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Scummies 2016 - CEREMONY!
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Scummies
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Scummies Goon
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[Day 5, SCUMMIES EVENT]
...
[NORAD SYSTEM] ALERT. ALERT. NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED.
[NORAD SYSTEM] Attempting to locate launch site...
[NORAD SYSTEM] Missile unable to be tracked...
[NORAD SYSTEM] Analyzing flight trajectory…
[NORAD SYSTEM] Cannot detect targets...
[NORAD SYSTEM] Estimating time until impact...
[NORAD SYSTEM] Warhead will detonate in (expired on 2017-02-26 21:30:00)-
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Scummies Goon
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- Joined: June 25, 2009
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Scummies Goon
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- Posts: 230
- Joined: June 25, 2009
[spoiler="Scummies Winners!]Kodak Moment (Most Memorable Moment) - The Cool Cucumbers for their win in Saga Frontier Mafia
Paperback Writer (Best Flavor Text) - Andrius for DEFCON 4.0
Hannibal Lecter (Best Third Party) - Elyse for Borderlands Mafia
Rising Star (Best Up-And-Comer) - Dwlee99
Best New Mish Mash Player - SummerInWonderland
Rube Goldberg Award (Best Setup) - wgeurts for Evolution Mafia
Mad Scientist Award (Best Mechanic/Mutation) - Varsoon for Saga Frontier Mafia
Best General Mish Mash Game - KittyMo for Identity
Paragon (Best Mafia Catcher) - Spiffeh
Don Corelone (Most Cunning Manipulator) - Plottin Kittehs
Best Mish Mash Player - Radja
Modfather (Excellent Moderation) - Varsoon
Game of the Year - Saga Frontier Mafia
Best Large Social Game - xRECKONERx & Drench's Survivor: #2016[/spoiler]Last edited by Scummies on Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:11 pm, edited 5 times in total.-
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Scummies Goon
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Central Command of the Mafia Scum Mod Center, at first glance, is nothing special. On the outside, the Mafia Scum Mod Center is a high-end house in a neighborhood of wealthy lawyers and doctors in the state of Texas. Occasionally, Zoraster and his wife set aside a little bit of time to entertain their work colleagues so that they might continue to maintain the appearance of the typical boring upper class couple. Behind this carefully maintained facade, however, the story begins to change. Inside of the latter half of Zoraster’s copy of Texas Penal Codes, 2016 ed. (West’s Texas Statuets and Codes) is a button that causes the back wall of his basement to open up, allowing access to an elevator that leads down to the secret basement of every evil genius’s dreams. Two men are currently there; one is playing a popular new app called Pokemon Go, the other one is drinking straight rum from a spaghetti jar that has been rinsed, not washed, as has been confirmed to be “trendy” by his wife’s recent Pinterest adventures.
“Thesp, how is it that you’re still playing that stupid game?”
Thesp shrugged as he worked to catch the Chansey sitting by Zoraster’s computer. He was glad that Zoraster didn’t play Pokemon Go; despite all odds, the secret basement was a Pokemon Hotspot, which had created a number of awkward dinner conversations with the neighbors, whose children were convinced that Zoraster had an underground city underneath his house, which was closer to the truth than Zoraster would have liked them to be. It concerned Thesp mildly that someone either knew where they were or that the Powers that Be had a remarkably strange sense of humor, but not enough to dampen his enthusiasm for catching rare Pokemon and making his daughter think that her father was a Pokemon Master.
“I mean, I know why other people fall for it. It’s the ‘new thing’, it’s people combining the virtual world and the real one, but it’s... sad. There's nothing to it. It’s something that anyone with half a brain could have come up with, and it’s something that I could have come up with years ago and did it ten times as well.” Zoraster paused for a moment, taking a sip from his jar that was more spaghetti sauce than rum. Thesp climbed on top of the desk to catch a Ditto. “It’s something that I should come up with. We’ve been crazy flush with donations after all of our Mafiascum Branded Merchandise finally came out ***MAFIASCUM.NET REALLY DOES SELL MAFIASCUM BRANDED MERCHANDISE***, we’ve finally moved to a pretty high quality server which means we aren’t losing hundreds of members with every new crash... it’s time to take a risk, make a name for ourselves.”
Thesp sighed, putting his phone away and sitting down at his computer. Zoraster hadthatexpression on his face, the same one he did last time everything went to shit. Mith selected Zoraster to succeed him due to Zoraster’s fierce intellect and limitless ambition; he cared deeply for the health of the site, would never be satisfied with it no matter how great or smooth it became, would always be looking to improve it until he had his power wrested from his hands. Zoraster was the ideas man; Thesp was the person who carried out his visions. And, while he had learned when a plan had a high potential for ultimate ruin, his loyalty prevented him from doing anything but helping Zoraster to get there. He began researching abandoned factories the pair could take over to begin production, finding a place with as much privacy as possible to hide from prying eyes and reporters. He started messaging contacts from around the world for competing price quotes on metals, hiring skilled workers to design and build robots.
“And not just for us. For all of Mafiascum. We could take Scummers’s personalities and download them on the bot; people could use them to play mafia games with, to fight with, even to help with household chores in a big way. And more than that, we can make it accessible to everyone: we’ll start with a low cost but suck in people who have the money with in app purchases to differentiate themselves while the low cost experience will still be great enough in order to make the app a MUST HAVE item. Why settle for collecting pictures of make believe animals when you could have your very own Spiffeh, your very own Yosarian2? This is big. This is really, really big. I’ll go tell my wife that the dishes aren’t getting done today; we are going to be here a while.”-
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Scummies Goon
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Dwlee’s very large principal frowned at them. This wasn’t the first time that Dwlee was called back here, despite being what many regarded as a “very good kid”. Dwlee's principal worried that they were going down a darker path, one rife with drugs and violence, and one that was likely to see all of their potential wasted and flushed down the toilet.
“Now, Dwlee. You’re an excellent student. You’ve gotten a 4.3 in History, have been on the honor roll every year since you’ve enrolled here. You are one of the most gifted kids that I’ve ever seen, and it absolutely breaks my heart to see you throw your future away like this. I know you know exactly what you’re doing, and I imagine that you’re doing it because you want attention, or because people are bullying you, but I care about you, Dwlee. I’ll take care of them for you; you’re not a snitch if you help me do my job and give me the names of the students who are making school so miserable for you.”
Dwlee sighed. This conversation happened many times before, and it never ended well. No one ever listened to them. But, as Dwlee was a patient person, they took a deep breath and tried to explain once again. “Sir, my shirt doesn’t represent anything bad or offensive, it’s just a game that I’d like to have more kids my age play. It’s actually a very educational game that teaches rhetoric and debating skills and logic-”
“Dwlee, there is a noose on your shirt. Do you know what that represents? At best, it’s linked to the profane slogan advertising criminals having a good time. At worst, it’s a reminder of a much darker period of this country’s history. I can’t have students coming in here and feeling uncomfortable because they feel you hate them, or you want them to...”
“Principal Snyder, it’s a reference to criminals being hanged, not to-”
“And the prostitute playing cards? Did you really think that was appropriate?”
“She’s not a prostitute, Principal Snyder, she’s a roleblocker!!”
“Dwlee, you know as well as I that I have to send you home. We’re suspending you for three days; you’ll have time in detention when you come back to make up your homework, I’ll make sure that your teachers allow it as a personal favor to you. When you come back, think about the road that you’re taking. If there’s anything that I can help you with, please come talk to me before trying to lash out at the teachers and at your fellow students. If there’s someone who's doing this, please. Let me know. It will stop immediately. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Principal Snyder.”
Dwlee’s walk home was a long one; they didn’t live far from the school and their mother tended to let them walk home on days like this so that she would “have time to cool off” and “wouldn’t say something that she regretted”, and they savored the walk. Every time Dwlee tried to talk to an adult about Mafiascum, they never understood nor attempted to understand, they just tunneled on the concept that Dwlee was a crazy person and that Dwlee was going down a dark road and that what Dwlee was doing was strange if not horrible. Dwlee's mother in particular was the worst; she’d cry and ask what she did wrong with raising them, but she never listened. Oh well. Since Dwlee's mom would inevitably take away their phone, they decided to checkEngland’s Use of the Trojan Myth as a Nationbuilding Tool Mafiaso that they could declare V/LA and reiterate a couple of holes that they'd discovered in Regfan’s recent push on them. However, when Dwlee logged into Mafiascum, they were immediately hit with ads taking up their entire screen, which redirected them to the Google Play Store. Here, Dwlee found an app called “Mafiascum Go”, and, as they were a huge fan of the site and was happy to support it in any way possible, used their mother's credit card number to pay the $4.99 to download the app.
They were immediately impressed and satisfied the second the app opened, as Dwlee usually was whenever they purchased or recommended for a friend to purchase any Mafiascum-related merchandise (such as the t-shirts and cards humorously referenced earlier). As they weren't excited to jump immediately into one of their mom's famous lectures, they decided to pursue the “beeboy” scummer that popped up on their screen, taking a short detour down a dark alleyway in order to pursue them. Dwlee was immediately grabbed around their shoulders by freezing robot arms.
“I’m Beeboy!” they said. “I’m your best friend!”-
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Scummies
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Scummies Goon
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Reck slammed his fist on the table.
“This is who you got for catering? Twenty people got food poisoning last time! And we’re weeks behind schedule! Did you really have to make my last year on the committee the worst? People are going to think that I retired because the ceremony was just that shitty!”
A small voice piped up. “Well, yeah, but can you really prove that it was the sushi? I mean, sure, the salmon was green, but...”
“Okay, fine, but why in the name of the Lord’s saggy left testicle did we decide to make personalized ice sculptures for the winning-”
Zoraster cleared his throat. “Hey, am I interrupting something?”
“I mean, you literally just interrupted-”
“Great,” he said. “As you may know, we’ve recently launched the first version of our new Mafiascum Go app, and we’re gonna need you to promote it during the ceremony. You know, uh, server costs and all that. We’re hoping to be able to expand into other markets, like merchandise and whatnot, and publicity is the first step.”
“Server costs my ass,” Reck mumbled to himself. “I’d believe it if Server Costs was the name of Zoraster’s third yacht.”
Zoraster didn’t hear him, or at least, pretended not to, and grinned excitedly. “Can you imagine it? Users around the world, with their very own Nachomamma dolls… it could say something like, I’m Nachomamma!”
Nacho snorted quietly, and Reck glared at him.
“We’re already way behind schedule, and I don’t know if we’ll even be able to fit any major promotional events in the ceremony. Especially because someone decided that we absolutely needed the traveling circus acts.” At this, Reck looked pointedly at Untrod Tripod.
UT stood up, knocking his chair to the floor. “I stand by everything I said! It’s an immersive opening act that sets the tone for our whimsical yet emotionally impactful creative direction!”
“Oh, come on. We’ve always managed to make the Scummies a good time. I’m sure you can get this done. Total confidence in you,” Zoraster said with a thumbs up and a wink.
“Wait,” Reck started, but the door had already closed.
Reck swore. “These greedy corporate fucks are ruining this ceremony for the last time if I have anything to say about it.”
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Mith looked at the factory floor from the balcony with a look of appraisal. The roar of machinery echoed around the large room as giant assembly lines slowly churned out robots. Workers and programmers were working furiously, testing each Scummerbot thoroughly to make sure it was fit for release. Mith saw one worker screaming, caught in the iron grip of a Scummerbot labeled Kuribo, who was yelling and punching the worker repeatedly.
“These robots are looking great,” Mith said. “But all this seems really expensive, are you sure we have the funds to do this?”
Zoraster nodded. “We had to allow a few advertisers on the site, and we also switched to lower quality servers, but we’re meeting the budget for Mafiascum Go.”
Mith looked alarmed, and Zoraster hurriedly said, “Don’t worry! It’s just a temporary change. In fact, I’ve already talked to the Scummies organizers, and they agreed to promote it. We’ll be making back the cost in no time, trust me. This will be the next big thing--mobile games are the new trend.”
“Are you sure? Remember what happened with the cards? We thought we could get away with pushing the production back another year because of costs, but everyone was getting too impatient.”
“Yup. It’ll be no problem at all. I promise.”-
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Scummies Goon
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Dwlee walked in the door to shattered glass and their mother nursing a bottle of whiskey as she often did after Dwlee came home after one of their talks with the principal. She turned to Dwlee, eyes brimming with tears. Today, Dwlee avoided her so that they might hide the smile on their face that would send her flying into a rage. Dwlee stuffed clothes, rubber gloves, and snacks into a backpack as their mom fluttered around the house with the same tired mantra that they’d heard a million times before: “What did I do? What could I have done better?”. Normally, Dwlee would cower in their room, waiting for her to calm down and have the normal talk with them, but today they had a different mindset and felt too over the moon to dwell on the trivial things their mom represented.
And, almost on cue, Beeboy entered, jolting Dwlee’s mom out of her drunken stupor. He waved cordially, prompting Dwlee's mom to give him a gesture he was not yet programmed to understand, then floated over to Dwlee and their fully packed suitcase. Dwlee turned their official Mafiascum Hat to the front, staring longingly at the front door. Beeboy gave the best encouraging smile a robot copy of a scummer could give, then turned to Dwlee.
“Are you ready for this? I’m not sure if a 12 year old wandering off on their own is advisable or legal, but as it is in my programming to support you regardless of your task, I’m willing to help you with this journey.”
Dwlee’s mother screamed some more, throwing herself in front of the door and saying something that sounded vaguely like words Dwlee wasn’t yet old enough to hear, but the smile never faded from their face. “Absolutely. I will be the best friend a Scummer Bot has ever had, and we will become the strongest and smartest Scummer Bot and friend ever to exist. You, Beeboy, are the ticket to a college education. You are the ticket to seeing the world, you are the ticket to walking down the street without fear. You are my key to a better life, Beeboy.”
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Dwlee’s adventure started a little earlier than other adventures would around the world; they had been lucky to download the app only seconds after launch whereas others had to wait days before it stopped constantly crashing from the sheer volume of downloads. Dwlee had a lot of fun learning all the things Beeboy was capable of; Dwlee took him to their favorite pizza joint where they learned that Beeboy loved pizza as much as they did (and learned that Beeboy was luckily waterproof after a waiter spilled their root beer on him), Dwlee learned that Beeboy was incredibly, incredibly strong and had access to strange techniques such as the ability to communicate with insects and the ability to craft anything out of a swarm of bees (the Beemobile was an accomplishment that even Beeboy was surprised with). Dwlee was even there to comfort Beeboy when Beeboy was worried why he was created, worried about what he was.
However, as the world is a cruel, cold place and nothing happy can stay happy forever, it wasn’t meant to last. The first time Dwlee’s adventure went from light and fun to dark came days after Dwlee left their hometown of Bot Lane, California and stopped to rest for a bit in a desert somewhere in Colorado, deciding to sleep under the stars in their sleepover mattress that they packed in their bag while Beeboy slept next to them on a bee mattress, complete with bee pillows and bee blankets (he offered to do the same for Dwlee, but Dwlee was getting a little homesick despite themselves so decided to sleep in their own sleeping bag and remember when Dwlee and their big brother used to go camping in their parents' backyard). Dwlee had just fallen asleep with a smile on their face when they felt their sleeping bag yanked from underneath them. When Dwlee got up and wiped some of the sand off their jeans, they found themselves face to face with a huge, hulking Scummer Bot who was grinning evilly.
“WAKEY WAKEY SCUMFUCK, TIME TO BE DESTROYED.”
Beeboy dissolved the bed he was sleeping on immediately, centering the bee swarm around his fists as he protectively stood in front of Dwlee. “If you’re destroying anyone, you’re destroying me.”
“That’s the plan, children.” A much smaller man stepped out from behind the Scummer Bot, smiling sweetly. “You’re out past your curfew - what type of adults would we be if we didn’t put you to sleep right here and right now? I am Katsuki, and this is my Scummer Bot Fate. Now, typically I don’t waste introductions on people who are about to die, but I’ve found myself to have a soft spot as of late and figure that invoking the name of the Screaming Death Clan in the afterlife will help you find something in common with the countless numbers we’ve killed already.”
Fate nodded vigorously, clapping his hands. “HAPPINESS IS A LIE CRAFTED BY THE STRONG SO THAT THEY MIGHT DERIVE MORE PLEASURE FROM CRUSHING THE WEAK. THE ONLY HAPPINESS IS MISERY.”-
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Scummies Goon
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Reck watched the late arrivals pour in, calmly. As to be expected, the rest of the Scummies Steering Committee had left him “in charge” of the ceremony, which meant that he was left alone in trying to keep everything together. Most years, he was stressed, screaming, angry. This year, he felt oddly zen; not even Thor throwing up on another finalist after spewing his trademark line yet again (“I was going to put egg on my face, you know, because of the thing I did? But instead I have PAINT on my face! Get it? It’s because I was in Paint Mafia!”) could ruin his day today.
His hired help skittered around in fear of their boss, assuming he had finally snapped and was going to kill them all at any moment. The bravest of them all, Mhsmith, walked up to him. “Sir. You’re up, everything should be prepared and will run smoothly.”
Reck smiled at him warmly. “Thank you, Mhsmith. You’ve all done a fantastic job so far.”
“And... the ice sculptures...”
Reck dismissed him with a wave. “...have already melted, as to be expected. Having nude sculptures of the winners was tasteless anyways. Don’t worry, everything is still going according to plan.”
As Mhsmith finally remembered to start breathing again, Reck took a few confident steps forward, stepping out onto the stage in front of a crowd that greeted him with an enthusiastic roar.
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xRECKONERx:Welcome, good people and robots of Mafiascum.net to the 2016 Scummies Ceremony! We have ahellof a show planned for you tonight that I hope you all enjoy, so, without further ado, let me introduce the finalists for the first award we’re giving out tonight! Please, welcome to the stage the finalists for theKodak Moment Award!Thor665, Jackal711, The Cool Cucumbers, 3dicerolling, and Ranger!!
Reck smiled as all five members walked up to the stage, waving to the crowd and smiling ear to ear. He had to give the otter some credit; swapping an entirely too drunk Thor for his Scummer Bot did help things go a bit more smoothly.
xRECKONERx:What a charming set of individuals, eh? The Kodak Moment Award is given to the person who was involved of the most memorable event of the year, which includes fake claims, awesome exchanges, hilarious mistakes, good post restrictions... These moments are important because they are the moments that stick with us even after we’ve left the site, moments we will reminisce about wistfully as we’re shooting the shit with our friends in the distant, distant future...
This year, the Kodak Moment Award for the Most Memorable Moment goes to...
The Cool Cucumbers for their win in Saga Frontier Mafia!
"The Cucumbers hydra played a Townish-enough game early on but were eventually run up for a lynch. They claimed to be Treestumping Neutral 3rd Party, saying that they treestumped instead of killing, and once ALL killing roles were gone, the Cukes would win with Town... Well, the game's nearing the end, and Sensei hits me with a killing Impale shot that he acquired during the game. I die. I was the last Mafia, and also the last one with a killing ability in my rolecard. So the Cukes now win with Town, right? Nope, they told another little lie. Seems they win SOLO when all the original kill roles are dead. GG, Cukes." - Klingoncelt
"Cucumbers in SAGA mafia suddenly winning alone instead of with the town after the last killing role was lynched has a lot of shock value and was very well played." - Gammagooey
The crowd claps warmly for The Cool Cucumbers as they walk up and accept their prize. They open their mouth to speak, but pause for a moment as VoidedMafia comes rushing up onto the stage, narrowly avoiding the security guards that try to hold him back. He hands The Cool Cucumbers their award, which is a shiny golden camera.
VOIDEDMAFIA:I made it! Holy crap, I actually made it! Cool Cucumbers wins this award for what ended up being a stunning third party win earned, in a large part due to a stunning fakeclaim that shocked both Mafia and Town when they snatched the win from both!
After the Cool Cucumbers gently nudge VoidedMafia to the side, suddenly, everyone begins to notice just how...coolthey are. The human-sized Cucumber, after very smoothly moving from the awkward VoidedMafia moment into one where they were being valued and appreciated, sauntered around on the stage a little bit, taking pictures of all the attractive members of the audience with the shiny golden camera.
The Cool Cucumbers:We’d like to thank everyone who helped us get to where we are today, which is... us.
Reckoner smiles politely as he ushers VoidedMafia and the Cool Cucumbers off the stage. His zen calm is broken for a split second until he notices the reaction of the crowd, which is cheering loudly at what they think is a callback to VoidedMafia’s performance last year. He calms down again.
xRECKONERx:And here to present the next award is a man that gave us the stunning Mod Error Mafia last year! It’s the one, the only... Magua!
Magua steps onto the stage, patting Reck on the back and smiling at him. Reck took a step back; it was nice to have competent people in place that weren’t him.
Magua:So there I was, writing my speech for the scummies, trying to remember who would win the Paperback Writer Award for best flavor. Would it be Mastina, for her story of heartbreaking betrayal and triumph in Gistou? Would it be Andrius, for his epic and classic tale of Americans versus Russians in DEFCON 4.0? Would it be Chrimi for her creepy sci-fi tale in “Welcome to Typhon”? Or would Varsoon win yet another award with the tale of the Charm Lord’s domination in Saga Frontier Mafia?
I love the reward for Paperback Writer because it celebrates the moderators who go above and beyond to infuse their story with character, passion, love. Good flavor changes a mafia game to a journey; good flavor makes people who were simply players into legends, characters...
The Paperback Writer Award for best Flavor Text goes to...
Andrius for DEFCON Mafia 4.0!
"Just read the death scenes. Seriously, just read them. Pure art." - Nahdia
"...but what most amazed me were these quotes when flipping players: 'By my art or my death, if I can help you, I will.' - Nahdia or 'You think I'm MAD? YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE CAT IN A RAGE!' - Lady Lambdadelta ... The roles and game design were perfectly in symphony with what it was supposed to represent and the total game atmosphere was perfectly in harmony with that." - Frozen Angel
Andrius smiles wistfully, remembering the friends he’s forgotten. The applause pours over him like gunshots, and he steels his soul against the memory of those who he has lost. He puts on a public face.
“Thank you for the award, Magua. I’ve looked up to you for a long time; you have no idea how much this moment means to me.”
Magua smiles sincerely, putting a brotherly arm around Andrius as they both walk offstage.-
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"Chevre, use reject!" Chevre, jumping into the air, twists into something far more monstrous than his mere cat form, and within the general construed first perception, one would come to realize he'd have changed into his Title Fairy form. Dull eyes, dead as the vulture, scanned the whimpering Firebringer, a lookalike to a cartoon Growlithe, while the rest of his body did its own dirty work. Where Chevre's main mass had been located was now just pure black. The black grew farther and farther, and Firebringer, with nothing around to hold onto, was sucked into the void.
A loud voice boomed out, "You have been rejected." With it, Chevre returned back to a kitten. His trainer, a wildly looking kid with brown, unruly hair and blue eyes ran out with a delighted grin. Kneeling down beside Chevre, he gave him a quick pat and looked at the other trainer across the field. The woman, something of a soccer mom with red, curled hair and an open mouthed expression, stared at Chevre. She started walking away slowly, not even daring to follow standard post-battle trainer ceremony. The kid returned his gaze back to Chevre and gave him a big hug.
He whispered, "Who's a good kitty?"
"Me, I'm the best kitty, Ari," was what Chevre was able to project into his mind. The words appeared as text in his mind to which his trainer would have to read. The kid, Ari, laughed and got up to walk home with his favorite Scummer.
The commercial flashed to a news announcer, Not_Mafia on his name tag, as he began to speak about the happenings of the world. He sat behind his desk and began talking, "Around the world, kids and adults alike experienced the utter joy of their scummer bots. Some kids, like our favorite trainer here, fought with them in Scummer battles! Each Scummer had their own unique traits and personalities. Not only that, but they had their own strengths and moves! Nobody was better than anybody as people would soon come to discover for each Scummer was to be played in their own ways.
In this sense, some people even explored the globe and purchased Scummers everywhere just to enjoy their company and differences. Scummers do make good guests, after all, and they became in high demand for anybody with any sort of want. The Scummer Bot industry was booming, and one man was monopolizing it all. Being the only person to know how to create such bots, Zoraster himself was in high demand, too.
Killthestory, a fairly infamous trainer, was actually blocked from ever contacting Zoraster after having been banned from all conventions, websites, and anything that Zoraster had owned. He'd managed to have the last six bans repealed, but he couldn't break the seventh one! With his brand new friend, they wrote his new appeal letter to Zoraster. Let's take a look!"
The television flashed to an image of a living room with two inhabitants. "This is an inefficient way to spend your time, Kill, and quite frankly, I am livid with how you're treating my important life." Psyche sighed, and the pencil scratching the paper was all else that could be heard. Kill, lying on the couch while Psyche wrote the letter in his mr. personality form. A completely devoid persona colored white, he'd be sitting in a chair with a pencil. His voice didn't match the thin physique with a high pitched voice to completely offset the appearance.
"I like to live everyday like its my last. You have me living like I'm already in hell." Psyche sighed again, a telltale sign of Psyche being in perfect working condition, and he continued, "Can't believe they even take you seriously anymore, ok." Another sigh.
"Shut up. Just because I'm a notable troll doesn't mean I'm a notable troll, ok-" He was interrupted by another sigh, "Hey, and you listen here with those sighs, if I hear another on-" Another sigh, "STOP. STOP WITH YOUR SIGHS. THIS IS THE EXACT REASON I WAS BANNED, DAMMIT!" With Kill's outbursts, the screaming would die out around the house before Psyche responds. With a mere shake of his head, he says, "Sigh."
Kill brings a head up to his face and talks at a more reasonable volume, "How much do you have done?"
Psyche looks up from his work, "Oh, only just this. It needs a spoiler because of how long-winded and unoriginal you are, so...
Spoiler:
"That isn't nearly enough!" Kill screams out again. He jumps up from his seat on the couch and begins stomping his feet, "If you don't put more work into this, I'll see to scrapping you, Psyche!"
Psyche scoffed, "That'd be a more efficient waste of my time anyway."
Kill continued screaming on, "Psyche, I'm not kidding! I'll... I'll... I'll stuff your core chip into an Accountant!" Huffing and puffing, Kill was red at the face with breaths coming to him in waves.
Psyche gasped audibly, and he continued on in a sarcastic manner, "Oh, fun. I can't wait to be stuck inside someone who knows more math that I know anything. Such a punishment!" Psyche laughed. He lazily waltzed over to Kill and shredded the paper right in his face.
Kill began blubbering his words in an attempt to form any coherent sentence, "Yo- I'll... Aaah, I will destr- Destroy you! You are a goner!" Kill grabbed Psyche's thin body and plunged his fist right into the part of him that shimmered at the back. Psyche screamed and arched his hand backward as Kill ripped out his core. Psyche went limp, and Kill threw him aside as he walked over to his closet. He looked for an Accountant model but was only able to find a Majiffy model.
Plugging the core into Majiffy, he'd wait expectantly as Majiffy began to run system diagnostics. Eventually, he sprung to life. Majiffy made a few quick turns before leveling his focus on Kill, and he beamed. He looked like some sort of wrestler, and his voice matched the body unlike a certain Psyche person. Kill smiled and nodded gingerly. He found the perfect candidate.
Or so he thought, "So, where's the beer and bitches? Do you even have drugs, bro?" Majiffy frowned, and then tilted his head at Kill's screaming. He fell to the ground and started pounding the ground like a baby without his bottle.
The television flashes back to Not_Mafia, and he's in the middle of talking to someone before turning to look at the show and flashing his award winning smile. The man runs off stage, and Not_Mafia continues talking from where he left off, "Okay, so maybe not everyone was enjoying their new Scummers, but most were. Let's take a look at another satisfied custom-"
"I'M WILLING TO BUY THE INDUSTRY. I WANT YOU TO GO BACK TO YOUR MASTER AND TELL THEM THAT, YOU HEAR?" An employee working at a Scummer store with his name tag labeling him as 'drmyshottyizsik' was screaming at his Scummer, Kappy. His face was red, and he was holding pictures of Zoraster he had taken as reconnaissance during his time when he was judging how much he'd thought Zoraster would sell it for.
Kappy nodded eagerly and was about ready to jump out of the car, a tiger with human limbs, before Shotty stopped him, "Stop! Stop being so stupid! Just access your database, you!" Kappy nodded again, and his eyes lost all color. His body went limp for a few moments before he returned, and the words appeared in Shotty's head much as they did Ari's, "I have changed their websites tiger theme to match me! I also changed their wiki to ask if you could buy the industry!"
Shotty stopped the car, and he hit the 'unlock' button on his left side armrest, "Get out, you buffoon! I don't want to see your face again!" Kappy tilted his head before Shotty booted him out, literally, and Kappy was sent to the streets. With a single look back towards Shotty, he continued on his way down the street with Shotty watching...
Before getting hit by a bus. The bus stopped as Kappy's head went flying from his robotic body, and Shotty laughed evilly, "Bussed so hard!" He cackled maniacally as he drove down the street, and he drove to his house to end the best day in his life. He'd been waiting to get rid of that idiotic bot Zoraster had sent him! Chuckling before he went to bed, he thought of how great the day had been.
Turning off the lights and pulling the covers over his body, he closed his eyes. He heard a shuffling beside him, though, and he turned over to see just what it was. He saw Kappy's disfigured form standing in the doorway with his missing head clutched in his grip. His eyes glowed from the perch he had in his arms. Shotty screamed, and that was the last sound he ever omitted.
Again, the television shows Not_Mafia. His award winning smile is still plastered to his face, but his clothes are reeked with sweat, an uncharacteristic happening, "Okay, maybe these weren't such a good idea. No worries, though, beca-"
People ran screaming around a mall as a Korts bot ran screaming. He'd be sitting on a high horse, him looking like a normal human, someone like Tom Waits, as he screamed, "Fight me, dumbass! Fight me!" No one was brave enough to hold up to the challenge, and Korts screamed with rage. He sent fire flying from his fingertips and the whole structure began to crumple. The TV turned to static for a moment before returning to Not_Mafia.
"Well, folks, I've been informed that you should pay close attention to your Scummer bots! They can be the best thing you've ever owned, or they can destroy whole nations. Earlier today, India was wiped off the globe by the Scummer Kuribo. Stay safe out there, folks! This broadcast will be temporarily halted now because currently we're under attack from Scummers."
The television turns to the typical 'Technical Difficulties, please stand by' screen with the colors flashing across the screen.-
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Scummies Goon
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Dwlee’s heart was pumping; they forced themselves to take deep breaths despite the struggle. For the first time in their life, Dwlee was afraid they were going to die; it wasn't exactly an experience they had been looking forward to having. Beeboy smiled back at Dwlee for a moment, keeping an eye on Fate with the insects floating around him. “You’ll be okay, Dwlee. I’ll protect you.”
Fate smirked. “HOW ADORABLE. A CHILD AND THEIR TOY HAVE SENTIMENTAL FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER.”
Katsuki shook his head. “Fate, we have a lot of killing on our schedule; do you really think we have the time to banter with a ten year old? I don’t. Light yourself on fire and murder the insect and the child.”
“WITH PLEASURE, MASTER CUPCAKE.” Fate let out something that sounded akin to a roar and lit his entire body on fire, then started cackling as he rushed to beat down Beeboy.
Dwlee pushed aside their fear to help their friend; they saw that Beeboy planned to take the hit head on, but they didn’t think Beeboy would be able to survive it. “Beeboy! Duplicate yourself, surround Fate! He won’t be able to hurt you if he doesn’t know where you are!”
Before Fate could reach Beeboy, Beeboy took Dwlee’s advice and created as many bee forms as he could muster. Fate’s fist made contact with the first one to appear, and while it hurt Dwlee to see the pained expression on their friend’s face, Dwlee knew from the way the form shimmered ever so slightly that it wasn’t the real Beeboy. Dwlee let out a sigh of relief. “Good work, Beeboy!”
Katsuki began giggling. “Oh my, have I underestimated you! I’ve murdered so many idiots that haven’t understood the power they have in front of them; none have such wonderful control of their scummer bots as you do! Oh, this is delightful!”
Dwlee ignored the crazy man, focusing on the situation in front of them. Fate had gone silent, clearly intimidated by the army of Beeboys now facing him. Beeboy and Dwlee had experimented with how many bees Beeboy could generate, and it was close to infinite; however, the more they created, the more fragile Beeboy would become. Dwlee worried that Fate would simply land a lucky blow on the right one and kill him instantly; they wished Beeboy would take this time to run away, so that he might find a life somewhere else while Dwlee and Beeboy’s clones handled Fate and Katsuki, but Dwlee knew Beeboy wouldn’t leave them behind no matter how insistently Dwlee commanded him to.
Katsuki stopped laughing for a moment. “Oh, my dear, I am so sorry! If I were anything but a lone wolf type, I’d extend the offer to join the dark side, and, if I had the means to track you down again, I might even let you live here just to see how close to me you could come! But, unfortunately, I have a ceremony to stop and it’s a fairly time sensitive issue. Fate, explode.”
“Beeboy!” Dwlee heard themselves shout out to their friend instantly; there were thoughts in their head, sure, but it felt like someone else had taken over his body. “He needs to charge his power before attacking! Hit him with everything you’ve got!”
Immediately, the Beeboy clones channeled into a huge pillar that hammered Fate in his chest before he could even open his mouth to roar again. Fate went flying through the air, his body crumpling in a pile on the floor feet from the ground. After seeing his Scummer Bot wounded for the first time, something changed in Katsuki; the smile was wiped off his face as he stared at Dwlee, who couldn’t help but shudder at the murderous look in his eye.
After a few moments, Fate rose again, walking towards Beeboy and leaving a trail of flame behind him. As a reflex, Beeboy attempted to duplicate clones once again, but Fate burned them all, fireballs appearing from his body and hammering into his fake clones the second he appeared. Dwlee’s fear returned, their brief moment of confidence evaporated completely. Beeboy stood silent.-
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Scummies Goon
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Deep in the Castle of Roses, nestled atop a stony spire, sat a cloistered room enshrouded in darkness. The only light that peered into this solemn place was cast in somber amethyst hues as it passed through stained glass tapestries depicting the princess of the violet rose, Asellus. It was here that young mystics gathered for counsel from Lady Asellus, youngest of all of Orlouge’s princesses. Awakened from her slumber and roused from the ornate glass coffin that was her resting place, Asellus had a stoic tranquility about her.
“What was the world like during the age of Man, Lady Asellus?”
A faint smile may have chanced Asellus’ lips as the question echoed softly about her tomb of a home. The woman’s eyes focused beyond the young mystics in training, such that some even glanced over their shoulders to follow her gaze only to find nothing there. The princess took a long breath, almost wistfully so, before reminiscing;
“The regions were much different, you must understand. Places like Scrap were heaps of trash and home to whoever would settle there, while Kooring was filled with people and light and noise. These disparate places, however, gave rise to people just as at odds with each other, and so it was that the powers that were began to shift. Remnants of the truly old times, before Trinity managed a stranglehold on the regions, were being snuffed out one by one—even Wakatu’s last swordsman was unceremoniously given an early grave.”
The mystics exchanged grimacing looks—a world of so much chaos and sound used to exist! Another student piped up, quick to ask, “Why didn’t the people hide from Trinity? Or crush them outright?”
The Half-Mystic Princess simply shook her head, “People back then were far less decisive. Some did fight, though—and others, still, went on marvelous adventures, hoping to discover a new way to live. It wasn’t long until IRPO agents—that’s the InterRegional Police Organization, similar to our own Regional Inquisitors now—began to turn up corpses and leads. Investigations that once pointed to Trinity were beginning to reflect that a completely different shadow organization was in charge of everything.”
To this, a particularly well studied child chimed in, “That was the banished mystic, Silence, was it not? He was found dead pursuing Cindy Campbell, whom was a figurehead installed by Black X. Even though he was unfit as a Mystic, his work helped to uncover several other Black X generals, such as Metal Black and, eventually, even Shuzer himself!”
Asellus gave the student a small pat on the head, sighing, “Yes and no. To accredit Silence with the downfall of Black X would be hasty. One should not discount unlikely heroes such as Lute, who journeyed deep into Omble to cure our very own Silence’s mute nature and, furthermore, lead a strong campaign against Black X. Even I was once a part of such adventures—I’m sure none of your lectures chronicle how I stole back into the Chateau Aiguille alongside a mech and the regions’ greatest swordsman and martial artist!”
“…Lion Princess aided you in your adventures?” gasped one child. To this, Asellus chuckled softly, “There are many great heroes and powerful mages that were not mystics. Some may still be in Orlouge’s thrall, such as the Magic Kingdom’s very own Rouge. His potential was so great that he could have single-handedly eliminated all of the threats to mankind. Others, while quite powerful in their own right, such as those that I adventured with," Asellus grew quiet, as if a solemn revelation had washed over her, "...did not survive the downfall of Man.”
From the corner of the room, Ildon, the mystic who oversaw Asellus’ training, spoke up. “Now, now, young ones, don’t disturb Lady Asellus by asking her to recall such dreadful memories. That painful time when she stood against the Charm Lord is long over.”
Raising a hand, Asellus shushed the man. “No worries, Ildon. It was a different time, was all. The regions were plentiful with treasures to find—not just gold, but in discovery and allies made along the way. Yes, Lord Orlouge was the one that played his enemies against each other, but it would be short sighted to simply forget those times or overlook the valiant efforts of everyone involved. While the Mystics were securing control of the Regions, these people were struggling with all they had. It was truly a sight to behold.”
The Mystics in training were all starry eyed, imagining the intrigue and battles that took place. The well-studied child from before tilted his head, openly pondering, “And what of the legendary technique, the Rosario Impale?”
A hush fell over the students as even Lady Asellus’ face was cast in dark shadows. Ildon planted a stern hand on the student’s shoulder. “We do not speak of such things. Come now, let’s not muddle Lady Asellus’ beautiful portrayal of those times with such dark semantics.”
With that, the children were ushered out and away to their training for the day. Soon, the princess would put herself and her memories of that wondrous time to rest. Asellus laid back, not quick to return to the stasis slumber within her coffin, as thoughts of the adventurous times behind her lingered still.-
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Scummies Goon
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Reck smiled as he watched the Kuribo-bot rampaging throughout Asia, burning down buildings and killing anything living that he came across. Zoraster would probably assume that they’d dialed up the RAGE FACTOR too high in them in an attempt to get as close as the original as possible, but in reality, Kuribo-bot, if left to his own free will, would strangle a few extremely dark individuals and then leave everyone else the fuck alone.
He closed his laptop the instant he heard a knock at his door, hitting the button under his desk that unlocked the door. “You may enter.”
Mhsmith, the only staff member who had made contact with him during the entire ceremony, entered.
“Yes? If anything is going to shit as expected, don’t worry about it - I’ve given up on trying to control every little aspect; if Zoraster needs a smooth ceremony, then he’ll prod more of those useless -”
“We know, Reck.” Reck didn’t allow his eyes to open with surprise, but he couldn’t help but draw in a small breath. “We know what you’ve been planning, with hacking the Scummer Bots and all? And we approve. Zoraster needs a message telling him that everything isn’t okay, he has to understand that using Mafiascum.net’s vast resources in an effort to make some more money for himself even if it compromises everything we stand for isn’t okay. I know you didn’t need that particular piece of affirmation, you’re a strong person, but... what you’re doing is right. Thank you.”
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xRECKONERx: ...and welcome back to the 2016 Scummies Awards! We’ve had a fantastic time so far with well-deserved victories by some excellent people, and some beautiful, beautiful awards being handed down! Next on the docket, we have an insanely respected man, former List Mod, current legend... Marquis!
Marquis steps onto the stage, prompting the ever-chattering crowd to go silent for the first time during the entire ceremony. He clears his throat as the crowd admires how straight his tie looks, how polished his shoes are...
MARQUIS:Playing a third party effectively is perhaps one of the most unusual challenges anyone in their mafia career might face. In a mafia game, one can usually rely on teammates to help them with their path to victory; most third parties do not have this luxury. Most people know how to scumhunt, or to avoid being lynched, but most third parties have to do both effectively, avoiding looking too town so that they might avoid being killed by scum, and avoiding looking too scummy so that they might avoid being killed by town. This year, all finalists are worthy of recognition; both Elyse and Anenien played fantastic Serial Killer games in Borderlands Mafia and Open 671 respectively, while zefiend did an excellent job with a survivor role where he had to survive, target 4 players, and couldn’t claim anything about his real role to win the game. However, as the Third Party stands alone, so does the winner.
The Hannibal Lecter Award for Best Third Party goes to...
Elyse for Borderlands Mafia!
"A few people expressed light suspicion of Elyse here and there, but it was never pursued heavily. She barely received any votes throughout the game, and I don't believe anybody in the game thread or the dead thread correctly guessed that she was the Serial Killer. She was Bulletproof, but she would have won without it since nobody ever tried to shoot her. She also had to recruit people into a Neighborhood and talk with them if she wanted to enjoy investigation-immunity, so she definitely had to work hard to avoid suspicion. Elyse played exactly like a good Serial Killer should." - Skullduggery
"Elyse played a very good scum game. Through manipulation of the multiball setup she managed to dodge being lynched several times and became nearly-confirmed town at the end through her role and play. At the end she managed to come out as the winner, which is vastly impressive in a 24-person game. It was well-played all around." - Sir Cakez
Marquis smiles as he hands Elyse the award, which is a small plastic figurine of a Hannibal Lecter cooking a human hand in a pot. The crowd remains silent.
ELYSE:Thank you for this award, I’m touched! It was a lot of fun to get my first Serial Killer win, even more fun to kill whoever I wanted whenever I wanted! I apologize to all of those who were deceived by me, and to all of those who came close to catching me but instead earned themselves a dagger in the back, or, in some cases, in the face. I am honored to continue the strong tradition of the Hannibal Lecters before me, and, remember: no one is safe!
xRECKONERx:And for our next award, we’re bringing back another legend: everyone, please put your hands together for Plotinus!
PLOTINUS:Rising Star is an award that’s reserved for those that are destined to become legends in the future; for people who have either invested themselves in opening a new chapter in their lives, or who have made a brilliant first impression. There are many who deserve this award, but the finalists, Dwlee99, DiamondSentinel, rb, MorningTweet, and Spiffeh are all worthy of special mention. The steps all of you have made to improve your game is an award in its own right, but...
...The Rising Star Award for the best Up-And-Comer is...
Dwlee99!
"In a game with an incredibly strong playerlist his scum team completely failed.
Despite his scum team being completely unreliable he stayed calm and by the end of the game he was the seen as the player who was most likely to be town." - Beeboy
"Dwlee99 survived a gauntlet of some of the most feared townies on site and won. He had overwhelming odds against him, but kept his head up and took no prisoners." - Titus
The crowd roars with approval, expecting Dwlee or his Scummer Bot to step forward. No one does.
PLOTINUS:...unfortunately, they don’t seem to be here right now, so I’ll hold onto their award until they show, but I'll be sure to get it to them! Sorry for the inconvenience, everyone!
xRECKONERx:And now, our next presenter has been the face and personality of a bustling new forum in Mafiascum.net, our brothers and sisters in Mish Mash. Please welcome the legendary "Miss Mash"... xofelf!
Xofelf bursts from the ceiling and onto the stage below, causing the audience members to gasp in awe. Fireworks explode, Adele, Drake, and Justin Bieber belt out a mash of "These are the Mashies" to the delight of the crowd. Xofelf pauses for a moment, allowing the crowd to die down.
XOFELF:We thought that it might be fitting for the debut of our very first award to also be our newest award. The Best New Mish Mash Player award is a brand new one, but certainly a necessary one: we found it important to celebrate the influx of talent that is pouring in and will ultimately carry the Mish Mash torch as we become bigger and better. This year, there were quite a few legends to be to pick through, such asMalkon05, Racefan12, Haschel Cedricson, and Grumpy. However, only one could be voted the most likely to become the next Mish Mash Legend.
The Best New Mish Mash Player Award goes to...
SummerInWonderland!
"Her game in medevac was calculated, incredibly social and honestly she played like a very experienced strong player. I'm amazed that was her second game (and really first anon?). She really played extremely well and I'm so proud of her. Think she really proved herself as a valid member of the mishmash community." - hiplop
"Jess is one of my favourites. Not only is she good, and HOLY SHIT IS SHE GOOD, better than me good, she's a legitimately wonderful person to be around. Both of her Survivor games were phenomenal, and she is only going to get better and I can't wait to be terrified of her in every game ever" - xofelf
SummerInWonderland walked onto the stage, accepting her award from xofelf to the loud approval of the crowd. Immediately, a wave of her fans attempted to rush the stage in attempt to get autographs, pictures, but xofelf's hired army of security guards were able to push them back easily.-
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Scummies Goon
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When Fate and Beeboy clashed again, there was a marked difference in both of the robots's approaches. Both Dwlee and Katsuki stood silently watching them, not bothering to shout commands any more; both robots seemed to respond to their thoughts just as effectively as their words.
Dwlee felt a sense of pride as they watched Beeboy fight Fate; Fate was a famous scummer, almost certainly on the level of the Kuribo bot that they’d heard so much about, and yet Beeboy was keeping up with him, for the sake of protecting what he loved. They allowed themselves a moment to detach from the fight as Beeboy landed another great hit on Fate and sent him tumbling to the ground once again, looking at his human counterpart. Katsuki was clearly growing more and more frustrated by the second; Dwlee noticed blood dripping from his hands, caused by the man gripping his fists hard enough where his well-trimmed nails were able to draw blood.
As Fate rose again and attempted to blast Beeboy with another stream of flame, Beeboy confidently sidestepped it, hammering Fate with yet another bee pillar; this one connected very solidly with his left shoulder, exposing some of the robot’s wires as his arm began to tear off.
“MASTER KATSUKI, IT IS TIME. THIS ROBOT IS TOO STRONG FOR ME TO HANDLE; IF YOU WANT TO PRESERVE THE WEAPON, THEN I SUGGEST YOU DISENGAGE.”
Katsuki growled, reaching into his coat and pulling out a small gun and pointing it at Beeboy. “These brats are greater threats. We will kill them here, and we will put off our plans for later. Clearly you are not yet ready to take on your creator.” Before Dwlee or Beeboy could react, Katsuki pulled the trigger, zapping Beeboy with an arc of electricity powerful enough to send him to his knees. Dwlee could feel Beeboy’s panic as Beeboy lost control of his body and crumpled on the floor. Fate grinned as he walked away from the disabled robot and the aura of flame around him grew larger and larger.
Run. Beeboy’s urgency broke through Dwlee’s thoughts. Get out of here. You have to make it to the Scummies. You have to meet... the others. They will understand you, they will recognize you; there you’ll be able to get a friend strong enough to... protect you.
But, for the first time since Dwlee met their friend, they weren’t listening. They were running, running towards their friend as fast as they possibly could. Beeboy was a stronger Scummer Bot than someone like the likes of Fate, and if people like Katsuki existed, then he would be needed to protect everyone else. Dwlee wasn’t sure how much time they could buy Beeboy, but they let out a prayer that Beeboy would escape this place and Dwlee’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain; they hoped that there was a chance the effect from Katsuki’s strange gun wouldn’t last too much longer. But they knew that Fate’s power had to be drawing low; Beeboy’s reserves were low even before he was blasted, and an attack of this magnitude was sure to expend a lot of Fate’s energy. Even if Beeboy wasn’t able to escape, it would be considerably more difficult for Katsuki and a powerless Fate to kill him.
Fate grinned as his fist made contact with flesh; he had hoped the child would try to save their friend. He put everything he had into his final attack, and he knew the child understood that Fate wasn’t doing anything except crumpling on the ground after the attack connected.
Dwlee’s ribs shattered almost immediately, and while they shattered, the skin on their stomach burned; pain shot through their entire body, and, for one excruciatingly terrible moment, everything in their body hurt and burned simultaneously. If they had the opportunity to scream, they would have, but before they even had the chance to fly through the air and crumple in a bloodied heap on the ground, the world went black.-
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Scummies Goon
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9:15 PM EST
St. Louis, MO
The United States of America
Ari hugged his cute cat-like Scummer Bot Chevre. It had been a long day for the two friends; there were a lot of battles and a lot of adventures, but now it was time for Ari’s bedtime. His mom made him a cup of hot cocoa and poured Chevre out a saucer of evaporated milk, which he lapped up greedily. “Chevre, you are so cute!” Chevre mewed in response, then continued drinking. He jumped up with the bed with his trainer, curling up next to him before they both fell asleep. His mother viewed the scene with a smile on her face; she had been skeptical about the robot things that Ari brought home after she let him download Mafiascum Go against her best judgment, but it seemed obvious that he was happier because of it and she supposed that was all that mattered in the end. She shut off Ari’s light and closed the door, walking to her own room.
The ground rumbled.
“ARI.” A deep robot voice boomed out, causing Ari’s mother to turn around and start running. Her heart stopped. “YOU’VE BEEN REJECTED.”No, no, no...She opened the door. She screamed.
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3:21 AM EST
Colón, Panama
A radio, the signal fading fast, sat on the ground. The man on the other end babbled about Zoraster being a traitor to the world for giving one being as much firepower as he did. To the left of the radio, there was what remained of someone’s house; it seemed as something had burned it to a pile of ashes. There were massive craters in the ground, as if what seemed to be a normal village had turned out to be a minefield. Pieces of people were strewn all around; some people were blown up, some ripped apart. The soldier who dropped the radio threw up.
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2:01 PM EST
Washington DC
Capital of the United States of America
“Look at this cute little kitty cat! They’re so... cute!” The Secret Service member who had recently spoken was a large gruff man who very rarely spoke. He had protected the past three Presidents, regarded as one of the most gifted in the Service, and had never made a mistake in his line of work. Until now. As he bent to pet the cat, just for a moment, he took his eyes off the very very old man across the street who looked like he didn’t have any friends; the old man dropped the Secret Service member with his cane sniper rifle; his twin who was hiding in the rooftop dropped the three witnesses who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Transcend, who had recently vacated from the body of an adorable dog, slipped into the dead secret service member’s body. “Let’s go, cute little kitties.”
Two cats, two really old people, and a hooded figure followed him into the White House.-
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Scummies Goon
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Mhsmith and Reck watched as a smallish town that they both still harbored some resentment for burned. Reck smiled as Not_Mafia, the arrogant newscaster, ran away from the Scummer Bots who were currently tearing apart his news station. This was his first high profile attack in the States; everything else had either been him testing his power in other nations or isolated incidents to take care of a few unsavory politicians and general shitheads, but this was him announcing to Zoraster that he was ready to be found. Mhsmith checked his watch.
“Reck, it’s nearing that time again.”
Reck smiled. “Won’t it be wonderful when I can rip off this mask and show Zoraster what he’s done to the Scummies?”
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xRECKONERx:Wow, what a show so far! I’d just like to take a brief moment and thank everyone here today that has allowed this beautiful, seamless show to take place; we’ve really come a long ways to create a hell of a ceremony that would be nothing without all of the wonderful people and robots standing before us! Thank you! Coming up next on our agenda is the next award, to be presented by the lovely hitogoroshi!
HITOGOROSHI:Making a setup is very often dangerous business. Moderators are challenged with being creative enough to hold their players’ interest, yet not letting their imagination go wild to the point where the setup’s balance is thrown out of whack. They are challenged with outthinking every single one of the people who participate in their game, planning for every contingency to make sure that no single player breaks the game and ruins it for the rest. Today, we’re recognizing an elite band of moderators who have managed to do the impossible and make a game that didn’t suck: these moderators areVarsoon, wgeurts, callforjudgment, and RadiantCowbells. Of course, only one of these moderators will be deemed the best of the best.
The Rube Goldberg Award for Best Setup goes to...
Wgeurts for Evolution Mafia!
"Most mini-theme setups aren't all that ambitious--Evolution Mafia proved that even a Mini Theme can have a lot of very unique and interesting mechanics that don't overwhelm the game.
The flavor of a 'survival of the fittest' evolution-themed game fit incredibly well with the dynamic provided by a mafia game. The ways that roles branched and 'evolved' was interesting and provided for very thoughtful means of progressing one's own power in response to the game state. It was very exciting to receive a new role PM with an updated image and new options for further evolution. Wgeurts thought out different ways that the roles would be able to counterbalance each other, even in the case of some roles dying early or others out-evolving their counterparts. While a lot of the scum strategy was to stall due to the shorter site-meta deadline of 7 days, even culled interest in the game still couldn't keep me from wanting desperately to play and get ahead." -Varsoon
Wgeurts the caterpillar slowly made his way to the stage, slowing down more and more until he was no longer moving. The floor quickly started rising around him, shielding his body in a ball momentarily before flashing a bright white. Wgeurts the butterfly finished his flight to the stage, spreading a shimmering rainbow dust over a crowd completely in awe. A small number of helpers lifted the huge contraption that was the Rube Goldberg award and carried it off the stage; Wgeurts the butterfly followed.
xRECKONERx:Presenting this next award is a man who is very familiar to most of us in the Mafiascum.net community, please welcome the ever-popular Varsoon!
Varsoon walks onto the stage, wheeling a large cannon behind him; the crowd goes insane as Varsoon begins shooting large pizza after large pizza into the crowd.
VARSOON:It’s one thing to make a setup that’s cool, that works; it’s another to push the envelope and create a mechanic that engages and impresses your players! It takes finesse, of course, it takes determination, and, above all it takes a mind that is unmatched by any in the Mafiascum.net community! While there were certainly worthy adversaries, such as KurioiXHF, for his mechanic in Death Note Mafia...
The Mad Scientist Award for best Mechanic/Mutation goes to...
Varsoon for Saga Frontier Mafia!
"The Party/Adventure mechanic in this game was an excellent addition. It brought elements of RPG into Mafia without feeling like a detatched unnecessary element." - wgeurts
"The technique mechanic, combined with the adventuring/MC system, was phenomenal. It added a whole new layer of play to the game, and actively encouraged even the laziest of players to work hard to actually be townread, instead of just skimming by all game long. That simple fact led to the longest D1 in site history, as people jostled to actually determine not just who was scummiest, but also who was towniest AND had the best judgment, with real consequences for all factions if they supported the wrong individual. Though we didn't utilize it nearly as well as we could have, I'm certain the additional votes for MC combined with the regular votes could have easily been used to determine individuals alignments in the late game as well. All around, simply an awesome mechanic that made the game better, and was incredibly cool to see in action, even as someone who didn't actually get to participate in any adventures." - Cereberus v666
He set the large golden beaker on the ground, laughed, and then picked it up again.
VARSOON:Who but me could win an award like this? Who could match the time and effort that I put into my moderated games? Who could match my brilliance? No one! Stay classy, Mafiascum!
xRECKONERx:This next presenter is a legend in the Mish Mash community, known for the wildly popular and wildly successful game "Guess the Movie Screenshot"! Please welcome to the stage Kublai Khan!
Kublai Khan walked onto the stage, decked out in his Brunello Cucinelli tuxedo that was kindly paid for by the Mashies Association. He straightened his very expensive-looking tie and smiled.
KUBLAI KHAN:The Mashtermind award is for those who manage to run a General Mish Mash game that is creative, smoothly moderated, and, of course, as insanely successful as I am. There are many general Mish Mash games created, but only a few of that very large number are truly great. Please take a moment to recognize a few of moderators who have reached the level of creating true works of art:Fluminator's Chaos Diplomacy, KittyMo's Identity, Xalxe's What Were You Thinking X, and Lokiben's Behind the Masks 2. But, of course, there is only one true "Mashtermind", and this year,
The Mashtermind Award for Best General Mish Mash Game goes to...
KittyMo for Identity!
This game has been a hit with the community, and allows us to get to know one another better as an explicit goal, which is pretty cool. And, of course, the game is exquisitely run. - PrivateI
KITTYMO:I am honored to receive this wonderful award; thank you to all of the community members who have helped to make this the fantastic game that it turned out to be! Without the community's help, we never would have known who saw a cow getting rubbed in the middle of a night, who pulled a fire alarm and ran away afterwards, or who was the site's biggest fan of David the Gnome!-
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Scummies Goon
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“A beautiful job as per usual, Tammy.”
Standing above Dwlee was a masked robot that Dwlee recognized as Princess Spiffeh, member of the Paragons. The Paragons were a group of robots deemed too powerful to be used for civilian use; Zoraster had played with the idea of selling them to the military but instead let them go free, probably waiting for a day when he decided to open up control of them to the public in an insane bidding war. Spiffeh wore a Mickey Mouse mask and a wizard’s robe; while he typically used his dark magic for good, he had the power to obliterate an entire city with the twitch of a mouse whisker. Tammy, who stood to his left, was known for her mastery of the Healing Magics; she was probably the one who was responsible for the lack of a hole in Dwlee’s chest, as well as the single reason why they were alive. It was a miracle, but it was not a miracle that Dwlee was interested in experiencing if their friend wasn’t there to experience with it.
“Beeboy.”
“Beeboy-chan!!! You’re awake!!! Oh, don’t be a meanie!!! Why would you want to see if Dwlee-chan is okay when Ranger-wa is right here in front of you and thinks you’re a cutie???”
Ranger, the third member of the Paragons, was probably responsible for the dwelling they were staying in right now. Her ability was to bring people into universes that were created entirely in her mind, which made for a remarkably difficult fight for any enemy that she was pitted against. She was currently giving Beeboy a hug that was entirely too ~kawaii~ for Dwlee’s tastes, but they were more relieved to see that their friend survived than they were worried about Ranger. Beeboy smiled at them through Ranger’s smothering hug.
The last member of the Paragons was ignoring all of them, typing furiously on a computer in the corner. TellTaleHeart was known to be the dark, edgy member of the group and was the best hand to hand fighter of the group by far, in addition to being a technological wizard. Marlboro (an American cigarette company) was the first to use her image in any sort of advertisement and saw sales that increased a record amount shortly after; her iconic motorcyle, the Triumph Street Cup, doubled in price after her endorsement and they were still unable to produce it quickly enough.
“I’ve found Kuribo.”
Tammy and Spiffeh both turned to each other, then back to Dwlee. Tammy frowned. “Dwlee, I’m sorry that we haven’t had the opportunity to get to know you better; it was our plan to hang out with you for a while before heading back to the ceremony, but we’ve finally managed to track down Kuribo, and for the good of the universe, we have to take him down, and we don’t have long left.”
Spiffeh nodded. “You two did a wonderful job taking care of Katsuki and Fate; we’ve been looking for those two for weeks. They were the first Scummer Bot and Owner pair to get to the top of the FBI’s Most Wanted lists, and you managed to back them in such a corner where Katsuki released the Discharge Gun which is what allowed us to track them. You’re national heroes at this point; the healing and our immensely charming company was supposed to be our payment, but duty calls. Good luck on your journey, Dwlee.”
Immediately, the hospital room around them began to fade away as TellTaleHeart prepped the teleporter for a jungle in South America, but suddenly, everyone stopped.
“Zoraster-senpai calls us!!!” Ranger jumped in the air excitedly. “It’s time for us to go bye bye now!~ You too, Beeboy-chan and Dwlee-chan! You will love Zoraster-senpai!”.
Beeboy launched himself at Dwlee, clinging to the child just as the world around them melted away and became a desert. Dwlee only had enough time to look at the bodies of Katsuki and Fate; beaten to a pulp. He felt Beeboy’s pain as they looked at them both.
Beeboy... how? You didn’t have enough juice left for one good hit, let alone... this.
Beeboy smiled weakly.I thought I lost you. The last gift I could have given to you was making sure that these murderers never hurt anyone ever again.
The blue light from TTH’s teleporter enveloped the group. When it faded away, the group found themselves face to face with the most important man in the world. However, neither Dwlee or Beeboy cared much about meeting Zoraster face to face; in different circumstances, they would be squealing with as much excitement as the very ~kawaii~ Ranger was in that very moment. In this particular circumstance, they both found themselves face to face with a Dwlee that was perfectly identical to the real one, with two very notable exceptions: the first being that they were covered in blood and had an evil grin on their face, and the second being that they had a goatee.-
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Scummies Goon
- Goon
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- Posts: 230
- Joined: June 25, 2009
“Hey, McMenno! Did you ever determine the cause of the disturbance outside?” Lil Uzi Vert was the only other Secret Service member that the Don Corelones weren’t able to clear out of the building to leave the President isolated. They determined that he wouldn’t be a threat due to his respect of McMenno’s status within the Service, but, just in case, the Friendless Seniors kept one hand on their guns.
“They’ve been taken care of. Going to report to the President.”
“Understood. And the old people and kittens?”
“Exactly what it looks like, Vert. They’re part of a local animal therapy program, come to talk about the President about some additional funding, and since he’s sorely in need of some good press for once, he’s allowed it. They’ve already been cleared.”
Lil Uzi Vert nodded. “Makes sense. I’ll make sure the lobby stays clear. I thought that Titus was supposed to meet us here by now, but nothing to worry about now. Just feel a bit on edge.”
Transcend and his band continued making their way to the Oval Office; the hooded figure waved his hand in front of Lil Uzi Vert’s face for his own amusement as he passed. The Don Corelones were a group of Scummer Bots that Zoraster had deemed too powerful to be controlled by normal people and had let them roam free as a result; Thesp attempted to protest letting six murderous maniacs roam free, but Zoraster figured the draw of epic battles between the Don Corelones and the Paragons would be an opportunity for more money later.
Transcend was a body-snatcher; there was no real way for him to be destroyed, even if the body he was currently inhabiting was obliterated, and he could possess any person that was either sleeping or dead. There was no real way to tell when he had possessed a body or not; he retained all memories of his subject, he mimicked their voices perfectly, and, as a result, several horror movies had already been released of Transcend possessing mothers and killing their children and Transcend possessing children and killing their mothers. Luckily for mothers and children everywhere, Transcend used his ability sparingly, all for whatever plan the hooded figure cooked up.
The Plottin Kittens were a pair of the most adorable cats in the world. They had the very unique and very strange ability to be regarded as the most innocent and pure being regardless of what they’d done; in this particular situation, their claws and fur were covered in blood from murdering Titus, and yet no one who saw them could do anything except remark about how adorable they were. No one really believed that they were allied with the Don Corelones; the media concluded that they reason they travelled with them was in an attempt to melt the Don Corelones’s hearts and turn them good.
The Friendless Seniors were a pair of old people who liked killing people. They hated everyone except each other (even other Corelones), but knew that they’d be able to kill more people together than alone, and so aided them anyways. Both were masters of all sorts of weaponry from guns to swords to baseball bats to fists (and had killed with all of them).
This group and a hooded figure is what walked into the Oval Office, all with wide grins on their faces. The President of the United States raised his hands in surrender. “I have a sleeping pill in my drawer. I have been keeping it in fear that you would come for me one day. Let me take it so that I do not die; you may possess my body.”
“He’s telling the truth.” The hooded figure made himself comfortable on a chair on the back of the room.
The Friendless Seniors smiled, putting a bullet between the President’s eyes. “Don’t care. You can fix his face up easily enough, Transcend.” Transcend shrugged, then let McMenno’s body slump to the ground as he shifted into the President’s body.
“Son of a bitch. The Scummies are starting. Zoraster is calling us.”
The hooded figure raised his hands, causing all of the Don Corelones’s bodies to shiver. Transcend frowned. “Do we have to? I mean, I know we have to, but god that otter has theworsttiming.”-
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Scummies Goon
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- Posts: 230
- Joined: June 25, 2009
It was Kison’s first new day on the job! Now normally, Thesp and Zoraster did everything together and left Kison out of it; Zoraster was a special brand of crazy and expected people who worked for him to produce magic at the snap of finger while Thesp was another brand of crazy who could actually make it happen, meaning Kison was, unfortunately, useless. But luckily (or unluckily) for Kison, Thesp was off programming still more Scummer Bots and left Kison in charge of his former post, much to Zoraster’s frustration.
Kison brought his laptop to life (he knew better than to touch any of Thesp’s technology) and began loading up the program to monitor the Scummer Bots’s activity as a whole, to make sure that nothing too insane was going on yet. Everything seemed normal, except for one tiny blip in downtown Raleigh; Kuribo, the Scummer Bot that was in the possession of former South Carolina governor Pat McCrory, had been reported as the culprit of many attacks throughout the world, which should be impossible with the governor’s phone still in Raleigh. He opened the Admin Control Panel and attempted to access Kuribo’s core.
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“ZORASTER! ZORASTER! ZORASTER! Someone hacked the main frame! Someone hacked the main frame, Zoraster! I found a hacker!”
Zoraster looked up at Kison, who had just burst into his living room from the secret basement downstairs. Varsoon, Zoraster’s very well to do neighbor as well as one of the most influential doctor/lawyer/politicians in all of Texas, looked up in shock. “The main frame, Zoraster?” Varsoon chuckled. “And my goodness, how rude! Our servants typically know better than to interrupt us when company’s over. And I certainly hope you wouldn’t include such a crass child in your business which has been so successful so far?”
Zoraster shook his head. “How embarrassing. Meet Kison, Jeffrey's son. I took him on as a favor to Jeffrey, you know, he’s been with us so long where I felt obligated to try to help his poor boy out, but it’s a decision I’ve been regretting ever since I’ve made it. I think he might be on drugs. Please, excuse me one moment while we have yet another conversation on proper manners.
Zoraster yanked Kison to the next room, far away from the prying ears of Varsoon. “Kison, I have a cell phone for a reason, particularly because all Mafiascum.net related business makes me look like an eccentric, and I don’t like to look like an eccentric. What is it that’s so important?”
Kison frowned for a moment, regaining his composure. “I found a hacker!”
“Who is it?”
Silence. “Well, I’m not quite sure yet.”
“Are we losing money?”
“Well, not yet, but-”
“In other words, you interrupted my dinner with the second most important man in the entire state of Texas to make me look like an idiot and tell me that you’ve had a problem that you have not yet begun to deal with and one that isn’t an immediate concern?” Zoraster began walking away. “Don’t pull crap like this again; you are very very lucky that we are currently drowning in money and that is making me look very very good or else even Thesp couldn’t save you from being sent to the bottom of the ocean.”-
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Scummies Goon
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- Joined: June 25, 2009
The group of adventurers, trapped in the Dread Plane known as Ravenloft, have had a rough go at it so far. JasonWazza had been backed into a corner, suspected of being Strahd or one of his cohorts in disguise. Their interactions with the group and campaign for the magical necklace seemed suspicious to many. Their paranoia has led them to kill Jason, who turned out to be their Eldritch Knight, the protector of the group who would die in another's place without hesitation no less. He was struck down by the group in the cemetery, blood seeping into the graves around him. There was no cheering, no rejoicing. Only the watching eyes of the ravens as his soul left his broken body, laying motionless in a heap against a tombstone. The protector has been struck down by the ones who would have stood behind his shield.
Ireena Kolyanna, a woman who had recently began calling herself "Creature" to hide from Strahd, had been counting on the party to keep her safe from The Devil Himself. If he managed to find her, she would be converted into a vampire. When the party woke the next morning, they found her body at the edge of the woods. Knowing what would have happened if Strahd had gotten to her first, some couldn't help but feel this was for the best. Still, failing to protect one they had been charged with stung the morale of the group. A quick prayer was said, and the group continued on.
Feeling the pressure of their dwindling numbers, they began to focus on a man who was had been completely silent for a majority of the journey, seeming to observe instead of participate, to the point of when his life was threatened by the group he did nothing but laugh. Kuror0, the Thief Rogue of the group, downed a Potion of Glibness, and used the magical influence to convince the rest of the party that Shaddowez was not to be trusted. Kuror0 drove a wooden stake through his heart. Before them, the disguise dropped, revealing The Devil Strahd himself, before he fell dead. This was not the end, however, and although it was a great relief for the adventurers to see the legendary villain dead before them as opposed to the body of another friend, they couldn't help but feel the ominous air around them. The entire world seemed to stop, and the people of the village stared wordlessly as they walked back into town. Settling in for the night, they decided to have another go at trying to escape tomorrow. The morning did not yield good news. Two of their group were found dead, lying over one another. The group's Rogue, who had hid in the Ranger's room for protection, but neither was a match for Rahadin, the legendary right hand of the Devil himself. Spurred on by rage and a thirst for vengeance unlike any he'd experienced before, he cut both Drealmerz7 and his wolf to pieces, and took a deep pleasure in embedding the wooden stake that claimed the Devil Strahd's life in kuror0 the Thief Rogue's chest. Seeking to move on as soon as possible, the group traveled to Lake Zarovich, where rumor held that magical armor of the Zarovich family could be found. Shifty eyes and nervous glances accompanied the party their entire trip, and suspicions were rising that Shaziro the "druid" was the one who murdered their friends. The pain and anguish of the countless he'd killed remained with them even as they arrived at their next destination.
After about a half day's worth of travel, an old lighthouse next to a sizable lake come into view. The lighthouse is in bad shape, with rotten wooden scaffolds along one side, looking like they were put there to facilitate repairs that were never finished. The door facing south is also dilapidated, but seems operational. Next to the lighthouse is what appears to be a small shack built into the trunk of a great tree, its roots dug firmly into the soil. The branches flow with the wind, and the door faces towards the lake. The lake itself sits rather still, it's waters reflecting some light from the (relatively) clear sky. After walking the perimeter, a dim outline of a chest can be seen beneath the surface of the water. Although old, the chest appears to be very ornate, and looks promising. It's too far from the shore to just walk to, and swimming could prove dangerous. As discussion starts about how to get to the chest, a great Ka-KOOM erupts, a noise the group assumes and hopes is thunder from a storm. Ideas are shot down, from trying to fish for it and heave it out, to tying a rope around someone, having them hold onto it, and then being pulled back up. That is, until, someone slowly interrupts and points out that the sky was clear today, and no storms should be in the area. All turning in unison, the group finds that the tree-hut is no longer in the ground by the lighthouse, and is in fact uprooted and poised to attack directly behind them.
Battle errupts, with spells being flung, swords and axes cleaving into the wood, and shields splintering. One swing from the Hut takes out an entire layer of scaffolding, sending bits of wood flying into the lake. Before long, the group is forced into retreat, but the Hut just keeps coming. After being cornered by the sheer cliff of a mountain, one last attempt to bring the tree down must be made. Andrius let out a fearsome war cry before charging forward, alone, one hand hidden in his bag, the other holding his shield. He leaps into the air, whipping his hidden hand forward, and then being promptly swatted out of the air by a massive branch of the Tree-hut. However, as he hits the ground, a small vial arcs towards the Tree, exploding as it impacts the front door. Flames spread outwards rapidly, and one can almost hear the hut shrieking in pain as it runs off, trying to escape the fire. Eventually it falls to the ground where it continues to burn and smolder.
The Hut has been vanquished, but, as a side effect from the pain the party has experienced so far, they are not ready for celebration quite yet. They are completely and utterly lost; the group begins to panic as not even a single one of them can confidently point to the direction of the lake. A groan from the ground pulls the group back to its senses, as they look at Andrius laying on the ground, his shield splintered into a thousand pieces, and a rather large branch extruding from his stomach through his armor.
Andrius is dying.
The group rushes over to the fallen paladin, some inspecting the wound, others rummaging through their bags, hoping to have something to help. A commanding voice from behind them orders them to make way, and a man in shining armor, holy symbol in hand, advances towards Andrius. Pine, the cleric, and Andrius had gotten close over the short time they had been stuck here, no doubt their shared faith being a major component in the strength of their bond. Leaning down, Pine looks into the paladin's eyes and softly apologizes before quickly removing the thick branch from his stomach. The paladin, strong in stature and stronger in willpower, stifles his pain behind a face of determination.
The cleric began chanting a prayer he had memorized during his years of training, calling upon the power of his deity to pour life back into his fallen comrade. Light could be seen flowing from his holy symbol, down into his hand and to the wound, slowly reforming and stitching the flesh back together. The paladin's strength returning, he clasped the cleric's hand, joining him in the prayer, one he had heard many times for his brethren, while the rest of the group were quiet. Color returned to Andrius' face, and once his strength returned, was brought back to his feet by the cleric.
Andrius took a deep breath before inspecting the hole in his armor. "I always thought dying in battle would be a heroic way to go. I was making my peace with the world; I thought this... I thought this was my time. I thought I was dead."
In a sudden serious moment, the cleric gripped the front of the paladin's platemail, surprising him and pulling him forward. "No, you're not. Babies now."-
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Scummies Goon
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”Reck, how...? How did you manage to do all of this?” Zoraster’s eyes were filled to the ground as he looked up at Reck, who stood above him with the button that could completely ruin him when pressed. He had no idea how he managed to underestimate Reck all of these years; sure, it was impressive that he managed to keep the Scummies afloat despite everyone else’s best efforts to ruin them, but this... this was legendary.
“It doesn’t matter, Zoraster. Things are going to change from now on. Do you understand?”
Zoraster nodded eagerly. “I understand Reck, you’re absolutely right. We will not be focused on turning the Scummies Ceremony into a way to churn out a profit. We will not put the full load on one individual in order to get the whole thing together. We will start working on the ceremony months in advance and have it finished well before deadline. I only have one thing to ask of you... a personal favor, if you will.”
“What is it?”
“That you become the next admin of Mafiascum.net. Thesp will serve you as faithfully as he served me, but mith made a mistake when he named me his predecessor; I see that now. The only way to see your vision implemented properly is if you are the one who implements it. Do you accept?”
Reck woke up with a start; his snoring had gotten loud enough to the point where he managed to wake himself up. Mhsmith stifled a chuckle.
“I’m going out early, Smith. Probably a good idea before I fall asleep again...”
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xRECKONERx:We’re nearing the end of such a wonderful, beautiful ceremony! I’m proud to welcome the one and only singersigner to the stage, known mostly these days for being the safety net when any of our own moderators fall in the line of duty, but used to be known as the best scumhunter this site has ever seen!
SINGERSIGNER:Thank you, Reck. Being a Paragon of Mafia Hunters requires more than being accurate. It requires more than being persuasive. Being a Paragon of Mafia Hunters requires having these two traits in spades, it requires the ability to identify the difference between town playing into scum’s hands and scum pushing an agenda, it requires the ability to tell the difference between town being frustrated because they don’t agree with the pushes on them and the difference between scum being frustrated because they don’t agree with the pushes on them. The finalists for this category,Ranger, TellTaleHeart, Spiffeh, and Tammy, have all demonstrated these skills and deserve recognition. However, one stands out for the crowd; only one is worthy of being recognized as the Paragon of Mafia Hunters!
The winner of the Paragon of Mafia Hunters Award for Best Mafia Catcher is...
A distinctly human Spiffeh smiles widely, running onto the stage and waving at everyone as he gratefully accepts his award. There is a distinct disappointment that the robotic Spiffeh isn’t the one to accept the award, as he probably would have pyrotechnics and flying and other cool stunts like that, but the applause for Spiffeh manages to at least be respectful.
RadiantCowbells walks onto the stage. The crowd stands out of respect.
RADIANTCOWBELLS:Being someone worthy of being crowned Don Corelone requires charisma, foresight, and drive. It requires not only wanting the win more than anyone else, but being able to see farther than anyone else and doing things that people don’t expect you to do; it requires always being one step ahead. The finalists this year stand out the crowd in that they were smarter than everyone else, wanted it more than anyone else, and were more creative than anyone else, please giveLady Lambdadelta, Transcend, Dwlee99, Plottin Kittehs, and Friendless Seniorsa hand. However, in such a ruthless award as the Most Cunning Manipulator, there is only one who will achieve the ultimate honor.
The Winner of the Don Corelone Award for Most Cunning Manipulator is...
Two adorable kittens mewed as they wandered onto the stage as the crowd melted from the adorable spectacle. One of them proved to be particularly adventurous as he leapt onto RadiantCowbells’s shoulder, causing some members of the crowd to cry with joy as others stood up and clapped. RadiantCowbells chuckled.
RADIANTCOWBELLS:“Terrifying. Truly, truly, terrifying. Even as I stare at the blood at this little one’s claws, even I can’t believe that these kittens have actually killed people. Please, keep your loved ones as far away from these cats as possible; don’t let your kids pet them no matter how drawn they are to them.”
RadiantCowbells walks off the stage, accompanied by the kittens, and StrangerCoug approaches the podium.
STRANGERCOUG:It is my great pleasure to be able to present the winner of tonight's Smash Mouth award. This award goes to the Mish Mash player who is overall motivated, strategic, and fun to play with-- to honor the invaluable members of the community. The finalists for this award areJDGA,Radja, andCuddlyCaucasian! These players are the reason that "they don't stop coming" to Mish Mash!
The winner of the Smash Mouth award for Best Overall Mish Mash Player is...
xofelf screams from the audience, crying tears of pride. Radja walks onto the stage, waving at the crowd with a big grin on his face, and accepts the award.
STRANGERCOUG:Thank you for your contributions to Mish Mash, and we hope that you can be with us for many years to come!-
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Scummies Goon
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The room was silent, save for Ranger’s excited “eeeeeee” slowly losing steam as she saw the Don Corelones were also in front of her. Zoraster’s eyes were focused on the President of the United States of America, who conveniently still had a bullet in his forehead.
“Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.” Transcend quickly healed the wound, trying to avoid eye contact with Zoraster; he very sincerely regretted not swapping bodies before he had to leave, although he assumed leaving a dead Secret Service member behind was better than leaving behind a corpse of the leader of the free world.
“Jesus Christ. Jesus. Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. Oh god, we are fucked.” Evil Dwlee had dropped their hood on the way over to meet Zoraster, and, at this point in time, they couldn’t stop laughing. What a ridiculous situation, but what a wonderful windfall for him. They'd heard stories of human, fleshy Dwlee and their good pal beeboy, and resented that such a cheesy, shitty imitation of them was floating around in the world. They couldn’t wait to snap the brat’s neck.
“God damnit Kison, you had one job. You had one job, and now I have a dead president. I will be prosecuted for being a traitor, and it’s all your god damn fault. Jesus Christ.” Zoraster took a deep breath. It didn’t help. “Jesus Christ.”
Spiffeh smiled. “And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed.”
Transcend smiled. “Just to get it all out what’s in my head.”
Beeboy smiled. “And I, I’m feeling a little peculiar.”
Zoraster frowned, looking at Dwlee. “Dwlee? We have to get out of here now.”
Both humans bolted through the door, leaving the Scummer Bots in the room to belt out a particularly impressive rendition of the Four Non Blonde’s “What’s Up”. The room vibrated with the power of hundreds and hundreds of robots singing the same song at the same time. Zoraster slammed his fist into the wall.
As they turned down another hallway, the singing stopped and the screaming began. Dwlee hesitated. Beeboy. He must be so... scared.
Zoraster kept moving. It hurt him to leave Dwlee behind; they were just a scared, terrified kid and they were probably going to experience their own death, and it was all Zoraster’s fault. But he had to get to the control room, reset everything, fix his mistakes...
“Dwlee! I’m going to the control room!” he heard himself shout out. “I’m going to fix this! And, if for some reason I don’t succeed, find Thesp. Tell him to bring out the tigers. He’ll understand.”
Dwlee stared back blankly as Zoraster expected, but it was worth a shot. He kept running, reaching into his coat to grab out the glove Thesp made him and forced him to carry (“Oh no,” Zoraster said. “We won’t build an army of robots that will end up destroying the world”. Thesp smiled. “Just in case.”). It was built specifically for disabling Scummer Bots, and it proved useful immediately as it formed into a drill the second an Equinox Bot popped up, prompting Zoraster to punch straight through her chest and extract the core, without even breaking his strike.
The Control Room was at the end of the hallway, and, of course, there were several Scummer Bots already banging on the door, no doubt commanded by the super strong and super smart Scummer Bots he just insisted had to be created to destroy the place. A hole opened up in the palm of the glove, and a ball popped out. Zoraster had no idea what the hell it did, but he didn’t hesitate for a moment to throw it at the group of robots blocking the way. The ball exploded, frying the internal systems of all five. Zoraster sent up another silent prayer thanking the world for giving him Thesp as the glove shifted into a key and allowed Zoraster entry.-
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Scummies Goon
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- Joined: June 25, 2009
“Regfan, it’s wonderful that we have the opportunity to be together after all of these years!” Creature beamed as he held his Australian lover tight. “For years, I thought you died in a fire. Then, because the evil Arabian Princess changed your memories, I didn’t expect you would be the same person that you always were and you weren’t, but still you came back to me! I hope that our love for one another stays this way forever.”
Regfan cried profusely, the tears streaming from his face so profusely that they left rivers on the front of his face.All My Scummer Bots, a suddenly extraordinarily popular soap opera on ABC had recently reached the finale of Season 1, produced in a record amount of time since Scummer Bots had no need to eat or sleep or be compensated; there was a group of people who were trying to get a modified version of labor laws to apply to them, but they certainly were nowhere close to going through quite yet. “Creature, even when I couldn’t remember my own name, even when I thought I was the evil Arabian Princess’s pet monkey, I... I still loved you.”
Kagami broke through the door, sending small pieces of wood everywhere and eliciting a cheer from the crowd. During an early special that was broadcasted live, she accidentally entered a room like this due to a mistake in her handler’s order for her, but the crowd loved it so much that it had since become a running gag. “How disgusting! And yet, I cannot so much as pretend to feel surprise at seeing two brothers of the proud Mazziano family engaged in a sordid love affair; your family has always been despised so I suppose I should have suspected you would turn within for comfort.”
Creature laughed, loudly. “You are one to judge us, Kagami.” He spat the woman’s name out with contempt. “We all know of Infinity’s dark secret - he’s poor. How can you criticize a little brotherly love when you’re dating a pauper?”
Infinity himself crawled out from underneath the bed, where he was listening in on Creature and Regfan in the expectation to catch Regfan’s confession of robbing the Fifth National Bank last friday with some old mafia buddies. “How dare you say something like that! You fucker!”
Kagami hugged her lover close, smiling widely when she saw her. But her smile soon faded. “Wait, why were you here, love? Are you...? Having an affair? You must be! There is no other possible explanation for you hiding out in this disgusting love nest! You noodle-headed ninny!”
Creature fell to the ground, grabbing his head. “Oh my god... the memories...” Regfan rushed to his side. “That... offends me... and I have no idea why it would offend me...”
Regfan slapped Creature in the face. “The only reason that would offend you is if you were a Protestant! And if you were a Protestant, that means that you lied to me and your former identity was CreatureX, pet monkey of the evil Arabian Princess! And to think, I robbed a bank for you!”
Kagami dropped Infinity to the ground, rushing to CreatureX’s side. “CreatureX! I thought I’d never see you again! I never would have known it was you unless you got offended with my crass language!”
Infinity began to cry. “CreatureX, you sly devil! I’ve never been so happy in my entire life, and now you’ve taken my love away from me... I am too heartbroken to report Regfan to the authorities even though I’ve been tracking him down for the past three months. Who haven’t you slept with?”
CreatureX gave the camera his trademark “thoughtful” look. “Well...
Kagami
Regfan
Infinity
Looks like it’s just you. Want to give CreatureX a try?”
Infinity wiped his tears off on his sleeve. “Yes. You have wonderful eyes.”
Kagami grabbed two pistols out of her goat, pointing one at Infinity and another at Regfan. “I hate two things: cops and criminals. May you rest in peace forever.”
CreatureX prepared to set off the bomb that he had prepared just in case he needed to escape, but before he had the opportunity, Radja opened the door. “Oh no! Kagami broke one of my doorsagain! Will you please pay for this one?”
The entire cast laughed, prompting Kagami to drop her pistols and CreatureX to drop his detonator. “Oh, that Radja!”-
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Scummies Goon
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Glorious Supreme Leader Untrod Tripod sipped his vodka, alone in The Kremlin, and sighed. He alone survived The Third Nuclear War and brought glory to Mother Russia. "Well," he said to himself. "That's not entirely true." He remembered the day the war ended. An ICBM levelled Washington D.C., killing the American President AlmasterGM and Untrod's best friend, General SpyreX. He regretted the death of SpyreX, but knew it was for the glory of Mother Russia. But there wasonewho he let live.
And he shook with anticipa--
DEFCON: TOTAL WAR
Operation: Repatriation
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Scummies Goon
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xRECKONERx:Now now, no need to panic! It’s not like struggling will be enough to save you from Zoraster’s marching death army! There’s nothing to do here except stay really, really still because if they can’t see you, maybe they won’t hurt you... or is that a myth about dinosaurs? Either way, the show must go on!
Transcend, in the President’s body, roamed around the crowd with a shotgun in his hand, cackling madly as Dwlee-bot cut human after human apart with a massive samurai sword. Several people taking Reck’s advice laid on the ground and pretended to be dead, where Ranger would suck them up into indescribable hell dimensions. Mhsmith watched the chaos calmly. Even he had to admit that Reck had probably gone a little too far in unleashing the apocalypse, but he supposed there was only one way that their voices were heard. And their lives at the bottom of the Mafiascum.net hierarchy had been utterly atrocious; what did they have to lose in supporting Reck?
xRECKONERx:Consider this an invitation to Marquis, if he is still alive, to take the stage once again! And if he’s dead, get me robot Marquis! If he’s destroyed, then I’ll happily back him up myself!
Marquis strolled onto the stage, oblivious to the chaos surrounding him.
MARQUIS:The Modfather Award for excellent Moderation is given to those who, despite whatever circumstances happen to take over their lives or the lives of others, always keeps the game running smoothly. It can be extraordinarily difficult to provide prompt votecounts, answer questions promptly, make sure prodding and replacements happen in a reasonable amount of time to keep the game alive, but two people in particular -Skullduggery and Varsoon- have managed to keep afloat in a way worthy of recognition.
The winner of the Modfather Award for Excellent Moderation is...
Varsoon!
"Varsoon's games are always a ton of fun. Nearly all of them incorporate some unique mechanic that nobody has ever done before, and the roles and the setup always make excellent use of that mechanic. His games include a plethora of fun and interesting roles that engage the players and encourage creative, off-the-wall play." -Skullduggery
"Countless number of hours are put in not only for flavor, but also for game mechanics by Varsoon." - Ircher
Varsoon strolls onto the stage, also oblivious to the chaos surrounding him. However, while Marquis’s calm was due to an unshakeable focus, Varsoon’s was due mostly to being completely self-absorbed.
VARSOON:Oh, I won again? What a wonderful surprise! Well, actually not much of a surprise - if I’m not careful, I’ll win Most Cunning Manipulator with lies like that! I’m getting a bit worn out from having my greatness recognized as much as it has been, but trying again - thank you very much for recognizing that I’m the greatest, I hope that one of your bright shining faces will grow strong enough to challenge the greatest in the world, the end.
Varsoon carefully steps over Klingoncelt’s screaming body, narrowly avoiding Tammy who is continuously stabbing her, healing her wounds, then stabbing her again. TellTaleHeart rips through on her motorcycle, giving the terrified crowd one small moment of hope as they think maybe she resisted whatever the hell was happening, maybe she will be the one to save them all, then dashes that bright shining moment of hope absolutely when she puts out her cigarette on Varsoon’s neck then clocks him in the face.
xRECKONERx:Oh dear, what a brutal left hook! For our next award, the Game of the Year Award, we have special guest Varsoon presenting the final award of the night! Being a Game of the Year is a hell of an honor considering how many games are hosted in a year; one team’s triumph, one team’s heartbreak, one story is considered by the site to be the game to end all games!
Varsoon rises from the ground, smiling weakly.
VARSOON:There were many worthy finalists, many games that were beautiful and excellent in every way... Congratulations toAdventurer’s Call, Freedom Mafia uPick, Gistou, Street Fighter Mafia, and Saga Frontier Mafiafor standing out from the crowd... however... there can only be one winner... one game that stands out from the crowd, one game that can be declared the greatest...
The Winner of the Game of the Year Award is...
SaGa Frontier Mafia!
"The moderation, the setup, the flavor, the mechanics....just everything about the game was exceptional, and it all came down to an effective 3 way lylo with 7 players between 3p, town, and groupscum. Just a fantastic game, and one I'm very happy to have participated in." - Cereberus v666
"Because it exceeds the definition of awesome. Pplayers actually did some roleplaying, and were really dedicated to the game. 400+ pages says as much." -Klingoncelt
VARSOON:Which, of course, was modded by me. Get on my level.
xRECKONERx:Wonderful job, Varsoon! Absolutely wonderful! The next presenter of the next award was supposed to be xofelf, but she and the rest of the Mashies community is hiding out in their very expensive and very protected "Panic Shelter"; I suppose I'll have to step in for her and present the award instead. What a shame; I wonder what drove them off! Anyways, running a Large Social Game that runs smoothly requires some of the same skills running a Scummies Ceremony does; it requires creativity to break the mold and push for more complex and interesting games, it requires patience and consistency to run these games smoothly. We had some fantastic Large Social Games that we ran this year, notably Survivor: Eon, Survivor: Blowing Rock, Survivor: Magic Kingdom, Survivor: #2016, and Survivor: Medevac Island. However, one game of course stood out of the rest.
The Best Large Social Game Award goes to...
xRECKONERx and Drench for Survivor: #2016!
xRECKONERx:And of course I won; what a great ending to a great fucking day. Thank you for your support, I'm sorry I won't get to play with all of you nice people in the future because you'll either be traumatized or dead.
Two extremely old people who didn’t have any friends but were still having the time of their life raced around on go carts, firing their sniper rifles at the few members of the crowd still standing. One of these stray bullets flew through the very unlucky Varsoon’s chest, who crumples unceremoniously to the ground. Reck looked at the scene before him with satisfaction.
xRECKONERx:And that concludes the show! I hope everyone had the time of their lives; I haven’t had this much fun hosting a ceremony for a while and I thank every single one of you that gave your lives to make that happen! I’m off to see an old friend.
Two small kittens, mewing pitifully as they sauntered away from RadiantCowbells’s lifeless body, wandered to the stage, digging for the bomb that they’d planted in the center in case they got really, really bored. Their compatriots, the Corelones and the Paragons who were finally united at last, urged them to press the pretty red button; there wasn’t anything interesting to kill anymore, so the last step was to destroy.
The adventurous kitten pounced.-
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Scummies Goon
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Screams and crashes were heard all around the building; Dwlee looked in every direction for some semblance of reality but found nothing but chaos. Everywhere, Scummer Bots were attacking their owners with no memory of their experiences together. It was then that Dwlee understood how powerless humanity was. They had felt powerful, pitting Scummer Bot against Scummer Bot, but in reality… they didn’t stand a chance when the machines turned against them.
“Dammit!” Dwlee threw open the door to the hallway and ran out. There had to be something, anything he could do to save everyone.
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“Kison, we’re gonna need to locate the cause of the disruption, fast!” Zoraster was holding the entrance to the ceremony control room closed, straining against the force of a Scummer Bot throwing itself against the doors.
“You think I don’t know that?” Kison yelled back. “I’m working through possible sources as fast as I can!”
Zoraster’s feet slid back as he screamed, “Oh my god, we’re going to fucking die! We’re all going to fucking die!” Knuckles white, Zoraster’s clenched fists were shaking as he gripped the door handles with all of his strength.
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Dwlee took the stairs, two at a time. He didn’t even have the tiniest bit of a plan, but he felt the need to get to the ceremony control room, and maybe, just maybe, he could turn on the sprinklers or… or something. He’d think about it when he got there.
He reached the top and turned the corner-
“Beeboy?”
It was undeniably the Scummer Bot. But there was no spark of recognition in Beeboy’s eyes, no cheerful, unshakable smile.
“Oh god… Beeboy…”
Dwlee fell to the ground, helplessly watching as Beeboy slowly approached him, a swarm of bees menacingly surrounding his best friend.
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“Holy shit! It’s Reck! Reck’s the hacker!”
“Okay, great! Can you stop the robots, Kison? Do I need to say pretty please?”
Kison’s brow furrowed as he tried to concentrate through Zoraster’s panicked screams and the bangs on the door.
“Yes, I got it!” Kison yelled. A fist punched through the doors, knocking Zoraster to the floor. A Scummer Bot emerged, and he scrambled back, terrified.
“Throw the killswitch! Throw the fucking killswitch!”
“Yes, yes, I did, there!”
The Scummer Bot’s eyes went dead, and its limbs limp, and came to a stop. The room was quiet.
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Dwlee squeezed his eyes shut, knowing that he was powerless to fight back, and even if he could, he couldn’t bear the thought of hurting his friend. The buzzing grew louder and louder…
And then nothing. Dwlee opened his eyes, afraid. The bees had disappeared. The Scummer Bot stood there, motionless, and then slowly crumpled to the floor. And for a brief, eternal second, all was still.
“No…” Dwlee breathed out. “No, no no no.”
He rushed over to his friend and took his hand. Beeboy’s fingers were barely moving.
“Hello,” Beeboy weakly murmured.
Dwlee could do nothing but grab onto his hand, tight, as if to try and hold on to the memories that were slipping from his grasp. Bitter tears stung his eyes.
“I’m… Beeboy. What’s your name?”
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Zoraster gasped for air. “Okay. So… why did Reck, of all people, hack the Scummer Bots?”
“You don’t get it, do you?” A voice from behind the dead Scummer Bot.
“You don’t get what the Scummies are supposed to be. You don’t get what Mafiascum is supposed to be,” Reck said, walking into the room.
He walked closer, offering a hand to help Zoraster up.
“You’ve been trying to monetize the ceremony since day fucking one. We’ve been working our asses off trying to do something original and creative with the ceremony, something that represents us, as a community. And you’ve done nothing but try and shove corporate bullshit down our throats.”
Zoraster slapped his hand away. “You’re the one who doesn’t get it. I’m doing this because I care about the community. Because we want to grow and introduce more people to mafia, and we need money for that. It’s not all fun and games behind the scenes.
He stood up. “Did you even think about how many lives your actions endangered today? Get out. You’re never working for another ceremony again.”
Reck shook his head. “Damn you. Try and understand where we come from, for once in your life. For once, just try and understand how we as a community feel.” He turned around to walk out.
“Oh, and you can’t fire me. I quit.”-
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Scummies Goon
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The smouldering ruins grew ever further behind Dwlee, as he trudged away from the remains of the ceremony building. Every step was a reminder of the mundane life he had once left, and now had to return to. A reminder of what he had lost. Of Scummers and of friends he was leaving behind… and of one particular Scummer Bot.
He broke into a run, wishing he could tear off his Mafiascum T-shirt, wishing he, too, could forget.
Dwlee crashed into a figure and fell to the ground.
“I’m so sorry-” He abruptly trailed off when he saw who it was.
Beeboy, staring down at him, half curious, half concerned. “Hi, sorry! Are you okay?”
“Um…” There was so much Dwlee wanted to say, but he knew there was no point. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
The Scummer Bot helped Dwlee get back on his feet. “So what are you up to? You’re the first person I’ve seen on this road so far.”
“Ah… well, you see… there was this awards ceremony, and a lot of stuff happened, and now I’m leaving. The building’s in ruins now.”
Beeboy stopped walking. “Wow! You know, I woke up in ruined building too, and I think there was also an awards ceremony? We were probably in the same place! Say, you could probably help me remember…”
His eyes flickered down, looking at Dwlee’s shirt with the Mafiascum logo emblazoned on the front. “What… happened to me…”
Beeboy could feel his eyes well up with tears.
“Dwlee?”-
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Scummies Goon
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Accountant’s fingers danced around the abacus, which he still insisted in using for complex calculations just to keep his mind sharp. Zoraster sat in his chair, glowering, while Thesp sat in the corner with his hand over a button labeled TIGERS.
“How much, Accountant? How much money did we make?”
Accountant paused for a moment to silence Zoraster, then continued their calculations. Zoraster continued to mutter to himself, but he had no choice but to wait - Accountant was the single most gifted Accountant the world had ever seen. They dedicated their entire life to the trade, even getting their name legally changed to Accountant the Accounter, and had become such a legend that kids were dressing up as Accountants for Halloween. So, he waited.
Accountant frowned.
“Is it bad? Is it really bad? Oh god, please tell me we made something from all of this work - at this point, I’ll be happy if we’re two hundred dollars in the black.”
Accountant shook their head. “Nope, way worse than that. Thanks to Reck’s last minute interference, you’ve lost millions of dollars, not including the millions more that you’ll lose from the countless number of lawsuits from dissatisfied customers and countries whose structures have been compromised by your rampaging robots. Now, I’m no lawyer, but -”
Zoraster slumped in his chair. “But I am, there’s no way in hell we’re winning any of those cases.”
Thesp prepared to press the button, but Zoraster held his hand up.
“We can’t just approach this situation as a loss, can we? Are we really going to reset everything like we usually do? There has to be another solution!”
Thesp shook his head. “Zoraster, we failed.”
Accountant nodded in agreement. “The President of the United States is possessed by a murderous robot, you’ve hemorrhaged money at an impressive rate that you will likely spend you and your children’s entire lives halving it, you’ve toppled several stable governments and put the world on the brink of another World War. The only good thing to come out of this is probablyAll My Scummerbots, but even that’s on a decline; everyone knows that Infinity would never leave Kagami, even for CreatureX.”
“And Dwlee.” Zoraster rose from his chair, smiling. “That child and his robot was pretty much the only good thing that’s come from all of this. Strip the robot of his powers, plant him in the school, let them keep their memories. That way, we don’t have to look back at this ceremony as another colossal failure.”
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Mith’s Reality Tigers roared with pleasure; they were typically only allowed from their cages once a year to erase the humans' mistakes, if that. They devoured time itself; to the humans, it seemed like time went backwards, allowing them to take back egregious mistakes, which had made them more ambitious, more stupid.
However, time could not simply be erased; it was stored, and every time Mith’s Reality Tigers ate a reality, they grew stronger as the memory of mankind’s mistakes rested in their stomach. One beautiful white Reality Tiger turned to their leader, the Queen.
Is it time, my Queen?
It is not yet our time, my brother. But we are much, much closer than we have ever been before - our time to take back what was ours is soon.-
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Scummies Goon
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House Belwynn ruled over The Heartlands, a fertile valley cradled amidst jagged mountains that cradled these lush plains against the northern shore. To the north there was naught but cold salt seas and rumour of ferocious aquatic beasts. The Heartlands were surrounded on all other sides by towering mountains that were largely impassable save by the most seasoned of mountaineers, except in a half-dozen navigable passes through the heights. The people made a simple living, focused on the development of the town, the safety of their families, and the preservation of all that they deemed right and just. Temperate and mild, summers were unimposing and snowy winters were brief yet delightful. Roads were built, schools were established, farms prospered. The people were loyal to king and kin. The farmlands, once tough and unwieldly, finally yielded great harvests under the tireless hand of farmers across the realm.
House Belwynn worked tirelessly to preserve the safety of its realm and the future of its children. The Royal Science Academy was established in the name of advancement; the Heartlands Military was formed in the name of defence; the many guilds were sponsored to encourage the growth of trades beyond farming commodities. From the palace of the Royal House Belwynn, high overlooking The Capitol, the entirely of the Heartlands glowed in the fire of the setting sun. Long years of toil and peace had favoured The Heartlands. The blue banners of House Belwynn ever caught the wind in those days.
In the thirtieth year of the reign of King Auroros "Vox", war came to The Heartlands. A foreign empire besieged the many holds in the eastern mountains, seeking to gain a foothold into The Heartlands. Two long years of war scarred The Heartlands. News from the Eastern Front was grim - there was no end in sight. Fields of headstones were as common as fields of wheat on the Eastern Front. Foreign powers were not the only threat. Brigands and cutthroats began patrolling the highways and villages of The Heartlands, burning farms and looting what they could while the military was away. The alleys and wards were rife with ruffians and crime. Unrest stirred in the cities. Disease haunted the wards. A few assassins began accepting contracts as various factions battled for dominion in The Capitol. The country roads proved treacherous. Highwaymen abounded.
King Aurorus, long ignoring portents of his failing health, collapsed suddenly during supper one evening. Crown Princess Spiffeh, eldest of the children of King Aurorus, rose to the task of governance while her father was ill. She quickly found that holding together a nation at war with itself and with its neighbours was an impossible task without a few key allies. But who could she trust? As she surveyed her lands at sundown, there was no wind, and the blue banners of House Belwynn lazily hung in the air.
Then, it seemed as though the prayers of a nation were answered. Under blood-red banners, The Deplorables arose amidst the infighting in The Capitol. The paramilitary group persecuted brigands, thieves, and assassins in the cities, and protected farmers and merchants on the highways of the kingdom. The farmers and guilds sang their praises, as the bandits and highwaymen were finally being put to the blade, and trade could resume. From high above the city, Princess Spiffeh looked down and could only see the blood-red banners catching the wind in the city below.
Some were concerned, however, at the state of The Capitol. Infighting was rampant, and both politicians and merchants battled for supremacy in a once-peaceful kingdom. The number of blades and pistols serving The Deplorables grew by the month, swelling from a small band of former soldiers and converted highwaymen into a paramilitary force that made the Royal Guard nervous. They were looked upon by some as a military-for-hire, and there were many who would buy their services. The Royal Science Academy became highly reclusive, arming itself with implements of war instead of tools for the common folk. Rumor told of terrible weapons that could decimate entire villages with fire. The Guilds prospered in trade and began hiring their own standing military forces. Small skirmishes were common in The Capitol. Contract disputes were settled with blood in the streets where once the courts ruled. Unaffiliated citizens and noblemen ceased to exist. Everyone took a side. As the third year of the war drew to a close, the number of banners flying in The Capitol chronicled an unrest of terrible implication.
On the eighth day of the fourth year of the war, Princess Spiffeh awoke to cannon fire. The wolves were at the door. An unknown attacker had made their move, breaching the inner gates and swarmed the mount. The royal guard defended the royal family as they made their escape to a secret transport headed into the mountains. As the family boarded, and Princess Spiffeh turned to help her father, a bolt pierced his back. The guardsmen loaded him into the transport and bade them farewell. Princess Spiffeh held her father as he died, as their guards died, as the capitol burned.
And she vowed that she would have her vengeance, and reclaim…
Spiffeh's Kingdom
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Scummies Goon
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Scummies Goon
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Congratulations to all winners!
As a quick, personalized thank you before I pass out, I'd like to thank a few people for helping me get this ceremony up and running (in no particular order):
1) Errantparabola - Thank you for being there with me at the 11th hour and catching some of my more egregious grammar/spelling errors (in particular, thank you for making sure that decideding didn't make it into the ceremony >.>). Having another set of eyes glancing over what's heading out at the last minute is infinitely helpful and reassuring as was the cheerleading to get the last push through; the ceremony wouldn't have been half of what it was you, so thank you.
2) xRECKONERx - Thank you for everything that you have done (and do) for the Scummies. I've always respected how effortlessly you seem to take control and organize shit, and very sincerely appreciate your help at the beginning and at the end; having you around to make outlines and help focus brainstorming was infinitely helpful as per the usual.
3) Frozen Angel - Thank you for handling the IN MEMORIAM picture; something that I was very sincerely dreading attempting to do myself, you bailed me out big time there. Also appreciate the very clutch last minute save when I was tearing my hair out trying to figure out why picture links were broken - would probably have had a minor meltdown without your very well-timed save.
4) Cheetory - Your paint graphics are gorgeous, top notch, and was very glad that I got to work on a ceremony with you again, hope to work more with you in the future. Fate's avatar as the Charmander fire is still probably my favorite thing about this ceremony.
5) Zoraster - Thank you for heckling me while I was writing, and thank you for being the person with power to make things happen. I hope that when I'm drinking alone in the future I pick a classier way to do it so I can avoid embarrassing myself in front of the most powerful person on Mafiascum.net in the future.
6) Varsoon, Clumsy, Andrius, Mastina - Thank you for your mafia game submission things (still not sure what to call them). I think that each and every one of you did a good job of showing the love you put into your games, and am glad that you were all receptive to my admittedly very strange request ("take something about your game and write about it! yeah!"). Was very energized by all of your enthusiastic responses to my request; really hope that this can become a part of Scummies Ceremonies in the future.
7) Xofelf, CuddlyCaucasian, the rest of the Mish Mash Community - Thank you 1) for again a very quick and well-timed save in getting me the information right when I needed it, and 2) for being patient with me as we work you into the Scummies Ceremony a little more... seamlessly? I am glad that we at least made progress this year (so you didn't have to make a separate awards ceremony all by your lonesome), hope to make considerably more progress in the future and look forward to getting to know you all a little bit better.
8) Thank you to everyone who read all (or some, because there's a ton of them) of these words! I love seeing the ceremony come together and I think it's beautiful and lovely and I would probably have sweeter, more flowery, more beautiful words that you all deserve if it wasn't currently bed time.
Copyright © MafiaScum. All rights reserved.
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