127) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:16 pm

oh yeah, tinytits gettin some lines but of course they're literally dripping with sexual energy

CAN'T ASIANS GET ANY REAL ACTING WORK

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #139 (isolation #128) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:16 pm

flip dat icecream truck

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #140 (isolation #129) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:17 pm

ok I'm PRETTY SURE he's kidding

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #141 (isolation #130) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:17 pm

you can't just keep getting closer to your scene partner to make the scene more tense. it's called a fuck or fight zone guize. respect it. or fuck in it. either way really.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #142 (isolation #131) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:18 pm

I mean if they fuck in it at least he can maybe wash some of that eye makeup off of her. yeesh.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #143 (isolation #132) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:18 pm

the fourth dimension will collapse upon itself...you stupid bitch...

then they kiss. best movie.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #145 (isolation #133) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:24 pm

I can't wait to figure out what the fuck this movie is about

other than sideboob, obviously

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #146 (isolation #134) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:26 pm

why did that glowing hand effect make him turn into another stifler?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #147 (isolation #135) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:26 pm

INFINISTIFLER

does that means there's infinistifler'smom? because I would be amenable to that

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #148 (isolation #136) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:28 pm

gas masks in a burlesque makes a strange amount of sense

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #149 (isolation #137) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:29 pm

brown haired smg oh yeah

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #150 (isolation #138) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:29 pm

also the rock wearing suspenders is like a steak wearing a bowtie

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #151 (isolation #139) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:32 pm

see, the gunshot was him ejaculating, because smg and mandy moore are too hot

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #152 (isolation #140) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:33 pm

this plot?

INCONCEIVABLE!!!

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #153 (isolation #141) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:34 pm

oh shit son. chekhov's bazooka

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #154 (isolation #142) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:34 pm

at first I was hopefully for this movie because they were quoting TS Eliot, but then it took a left turn at cuckoo bananas

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #155 (isolation #143) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:36 pm

the end of this movie is like training day crossed with return of the jedi crossed with donnie darko crossed with debbie does dallas

did you know if you just combine elements of things together you'll get something? coherence is for casuals.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #156 (isolation #144) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:37 pm

ok I finished it

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #157 (isolation #145) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:38 pm

I think I need to go pray

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #160 (isolation #146) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:47 pm

I'm not sure if there's much to get

it's like team america but with real people and also it makes no sense

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #167 (isolation #147) » Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:35 pm

WE CAN DO THAT NEXT

Untrod Tripod · Sat Jan 12, 2013 10:52 pm

doing drunk liveblogging of movies is going to be a regular thing. taking suggestions for the next one (there'll be a thread though)

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #191 (isolation #149) » Sun Jan 13, 2013 3:04 pm

there's a new thread for liveblogging. put suggestions in there!

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #205 (isolation #150) » Mon Jan 14, 2013 4:38 pm

the first movie we do is going to be a movie with The Rock in it. Just cuz

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #210 (isolation #151) » Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:27 pm

we're polling now. tell your friends.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #215 (isolation #152) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 3:11 pm

Uh oh....this is about to happen...

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #216 (isolation #153) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:11 pm

whoops, Doom rotated out of Netflix instant, so we're going with Battle Royale

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #217 (isolation #154) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:30 pm

so is this an actual warning, or is this some kind of framing device? I really don't know how asian films work

do they actualy work?

it seems like they'd wrok at least ttwice as hard as american films

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #218 (isolation #155) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:30 pm

CUE THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE USE OF THE VERDI REQUIEM EVARRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #219 (isolation #156) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:30 pm

now every time I have to perform this song I'm going to think about asian children with scythes killing each other for cash moneyz

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #220 (isolation #157) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:31 pm

the winner was a GIRL!?

take THAT patriarchy

OH GOD THE SMILE

OH GOD

SHE WILL HAUNT MY NIGHTMARES

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #221 (isolation #158) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:31 pm

what is this soundtrack?

it's cray

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #222 (isolation #159) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:32 pm

yo dawg I herd u like framing devices, so I put a voiceover in your flashback so you can parentheticize the narrative while u have a narrator already

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #223 (isolation #160) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:33 pm

HOLY SHIT HE DUN STABBED THAT DUDE IN THE BUTT

why

why would you do that where is the context why is he just washing his hands instead o fseeking medical attention

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #224 (isolation #161) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:34 pm

if there's one reason to look forward to the oncoming military dictatorship, it's that apparently the female to male ratio will be 5:2

goddamn

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #225 (isolation #162) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:35 pm

how long is this goddamn bus ride

wait, this is to the battle royale I guess? why is there a purple bus stewardess?

OH MY GOD GAS MASKS

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #226 (isolation #163) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:35 pm

the technical term for this type of soundtrack is "mickey mousing"

I swear to god. this is my degree at work here guys.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #227 (isolation #164) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:38 pm

oh man, look at all these art deco fake futurism neck wristwatches. or I guess it'd be neckwatches. in the future you wear a watch around your neck?

what if this whole thing is just a plot by the makers of neckwatches to get some product placement in the battle royale tv show (it's a tv show right?)

damn the corporatocracy! they're just trying to sell their damn neckwatches and OH MY GOD SOUNDTRACK GET OUT OF THE WAY OF THE NARRATIVE YOU ARE SO GODDAMN DISTRACTING NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU AT ALL

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #228 (isolation #165) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:38 pm

this movie really reminds me of Dr No for some reason. I'm just waiting for Sean Connery to show up and actually get the movie going.

it's gonna hapen right?

right?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #229 (isolation #166) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:39 pm

hey

I'm your former teacher. and this is crazy.

but you're all stuck on an island so kill each other for our amusement.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #230 (isolation #167) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:41 pm

why is the teacher wearing a tracksuit but all the kids are wearing uniforms? where did he get his track suit? is it government issue? or uh. corporate issue?

what is happening here exactly. why does he keep punching children?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #231 (isolation #168) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:41 pm

TRIPLE ZOOM

SHIT JUST

GOT

REAL

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #232 (isolation #169) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:43 pm

oh my god, the instructional video is being read by a perky asian woman who talks with her hands

it's the only advertising trope I want to put my dick in

WHAT THE FUCK HE THREW A KNIFE IN HER HEAD

THAT HAS GOT TO BE AGAINST THE RULES.

oh ok, he acknowledged it

wait... do the soldiers not care? did they really just use a sword and scabbard noise for pulling the knife out of her skull? WHO DID THIS SOUND EDITING

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #233 (isolation #170) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:44 pm

they just took a quick break in the video to shoot the floor and stab a child in the head

like.

really?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #234 (isolation #171) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:44 pm

hue hue, it's like Saw, except the puppet is exceptionally bangable

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #235 (isolation #172) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:46 pm

ALL I HAVE TO REMEMBER HIM BY IS THIS BLOODSTAINED POLAROID

NAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #236 (isolation #173) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:46 pm

seriously though, this guy is begging to be the antagonist of some horrible jrpg

just kidding.

I would totally play this game

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #237 (isolation #174) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:47 pm

so this video chick is going to appear throughout the film right?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #238 (isolation #175) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:51 pm

so... they're just going to completely shy away from giving a reason for the deathmatch?

wait...

he's blaming this on THE KIDS? fucking asian kids. always making us make them kill each other for our amusement

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #239 (isolation #176) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:51 pm

I love how they're trying to use the big "BR" iconography despite how little sense that makes

quit trying to make BR happen.

it's never going to happen

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #240 (isolation #177) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:52 pm

it's really, really, really hilarious how dickish they're being to the kids.

it's almost as if they really do think ~whatever the crisis is~ is totally their fault

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #241 (isolation #178) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:53 pm

WHY WOULD YOU THROW THE BAG BACK

IT HAS AN AXE IN IT

BITCHES LOVE AXES. SO UNREALISTIC.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #242 (isolation #179) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:54 pm

I'm also lovin these "punk" kids. they're the most rebellious youths I've seen since Panic at the disco

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #243 (isolation #180) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:54 pm

we're really going to go through the whole list? really? you don't think that'd be tedious?

WHAT

IS

THIS

SOUNDTRACK

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #244 (isolation #181) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:55 pm

holy crapmonkeys, she got shot in the leg with a crossbow!

aw yiss. crossbow seeing all the action early.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #245 (isolation #182) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:56 pm

females are getting a definite leg up so far. everyone is all like OMG FEMALES SO KAWAIIIIIII but they're coldbloodded killers

OF HEARTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #246 (isolation #183) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:57 pm

and also of your life

she's gonna kill you bro.

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #247 (isolation #184) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:57 pm

suddenly bunkbeds

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #248 (isolation #185) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:58 pm

he taught me baseball...and how to take 13 inches rectally...

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #249 (isolation #186) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:59 pm

"you never got to taste those cookies, did you?"

CUT TO THE DICK IN THE TRACKSUIT LAYING ON A COUCH EATING AN ENTIRE BAG OF COOKIES.

this movie is Family Circus level spiteful

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #250 (isolation #187) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:01 pm

I was hoping that'd end in some kind of embarrasing prepubescent sex scene but NOPE it was about how Tracksuit is a dick

also, giving anyone a gun in this scenario is exceptionally unfair

like

autowin

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #251 (isolation #188) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:02 pm

it's like a surprise gift bag at a carnival, except 9 bags out of 10 have a coupon for clownrape and 1 has the elixir of life

like what were they thinking?

this game is fuckign broken as fuck

you'd think japs would know about game design of all things

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #252 (isolation #189) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:03 pm

wait so they just commit suicide and that's it?

what the fuck why even bother with them in the first place? they'll never affect the narrative at all

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #253 (isolation #190) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:04 pm

so your plan is to flash your stungun at people and hope they go away

this is why she's about to murder you with acid

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #254 (isolation #191) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:04 pm

like seriously, you're surprised that she would try to kill you? in a game of DEATH?

perhaps your missing the concept OH GOD BLOOD FOUNTAIN

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #255 (isolation #192) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:05 pm

....................................................................

who in the flying fuck picked this soundtrack? is this march diagetic HELLO HOT ASIAN BIDDY

you can murder me ALL NIGHT LONG

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #256 (isolation #193) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:06 pm

but seriously why would a totalitarian asian government be using an American march from the early 1900s? wouldn't they be playing Hail Fatherland or Ode to Glorious Leader or something?

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #257 (isolation #194) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:07 pm

wait I thought they jumped off a cliff?

it's probably time to admit that I have a hard time telling asian children apart

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #258 (isolation #195) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:08 pm

bro pull that axe out of his head and finish the job

YOU GET B- AT KILLIN GWITH AXE YOU DISHONOR FAMERRY

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #259 (isolation #196) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:09 pm

AAAAAAAAAAAAAND that guy has a fucking revolver

seems legit

and that kid has a pump action shotty

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #260 (isolation #197) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:09 pm

yes, join them

they don't have explosives at all

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #261 (isolation #198) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:10 pm

why do these kids keep trying to work together

it's like they really don't quite get the concept here...

Untrod Tripod · Post Post #262 (isolation #199) » Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:11 pm

I mean, I realize he wants to send a message that he's a bad muthatrucka, but at this point he's just wasting bullets

save them for the hot biddies, bro. the one with the sythe is fierce