WWF Mafia: Royal Rumble (GAME OVER)

[mastina]

(I honestly never would agree to it for the record. 100% of the time I call heads. No matter what, no matter the circumstance, because heads always wins and I KNOW heads always wins so I always call heads and would never agree to being tails. )

[KuroiXHF]

Night Eleven is over. No one died. It is now Night Twelve.

[mastina]

Well I don't have any explanation for that.
I also, frustratingly, don't have the nightkill.
Again.

[mastina]

Oh mod mistake; I did get the kill, nevermind.

Sorry 'bout that!

[mastina]

(Well not so much mod mistake as mod not quite having delivered it; I was too fast. )

[gerryoat]

pls dont kill ur top tr

[mastina]

I didn't, but someone did and someone killed said someone.

[mastina]

I kind-of want to indulge in some evil gloating right now, but I do have some adherence to the Evil Overlord list, so.
I'll keep my gloating to my PT, which is my enclosed space where I can do so safely and indulge in some evil laughter.

[mastina]

Shooting is

not

too good for my enemies.

I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

(^Okay so maybe I'm disregarding this one. Nobody's perfect. )

I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

(^I'd like to note this is one I COULD have done but didn't do.)

All of these are relevant. <3

[mastina]

If you still can't figure it out, here's some additional hints.

I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.

I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident -- I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.

I will make it clear that I

do

know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.

I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.

If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.

Even though I don't really care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.

I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.

I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.

I will not rely entirely upon "totally reliable" spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismans.

I will never accept a challenge from the hero.

I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers are dead.

No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling "Leave him. He's mine!"

(^Averting this one.)

I will not attempt to kill the hero by placing a venomous creature in his room. It will just wind up accidentally killing one of my clumsy henchmen instead.

Since nothing is more irritating than a hero defeating you with basic math skills, all of my personal weapons will be modified to fire one more shot than the standard issue.

Rather than having only one secret escape pod, which the hero can easily spot and follow, I'll simultaneously launch a few dozen decoys to throw him off track.

(I mean what do you think I'm doing right now with these quotes? I can explain the presence of every single one of them and yet only I know the real details.)

Despite the delicious irony, I will not force two heroes to fight each other in the arena.

If I find my beautiful consort with access to my fortress has been associating with the hero, I'll have her executed. It's regrettable, but new consorts are easier to get than new fortresses and maybe the next one will pay attention at the orientation meeting.

If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)

As an alternative to not having children, I will have lots of children. My sons will be too busy jockeying for position to ever be a real threat, and the daughters will all sabotage each other's attempts to win the hero.

If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep my three-year-old granddaughter near me at all times. When the hero enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it is necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches into an explanation of morality way over her head, that will be her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles. After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil Overlords and it's important to spend quality time with the grandkids.

If one of my daughters actually manages to win the hero and openly defies me, I will congratulate her on her choice, declare a national holiday to celebrate the wedding, and proclaim the hero my heir. This will probably be enough to break up the relationship. If not, at least I am assured that no hero will attack my Legions of Terror when they are holding a parade in his honor.

I will order my guards to stand in a line when they shoot at the hero so he cannot duck and have them accidentally shoot each other. Also, I will order some to aim above, below, and to the sides so he cannot jump out of the way.

Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop me that couldn't possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn't possibly work.

I will instruct my fashion designer that when it comes to accessorizing, second-chance body armor goes well with every outfit.

My Legions of Terror will be an equal-opportunity employer. Conversely, when it is prophesied that no man can defeat me, I will keep in mind the increasing number of non-traditional gender roles.

I will instruct my Legions of Terror in proper search techniques. In particular, if they are searching for escapees and someone shouts, "Quick! They went that way!", they must first ascertain the identity of this helpful informant before dashing off in hot pursuit.

If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.

If I have the hero and his party trapped, I will not wait until my Superweapon charges to finish them off if more conventional means are available.

If I burst into rebel headquarters and find it deserted except for an odd, blinking device, I will not walk up and investigate; I'll run like hell.

I will occasionally vary my daily routine and not live my life in a rut. For example, I will not always take a swig of wine or ring a giant gong before finishing off my enemy.

If I steal something very important to the hero, I will not put it on public display.

I will plan in advance what to do with each of my enemies if they are captured. That way, I will never have to order someone to be tied up while I decide his fate.

I will be an equal-opportunity despot and make sure that terror and oppression is distributed fairly, not just against one particular group that will form the core of a rebellion.

(^At least at this stage.)

Although it would provide amusement, I will not confess to the hero's rival that I was the one who committed the heinous act for which he blames the hero.

(^I mean I'd do this one if it applied but really it hasn't, so.)

If I am dangling over a precipice and the hero reaches his hand down to me, I will not attempt to pull him down with me. I will allow him to rescue me, thank him properly, then return to the safety of my fortress and order his execution.

If I have the hero cornered and am about to finish him off and he says "Look out behind you!!" I will not laugh and say "You don't expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?" Instead I will take a step to the side and half turn. That way I can still keep my weapon trained on the hero, I can scan the area behind me, and if anything was heading for me it will now be heading for him.

I will not outsource core functions.

I will hire a drama coach. The hero will think it must be a case of mistaken identity when confronted by my Minnesota accent (if everyone sounds American) or my Cornwall accent (if everyone sounds British).

I will not devise any scheme in which Part A consists of tricking the hero into unwittingly helping me and Part B consists of laughing at him then leaving him to his own devices.

I will never tell the hero "Yes I was the one who did it, but you'll never be able to prove it to that incompetent old fool." Chances are, that incompetant old fool is standing behind the curtain.

(^Another one not applicable but which I'd use all the same.)

If my mad scientist/wizard tells me he has almost perfected my Superweapon but it still needs more testing, I will wait for him to complete the tests. No one ever conquered the world using a beta version.

If I am using the hero's girlfriend as a hostage and am holding her at the point of imminent death when confronting the hero, I will focus on her and not him. He won't try anything with his true love held hostage. On the other hand, the fact that she has been weak, slow-witted, naive and generally useless up to this point has no bearing on her actions at the moment of dramatic climax.

I will make several ludicrously erroneous maps to secret passages in my fortress and hire travellers to entrust them to aged hermits.

(^More or less what all these quotes serve as.)

I will not use hostages as bait in a trap. Unless you're going to use them for negotiation or as human shields, there's no point in taking them.

I will hire an expert marksman to stand by the entrance to my fortress. His job will be to shoot anyone who rides up to challenge me.

I will remember that any vulnerabilities I have are to be revealed strictly on a need-to-know basis. I will also remember that no one needs to know.

(^The reason I'm not gloating right now.)

I will not make alliances with those more powerful than myself. Such a person would only double-cross me in my moment of glory. I will make alliances with those less powerful than myself. I will then double-cross them in their moment of glory.

I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch simply because I am absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we can still date.

<3 Priscila.

If a malignant being demands a sacrificial victim have a particular quality, I will check to make sure said victim has this quality immediately before the sacrifice and not rely on earlier results. (Especially if the quality is virginity and the victim is the hero's girlfriend.)

If my Legions of Terror are defeated in a battle, I will quietly withdraw and regroup instead of launching a haphazard mission to assassinate the hero.

If I'm wearing the key to the hero's shackles around my neck and his former girlfriend now volunteers to become my mistress and we are all alone in my bedchamber on my bed and she offers me a goblet of wine, I will politely decline the offer.

Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one. For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."

I reserve the right to execute any henchmen who appear to be a little too intelligent, powerful, or devious. However if I do so, I will not at some subsequent point shout "Why am I surrounded by these incompetent fools?!"

(^Sorry McMenno. )

[mastina]

Oh and just to top it off.

I will never bait a trap with genuine bait.

If the hero claims he wishes to confess in public or to me personally, I will remind him that a notarized deposition will serve just as well.

If I have several diabolical schemes to destroy the hero, I will set all of them in motion at once rather than wait for them to fail and launch them successively.

I will not procrastinate regarding any ritual granting immortality.

You have the hints you need to know now. Let's see if you can figure it out.

[mastina]

(I mean people seem to forget that when I draw scum I see myself as the supervillain. And being the supervillain is

fun

. Really, really fun. I thoroughly enjoy every aspect of the role and am a ridiculously large ham because when I can just be out there and enjoy myself, then I really let go. Law, Chaos, doesn't matter to me. I just want to watch people die at my hand, and laugh as they think I do so with any deigns of being benign. <3)

[mastina]

Of course the dead (in particular, one or two players) might be able to figure out what I'm going on about right now. To which I can say: yes. I was referring to here with that.

I'm not guaranteed to win it all at this point, but I'm guaranteed second place and I'm guaranteed a 50/50 shot. But an endgame at least similar to this is something I've had in mind from essentially the moment I started playing the game. (Well, really playing the game anyway. I didn't have any plans while I was prod-dodging because no that wasn't fucking strategic lurking that was me genuinely not being in the game and so obviously I didn't have much of a plan until later.)

[mastina]

(God I want to gloat so much right now but I have to be patient and play the long-game. I'd look awfully foolish if I went through all the trouble of telling you how I'm winning only to then not win especially if I lost because of this.)

[mastina]

(I want this game to be officially over though so I can reference it elsewhere. I've poured my heart and soul into this scumgame and it might even surpass House Bolton for being my best game of all time--it's certainly supplanted all other games in terms of being most fun of all time, too.)

[mastina]

(It's a shame I won't get to that four-page iso though. I could theoretically spam it up that much but I really shouldn't, especially since the two I'd spam with are dead.)

[KuroiXHF]

Three wrestlers are in the ring now. There's Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, "Cowboy" Bob Orton and "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig. All of them are tired. Bob Orton has been in the ring longest, for well over an over. He drew number seven and has spent a large portion of his time in the ring getting attacked and beaten on by several members of those now eliminated. There's Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, who spent a lot of his time out of the spotlight and used that to his advantage. Even still, the ability to stay in the ring for as long as he has is a blessing. Lastly, there's "Mr. Perfect," the one who spent the least amount of time in the ring, entering at number twenty-eight. Even so, he lasted over forty-five minutes, and is visibly tired. All of them are. Thirty men entered, and they are the last ones there. They have outlasted WWF Champions. They have outlasted celebrities: musicians and movie stars. They have outlasted time travelers and even the President of The United States of America. And now they're here. And they won't go. Not until everyone else is gone. Not until they can secure the main event stage at Wrestlemania against the current WWF Champion: "Macho Man" Randy Savage. They each stare each other down. Refusing to let go. Refusing to relent. Tonight is

their night.

"You know, I can't think of a worse position to be in than them. They want it. They want it badly and to go between these three is a bad idea. They want it more than people stranded at a desert want water!"

Bob Orton is the first to strike. He goes after "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig with a series of rights and lefts. It forces him back until he's pressing against the ropes. Orton whips Hennig against the opposite ropes. He pops back and Orton goes for a clothesline! Hennig ducks and bounces back. He hits The Cowboy with a bulldog! As he gets up, Mr. Perfect raises his arms and poses for the crowd. Bad idea. Neidhart goes after Hennig and knocks him down with a forearm club! Mr. Perfect falls down like a line of pins. Neidhart grabs Hennig and begins to bring him toward the ropes. That's when Mr. Perfect begins throwing rights and lefts, trying to stop him. The two begin exchanging falls. Neidhart is trying desperately to shrug off the attacks. He doesn't want to fight. He just wants his competitors out of the ring. Hennig and Neidhart are still by the ropes. Suddenly, in comes Orton! He's pushing both Neidhart and Hennig over the ropes, hoping for a quick win right there! Not going to happen - the other two stop focusing on each other and double clothesline him down!

"Teamwork like this in the Rumble is rare. But when it happens, it's beautiful!"

Bob Orton slowly gets to his feet. Mr. Perfect grabs him in a full nelson and Neidhart begins throwing lefts and rights to him. He's taking each blow and feeling like death in the process. Mr. Perfect grits and bears his teeth in the process, using so much valuable energy that he could use winning this match on someone who's just ready to leave the ring. After a series of heavy assaults by means of fisticuffs, Neidhart pulls back. Bob Orton throws his arms in the air. This allows him to slip out of the full nelson. Neidhart throws a huge punch and it hits Curt Hennig in the side of the face. Orton rolls out of the way. Hennig looks back and feels his perfect face being mangled. This drives him wild and throws a punch right back at him. Neidhart staggers back. Hennig runs and throws The Anvil into the corner and meets him shortly after with a spear! Neidhart falls toward the floor. Mr. Perfect brings Neidhart to his feet. He's ready to eliminate! He throws the now-sluggish Anvil, Jim Neidhart to the ropes. He just lays right there. Curt Hennig decides he's going to need some momentum. He turns around to turn to the opposite ropes... but there's "Cowboy" Bob Orton! He hits his son's patented move, the RKO-NO! With quick precision, Curt Hennig uses Bob Orton's altitude and with all his strength, turns and forces him outside of the ring!

[spoiler="Cowboy" Bob Orton/Gerryoat has been eliminated. He was...]

Cowboy Bob Orton

Who Are You:

Father of Randy Orton, you are Cowboy Bob Orton, inventor of the Superplex!

What Is Your Alignment?

You are

a serial killer.

What Is Your Role:

You are a 2x redirector. Twice per game but only up to once per night, you can send target one player and redirect their target to another player of your choosing.
You are also an activated day-vigilante. Once Bobby "The Brain" Heenan enters the ring, if no one else has eliminated him, you may type in

Day Elimination: X

and that will happen. This would end the day.
Each night, one name among all killing roles will take part in a lottery. If your name is chosen, you may submit that name and that player's character will die.

What Is Your Win Condition:

You win when all you come out as the victor of the Royal Rumble.[/area][/spoiler]

"And there goes "Cowboy" Bob Orton! His Road to Wrestlemania has just ended, but man, oh man, has he shown everyone! I think he went past an hour and a half too!"

There are now two in the ring. It's either "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig or "The Anvil" Jim Neidhart that's going up against The Macho Man. And from the looks of it, it could be anyone's game.
Jim Neidhart is against the ropes, but his mind is 'Who knows where.' Mr. Perfect is on his feet, but barely. His body is covered in sweat and he looks greatly fatigued. Hennig slowly, but surely, makes his way over to Neidhart. He's pressing on his shoulders and upper body, trying to push Neidhart out of the ring. The Anvil slowly snaps back into it and sees what's happening.
He's remembering his determination. He's pushing back. But Mr. Perfect wants to win too. He's struggling, pushing. He's hoping he can outlast The Anvil. They're both tirelessly pushing.
Neidhart puts his arms around Mr. Perfect's sides, grasping him into a bearhug, hoping that it will give him more reason to stop. But it doesn't. Nothing will get them to stop. To stop trying,
to stop fighting. Neidhart's eyes grow big. He's getting scared. Desperate. Suddenly, he lets go of the bear hug, but keeps his arms where they are. He hits his patented power slam, The Anvil Flattener! Neidhart rolls off of Mr. Perfect and both of them are on the ground.

"When will these two give up?! When will these two stop fighting? It seems like they'll never stop! Never!"

Nearly a full minute has gone by since The Anvil hit his finisher and the two remained on the ground. It seemed that if this match was ended by pinfall and a frail member of the audience feebly managed to pin one of them, it would be over. There seems to be no way for them to muster the ability to get off of the canvas. Oh! That was said too soon! Mr. Perfect, the one that has been in the ring a nearly fifteen minutes after Jim Neidhart entered the ring, rolled onto his stomach. He reached for the bottom ropes. He's using them as leverage in order to help himself to his feet.
Once to his feet, he takes a deep breath. He sees Jim Neidhart and sees one man, one final obstacle. He walks over to him and slowly brings him to his feet. He slowly drags him over close to the ropes. He picks up The Anvil, hooks his legs. PERFECTPLEX! ON THE ROPES! Yet, Jim Neidhart is still in the ring. And his leg is still hooked. He hooks his other legs under the bottom rope.
And he has Mr. Perfect's body attached to his. Mr. Perfect is trying to push The Anvil out of the ring. Jim Neidhart has no energy left. But he's trying. He's digging deep inside. After over an hour in the ring, he's running on empty. He has Mr. Perfect up in the air... and throws him outside of the ring! The Anvil is lying on the canvas outside of the rings! He's done it! He's won!

[spoiler="Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig/Mastina has been eliminated. They were...]

Mr. Perfect

Who Are You:

You are Curt Henning, but people know you as Mr. Perfect. And why would they not? If anyone is perfect, well it's damn likely to be you!

What Is Your Alignment?

You are [/color]

Mafia

with Andre The Giant, who is McMenno.

What Is Your Private Topic?

viewtopic.php?f=90&t=71447

What Is Your Role:

You are 1x Death Proof. Either from a lynch or from a night kill, you are resistant to death. After that, you're fair game.
Each night, one name among all killing roles will take part in a lottery. If your name is chosen, you may submit that name and that player's character will die.

What Is Your Win Condition:

You win when all you come out as the victor of the Royal Rumble.

[/spoiler]



Jim Neidhart can't even stand. He's rolled into the ring, but cannot move. The referee slides in and raises his limp hand into the air. Jim Neidhart will go and face "Macho Man" Randy Savage at the main event of Wrestlemania [REDACTED]!!!

[KuroiXHF]

To explain the last couple of nights.

Mastina is a "One Night Death-Proof." Leonshade took one of her lives from her.
Mastina then won the kill lottery and chose to kill Gerryoat.

No one (except possibly The Hardy Boyz had they activated their abilities) can kill two nights in a row. This means the only one with killing abilities is Leonshade. Thus, he won.

[Almost50]

Congrats, Leon. You should thank me for having your back though and taking the fall for you when Menno had intended to throw you off the ring.

[mastina]

WHAT IS THAT BULLSHIT
YOU MEAN I WAS KINGMAKER WITH NO CHANCE OF WINNING WHATSOEVER
WHAT IS THIS. WHY. I FEEL ROBBED.

[Ginngie]

MAYBE IF YOU TOOK ME AS YOUR FUCKING BATTLE BUDDY LIKE I WAS GONNA PROPOSE YOU WOULD HAVE HAD A CHANCE OF WINNING

[mastina]

I LITERALLY
WON THE FUCKING SUPERPOWERED LOTTERY.
ONE-SHOT DEATH IMMUNE.
YOU CAN HAND MASTINA NO BETTER ROLE.
THAN A ONE-SHOT DEATH-IMMUNE MASTINA.
(Except of course a two-shot death immune mastina. )

I HAD THE ABSOLUTE MOST GAMEBREAKING POWER OF ALL TIME.

[mastina]

MAYBE IF YOU TOOK ME AS YOUR FUCKING BATTLE BUDDY LIKE I WAS GONNA PROPOSE YOU WOULD HAVE HAD A CHANCE OF WINNING

I WASN'T THE ONE WHO KILLED YOU.

[mastina]

I LITERALLY BUILT MY PLAY AROUND
ME NEVER BEING ABLE TO DIE
BECAUSE EVERYTHING REVOLVED AROUND MY POWER THIS GAME.

[Ginngie]

you killed my spirit