Snake Oil: Sale Five - Advertising Phase

[JerryArr]

/in!

[JerryArr]

Listen, you need to pump the crowd up, but it's hard to see in that costume. That's why you need the

Scream Leash

! Its constant noise-making technology keeps the crowd on their feet for the entire game, and you're safe in your 2 yard diameter circle! No more decisions on which baby to kiss, no more tripping on chairs, no more trouble! Just let the

Scream Leash

do the work for you!

[JerryArr]

What sound does the

Scream Leash

make? Is it pleasant to the ear?

So, imagine the sound of a sold out crowd screaming and cheering. Now, imagine that sound being made by one person. It's pretty much that! Everyone loves the sound of the roar of a crowd.

[JerryArr]

How can the

Scream Leash

determine what sound is it best for it to produce? A crowd can do many different kind of roars depending on the circumstances

It doesn't need to. The approving screams and cheers have been scientifically proven to be the best sound; there is no need for another! Makes things much simpler, too!

Now for some questions...

Is the

Machine Friend

designed to replace the work of a mascot?

How good is the

Fear Broom

™ at being a broom?

How is the

Lava Suit

delivered to the mascot once it's purchased?

[JerryArr]

No one wants to be arrested for stealing valuables from a grave. Fortunately, you can make it so the cops just think you're doing a prank... as long as you're wearing the

College Costume

! Just tell the officers you're doing a hazing thing and they'll completely understand. You'll get off scot free and super rich!

[JerryArr]

No one wants to be arrested for stealing valuables from a grave. Fortunately, you can make it so the cops just think you're doing a prank... as long as you're wearing the

College Costume

! Just tell the officers you're doing a hazing thing and they'll completely understand. You'll get off scot free and super rich!

Does the costume fit both men and women?

The College Costume comes in all shapes, styles, and sizes, just like any outfit you might find in a regular college store!


Now, some questions.

How does the

Seed Computer

get the information it collects to you?

Once the

Sun River

is used up, how does one recharge it?

How long does the

Mouth Light

battery last?

Many grave robbers use the help of dogs, is the

Insect Eraser

safe for dogs?

[JerryArr]

It's what has been haunting your dreams. What you've been yearning to know your entire life. It's been eating at your very soul, and it's the only thing that'll get you off this island. Fortunately, I know the secret that has been passed down for generations. For a nominal fee, I can tell you this wisdom.

[JerryArr]

It's what has been haunting your dreams. What you've been yearning to know your entire life. It's been eating at your very soul, and it's the only thing that'll get you off this island. Fortunately, I know the secret that has been passed down for generations. For a nominal fee, I can tell you this wisdom.

I'm intrigued, but how could knowledge alone save me from this island? For wondrous that it may be, I'll still need to physically manage to leave somehow.

Obviously, I cannot give away too much, but suffice to say, once you realize the

Shell Truth

, all of your needs will be met, and then some.

---

How big is the

Fire Key

? Can it fit in a pocket?

Does the

Noise Belt

have a way to adjust the volume?

If I buy the

Star Ticket

, how will you treat my friend Jeff, who is definitely not just a coconut attached to some palm leaves and shoelaces?

[JerryArr]

Listen up. Fostering an environment where your kids want to learn, and are happy to do so, is very important. Unfortunately, not everyone feels the same way. The people who think schools should just be a homogenization facility don't like when kids have a positive outlook on life. You should do something about that. It's cool, it's educational, it's sleek, and it helps you teach kids about physics... especially projectile physics. It's the

Desk Tank

! Teach your kids history, while making teacher haters history!

[JerryArr]

How does the

Game Shirt

protect against accidental pointing?

How was the

Sleep Net

tested to make sure it's safe?

How is

Head Powder

stored?

Are you concerned with the name "

Hormone Murder

" in terms of its marketability?

[JerryArr]

I should probably post these in the thread and not accidentally PM people

@Jerry, is your product... uh... legal? And will it not be dangerous to have a projectile weapon on the open in a room with a bunch of children that will surely try to carelessly mess with it?

As you may know, our company and factories are based in America, so the

Desk Tank

is no less legal here than, say, teaching about certain subjects in certain parts of the country. Fortunately, Congress considers this to legally be a table, so it should be available in most stores. Also, it will not operate without both keys turned simultaneously, and the munitions are locked away, protected from prying kids' hands, so there's no danger of anyone other than the teacher using it. The

Desk Tank

's treads mean it's easily moved from the inside of a classroom to the outside, too.

[JerryArr]

I have to wonder - is it actually dangerous or is that just the slogan? How easy is it to operate? How big is it?

Oh, it's very dangerous once it's started up! Especially to anti-teacher people. It's a fairly complex machine, but the included instruction and safety manual goes over everything. It's about as big as a normal teacher's desk, but with a convertible top for Tank Mode.

[JerryArr]

Spring rain on some leaves.
Is it ninja or a birch?
It's

Tree Mask

magic.