Mafiascum Wrestling Federation (The Road To ScummerSlam!)

[Haschel Cedricson]

Showdown at the Speakeasy will be (finally) airing this Friday in the Discord at 4 PDT!

[AniX]

Oh shit, I better write up my promo.

[AniX]

As the camera pans in, it shows AniX, smirking and standing tall over a man seated at a desk with a document before him, whose head was cradled in one hand and his other hand, shakily, holding a pen. True MWF fans will recognize this as the reclusive mith, the Federation’s Commissioner!

“Sign right there, for like Abraham sacrificing his child to appease God, you must sacrifice your neutrality to appease me, your Upick God” AniX roared as he pointed his divine finger at the line on the sheet. Commissioner mith craned his neck, attempting see AniX as he spoke.

“Oi, govnah” the canonically British commissioner says, his voice quaking. “It’s almost tea and crumpets time, can’t we do this some other time?” he gestures to his GIANT wristwatch, which is a tiny recreation of Big Ben.

“Cease your prattling or your pet tigers will suffer the FIST of the 11th Hour!” he curls his fist, where the words RELEASED BACK INTO WILD are clearly visibly written on it “For I, AniX, have a vision. And you signing this document is the key to achieving it.”

AniX turns to the camera, as if noticing it for the first time, and it focuses in on him.

“MWF is in crisis. The audience grows less and less, drawn away from the fun of our matches by Wrestling 3.0. But I will stop that, no matter the cost. The values I espouse will revive this Federation, MARK ME!

First, we must have greater transparency! The audience is clamoring to see why I am not booked in every match. Why I am not holding every belt. I am the best wrestler, I draw the greatest audience, I give the most sublime promos. Nothing short of RANK FAVORITISM is at work here and the audience can smell a rat. They want to see the FOUL corrupt inter-workings of this Federation and gut it so their Savior may finally get his due.

Second, we must have greater safety! Every match I’ve competed in, even the ones corrupt referees muddled, I have brutalized my opponents, left them shells of their former selves. This cannot do. The Federation must protect its wrestlers and the first step of that is protecting them FROM ME. Let the weaklings battle themselves with foam swords and plastic shields. Send me only against the best of the best, ones who can at least SURVIVE the godly beating I cannot help but deliver unto them.

Third, we must have innovation. Every match is the same. Some loser beats another loser and gets a loser belt that I bet not even most of the roster could name off the top of their head. Or a moron fights another moron over some moronic feud. It’s inane drivel. Meanwhile, I, the most innovative wrestler on the roster, am UNDERUSED and UNDERAPPRECIATED! Well, that ends now, at the stroke of your pen. Yes, it will end!”

The camera pans out again to show mith, who has produced his aforementioned tea and crumpets, which AniX now notices. “Have you not signed yet?”

“I have not” the member of the English Empire says

“My rant was at least 3 minutes long! SIGN THE DOCUMENT!”

mith’s hand scribbles something out onto the paper and AniX snatches it up, looking pleased. “This, yes, this is what I pick. This is what I pick indeed.”

[Haschel Cedricson]

And with that, there is officially a new belt up for grabs! I present to you all the

UPick Champion Belt

.

This belt will always be defended under Extreme Rules, because U get to Pick any method to wear down your opponent! As per mith's decree, Anix will start off holding the belt. If you want to fight for it before the next Nightkill, make a promo calling Anix out! Anix will then Pick who the contender will be.

[Haschel Cedricson]

Watch Showdown At The Speakeasy here:

[AniX]

Oh, I won again? How droll.

[T-Bone]

I'm the champ, stay in your lane, AniX.

[T-Bone]

Backstage T-Bone is walking with his suitcase, having changed into a suit and with the Paragon Title Belt on his shoulder. He stops and turns to the camera.

"Do you see this? I am still and will forever be the Paragon of MafiaScum World Champion. I'm done, Mallowgeno is officially behind me. He put up a good fight, he put up a good show, but let's be honest. He never had a shot to win. No one does. MWF needs T-Bone to be its Paragon. I am the main event, the special attraction, I am the hype! I have a message for my fellow roster members in the back."

T-Bone does a quick shine of the paragon belt with his sleeve.

"First, I caught that travesty that happened earlier tonight. AniX, this is a warning, and I will only address this once. Stay in your lane. The belt you bought off of Amazon is cute but I will not stand for any suggestion that this belt is not the premiere title in all of forum mafia wrestling."

T-Bone lifts it up slightly.

"You can have your little Upick division, but if you get in my way there will be consequences. I am what a real champion looks like, I am what a real champion sounds like, and I am what a real champion acts like."

T-Bone holds the belt with both hands.

"To the rest of the roster, no more freebies. I only wrestle for this, and I only wrestle people who have earned it. Frankly, none of you have. But be warned, I am making an example out of the next man who steps in the ring with me. D3fend3r, you may think the Elimination Chamber match was brutal but you do not know brutality, not yet. I will brutalize you and you will beg for it to stop...and I will not grant it. Forfeit your title shot now. You're not ready."

T-Bone starts walking off.

"Now get that camera out of my face."

[AniX]

I'm the champ, stay in your lane, AniX.

Champion of what? The "Generic Championship" that is named the same as every other championship in every other league?

[AniX]

T-Bone's belt:

[kuribo]

This is absolutely amazing

[Black]

I won! Once again proving that I am the one to beat in the women's division. I outlasted 5 others to stamp my mark atop the roster. Next? I'm going for hardware. I want a strap around my waist, and none of you ladies can do anything about it!

[Haschel Cedricson]

Here are the storylines going into the next Clash At The Mash:

* Both title belts are on the line, as d3f and Black earned their chance to challenge Fenrir and xofelf. Will the belts change hands, or will the champs prove why they won them in the first place?

* The Shield of the Screaming Death Clan has looked shaky recently. T-Bone has ordered Majiffy to get a win in his next match in order to stop making the SDC look bad. But who is the mystery opponent?

* The tag team division is in shambles right now. McMenno has made no secret of the fact that they are frustrated that they only seem to win singles matches, and behind the scenes Malkon and Menno are each blaming the other for MalkMenno's loss at Showdown at the Speakeasy. Meanwhile the other stables of Big Pink and the Webdip Boyz are also the holders of winless records. Something has to give, and it's probably not going to be pretty...

* At the last Clash Chickadee was supposed to face Ythan, but before the match started Bellaphant knocked out Ythan and took her place in the match. Then Bella used her trickery to get into the elimination chamber at the Speakeasy, just so she could take another shot at Chickadee. Chickadee better keep her head on a swivel, because Bella is determined to prove she's the better wrestler no matter what the cost.

* Speaking of Ythan, it was her spot in the elimination chamber that got usurped by Bella. MSWF management is very sorry about this and promised Ythan her choice of booking at this show. When faced with the opportunity to call out anybody in the company, she chose Isis. A table match has been scheduled.

* Finally, a lot of wrestlers found their personal items in the locker room vandalized; just about every flat surface has been covered in stamps. Who is doing this, and what could it mean?

Find out this Friday at 5:00 PDT at Clash At The Mash!

[D3f3nd3r]

Am I obliged to call it "an opportunity to perform for the championship" or am I actually allowed to call it a title shot in this promotion

[Haschel Cedricson]

Am I obliged to call it "an opportunity to perform for the championship" or am I actually allowed to call it a title shot in this promotion

I don't get this reference. Is this WWE vs AEW drama? Either way, you can call it whatever you want!

[D3f3nd3r]

Am I obliged to call it "an opportunity to perform for the championship" or am I actually allowed to call it a title shot in this promotion

I don't get this reference. Is this WWE vs AEW drama? Either way, you can call it whatever you want!

I don’t follow either but I remember reading something about one of those promos not letting their wrestlers actually use the term “title shot” and that’s literally the only thing I know about pro wrestling

[kuribo]

Yeah in WWE, you weren't allowed to call it a "belt" or a "title" or a title shot, it was always a championship and championship opportunity

[kdowns]

AniX...AniX...AniX...

You claim to be a wrestler for the people... You claim to brutalize your opponents... You claim to be underutilized...

I SEE SOMEONE THAT HAS TO ABUSE THEIR POWERS TO GET WHAT THEY WANT... TO BLACKMAIL FOR A TITLE THAT THEY WILL LOSE THE FIRST CHANCE THAT THEY STEP IN THE RING TO DEFEND THIS TITLE.

Yes, I may have come up short in the Elimination Chamber. I may have been beaten and bruised, but you don't know what my body can fully endure. It took 5 different wrestlers beating me down for me to stay down. You avoided the chamber, you were afraid.... You wouldn't last in the ring against me AniX. I am coming for that Upick Title, and I will make sure that you don't get back up.

[Haschel Cedricson]

One hour until Clash At The Mash! Join us in Discord!

[Haschel Cedricson]

Here's Clash At The Mash 3!



As for next week, it's a South Bend invasion on the next Nightkill! Het is making his debut, and Shea has volunteered himself as the welcome wagon in a Falls Count Anywhere match!

Up next, it's a triple threat match between Ariel, Invisibility, and *checks notes* the butterfly? That can't be right.

Our first title fight has the Moment Of Brilliance Tag Belt on the line, as The F2 of Bella and Klick face off against the newly-formed team of Turnabout Topaz.

The Screaming Death Clan is never content to sit idle. After a dominating performance by the Shield at Clash, rumor has it that the Sword wants in on the action and is looking to start a rivalry. Who will be unlucky enough to find herself in the sights of Lady Lambdadelta?

Mallowgeno has been very angry backstage about getting embarrassed by T-Bone. When he gets matched up against the red-hot ball of fury that is Kuribo, will he fight fire with fire or will he get burned?

The Den so far has an undefeated record. Silverclaw and Leon have earned their shot at the Goodfellas Tag Belt. Facing them will be a brand-new duo. Will ORAM and Peg, the founding members of the Sports! stable, be able to succeed against The Den when every other partnership has failed?

The Final Tribal Council of Survivormeet South Bend was intense, and this reunion looks to be even more intense! It's a triple threat match between the finalists of Arlen, Haschel, and Monty!

In the main event, AniX has promised to put his money where his mouth is and has picked Kdowns to be the first challenger for the UPick Championship. It's Extreme Rules with the belt on the line. Who will wear the metaphorical red crown? Find out next week on Nightkill!

[kuribo]

Just gonna leave this here

[xofelf]

Amazing delivery. 11/10

[VashtaNeurotic]

Audio Version of Promo: https://vocaroo.com/14FdRq21wWKG

Promo To The Crowd at the Start of Nightkill

Vash stands in the ring, mic in hand, clearing pacing abojut what he is about to say. Finally he begins.

"Last time I spoke to you it had been a bad week, well now it's been a bad several weeks. I've lost match after match, even ones where I had my partner Captainmeme to back me up. And...right now it's clear to me that..."

He pauses for a good few seconds almost not sure if he should continue with saying anything at all

"that I just haven't been good enough. And maybe if I had won a singles match I wouldn't believe that. And maybe if I hadn't been pinned at Showdown at the Speakeasy I wouldn't believe that. And maybe if I had my hands on that briefcase on Friday longer than a second I wouldn't believe that, but it's true."

He stands around, visible fuming a little

"But I'm not done fighting, I will get a win if it's the last thing I do, and I'm sorry Meme, but that means I have to do it on my own. Because for me, these are desperate times."

He pauses one last time to collect himself

"So it's time to call for desperate measures. Goodnight everyone."

He drops the mic and walks out of the ring

[Searl]

Audio Version of Promo: https://vocaroo.com/14FdRq21wWKG

Promo To The Crowd at the Start of Nightkill

Vash stands in the ring, mic in hand, clearing pacing abojut what he is about to say. Finally he begins.

"Last time I spoke to you it had been a bad week, well now it's been a bad several weeks. I've lost match after match, even ones where I had my partner Captainmeme to back me up. And...right now it's clear to me that..."

He pauses for a good few seconds almost not sure if he should continue with saying anything at all

"that I just haven't been good enough. And maybe if I had won a singles match I wouldn't believe that. And maybe if I hadn't been pinned at Showdown at the Speakeasy I wouldn't believe that. And maybe if I had my hands on that briefcase on Friday longer than a second I wouldn't believe that, but it's true."

He stands around, visible fuming a little

"But I'm not done fighting, I will get a win if it's the last thing I do, and I'm sorry Meme, but that means I have to do it on my own. Because for me, these are desperate times."

He pauses one last time to collect himself

"So it's time to call for desperate measures. Goodnight everyone."

He drops the mic and walks out of the ring

A Rallying Cry

The moment Vash disappears, the Captain vaults the ropes, landing on two feet in the ring.

You heard that? That was the speech of a David.

He turns, the emotionless eyes of his mask scanning the audience, the plastic smile attempting and failing to mask the fury in his voice.

I hear you all. Every week, cheering wrestlers the size of Goliath. Wrestlers with egos ten times the size of Goliath's.
They laugh in the face of opposition. Goliaths never respect their adversaries. Goliaths boast, why wouldn't they? Their talent keeps them from ever feeling the bitterness of defeat.

There's an eerie silence in the crowd as Meme continues.

David knows defeat. He goes down once, twice, thrice, to people who will never give him an ounce of their respect. But you know what?

The Pirate Doge's voice raises to a roar as he leaps on the rope, pumping his fist with every word and bringing the noise back to the crowd again.

He. Gets. Back. Up.

And you know what happens to Goliath when that persistence breaks through?

Jumping off the rope and showboating in the center of the ring again, he mimes a slingshot over his head, releasing the imaginary pebble at an imaginary giant.

I'll be cheering on David. I suggest you do, too.

And with that, he dashes off after his fellow WebDip Boi.

[Haschel Cedricson]

Here's the latest Nightkill!