Micro 1083: Garlic Bread Heist! (Game Over)

[hellbooks]

I would like to formally offer a draw to the scumteam. If you would, please step forward and shake my hand.

shocked at how accurately i recreated this post without even really thinking about it

[hellbooks]

goes to show you that i really only have like 5 jokes

[Thestatusquo]

@ausuka can my goat be granted a vote please

[Thestatusquo]

She thinks enchant is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaahd.

[Enchant]

goes to show you that i really only have like 5 jokes

Vote Shea pls

[Ausuka]

@ausuka can my goat be granted a vote please

No. I have a strict 'no goats in MY mafia game' policy and I don't care if the liberals want to cancel me for it

[Ausuka]

silly goofy frog mood

[Thestatusquo]

I see the 1v1 has begun, but what I really want to know is if I can trade my 7 million from hellbooks for 7 million goats

not sure how I missed this but trying to get goats at a rate of 1 goat per dollar is OUTRAGEOUS.

[Merlyn]

goes to show you that i really only have like 5 jokes

no, it's a callback, that's like better than a regular joke because I get to go, 'Ahhhh! She did it again, remember that!!!'

[Merlyn]

I see the 1v1 has begun, but what I really want to know is if I can trade my 7 million from hellbooks for 7 million goats

not sure how I missed this but trying to get goats at a rate of 1 goat per dollar is OUTRAGEOUS.

dont be jelly bc you picked the one goat and I'm going for maximum goat value

[Thestatusquo]

you cant all be scum.

[Merlyn]

honestly im really torn SNIP

This was an amazing summation, I pretty much agree with every point. Okay, I'm on the enchant train, lets jump into the void together, let's do it for the goats!

VOTE: Enchant

[hellbooks]

VOTE: enchant

[hellbooks]

ok so i was mafia and continue to be extremely confused as to why shea faked the guilty but i'll take the win, thanks all

[Thestatusquo]

I just like you too much had to give you the dub even though your result wasn't vanilla it was actually "really bad guy evil person will kill u" which isn't a role I've ever heard of before.

[Merlyn]

Time to claim, I'm really garlic bread, I have an incredible koba impression

[Thestatusquo]

hm, I think given my interactions with you I would find that incredibly surprising. And kinda sad.

[Merlyn]

Fine you caught me, I'm actually a Destructible Crumpet. It's a partner role to hellbooks

[Thestatusquo]

ok

[Ausuka]

After a short while searching in the 'Refrigeratorium', the remaining conspirators found a strange vault door with the sign '

GARLIC BREAD

" on the front. This looked extremely promising, although it was somewhat confusing that such a vault would even exist - upon thinking about this, the whole event had been thoroughly bizarre. What kind of company organises security in this way? Still, they couldn't afford to think about that - they had to find a way to open the vault.

Votecount 4.1

Enchant (3) - Thestatusquo, Merlyn, hellbooks

Not Voting (1) - Enchant

Deadline is in (expired on 2023-06-29 10:04:59). With 4 people alive, it takes 3 votes to eliminate.

[Ausuka]

By now they all knew the drill - whoever interacted with the door was probably going to get separated in some way and maybe also get injured. So by majority vote, they made Enchant do it. He had magical powers, which made him different to everyone else, and that is clearly suspicious. So Enchant rotated the wheel at the door, and then a trapdoor opened underneath him. With a 'squish' he fell into a pool of slime, which he was pretty clearly unable to escape, so he kind of just had to stand there in a slime pit.

Enchant was eliminated on Day 4. He was a

Vanilla Townie

.

[Ausuka]

Night 4 begins now and ends in (expired on 2023-06-24 00:08:37), please submit any night actions before then. Fast night will happen if all living players ask for it.

[Ausuka]

After sacrificing Enchant, the conspirators opened the door, and finally reached the final arena. In this refrigerated room, the shelves were stocked full of different kinds of garlic bread. Garlic baguette... garlic flatbread... garlic pizza... garlic dough balls ... the list goes on. Finally, it was time to get to work. They took off their backpacks, and brought out the sacks they had planned to use, and started picking up garlic bread to put in there. But shortly after they started, there was a

clicking

noise, and the floor began moving. It started its descent so slowly that if it weren't for the noise they may have initially not noticed. But the descent accelerated, until eventually it was falling at high speeds, down what was clearly a *lot* of storeys. When it finally fell to the bottom of the shaft, all three of the remaining survivors looked shaken, but hellbooks in particular seemed to be in bad shape, unable to stand up. It seemed that a mobile rock in the side of the wall had moved and poked her in the back at considerable force.

hellbooks was killed on Night 4. She was a

Vanilla Townie

.

[Ausuka]

"Brooksies! Are you okay!" Merlyn shouted, full of concern for her BFF. "Nmegh..." brooks responded, clearly extremely out of it. "Can you breathe? Are you injured?" Suddenly, they heard another click, although quieter than the one before. Merlyn turned around, to see Thestatusquo with a gun pointed at her face. "Don't move. Don't you move a fucking muscle!" he yelled. "You're under arrest, you're all under arrest!" Merlyn screamed and put her hands in the air. He took handcuffs out of his pocket and nailed hellbooks and Merlyn to the wall. Thestatusquo emptied both of their pockets to ensure there was no chance for the tables to turn. He was able to take a deep breath; now, there was not even the smallest chance the plan could be a failure.

Merlyn was endgamed. She was a

Town 1-shot Bulletproof

.

[Ausuka]

Now, all nine conspirators had been eliminated, in some way or another. Thestatusquo gripped his gun and smiled. The job had been a success, and he was sure to receive a hefty bonus on his paycheck this month - maybe even a PROMOTION. The door behind him creaked open, and VP Baltar walked through it, wearing his Supreme outfit and cool sunglasses. Behind him, he led five defeated conspirators into the room; sheepsaysmeep, Skygazer, Dunnstral, Garlic Bread and Enchant. Just like merlyn and hellbooks had been, the five of them were threatened at gunpoint, and handcuffed to the wall. "That's that, then." thestatusquo said in an extremely self-satisfied manner. "The police will be here shortly to arrest you officially, we're going to charge you with breaking and entering and property damage. I hope you losers have good lawyers."

The look on the faces of the conspirators was a mixture of terror and bewilderment. "What the fuck is going on here?" Dunnstral asked. "You had a gun all these time, why the fuck did you go and make us do some escape room shit? What was the point of any of this nonsense?" VP Baltar laughed. "Ah, I can answer that one, my friends. See, here at Generic Supermarket Enterprises, the bosses are involved in some... extralegal activities. We have friends from the shadows. These people, they get bored easily. You're all greenhorns, naive, you don't know how the world works. You're yuppies who came here for a laugh. That makes you peak entertainment. And we got cameras all round this place. You pickin up what I puttin down?"

Garlic Bread interjected. "But we can just tell the police-"
Thestatusquo laughed. "And who do you think they'll believe, Garlic Bread - or should I say,

DkKoba

?" Garlic Bread gasped at the revelation of their true identity. "Do you think they'll believe the criminals who we've recorded on footage breaking the law? Or will they believe the upstanding business which is a keystone of the community, which makes donations to people in very high, very important places? We could give you the footage right now and it wouldn't change a thing. Throw in the towel, you lost."

After that, only silence remained in the room. After laughing at the conspirators for a while, Thestatusquo and VP Baltar got bored and started playing on their iPads. Eventually a policewoman came in, and dragged the seven into a police van. Months later, they were taken to court. Since they were first-time offenders, except for Skygazer, they all got 6 months in jail, after which they would be put in probation and forced to do community service. Since Skygazer was already a hardened criminal, she got put in the slammer for four years, but she had connections on the inside so she didn't really care. It would be an exaggeration to say their lives were 'ruined' by the garlic bread heist, but it certainly marked a big turn for the worse. For all of them, they would now have to struggle with their criminal record having jail time on it, which isn't an easy thing to overcome if you're an ambitious young person. As for VP Baltar and Thestatusquo, they kept their shady jobs at the shady company. The video tapes of the heist were such a hit, they got a bonus and a payrise. They also continued to interact with the organized crime gangs of central Canada on behalf of the business. They would be implicated in a corruption scandal about 25 years later which would finally take them down - but in the aftermath they suddenly disappeared. Their fate is unknown.

The

Mafia

team of Thestatusquo and VP Baltar has won the game! Congratulations to them!