Self-Love, surviving mental illness, little victories

[Angel3]

ITT: Let's get better, ALONE, TOGETHER!
Please remember to cw/tw anything and remind others if they do not notice/forget

We start with a power song. NOTE: This isn't about just music, I am just inspired and need to share. Anecdotes are welcome. If you need someone to talk to, plz dm me or ask me for my discord. I don't have all the answers, but I won't judge, victim-blame, lie to you or put you down. I will do anything I can to build you up. Also I'm an atheist, so you can rest assure I don't help out of an agenda.
Whether you are struggling right now or not, I love you.
Please be kind to yourselves, and never feel guilty for putting your needs first.
I hope that you can know your worth.
Be safe, scummers.
It's a jungle out there...


You were wrong all along, tried to break me, make me strong
You were wrong all along, tried to break me, make me strong
I thought we were one and the same
Us against them and their dumb little game
Well, I guess I got played, head in the sand and my heart on stage
Missed it, oh, so twisted, going to my grave all up tight fisted
Never mind I'm gonna be fine, too much on the line to sit and cry
Oh, oh, oh like don't you think I know
This is not the end of me, this is not the end of me
Oh, oh, oh like don't you think I know
This is not the end of me, this is not the end of me
You were wrong all along, tried to break me, make me strong
You were wrong all along, tried to break me, make me strong
You were wrong all along, tried to break me, make me strong
Try to break me, try to break me
Make me
I don't really know what to say
Trying to keep track but everything's changing
And ain't it strange, you and me thought we'd be keeping the world in flames
But all we did was burn it all down
Burn it all down, burn it all down
Oh, oh, oh like don't you think I know
This is not the end of me, this is not the end of me
Oh, oh, oh like don't you think I know
This is not the end of me, this is not the end of me
You were wrong all along, tried to break me, make me strong
You were wrong all along, tried to break me, make me strong
You were wrong all along, tried to break me, make me strong
Try to break me, try to break me
Make me
I don't go down easy
I don't bow out quiet
I never lost a war
Unless I didn't fight it
I don't go down easy
I don't bow out quiet
I never lost a war
Unless I didn't fight it
Pick my brain
Pick your poison
If I'm to blame then I ain't the only one
If I'm on the offense, well I'm not sorry
You haven't exactly given me reasons regarding
The way that you snap me in half, the way you stab me in the back
The way that you front to my face and keep putting me in place
But I ain't under your thumb, I ain't stuck in your shadow
I'm on top of the world up here fighting my battles
And I shoot to kill
I play to win and baby I will (will, will, will)
You were wrong all along, tried to break me, make me strong
You were wrong all along, tried to break me, make me strong
You were wrong all along, tried to break me, make me strong
Try to break me, try to break me
I don't go down easy
I don't bow out quiet
I never lost a war
Unless I didn't fight it
I don't go down easy
I don't bow out quiet
I never lost a war
Unless I didn't fight it

[Ythan]

Ego <3

[Angel3]

My ANECDOTE: [cw: substance abuse, abuse]
.
.
.
I decided to "suck-it-up", not because I don't need help or care, not because my hurt is less than or not real, but because the world is FULL of hateful people looking to punch down on anyone they can. I have to ADMIT that survival is not, and WILL NOT be easy, so stagnating in misery over things I CANNOT CHANGE, will -never- move me forward.
I can't hug and kiss and people-please bigots into having hearts.
It just does not work.
I've tried, and y'all know the definition of insanity.
Yes, I am/have been insane and I've been wallowing in victimhood and pain. (no disrespect to other victims out there- it's just that STAYING in the past perpetually, for me? has re-opened wounds and led to many scars)
My strategy is to surround myself with positivity (like the smart and kind people of Mafiascum) and focus on what I do have, not what I do not have.
If anyone has any suggestions, my heart and mind is open.
I got a My Little Pony plushie at 32 and I'm not ashamed. It brings me happiness to hold and look at, so why not?
I'm not going to beat myself up over every cigarette I smoke.
It's unhealthy but it's a choice I made, and if I ever get to a better place in life I may be able to quit.
I don't chain smoke anymore, and I've only been smoking for 8 years.
I have time to figure this out.
Also, coffee. coffee coffee coffee.
^-^
Much love,
~Serenity [she/her/they]

[Angel3]

Ego <3

My very kawaii friend!

[Angel3]

Mental Illness Awareness: PTSD

Post by: starfishinthedistance;on tumblr;;

"I talk to many people who say things like "oh I have trauma but I don't have PTSD", but then when I talk to them a little more I realize that they most likely do, they just can't recognize it as such due to how lacking PTSD awareness is, even beyond the whole "it's not just a veteran's disorder" thing.

The main reason they think they don't have PTSD usually has to do with flashbacks and nightmares, either they have one but not the other or have neither. But here's the thing, those are only two symptoms out of the 23-odd recognized symptoms. Flashbacks and nightmares are two of the five symptoms under Criterion B (Intrusion), which you only need one of for a diagnosis. The other three symptoms are unwanted upsetting memories, emotional distress after being reminded of trauma and physical reactivity after being reminded of trauma (i.e. shaking, sweating, heart racing, feeling sick, nauseous or faint, etc). Therefore you can have both flashbacks and nightmares, one but not the other, or neither and still have PTSD.

In fact, a lot of the reasons people give me for why they don't think they have PTSD are literally a part of the diagnostic criteria.

"Oh, I can barely remember most parts of my trauma anyway." Criterion D (Negative Alterations in Cognition and Mood) includes inability to recall key features of the trauma.

"Oh but I don't get upset about my trauma that often because I avoid thinking of it or being around things that remind me of it most of the time." Criterion C (Avoidance) includes avoiding trauma-related thoughts or feelings and avoiding trauma-related external reminders, and you literally cannot get diagnosed if you don't have at least one of those two symptoms.

"Oh I just have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep, but I don't have nightmares." Criterion E (Alterations in Arousal and Reactivity) includes difficulting sleeping outside of nightmares.

"But I didn't have many/any trauma symptoms until a long time after the trauma happened." There's literally an entire specification for that.

Really it just shows how despite being one of the most well-known mental illnesses, people really don't know much about PTSD. If you have trauma, I ask you to at least look at the criteria before you decide you don't have PTSD. Hell, even if you don't have trauma, look at the criteria anyway because there are so many symptoms in there that just are not talked about.

PTSD awareness is not just about flashbacks and nightmares."
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Personally I have horrific nightmares, and flashbacks of said nightmares- a chronic inability to get sleep and have pretty much forgotten my entire childhood and life barring a few bits and pieces.

The way I would PREFER to deal with this: weed
The way I currently deal with it: cigarettes (and alcohol if I can ever get my hands on it- my dad will not allow me to drink and no $$$ unless he allows- atm)
What would really help: some emotional support and a life away from my right-wing pro-child abuse blood-family.
Hoping for: DISABILITY; may take years.
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Feel free to add on, this was just illuminating as hell

[NorwegianboyEE]

I have PTSD too and have largely forgotten my entire childhood apart from some certain moments. From my teenage years and onward i remember slightly more as it was not as much of an sad existence.
I thought i wasn’t as damaged as i was but i got painfully reminded of it when i had an complete and utter panic attack after the apartment i lived in had a window broken by my schizophrenic father who suffered from an psychosis about 1 year ago. What’s interesting is that i reacted extremely decisively and rationally during the attack itself. But after the attack when i felt the situation was under control i completely lost myself and had an complete and utter anxiety attack.
When i was 12 years old i suffered from an similar attack and home invasion which has made me unable to feel like i’m completely secure ever since.
I’ve become an extremely cautious person that always looks at who is behind me, how someone i’m talking to is behaving, whether my house has weak points and is vulnerable to assault or breach of security. Whether i have tools of self-defense nearby and the nearest escape route.
It can be exhausting to live like this but i see no way to escape that extreme fear of vulnerability and losing control.

I absolutely despise the feeling that i could become unable to escape and at the mercy of some crazed person or killer.

So i do not dare to take drugs or drink much alcohol either. As that could limit my ability to react rationally to an threat. I also don’t like drugs in general as that is the cause for my parents having been broken down mentally and getting mental illnesses that cause them to act irrationally and abnormal.

Anyway i don’t mean anything particular with this, but seeing as you made a PTSD thread i felt like sharing my story.
It really sucks and i wish i could live "normally", but i think that window has forever been closed to me now due to my tumultuous past.

[Ythan]

<3