First things first. I apologize to everyone for responding so late. During this time it's looked like I was ignoring the good, well-meaning responses given. In truth I was slammed by work and life (I could go into detail but that not the point). Much of the day-time has been spent sleeping in order to recoup energy from the stress. Still love the field of health care, though.
In post 21, The Rufflig wrote:There are only a couple bits of advice that I'd like to give you, Wake88.
The first is teamwork. Work with your town reads. It doesn't matter how these players became your town reads, but these players are your allies. Treat your allies well. Bounce ideas off them, listen to what they have to say, disagree with their ideas (say why) and point out things to them that you think they are missing. Do not get into heated arguments with your allies. It's ok to disagree with them, but it shouldn't get heated. Your allies will not perform how you would like them to; you'll have to live with that and work with them the best you can.
The second is leverage. Your allies give you leverage. Call upon them to try and force another player to answer a question. Also call upon your allies to try and push through lynches. If you can't get your allies to help you, then you need to consider why they are opposed to what you are trying to do. You may have to back off for a little bit and try again during a lull or after you have gathered additional reasoning to support your push.
Do not abuse your allies trust and support as this will backfire.
Teamwork, I think, is one of the things I really struggle with. In life I've rarely needed to use it, because I was more effective taking care of things by myself. Only recently, gaining a new job as a CNA at a specialty hospital, I've started utilizing teamwork. Usually I try to take on the whole load by myself, and end up getting drained, stressed, and frustrated in the long run. Or, more accurately, that's been the case for me in Mafia. One of the fears I try to work with internally is that, if I don't try to (in part) assume the reigns of control and redirect attention as I see fit, the Town devolves into apathy. I should try to appreciate the luxury of letting others share the burden, instead of fearing that they'll stop if I stop.
I do need to try working with my Townreads. There's this perverse sense of paranoia where, when I'm working with a fellow player I trust more than others, this creeping fear crawls up my spine and nips at me, telling me that this person is probably a very good liar that's manipulating you. Regardless I should treat them well, Scum or not. One of my apprehensions working with others is the fear of being ignored. I think I do help by bringing some ideas to the table, but when they're ignored it angers me, and makes me feel like I'm wasting my time. In that last game I shared almost 750 posts, and in the end was called a VI and otherwise insulted. It's tough trying to work with some players, because some are so far less receptive to you than others, and then those that do are likely Scum, so it can be terrifying as well as frustrating.
Haven't considered the idea of leverage. Usually when someone refuses to work with me or contribute or otherwise be Town, it's like fuel given to me to get aggressive with them until they finally do what they need to do and contribute. There have been times when I was absolutely right and the others were wrong, and only later did they half-way acknowledge it. Then again, with some of the ways I've been so hopelessly deceived by some evil Scum, there's not much room for me to talk.
You're right about not abusing allies, too. I need more practice trying to better utilize the teamwork-aspect of the game. I've played more as a lone wolf, and haven't really tapped into the power of teamwork yet.
In post 22, Shadoweh wrote: In post 12, Wake1 wrote:
On mafiascum.net you can be WotC'd for anything. Whether you like a certain color or there's something (anything0 someone doesn't like about you or your play. If I were myself, which likes intensity and hyper-focused play,
I'd probably get WotC'd even if I were respectful and kind.
Some players are simply fickle. My true nature, sans conditioning and practice, has very little tolerance for certain behaviors. That wouldn't work to my advantage. I know you and Titus mean well. It's just complicated. If I could just find better means to channel my energy and strategy...
Do you honestly believe the bolded section? If so you are incorrect and this is just a justification to never change because it 'wouldn't matter'. It does. Annoying but nice people don't get WotC'd out of games because people would feel too guilty to be that mean to a nice person :p
From my experiences, players hold grudges. The mistakes I made in the past, even should I become far more respectful and kind, can and do still haunt me at times. Although, perhaps, those instances are becoming rarer, since more people have been inviting me into their games. I can be nice and still get WotC'd for annoying some guy. The frustration of it is that, when I ask someone why they're annoyed (see: hot and bothered) they never, ever explain it. It's probably because I have a natural gift for tapping into abrasiveness, or that I can and do parry players arguments and ideas. Which, if you're Scum or anti-Town, can be aggravating.
In real-life I'm nice, kind, gentle, and sweet. Seriously. Just torn and frayed from stress and illness, and Mafia is the only thing that punches those character weaknesses up to the surface. I think deep down I continue playing Mafia because I want to keep finding my weaknesses and temper myself through practice and experience.
In post 23, Doogal121 wrote:@Wake. A couple of things I noticed, take it or leave it.
1. The ADD/ADHD busy work excuses have to stop. I'm going to go on a limb here and say this extends to your life off site. As a fellow sufferer, the key is to change your view on it. Some people are good at math, some people are bad. Some people are good at reading, some aren't. You just happen to be poor at focusing. The advantage to that is you get to see a much bigger picture and think outside the box. It's not an excuse, it's just a difference, the same differences that every human being has from one and other..
2. You might want to take a communications class. Learn the basics of writing to influence. For example, have you ever done the following? Thought about what specific action you want to accomplish and what is the best way to make that happen. Written in a way that generates respect from that person. Cutting down all the chatter to the minimum needed to get your point across. Found a common ground to build a bridge from.
2a. A simple course on writing to influence others will go a LONG way for your game.
3. There is only one valid response to criticisms you don't believe are true in this thread. (we are going to assume that the people in here are actually trying to help and not jerks or liars). That response is: Hmm, I never thought of myself that way, can you explain to me more about why you do? Can you give me an example?
1) I don't know, Doogal. I suffer a lot with focus. Not hyperactivity or impulsivity. Primarily it's inattention (not extreme), and constant thinking/over-thinking that won't ever stop or go away. Imagine if your mind wouldn't stop thinking, so every waking second your mind was noisy and cluttered like the floor of the New York Stock Exchange. It's only when I take my medication, basic Adderall, that all the uncontrolled/unwanted thoughts and daydreams go quiet. Then I can just relax, express a tortured sigh, and rest a bit. Thinking is ok, but when it doesn't stop, and it's unwanted, and it's literally driving you insane, it takes an immense toll on your mental and physical health. Unlike the normal folks who are able to focus, there's no way I can focus on more than two games at once.
2) The funny thing is that, since I'm always thinking and overthinking, those thoughts do cross my mind. But as the flow goes I then forget or become distracted by other tangents and ideas. I can go from thinking about all the finer aspects of strategic communication to wondering why chilies and/or acai go so well with 95% dark chocolate. It's bonkers at times. Imagine the mind of a normal person like a red laser-pointer dot on the wall. Theirs doesn't move. Mine flicks and moves every which way (see: inattention). It's a bitch trying to focus and not ramble. Persuasive writing would help, but I struggle. It's not that I can't understand it. I understand it very well. The hereditary and biological aspects of ADHD makes it very difficult for me to focus. I wish I could concentrate my energy into a single, sharp tip... instead of a constant, chaotic, unfocused whirlwind. Life is better when I can f****** focus. (Apologies for cursing. The disorder is something that has affected many areas of my life.)
3) You're right. I do have difficulties accepting criticism, and it's primarily because I've been abused and mistreated by liars and jerks in years past (before coming here). I just worry if that I do trust... I'm going to get hurt.
In post 24, FakeGod wrote: In post 20, Wake1 wrote:Hell, I've had to start taking naps during the day just to recoup function. You work a 16-hr shift caring for a client with a severe affliction, you rest for 2.5 hours, then you're up for 12 hours caring for someone else, then you drive home almost die from a near car crash, sleep for 3 hours, then get up and work 13 hrs 35 minutes away.
You are too busy to play mafia.
Do you disagree?
If I were to answer you the day you asked this, I would honestly say "no." I wouldn't disagree, because I have been overworked and stressed, and hopelessly trying to jam my remaining energy into the games.
Tuesday was the first day in 45 days to have a day off. I was so tired I didn't eat, and slept through most of the day. It was wonderful. I finally remembered what it was like to feel well-rested. Wed and Thurs I also had off. Those days felt like an eternity, and I was anxiously fretting because I had no work to do.
Now this upcoming week the wheel will be reignited, and I'll be spending upwards of 36 hours of paid training/orientation/CPR training at the new job (neuro-rehabilitative hospital). My cousin works there and she's been punched in the face and has had her glasses broken by aggressive residents with severe brain damage. I'm stoked. Pray for me please.
At the moment I feel... better. Happier. My mood is directly related to how drained/rested I am.
In post 25, SilverWolf wrote: In post 2, Wake1 wrote:
As for the Mewbie game, I shouldn't have called him a sore loser. However, the player in question shouldn't have been rude, condescending, and insulting, even after losing. You willingly believed, very quickly, his words that my Scumplay is obvious. It's not, and I don't think you should move so quickly to believe it. So it's not accurate, and I'd challenge you to rethink that.
Hi Wake, As your friend let me tell you what I thought about this. I was in this game for a short time until you replaced me. Benice said he thought he sucked hardcore and stunk. I don't think he did but he's injecting humility into the discussion. He never once insulted you personally. He said he thought you were obvious and that I was before you and that his case on you was correct. You called him arrogant, headstrong, aggressive, etc. There really was no need for that. Instead you should of asked why he thought so. This is where the problem is. You don't seem to like criticism. You go for the throat if someone gives it or make a lot of excuses without taking any responsibility for it. It would of been better if you asked him why he thought you were obvious. It likely wasn't even your doing. As newbscum, I probably screwed your slot already. I'm cool with someone telling me what I could of done better and what I did wrong as a newb. As an experienced player, you should be willing to do so also. Especially in a newbie game where everyone is there to learn. OR, be happy that we won that one Wake.
Listen, I know you. I know what a kind and decent person you are. I enjoy your company a lot over at the other site. So when I see things like this here, it totally confuses me. It doesn't change my opinion of you because I know better, but it is confusing to me. I think you should back way off the personal attacks. As a mod, you don't tolerate them and as a player, at least over at the other site, you don't engage in them, so what is different about mafiascum then that you feel the need to do this?
Anyway, here is what I recommend. Like I've always said, I am here if you ever need someone to talk to, vent to, etc. Also, I recognize I am not perfect in these games either and you've seen me lose my cool, meltdown, threaten to quit, etc. So I'm just saying this as a friend who has flaws also.
-Avoid players that push your buttons.
-Recognize it is only a game and if it isn't fun for you, you should take a break and de-stress and re-evaluate
-Do something in your personal life you like to do-walking, reading, writing, pets, whatever it is
-Learn to accept criticism without insulting those that give it
-If someone insults and trashes you-ignore it or walk away-this is one I need to work on because I usually lose my shit in this case, LOL, so I'm not one to be giving advice but that's what you should do anyway
Remember life is too short. Enjoy it. Play in whatever way makes the game enjoyable for you. Make a list of what works for you and what doesn't and go by it.
-Work with your townreads
-Recognize if you are on the wrong track in a game, what you have to do to change it
-Kill scum
((Hugs))
~Wolfie
I should have asked him. I felt insulted because I don't think my Scumplay is nearly as obvious as he believes it is. Though I don't agree with all the things said about me, I should at least ask why they feel that way. I'm one of those rare cases where I was literally mistreated and abused by people who feigned giving honest criticism, which has tainted my outlook on all criticism since. I should be open to new ideas, but I worry that if I let my guard down I'll wind up with a sharp blade jammed into my chest. Earlier during my time here I'd be pretty mean to some of the players, and that I've been working on. There's no excuse for being a prick. I just get so damned mad at times...
You're right, and I think I can strive to be myself while keeping those ideas in mind. I really should play here as I do at our site. The atmospheres are just different, and it feels far more competitive and cutthroat here than there. That's not saying there aren't quite a few decent people here (including those I've wronged along the way). I just... I need to get my anger and paranoia under control, and try to be a team player. I just need help and information on more of the things I can do in order to achieve these character flaws.
I've saved lives and work very well with complete strangers in the health care field. Why I haven't been able to apply the same sort of techniques to the medium of the internet has been brain-boggling.
In post 26, Konowa wrote: In post 12, Wake1 wrote:Personally, for me, I feel like I need to adhere to strict guidelines, because of my ADD. Otherwise, I'm all over the place. There are measures being put in place that would make it inherently difficult to read my gameplay. I suppose this may also prompt fellow players to send more questions my way (one aim). By being incredibly succinct and timely, it would free up my time, and allow me greater flexibility. I overthink a lot, Konowa. It's been like a curse for me ever since I was born with ADD/ADHD. My mind is a beautiful mess: always thinking but highly disorganized. Chaotic at times. It's not something to be proud about, but it isn't all bad, either. I think players trying to sort out my very succinct posts and trying to actually engage me would be more enjoyable. I don't like expending lots of energy thoroughly posting all my thoughts only to be ignored and/or dismissed. Then I just feel unappreciated, which is no fun. When I take Adderal much of the overthinking fades away, allowing me to orchestrate very focused and organized posts, but the medication, without insurance, is expensive.
I'm grateful for your presence here, Konowa.
Yeah, but the rigidness is very counter site-meta now. Have fun. Make fun of yourself. If you find players that you play well with regardless of alignment, joke around with them in game. It'll probably be hard considering ADD, but you need to let loose when you play. This is a game, it shouldn't stress you out.
In post 27, Riddleton wrote:This is a game, it shouldn't stress you out.
Truer words have never been spoken. This is true; you shouldn't over-exert yourself. Try and limit yourself to one game at a time if you're playing multiple. The most important part of this game is to have fun.
That's another thing. I need to loosen up and try to have fun. I haven't been having fun lately.
Lately Mafia's just become this enormous puzzle that I'd use to sharpen my mind, and I'd take it so seriously at times that the fun would be sucked out of it.
If I'm not having fun, or trying to have fun (good fun), then why am I even playing? I should try to enjoy these games more.
