Spoil a Wish II

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You're under arrest for the murder of Thomas Midgley, Jr.

I wish it were easier to learn Japanese.

[vonflare]

granted, but japan officially switches to a new, even more difficult language as soon as you finish learning it.

I wish the wish after this one is corrupted twice.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You are accused of getting whoever that is banned from Mish Mash for spamming.

I wish for this wish to be corrupted only once.

[Jake The Wolfie]

We are unable to fulfill this wish at this time due to the wish being corrupted in memory. We apologize for this inconvinience.

I wish for more green circuits (I keep running out of them because blue circuits keep eating them, the bastards.)

[vonflare]

granted, biters eat all your oil refineries so you have no more sulfuric acid to make blue circuits, causing a massive backup of unused green circuits.

I wish I could (at will) experience time in slow motion in order to exercise superhuman precision in my movements

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You are subjected to unethical experiments on this ability that put your life in danger.

I wish for vonflare to survive these unethical experiments.

[Jake The Wolfie]

Granted. Due to the aforementioned total destruction of my oil refineries by those biters those bastards, the experiments are lengthened due to multiple critical lacks of materials including explosives, plastics, and batteries. The projected timeline of the experiments are lengthened by decades, giving vonflare multiple years to recover after each test.

I wish that there were more bunnies per square mile.

[StrangerCoug]

...despite those being the biters that ate all your oil refineries? OK, granted. Good luck building those refineries back.

I wish to help control the bunny population.

[Jake The Wolfie]

Granted. We ramp up the pollution production, choking out many millions of bunnies (and annoying the biters.)

I wish that I could just build the damn rocket already

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. The rocket explodes when you try to launch it.

I wish I didn't have writer's block.

[Jake The Wolfie]

Granted, you now have something much worse, the inability to see your work as anything other than a bunch of crappy patchwork poorly masquerading as a story.

I wish I had

more

green circuits. Modules are eating all of my circuits god damnit!

[StrangerCoug]

Granted, but you still don't have enough of them. Someone botched your order for them and gave you mostly red circuits.

I wish to figure out what to do with the red circuits.

[light_ganski]

Granted. You use the red circuits to build a mecha, which crushes you.

I wish I was better paid.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You make 1¢ more an hour than you currently do. The extra $20.80 a year (give or take) doesn't have any appreciable effect on your financial situation.

I wish I had a more social life.

[Jake The Wolfie]

Granted. It'll be sad to see you leave the red shores of MafiaScum, but sometimes we must say goodbye to the calm waters of home to explore the deep blue rapids of-
Man, you look awful. The sea didn't treat you that well, did it?

I wish that it were revealed to me that my life was merely an analogy for Plato's Cave, and that I saw reality for what it really was.

[DragonEater70]

Granted, but that means you're abducted by aliens who perform painful brain surgery on you in order to be able to see reality for what it is, and after that you can never rejoin human society.

I wish people were more willing to let others help them.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. They get taken advantage of more often as a result.

I wish I had the money down to buy a house.

[DragonEater70]

Nooooo why would you do that to me

I will get REVENGE



Granted. You HAD the money to buy a house. For one minute. Then a robber came, shot your entire family dead, and took the money.

I wish I stopped I procrastinating right now and did what I was supposed to do Saturday evening.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. Now that it's overdue and the deadline has passed, your job is on your line. You've got some explaining to do with your boss...

I wish my cat liked her carrier better.

[Jake The Wolfie]

Granted. She loves the outside of it a hell of a lot better than any other part.

I wish for the bees.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. They attack and kill you.

I wish to be about 10 years younger.

[light_ganski]

Granted. As you age backwards, you forget the entirety of the last ten years.

I wish I could speak fluent Polish.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You lose all understanding of English.

I wish I were more athletic.

[Jake The Wolfie]

Granted. You transform into an anthropomorphic cougar, but without the opposable thumbs, or the coding skills.

I wish that it were possible to observe the universe at different timescales.

[light_ganski]

Granted. Your consciousness is trapped, immortal, in a computer, observing the universe eternally without rest but never being able to interact with it.

I wish I had a slice of cake right now