Scummies 2016 - CEREMONY!

[Not_Mafia]

Oh hey I'm in this thing

[mhsmith0]

Beeboy stood silent.

obvious fiction

[Scummies]

Deep in the Castle of Roses, nestled atop a stony spire, sat a cloistered room enshrouded in darkness. The only light that peered into this solemn place was cast in somber amethyst hues as it passed through stained glass tapestries depicting the princess of the violet rose, Asellus. It was here that young mystics gathered for counsel from Lady Asellus, youngest of all of Orlouge’s princesses. Awakened from her slumber and roused from the ornate glass coffin that was her resting place, Asellus had a stoic tranquility about her.

“What was the world like during the age of Man, Lady Asellus?”

A faint smile may have chanced Asellus’ lips as the question echoed softly about her tomb of a home. The woman’s eyes focused beyond the young mystics in training, such that some even glanced over their shoulders to follow her gaze only to find nothing there. The princess took a long breath, almost wistfully so, before reminiscing;

“The regions were much different, you must understand. Places like Scrap were heaps of trash and home to whoever would settle there, while Kooring was filled with people and light and noise. These disparate places, however, gave rise to people just as at odds with each other, and so it was that the powers that were began to shift. Remnants of the truly old times, before Trinity managed a stranglehold on the regions, were being snuffed out one by one—even Wakatu’s last swordsman was unceremoniously given an early grave.”

The mystics exchanged grimacing looks—a world of so much chaos and sound used to exist! Another student piped up, quick to ask, “Why didn’t the people hide from Trinity? Or crush them outright?”

The Half-Mystic Princess simply shook her head, “People back then were far less decisive. Some did fight, though—and others, still, went on marvelous adventures, hoping to discover a new way to live. It wasn’t long until IRPO agents—that’s the InterRegional Police Organization, similar to our own Regional Inquisitors now—began to turn up corpses and leads. Investigations that once pointed to Trinity were beginning to reflect that a completely different shadow organization was in charge of everything.”

To this, a particularly well studied child chimed in, “That was the banished mystic, Silence, was it not? He was found dead pursuing Cindy Campbell, whom was a figurehead installed by Black X. Even though he was unfit as a Mystic, his work helped to uncover several other Black X generals, such as Metal Black and, eventually, even Shuzer himself!”

Asellus gave the student a small pat on the head, sighing, “Yes and no. To accredit Silence with the downfall of Black X would be hasty. One should not discount unlikely heroes such as Lute, who journeyed deep into Omble to cure our very own Silence’s mute nature and, furthermore, lead a strong campaign against Black X. Even I was once a part of such adventures—I’m sure none of your lectures chronicle how I stole back into the Chateau Aiguille alongside a mech and the regions’ greatest swordsman and martial artist!”

“…Lion Princess aided you in your adventures?” gasped one child. To this, Asellus chuckled softly, “There are many great heroes and powerful mages that were not mystics. Some may still be in Orlouge’s thrall, such as the Magic Kingdom’s very own Rouge. His potential was so great that he could have single-handedly eliminated all of the threats to mankind. Others, while quite powerful in their own right, such as those that I adventured with," Asellus grew quiet, as if a solemn revelation had washed over her, "...did not survive the downfall of Man.”

From the corner of the room, Ildon, the mystic who oversaw Asellus’ training, spoke up. “Now, now, young ones, don’t disturb Lady Asellus by asking her to recall such dreadful memories. That painful time when she stood against the Charm Lord is long over.”

Raising a hand, Asellus shushed the man. “No worries, Ildon. It was a different time, was all. The regions were plentiful with treasures to find—not just gold, but in discovery and allies made along the way. Yes, Lord Orlouge was the one that played his enemies against each other, but it would be short sighted to simply forget those times or overlook the valiant efforts of everyone involved. While the Mystics were securing control of the Regions, these people were struggling with all they had. It was truly a sight to behold.”

The Mystics in training were all starry eyed, imagining the intrigue and battles that took place. The well-studied child from before tilted his head, openly pondering, “And what of the legendary technique, the Rosario Impale?”

A hush fell over the students as even Lady Asellus’ face was cast in dark shadows. Ildon planted a stern hand on the student’s shoulder. “We do not speak of such things. Come now, let’s not muddle Lady Asellus’ beautiful portrayal of those times with such dark semantics.”

With that, the children were ushered out and away to their training for the day. Soon, the princess would put herself and her memories of that wondrous time to rest. Asellus laid back, not quick to return to the stasis slumber within her coffin, as thoughts of the adventurous times behind her lingered still.

[beeboy]

Beeboy stood silent.

obvious fiction

[Scummies]

Reck smiled as he watched the Kuribo-bot rampaging throughout Asia, burning down buildings and killing anything living that he came across. Zoraster would probably assume that they’d dialed up the RAGE FACTOR too high in them in an attempt to get as close as the original as possible, but in reality, Kuribo-bot, if left to his own free will, would strangle a few extremely dark individuals and then leave everyone else the fuck alone.

He closed his laptop the instant he heard a knock at his door, hitting the button under his desk that unlocked the door. “You may enter.”

Mhsmith, the only staff member who had made contact with him during the entire ceremony, entered.

“Yes? If anything is going to shit as expected, don’t worry about it - I’ve given up on trying to control every little aspect; if Zoraster needs a smooth ceremony, then he’ll prod more of those useless -”

“We know, Reck.” Reck didn’t allow his eyes to open with surprise, but he couldn’t help but draw in a small breath. “We know what you’ve been planning, with hacking the Scummer Bots and all? And we approve. Zoraster needs a message telling him that everything isn’t okay, he has to understand that using Mafiascum.net’s vast resources in an effort to make some more money for himself even if it compromises everything we stand for isn’t okay. I know you didn’t need that particular piece of affirmation, you’re a strong person, but... what you’re doing is right. Thank you.”

-----

xRECKONERx

: ...and welcome back to the 2016 Scummies Awards! We’ve had a fantastic time so far with well-deserved victories by some excellent people, and some beautiful, beautiful awards being handed down! Next on the docket, we have an insanely respected man, former List Mod, current legend... Marquis!

Marquis steps onto the stage, prompting the ever-chattering crowd to go silent for the first time during the entire ceremony. He clears his throat as the crowd admires how straight his tie looks, how polished his shoes are...

MARQUIS:

Playing a third party effectively is perhaps one of the most unusual challenges anyone in their mafia career might face. In a mafia game, one can usually rely on teammates to help them with their path to victory; most third parties do not have this luxury. Most people know how to scumhunt, or to avoid being lynched, but most third parties have to do both effectively, avoiding looking too town so that they might avoid being killed by scum, and avoiding looking too scummy so that they might avoid being killed by town. This year, all finalists are worthy of recognition; both Elyse and Anenien played fantastic Serial Killer games in Borderlands Mafia and Open 671 respectively, while zefiend did an excellent job with a survivor role where he had to survive, target 4 players, and couldn’t claim anything about his real role to win the game. However, as the Third Party stands alone, so does the winner.

The Hannibal Lecter Award for Best Third Party goes to...

Elyse for Borderlands Mafia!

"A few people expressed light suspicion of Elyse here and there, but it was never pursued heavily. She barely received any votes throughout the game, and I don't believe anybody in the game thread or the dead thread correctly guessed that she was the Serial Killer. She was Bulletproof, but she would have won without it since nobody ever tried to shoot her. She also had to recruit people into a Neighborhood and talk with them if she wanted to enjoy investigation-immunity, so she definitely had to work hard to avoid suspicion. Elyse played exactly like a good Serial Killer should." - Skullduggery

"Elyse played a very good scum game. Through manipulation of the multiball setup she managed to dodge being lynched several times and became nearly-confirmed town at the end through her role and play. At the end she managed to come out as the winner, which is vastly impressive in a 24-person game. It was well-played all around." - Sir Cakez

Marquis smiles as he hands Elyse the award, which is a small plastic figurine of a Hannibal Lecter cooking a human hand in a pot. The crowd remains silent.

ELYSE:

Thank you for this award, I’m touched! It was a lot of fun to get my first Serial Killer win, even more fun to kill whoever I wanted whenever I wanted! I apologize to all of those who were deceived by me, and to all of those who came close to catching me but instead earned themselves a dagger in the back, or, in some cases, in the face. I am honored to continue the strong tradition of the Hannibal Lecters before me, and, remember: no one is safe!

xRECKONERx:

And for our next award, we’re bringing back another legend: everyone, please put your hands together for Plotinus!

PLOTINUS:

Rising Star is an award that’s reserved for those that are destined to become legends in the future; for people who have either invested themselves in opening a new chapter in their lives, or who have made a brilliant first impression. There are many who deserve this award, but the finalists, Dwlee99, DiamondSentinel, rb, MorningTweet, and Spiffeh are all worthy of special mention. The steps all of you have made to improve your game is an award in its own right, but...

...The Rising Star Award for the best Up-And-Comer is...

Dwlee99!

"In a game with an incredibly strong playerlist his scum team completely failed.
Despite his scum team being completely unreliable he stayed calm and by the end of the game he was the seen as the player who was most likely to be town." - Beeboy

"Dwlee99 survived a gauntlet of some of the most feared townies on site and won. He had overwhelming odds against him, but kept his head up and took no prisoners." - Titus

The crowd roars with approval, expecting Dwlee or his Scummer Bot to step forward. No one does.

PLOTINUS:

...unfortunately, they don’t seem to be here right now, so I’ll hold onto their award until they show, but I'll be sure to get it to them! Sorry for the inconvenience, everyone!

xRECKONERx:

And now, our next presenter has been the face and personality of a bustling new forum in Mafiascum.net, our brothers and sisters in Mish Mash. Please welcome the legendary "Miss Mash"... xofelf!

Xofelf bursts from the ceiling and onto the stage below, causing the audience members to gasp in awe. Fireworks explode, Adele, Drake, and Justin Bieber belt out a mash of "These are the Mashies" to the delight of the crowd. Xofelf pauses for a moment, allowing the crowd to die down.

XOFELF:

We thought that it might be fitting for the debut of our very first award to also be our newest award. The Best New Mish Mash Player award is a brand new one, but certainly a necessary one: we found it important to celebrate the influx of talent that is pouring in and will ultimately carry the Mish Mash torch as we become bigger and better. This year, there were quite a few legends to be to pick through, such as

Malkon05, Racefan12, Haschel Cedricson, and Grumpy

. However, only one could be voted the most likely to become the next Mish Mash Legend.

The Best New Mish Mash Player Award goes to...

SummerInWonderland!

"Her game in medevac was calculated, incredibly social and honestly she played like a very experienced strong player. I'm amazed that was her second game (and really first anon?). She really played extremely well and I'm so proud of her. Think she really proved herself as a valid member of the mishmash community." - hiplop

"Jess is one of my favourites. Not only is she good, and HOLY SHIT IS SHE GOOD, better than me good, she's a legitimately wonderful person to be around. Both of her Survivor games were phenomenal, and she is only going to get better and I can't wait to be terrified of her in every game ever " - xofelf

SummerInWonderland walked onto the stage, accepting her award from xofelf to the loud approval of the crowd. Immediately, a wave of her fans attempted to rush the stage in attempt to get autographs, pictures, but xofelf's hired army of security guards were able to push them back easily.

[Scummies]

When Fate and Beeboy clashed again, there was a marked difference in both of the robots's approaches. Both Dwlee and Katsuki stood silently watching them, not bothering to shout commands any more; both robots seemed to respond to their thoughts just as effectively as their words.

Dwlee felt a sense of pride as they watched Beeboy fight Fate; Fate was a famous scummer, almost certainly on the level of the Kuribo bot that they’d heard so much about, and yet Beeboy was keeping up with him, for the sake of protecting what he loved. They allowed themselves a moment to detach from the fight as Beeboy landed another great hit on Fate and sent him tumbling to the ground once again, looking at his human counterpart. Katsuki was clearly growing more and more frustrated by the second; Dwlee noticed blood dripping from his hands, caused by the man gripping his fists hard enough where his well-trimmed nails were able to draw blood.

As Fate rose again and attempted to blast Beeboy with another stream of flame, Beeboy confidently sidestepped it, hammering Fate with yet another bee pillar; this one connected very solidly with his left shoulder, exposing some of the robot’s wires as his arm began to tear off.

“MASTER KATSUKI, IT IS TIME. THIS ROBOT IS TOO STRONG FOR ME TO HANDLE; IF YOU WANT TO PRESERVE THE WEAPON, THEN I SUGGEST YOU DISENGAGE.”

Katsuki growled, reaching into his coat and pulling out a small gun and pointing it at Beeboy. “These brats are greater threats. We will kill them here, and we will put off our plans for later. Clearly you are not yet ready to take on your creator.” Before Dwlee or Beeboy could react, Katsuki pulled the trigger, zapping Beeboy with an arc of electricity powerful enough to send him to his knees. Dwlee could feel Beeboy’s panic as Beeboy lost control of his body and crumpled on the floor. Fate grinned as he walked away from the disabled robot and the aura of flame around him grew larger and larger.

Run. Beeboy’s urgency broke through Dwlee’s thoughts. Get out of here. You have to make it to the Scummies. You have to meet... the others. They will understand you, they will recognize you; there you’ll be able to get a friend strong enough to... protect you.

But, for the first time since Dwlee met their friend, they weren’t listening. They were running, running towards their friend as fast as they possibly could. Beeboy was a stronger Scummer Bot than someone like the likes of Fate, and if people like Katsuki existed, then he would be needed to protect everyone else. Dwlee wasn’t sure how much time they could buy Beeboy, but they let out a prayer that Beeboy would escape this place and Dwlee’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain; they hoped that there was a chance the effect from Katsuki’s strange gun wouldn’t last too much longer. But they knew that Fate’s power had to be drawing low; Beeboy’s reserves were low even before he was blasted, and an attack of this magnitude was sure to expend a lot of Fate’s energy. Even if Beeboy wasn’t able to escape, it would be considerably more difficult for Katsuki and a powerless Fate to kill him.

Fate grinned as his fist made contact with flesh; he had hoped the child would try to save their friend. He put everything he had into his final attack, and he knew the child understood that Fate wasn’t doing anything except crumpling on the ground after the attack connected.

Dwlee’s ribs shattered almost immediately, and while they shattered, the skin on their stomach burned; pain shot through their entire body, and, for one excruciatingly terrible moment, everything in their body hurt and burned simultaneously. If they had the opportunity to scream, they would have, but before they even had the chance to fly through the air and crumple in a bloodied heap on the ground, the world went black.

[Scummies]

9:15 PM EST
St. Louis, MO
The United States of America

Ari hugged his cute cat-like Scummer Bot Chevre. It had been a long day for the two friends; there were a lot of battles and a lot of adventures, but now it was time for Ari’s bedtime. His mom made him a cup of hot cocoa and poured Chevre out a saucer of evaporated milk, which he lapped up greedily. “Chevre, you are so cute!” Chevre mewed in response, then continued drinking. He jumped up with the bed with his trainer, curling up next to him before they both fell asleep. His mother viewed the scene with a smile on her face; she had been skeptical about the robot things that Ari brought home after she let him download Mafiascum Go against her best judgment, but it seemed obvious that he was happier because of it and she supposed that was all that mattered in the end. She shut off Ari’s light and closed the door, walking to her own room.

The ground rumbled.

“ARI.” A deep robot voice boomed out, causing Ari’s mother to turn around and start running. Her heart stopped. “YOU’VE BEEN REJECTED.”

No, no, no...

She opened the door. She screamed.

----

3:21 AM EST
Colón, Panama

A radio, the signal fading fast, sat on the ground. The man on the other end babbled about Zoraster being a traitor to the world for giving one being as much firepower as he did. To the left of the radio, there was what remained of someone’s house; it seemed as something had burned it to a pile of ashes. There were massive craters in the ground, as if what seemed to be a normal village had turned out to be a minefield. Pieces of people were strewn all around; some people were blown up, some ripped apart. The soldier who dropped the radio threw up.

----

2:01 PM EST
Washington DC
Capital of the United States of America

“Look at this cute little kitty cat! They’re so... cute!” The Secret Service member who had recently spoken was a large gruff man who very rarely spoke. He had protected the past three Presidents, regarded as one of the most gifted in the Service, and had never made a mistake in his line of work. Until now. As he bent to pet the cat, just for a moment, he took his eyes off the very very old man across the street who looked like he didn’t have any friends; the old man dropped the Secret Service member with his cane sniper rifle; his twin who was hiding in the rooftop dropped the three witnesses who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Transcend, who had recently vacated from the body of an adorable dog, slipped into the dead secret service member’s body. “Let’s go, cute little kitties.”

Two cats, two really old people, and a hooded figure followed him into the White House.

[Scummies]

A Brief Interlude

Agnigi.

Many years had passed since the events transpired where the land was so tainted as to be named Gistou, and yet, it was well on its way to recovery. Remnants of the old world still lingered and would be cause for trouble, a concern that many residents of the new world would regrettably have to live with. However, they faced these new issues with conviction and unity, holding faith that their continued peace would yet prosper.

In the intervening years, with the world of the supernatural now exposed, racial relations had actually increased, becoming more common than before. Vampires and Nosferatu alike could once more operate out in the open with pride in the name Hunter they bore. The undead were happy to serve humanity, and often were seen as equals thanks to the myriad of sacrifices they made in the wars, all for the sake of a better world they now had. Even the wulden, once devout to Dmitri, seemed to be taking his death in strides, with some of them offering their own talents to the world. Intelligent lycans tended to not be a problem, and wild lycans now had more people than ever before qualified to keep them in check.

The mixture of races brought birth to new hybrids never before thought possible. While thanks to the events of Dmitri Damanos and Nicholas Schroder, it was found that hybrids between lycan-undead and lycan-vampires (respectively) were indeed possible, it was thought impossible for there to exist a hybridization of a vampire and an undead. However, with the races working closely together, it was discovered that--though it is indeed impossible through artificial methods--hybrids could be born naturally. A child of a vampire and anyone else is still a vampire; a child of an undead and anyone else is still undead. A child of both, prior to Gistou thought inconceivable, was now a known reality.

In honor of the first known pairing of a vampire and an undead, this new hybrid race of young children was deemed the Schrodens. It would not take long for people to also discover that a hybrid of all three races was possible. Though all schrodens alive were too young to bear children, nosferatu could have kids with undead, and wulden could have children with vampires. In either case, the result, a child of the three supernatural forces on Agnigi, was named after the other parent in the duo, after the late Alexis herself, bearing her name as Galenans.

All the heroes of Gistou who had survived the carnage would go on to do a many great things. But none of them moreso than Nicholas Schroder himself, the great hero who had been tasked with saving the world. In the far-reaches of the Eastern Kingdom, over the cliffs standing above the endless sea beyond, he stared out at the eternal ocean before him, pondering the future of their world.

Someone behind him asked a question. "So...what now?"

"Aside from the need to rebuild...we need to be ready."

"What for?"

"The public at large blames Dmitri Damanos for the rise of Gistou, but we now know that was not the case. He was driven to his rise to power by some...

thing

, some force, which was not of our world. And that force was just one of many. The rest are still out there, somewhere."

"You're afraid it could all happen again."

"Or even worse. I did my homework on the language they spoke. The elder vampires in their ancient texts make reference to these at several points. We could face a full-on invasion."

"How can we fight an enemy we know next-to-nothing about?"

Nicholas smiled. With a sweet, sincere, happy grin, he pondered the past once more, lingering on all the lost souls. The names he had lost, the ones closest to him he had seen die, and how in the now, time had moved on and he had found new friends, found a new family, and a new purpose. Slyly, coyly, channeling his inner joy, he warmly replied: "We go scouting."

Agnigi was not the only continent on their world. It was thought to be thanks to those setting out never returning. But with new knowledge at hand, it would be possible to look into the abyss...and have it run away rather than stare back.

[Scummies]

Mhsmith and Reck watched as a smallish town that they both still harbored some resentment for burned. Reck smiled as Not_Mafia, the arrogant newscaster, ran away from the Scummer Bots who were currently tearing apart his news station. This was his first high profile attack in the States; everything else had either been him testing his power in other nations or isolated incidents to take care of a few unsavory politicians and general shitheads, but this was him announcing to Zoraster that he was ready to be found. Mhsmith checked his watch.

“Reck, it’s nearing that time again.”

Reck smiled. “Won’t it be wonderful when I can rip off this mask and show Zoraster what he’s done to the Scummies?”

---

xRECKONERx:

Wow, what a show so far! I’d just like to take a brief moment and thank everyone here today that has allowed this beautiful, seamless show to take place; we’ve really come a long ways to create a hell of a ceremony that would be nothing without all of the wonderful people and robots standing before us! Thank you! Coming up next on our agenda is the next award, to be presented by the lovely hitogoroshi!

HITOGOROSHI:

Making a setup is very often dangerous business. Moderators are challenged with being creative enough to hold their players’ interest, yet not letting their imagination go wild to the point where the setup’s balance is thrown out of whack. They are challenged with outthinking every single one of the people who participate in their game, planning for every contingency to make sure that no single player breaks the game and ruins it for the rest. Today, we’re recognizing an elite band of moderators who have managed to do the impossible and make a game that didn’t suck: these moderators are

Varsoon, wgeurts, callforjudgment, and RadiantCowbells

. Of course, only one of these moderators will be deemed the best of the best.

The Rube Goldberg Award for Best Setup goes to...

Wgeurts for Evolution Mafia!

"Most mini-theme setups aren't all that ambitious--Evolution Mafia proved that even a Mini Theme can have a lot of very unique and interesting mechanics that don't overwhelm the game.

The flavor of a 'survival of the fittest' evolution-themed game fit incredibly well with the dynamic provided by a mafia game. The ways that roles branched and 'evolved' was interesting and provided for very thoughtful means of progressing one's own power in response to the game state. It was very exciting to receive a new role PM with an updated image and new options for further evolution. Wgeurts thought out different ways that the roles would be able to counterbalance each other, even in the case of some roles dying early or others out-evolving their counterparts. While a lot of the scum strategy was to stall due to the shorter site-meta deadline of 7 days, even culled interest in the game still couldn't keep me from wanting desperately to play and get ahead." -Varsoon

Wgeurts the caterpillar slowly made his way to the stage, slowing down more and more until he was no longer moving. The floor quickly started rising around him, shielding his body in a ball momentarily before flashing a bright white. Wgeurts the butterfly finished his flight to the stage, spreading a shimmering rainbow dust over a crowd completely in awe. A small number of helpers lifted the huge contraption that was the Rube Goldberg award and carried it off the stage; Wgeurts the butterfly followed.

xRECKONERx:

Presenting this next award is a man who is very familiar to most of us in the Mafiascum.net community, please welcome the ever-popular Varsoon!

Varsoon walks onto the stage, wheeling a large cannon behind him; the crowd goes insane as Varsoon begins shooting large pizza after large pizza into the crowd.

VARSOON:

It’s one thing to make a setup that’s cool, that works; it’s another to push the envelope and create a mechanic that engages and impresses your players! It takes finesse, of course, it takes determination, and, above all it takes a mind that is unmatched by any in the Mafiascum.net community! While there were certainly worthy adversaries, such as KurioiXHF, for his mechanic in Death Note Mafia...

The Mad Scientist Award for best Mechanic/Mutation goes to...

Varsoon for Saga Frontier Mafia!

"The Party/Adventure mechanic in this game was an excellent addition. It brought elements of RPG into Mafia without feeling like a detatched unnecessary element." - wgeurts

"The technique mechanic, combined with the adventuring/MC system, was phenomenal. It added a whole new layer of play to the game, and actively encouraged even the laziest of players to work hard to actually be townread, instead of just skimming by all game long. That simple fact led to the longest D1 in site history, as people jostled to actually determine not just who was scummiest, but also who was towniest AND had the best judgment, with real consequences for all factions if they supported the wrong individual. Though we didn't utilize it nearly as well as we could have, I'm certain the additional votes for MC combined with the regular votes could have easily been used to determine individuals alignments in the late game as well. All around, simply an awesome mechanic that made the game better, and was incredibly cool to see in action, even as someone who didn't actually get to participate in any adventures." - Cereberus v666

He set the large golden beaker on the ground, laughed, and then picked it up again.

VARSOON:

Who but me could win an award like this? Who could match the time and effort that I put into my moderated games? Who could match my brilliance? No one! Stay classy, Mafiascum!

xRECKONERx:

This next presenter is a legend in the Mish Mash community, known for the wildly popular and wildly successful game "Guess the Movie Screenshot"! Please welcome to the stage Kublai Khan!

Kublai Khan walked onto the stage, decked out in his Brunello Cucinelli tuxedo that was kindly paid for by the Mashies Association. He straightened his very expensive-looking tie and smiled.

KUBLAI KHAN:

The Mashtermind award is for those who manage to run a General Mish Mash game that is creative, smoothly moderated, and, of course, as insanely successful as I am. There are many general Mish Mash games created, but only a few of that very large number are truly great. Please take a moment to recognize a few of moderators who have reached the level of creating true works of art:

Fluminator's Chaos Diplomacy, KittyMo's Identity, Xalxe's What Were You Thinking X, and Lokiben's Behind the Masks 2

. But, of course, there is only one true "Mashtermind", and this year,

The Mashtermind Award for Best General Mish Mash Game goes to...

KittyMo for Identity!

This game has been a hit with the community, and allows us to get to know one another better as an explicit goal, which is pretty cool. And, of course, the game is exquisitely run. - PrivateI

KITTYMO:

I am honored to receive this wonderful award; thank you to all of the community members who have helped to make this the fantastic game that it turned out to be! Without the community's help, we never would have known who saw a cow getting rubbed in the middle of a night, who pulled a fire alarm and ran away afterwards, or who was the site's biggest fan of David the Gnome!

[Scummies]

“A beautiful job as per usual, Tammy.”

Standing above Dwlee was a masked robot that Dwlee recognized as Princess Spiffeh, member of the Paragons. The Paragons were a group of robots deemed too powerful to be used for civilian use; Zoraster had played with the idea of selling them to the military but instead let them go free, probably waiting for a day when he decided to open up control of them to the public in an insane bidding war. Spiffeh wore a Mickey Mouse mask and a wizard’s robe; while he typically used his dark magic for good, he had the power to obliterate an entire city with the twitch of a mouse whisker. Tammy, who stood to his left, was known for her mastery of the Healing Magics; she was probably the one who was responsible for the lack of a hole in Dwlee’s chest, as well as the single reason why they were alive. It was a miracle, but it was not a miracle that Dwlee was interested in experiencing if their friend wasn’t there to experience with it.

“Beeboy.”

“Beeboy-chan!!! You’re awake!!! Oh, don’t be a meanie!!! Why would you want to see if Dwlee-chan is okay when Ranger-wa is right here in front of you and thinks you’re a cutie???”

Ranger, the third member of the Paragons, was probably responsible for the dwelling they were staying in right now. Her ability was to bring people into universes that were created entirely in her mind, which made for a remarkably difficult fight for any enemy that she was pitted against. She was currently giving Beeboy a hug that was entirely too ~kawaii~ for Dwlee’s tastes, but they were more relieved to see that their friend survived than they were worried about Ranger. Beeboy smiled at them through Ranger’s smothering hug.

The last member of the Paragons was ignoring all of them, typing furiously on a computer in the corner. TellTaleHeart was known to be the dark, edgy member of the group and was the best hand to hand fighter of the group by far, in addition to being a technological wizard. Marlboro (an American cigarette company) was the first to use her image in any sort of advertisement and saw sales that increased a record amount shortly after; her iconic motorcyle, the Triumph Street Cup, doubled in price after her endorsement and they were still unable to produce it quickly enough.

“I’ve found Kuribo.”

Tammy and Spiffeh both turned to each other, then back to Dwlee. Tammy frowned. “Dwlee, I’m sorry that we haven’t had the opportunity to get to know you better; it was our plan to hang out with you for a while before heading back to the ceremony, but we’ve finally managed to track down Kuribo, and for the good of the universe, we have to take him down, and we don’t have long left.”

Spiffeh nodded. “You two did a wonderful job taking care of Katsuki and Fate; we’ve been looking for those two for weeks. They were the first Scummer Bot and Owner pair to get to the top of the FBI’s Most Wanted lists, and you managed to back them in such a corner where Katsuki released the Discharge Gun which is what allowed us to track them. You’re national heroes at this point; the healing and our immensely charming company was supposed to be our payment, but duty calls. Good luck on your journey, Dwlee.”

Immediately, the hospital room around them began to fade away as TellTaleHeart prepped the teleporter for a jungle in South America, but suddenly, everyone stopped.

“Zoraster-senpai calls us!!!” Ranger jumped in the air excitedly. “It’s time for us to go bye bye now!~ You too, Beeboy-chan and Dwlee-chan! You will love Zoraster-senpai!”.

Beeboy launched himself at Dwlee, clinging to the child just as the world around them melted away and became a desert. Dwlee only had enough time to look at the bodies of Katsuki and Fate; beaten to a pulp. He felt Beeboy’s pain as they looked at them both.

Beeboy... how? You didn’t have enough juice left for one good hit, let alone... this.

Beeboy smiled weakly.

I thought I lost you. The last gift I could have given to you was making sure that these murderers never hurt anyone ever again.

The blue light from TTH’s teleporter enveloped the group. When it faded away, the group found themselves face to face with the most important man in the world. However, neither Dwlee or Beeboy cared much about meeting Zoraster face to face; in different circumstances, they would be squealing with as much excitement as the very ~kawaii~ Ranger was in that very moment. In this particular circumstance, they both found themselves face to face with a Dwlee that was perfectly identical to the real one, with two very notable exceptions: the first being that they were covered in blood and had an evil grin on their face, and the second being that they had a goatee.

[Scummies]

“Hey, McMenno! Did you ever determine the cause of the disturbance outside?” Lil Uzi Vert was the only other Secret Service member that the Don Corelones weren’t able to clear out of the building to leave the President isolated. They determined that he wouldn’t be a threat due to his respect of McMenno’s status within the Service, but, just in case, the Friendless Seniors kept one hand on their guns.

“They’ve been taken care of. Going to report to the President.”

“Understood. And the old people and kittens?”

“Exactly what it looks like, Vert. They’re part of a local animal therapy program, come to talk about the President about some additional funding, and since he’s sorely in need of some good press for once, he’s allowed it. They’ve already been cleared.”

Lil Uzi Vert nodded. “Makes sense. I’ll make sure the lobby stays clear. I thought that Titus was supposed to meet us here by now, but nothing to worry about now. Just feel a bit on edge.”

Transcend and his band continued making their way to the Oval Office; the hooded figure waved his hand in front of Lil Uzi Vert’s face for his own amusement as he passed. The Don Corelones were a group of Scummer Bots that Zoraster had deemed too powerful to be controlled by normal people and had let them roam free as a result; Thesp attempted to protest letting six murderous maniacs roam free, but Zoraster figured the draw of epic battles between the Don Corelones and the Paragons would be an opportunity for more money later.

Transcend was a body-snatcher; there was no real way for him to be destroyed, even if the body he was currently inhabiting was obliterated, and he could possess any person that was either sleeping or dead. There was no real way to tell when he had possessed a body or not; he retained all memories of his subject, he mimicked their voices perfectly, and, as a result, several horror movies had already been released of Transcend possessing mothers and killing their children and Transcend possessing children and killing their mothers. Luckily for mothers and children everywhere, Transcend used his ability sparingly, all for whatever plan the hooded figure cooked up.

The Plottin Kittens were a pair of the most adorable cats in the world. They had the very unique and very strange ability to be regarded as the most innocent and pure being regardless of what they’d done; in this particular situation, their claws and fur were covered in blood from murdering Titus, and yet no one who saw them could do anything except remark about how adorable they were. No one really believed that they were allied with the Don Corelones; the media concluded that they reason they travelled with them was in an attempt to melt the Don Corelones’s hearts and turn them good.

The Friendless Seniors were a pair of old people who liked killing people. They hated everyone except each other (even other Corelones), but knew that they’d be able to kill more people together than alone, and so aided them anyways. Both were masters of all sorts of weaponry from guns to swords to baseball bats to fists (and had killed with all of them).

This group and a hooded figure is what walked into the Oval Office, all with wide grins on their faces. The President of the United States raised his hands in surrender. “I have a sleeping pill in my drawer. I have been keeping it in fear that you would come for me one day. Let me take it so that I do not die; you may possess my body.”

“He’s telling the truth.” The hooded figure made himself comfortable on a chair on the back of the room.

The Friendless Seniors smiled, putting a bullet between the President’s eyes. “Don’t care. You can fix his face up easily enough, Transcend.” Transcend shrugged, then let McMenno’s body slump to the ground as he shifted into the President’s body.

“Son of a bitch. The Scummies are starting. Zoraster is calling us.”

The hooded figure raised his hands, causing all of the Don Corelones’s bodies to shiver. Transcend frowned. “Do we have to? I mean, I know we have to, but god that otter has the

worst

timing.”

[Scummies]

It was Kison’s first new day on the job! Now normally, Thesp and Zoraster did everything together and left Kison out of it; Zoraster was a special brand of crazy and expected people who worked for him to produce magic at the snap of finger while Thesp was another brand of crazy who could actually make it happen, meaning Kison was, unfortunately, useless. But luckily (or unluckily) for Kison, Thesp was off programming still more Scummer Bots and left Kison in charge of his former post, much to Zoraster’s frustration.

Kison brought his laptop to life (he knew better than to touch any of Thesp’s technology) and began loading up the program to monitor the Scummer Bots’s activity as a whole, to make sure that nothing too insane was going on yet. Everything seemed normal, except for one tiny blip in downtown Raleigh; Kuribo, the Scummer Bot that was in the possession of former South Carolina governor Pat McCrory, had been reported as the culprit of many attacks throughout the world, which should be impossible with the governor’s phone still in Raleigh. He opened the Admin Control Panel and attempted to access Kuribo’s core.



------

“ZORASTER! ZORASTER! ZORASTER! Someone hacked the main frame! Someone hacked the main frame, Zoraster! I found a hacker!”

Zoraster looked up at Kison, who had just burst into his living room from the secret basement downstairs. Varsoon, Zoraster’s very well to do neighbor as well as one of the most influential doctor/lawyer/politicians in all of Texas, looked up in shock. “The main frame, Zoraster?” Varsoon chuckled. “And my goodness, how rude! Our servants typically know better than to interrupt us when company’s over. And I certainly hope you wouldn’t include such a crass child in your business which has been so successful so far?”

Zoraster shook his head. “How embarrassing. Meet Kison, Jeffrey's son. I took him on as a favor to Jeffrey, you know, he’s been with us so long where I felt obligated to try to help his poor boy out, but it’s a decision I’ve been regretting ever since I’ve made it. I think he might be on drugs. Please, excuse me one moment while we have yet another conversation on proper manners.

Zoraster yanked Kison to the next room, far away from the prying ears of Varsoon. “Kison, I have a cell phone for a reason, particularly because all Mafiascum.net related business makes me look like an eccentric, and I don’t like to look like an eccentric. What is it that’s so important?”

Kison frowned for a moment, regaining his composure. “I found a hacker!”

“Who is it?”

Silence. “Well, I’m not quite sure yet.”
“Are we losing money?”

“Well, not yet, but-”

“In other words, you interrupted my dinner with the second most important man in the entire state of Texas to make me look like an idiot and tell me that you’ve had a problem that you have not yet begun to deal with and one that isn’t an immediate concern?” Zoraster began walking away. “Don’t pull crap like this again; you are very very lucky that we are currently drowning in money and that is making me look very very good or else even Thesp couldn’t save you from being sent to the bottom of the ocean.”

[Scummies]

The group of adventurers, trapped in the Dread Plane known as Ravenloft, have had a rough go at it so far. JasonWazza had been backed into a corner, suspected of being Strahd or one of his cohorts in disguise. Their interactions with the group and campaign for the magical necklace seemed suspicious to many. Their paranoia has led them to kill Jason, who turned out to be their Eldritch Knight, the protector of the group who would die in another's place without hesitation no less. He was struck down by the group in the cemetery, blood seeping into the graves around him. There was no cheering, no rejoicing. Only the watching eyes of the ravens as his soul left his broken body, laying motionless in a heap against a tombstone. The protector has been struck down by the ones who would have stood behind his shield.

Ireena Kolyanna, a woman who had recently began calling herself "Creature" to hide from Strahd, had been counting on the party to keep her safe from The Devil Himself. If he managed to find her, she would be converted into a vampire. When the party woke the next morning, they found her body at the edge of the woods. Knowing what would have happened if Strahd had gotten to her first, some couldn't help but feel this was for the best. Still, failing to protect one they had been charged with stung the morale of the group. A quick prayer was said, and the group continued on.

Feeling the pressure of their dwindling numbers, they began to focus on a man who was had been completely silent for a majority of the journey, seeming to observe instead of participate, to the point of when his life was threatened by the group he did nothing but laugh. Kuror0, the Thief Rogue of the group, downed a Potion of Glibness, and used the magical influence to convince the rest of the party that Shaddowez was not to be trusted. Kuror0 drove a wooden stake through his heart. Before them, the disguise dropped, revealing The Devil Strahd himself, before he fell dead. This was not the end, however, and although it was a great relief for the adventurers to see the legendary villain dead before them as opposed to the body of another friend, they couldn't help but feel the ominous air around them. The entire world seemed to stop, and the people of the village stared wordlessly as they walked back into town. Settling in for the night, they decided to have another go at trying to escape tomorrow. The morning did not yield good news. Two of their group were found dead, lying over one another. The group's Rogue, who had hid in the Ranger's room for protection, but neither was a match for Rahadin, the legendary right hand of the Devil himself. Spurred on by rage and a thirst for vengeance unlike any he'd experienced before, he cut both Drealmerz7 and his wolf to pieces, and took a deep pleasure in embedding the wooden stake that claimed the Devil Strahd's life in kuror0 the Thief Rogue's chest. Seeking to move on as soon as possible, the group traveled to Lake Zarovich, where rumor held that magical armor of the Zarovich family could be found. Shifty eyes and nervous glances accompanied the party their entire trip, and suspicions were rising that Shaziro the "druid" was the one who murdered their friends. The pain and anguish of the countless he'd killed remained with them even as they arrived at their next destination.


After about a half day's worth of travel, an old lighthouse next to a sizable lake come into view. The lighthouse is in bad shape, with rotten wooden scaffolds along one side, looking like they were put there to facilitate repairs that were never finished. The door facing south is also dilapidated, but seems operational. Next to the lighthouse is what appears to be a small shack built into the trunk of a great tree, its roots dug firmly into the soil. The branches flow with the wind, and the door faces towards the lake. The lake itself sits rather still, it's waters reflecting some light from the (relatively) clear sky. After walking the perimeter, a dim outline of a chest can be seen beneath the surface of the water. Although old, the chest appears to be very ornate, and looks promising. It's too far from the shore to just walk to, and swimming could prove dangerous. As discussion starts about how to get to the chest, a great Ka-KOOM erupts, a noise the group assumes and hopes is thunder from a storm. Ideas are shot down, from trying to fish for it and heave it out, to tying a rope around someone, having them hold onto it, and then being pulled back up. That is, until, someone slowly interrupts and points out that the sky was clear today, and no storms should be in the area. All turning in unison, the group finds that the tree-hut is no longer in the ground by the lighthouse, and is in fact uprooted and poised to attack directly behind them.


Battle errupts, with spells being flung, swords and axes cleaving into the wood, and shields splintering. One swing from the Hut takes out an entire layer of scaffolding, sending bits of wood flying into the lake. Before long, the group is forced into retreat, but the Hut just keeps coming. After being cornered by the sheer cliff of a mountain, one last attempt to bring the tree down must be made. Andrius let out a fearsome war cry before charging forward, alone, one hand hidden in his bag, the other holding his shield. He leaps into the air, whipping his hidden hand forward, and then being promptly swatted out of the air by a massive branch of the Tree-hut. However, as he hits the ground, a small vial arcs towards the Tree, exploding as it impacts the front door. Flames spread outwards rapidly, and one can almost hear the hut shrieking in pain as it runs off, trying to escape the fire. Eventually it falls to the ground where it continues to burn and smolder.


The Hut has been vanquished, but, as a side effect from the pain the party has experienced so far, they are not ready for celebration quite yet. They are completely and utterly lost; the group begins to panic as not even a single one of them can confidently point to the direction of the lake. A groan from the ground pulls the group back to its senses, as they look at Andrius laying on the ground, his shield splintered into a thousand pieces, and a rather large branch extruding from his stomach through his armor.


Andrius is dying.


The group rushes over to the fallen paladin, some inspecting the wound, others rummaging through their bags, hoping to have something to help. A commanding voice from behind them orders them to make way, and a man in shining armor, holy symbol in hand, advances towards Andrius. Pine, the cleric, and Andrius had gotten close over the short time they had been stuck here, no doubt their shared faith being a major component in the strength of their bond. Leaning down, Pine looks into the paladin's eyes and softly apologizes before quickly removing the thick branch from his stomach. The paladin, strong in stature and stronger in willpower, stifles his pain behind a face of determination.

The cleric began chanting a prayer he had memorized during his years of training, calling upon the power of his deity to pour life back into his fallen comrade. Light could be seen flowing from his holy symbol, down into his hand and to the wound, slowly reforming and stitching the flesh back together. The paladin's strength returning, he clasped the cleric's hand, joining him in the prayer, one he had heard many times for his brethren, while the rest of the group were quiet. Color returned to Andrius' face, and once his strength returned, was brought back to his feet by the cleric.

Andrius took a deep breath before inspecting the hole in his armor. "I always thought dying in battle would be a heroic way to go. I was making my peace with the world; I thought this... I thought this was my time. I thought I was dead."

In a sudden serious moment, the cleric gripped the front of the paladin's platemail, surprising him and pulling him forward. "No, you're not. Babies now."

[Scummies]

”Reck, how...? How did you manage to do all of this?” Zoraster’s eyes were filled to the ground as he looked up at Reck, who stood above him with the button that could completely ruin him when pressed. He had no idea how he managed to underestimate Reck all of these years; sure, it was impressive that he managed to keep the Scummies afloat despite everyone else’s best efforts to ruin them, but this... this was legendary.

“It doesn’t matter, Zoraster. Things are going to change from now on. Do you understand?”

Zoraster nodded eagerly. “I understand Reck, you’re absolutely right. We will not be focused on turning the Scummies Ceremony into a way to churn out a profit. We will not put the full load on one individual in order to get the whole thing together. We will start working on the ceremony months in advance and have it finished well before deadline. I only have one thing to ask of you... a personal favor, if you will.”

“What is it?”

“That you become the next admin of Mafiascum.net. Thesp will serve you as faithfully as he served me, but mith made a mistake when he named me his predecessor; I see that now. The only way to see your vision implemented properly is if you are the one who implements it. Do you accept?”

Reck woke up with a start; his snoring had gotten loud enough to the point where he managed to wake himself up. Mhsmith stifled a chuckle.

“I’m going out early, Smith. Probably a good idea before I fall asleep again...”

-----

xRECKONERx:

We’re nearing the end of such a wonderful, beautiful ceremony! I’m proud to welcome the one and only singersigner to the stage, known mostly these days for being the safety net when any of our own moderators fall in the line of duty, but used to be known as the best scumhunter this site has ever seen!

SINGERSIGNER:

Thank you, Reck. Being a Paragon of Mafia Hunters requires more than being accurate. It requires more than being persuasive. Being a Paragon of Mafia Hunters requires having these two traits in spades, it requires the ability to identify the difference between town playing into scum’s hands and scum pushing an agenda, it requires the ability to tell the difference between town being frustrated because they don’t agree with the pushes on them and the difference between scum being frustrated because they don’t agree with the pushes on them. The finalists for this category,

Ranger, TellTaleHeart, Spiffeh, and Tammy

, have all demonstrated these skills and deserve recognition. However, one stands out for the crowd; only one is worthy of being recognized as the Paragon of Mafia Hunters!

The winner of the Paragon of Mafia Hunters Award for Best Mafia Catcher is...

Spiffeh!

A distinctly human Spiffeh smiles widely, running onto the stage and waving at everyone as he gratefully accepts his award. There is a distinct disappointment that the robotic Spiffeh isn’t the one to accept the award, as he probably would have pyrotechnics and flying and other cool stunts like that, but the applause for Spiffeh manages to at least be respectful.

RadiantCowbells walks onto the stage. The crowd stands out of respect.

RADIANTCOWBELLS:

Being someone worthy of being crowned Don Corelone requires charisma, foresight, and drive. It requires not only wanting the win more than anyone else, but being able to see farther than anyone else and doing things that people don’t expect you to do; it requires always being one step ahead. The finalists this year stand out the crowd in that they were smarter than everyone else, wanted it more than anyone else, and were more creative than anyone else, please give

Lady Lambdadelta, Transcend, Dwlee99, Plottin Kittehs, and Friendless Seniors

a hand. However, in such a ruthless award as the Most Cunning Manipulator, there is only one who will achieve the ultimate honor.

The Winner of the Don Corelone Award for Most Cunning Manipulator is...

Plottin Kittehs for ClownTardis Mafia!

Two adorable kittens mewed as they wandered onto the stage as the crowd melted from the adorable spectacle. One of them proved to be particularly adventurous as he leapt onto RadiantCowbells’s shoulder, causing some members of the crowd to cry with joy as others stood up and clapped. RadiantCowbells chuckled.

RADIANTCOWBELLS:

“Terrifying. Truly, truly, terrifying. Even as I stare at the blood at this little one’s claws, even I can’t believe that these kittens have actually killed people. Please, keep your loved ones as far away from these cats as possible; don’t let your kids pet them no matter how drawn they are to them.”

RadiantCowbells walks off the stage, accompanied by the kittens, and StrangerCoug approaches the podium.

STRANGERCOUG:

It is my great pleasure to be able to present the winner of tonight's Smash Mouth award. This award goes to the Mish Mash player who is overall motivated, strategic, and fun to play with-- to honor the invaluable members of the community. The finalists for this award are

JDGA

,

Radja

, and

CuddlyCaucasian

! These players are the reason that "they don't stop coming" to Mish Mash!

The winner of the Smash Mouth award for Best Overall Mish Mash Player is...

Radja!

xofelf screams from the audience, crying tears of pride. Radja walks onto the stage, waving at the crowd with a big grin on his face, and accepts the award.

STRANGERCOUG:

Thank you for your contributions to Mish Mash, and we hope that you can be with us for many years to come!

[xofelf]

Happy Birthday Rory! I hope this was a great present

[McMenno]

radical cameo

though I don't approve of being killed by transcend of all people

[BipolarChemist]

Happy birthday, Radja <3 you're the best

[Varsoon]

<3

I hope ya liked the short bit I wrote 'bout SaGa Frontier.
Congrats to the other winners--while I did a double-take that the Adventure stuff in Bloodborne/SaGa didn't earn me Paperback Writer, I'll totally accept that as the mechanic itself got best mutation!!

Loving the ceremony so far.

[RadiantCowbells]

Congratulations to Plottin Kitteh!

[Scummies]

The room was silent, save for Ranger’s excited “eeeeeee” slowly losing steam as she saw the Don Corelones were also in front of her. Zoraster’s eyes were focused on the President of the United States of America, who conveniently still had a bullet in his forehead.

“Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.” Transcend quickly healed the wound, trying to avoid eye contact with Zoraster; he very sincerely regretted not swapping bodies before he had to leave, although he assumed leaving a dead Secret Service member behind was better than leaving behind a corpse of the leader of the free world.

“Jesus Christ. Jesus. Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. Oh god, we are fucked.” Evil Dwlee had dropped their hood on the way over to meet Zoraster, and, at this point in time, they couldn’t stop laughing. What a ridiculous situation, but what a wonderful windfall for him. They'd heard stories of human, fleshy Dwlee and their good pal beeboy, and resented that such a cheesy, shitty imitation of them was floating around in the world. They couldn’t wait to snap the brat’s neck.

“God damnit Kison, you had one job. You had one job, and now I have a dead president. I will be prosecuted for being a traitor, and it’s all your god damn fault. Jesus Christ.” Zoraster took a deep breath. It didn’t help. “Jesus Christ.”

Spiffeh smiled. “And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed.”

Transcend smiled. “Just to get it all out what’s in my head.”

Beeboy smiled. “And I, I’m feeling a little peculiar.”

Zoraster frowned, looking at Dwlee. “Dwlee? We have to get out of here now.”

Both humans bolted through the door, leaving the Scummer Bots in the room to belt out a particularly impressive rendition of the Four Non Blonde’s “What’s Up”. The room vibrated with the power of hundreds and hundreds of robots singing the same song at the same time. Zoraster slammed his fist into the wall.

As they turned down another hallway, the singing stopped and the screaming began. Dwlee hesitated. Beeboy. He must be so... scared.

Zoraster kept moving. It hurt him to leave Dwlee behind; they were just a scared, terrified kid and they were probably going to experience their own death, and it was all Zoraster’s fault. But he had to get to the control room, reset everything, fix his mistakes...

“Dwlee! I’m going to the control room!” he heard himself shout out. “I’m going to fix this! And, if for some reason I don’t succeed, find Thesp. Tell him to bring out the tigers. He’ll understand.”

Dwlee stared back blankly as Zoraster expected, but it was worth a shot. He kept running, reaching into his coat to grab out the glove Thesp made him and forced him to carry (“Oh no,” Zoraster said. “We won’t build an army of robots that will end up destroying the world”. Thesp smiled. “Just in case.”). It was built specifically for disabling Scummer Bots, and it proved useful immediately as it formed into a drill the second an Equinox Bot popped up, prompting Zoraster to punch straight through her chest and extract the core, without even breaking his strike.

The Control Room was at the end of the hallway, and, of course, there were several Scummer Bots already banging on the door, no doubt commanded by the super strong and super smart Scummer Bots he just insisted had to be created to destroy the place. A hole opened up in the palm of the glove, and a ball popped out. Zoraster had no idea what the hell it did, but he didn’t hesitate for a moment to throw it at the group of robots blocking the way. The ball exploded, frying the internal systems of all five. Zoraster sent up another silent prayer thanking the world for giving him Thesp as the glove shifted into a key and allowed Zoraster entry.

[Scummies]

“Regfan, it’s wonderful that we have the opportunity to be together after all of these years!” Creature beamed as he held his Australian lover tight. “For years, I thought you died in a fire. Then, because the evil Arabian Princess changed your memories, I didn’t expect you would be the same person that you always were and you weren’t, but still you came back to me! I hope that our love for one another stays this way forever.”

Regfan cried profusely, the tears streaming from his face so profusely that they left rivers on the front of his face.

All My Scummer Bots

, a suddenly extraordinarily popular soap opera on ABC had recently reached the finale of Season 1, produced in a record amount of time since Scummer Bots had no need to eat or sleep or be compensated; there was a group of people who were trying to get a modified version of labor laws to apply to them, but they certainly were nowhere close to going through quite yet. “Creature, even when I couldn’t remember my own name, even when I thought I was the evil Arabian Princess’s pet monkey, I... I still loved you.”

Kagami broke through the door, sending small pieces of wood everywhere and eliciting a cheer from the crowd. During an early special that was broadcasted live, she accidentally entered a room like this due to a mistake in her handler’s order for her, but the crowd loved it so much that it had since become a running gag. “How disgusting! And yet, I cannot so much as pretend to feel surprise at seeing two brothers of the proud Mazziano family engaged in a sordid love affair; your family has always been despised so I suppose I should have suspected you would turn within for comfort.”

Creature laughed, loudly. “You are one to judge us, Kagami.” He spat the woman’s name out with contempt. “We all know of Infinity’s dark secret - he’s poor. How can you criticize a little brotherly love when you’re dating a pauper?”

Infinity himself crawled out from underneath the bed, where he was listening in on Creature and Regfan in the expectation to catch Regfan’s confession of robbing the Fifth National Bank last friday with some old mafia buddies. “How dare you say something like that! You fucker!”

Kagami hugged her lover close, smiling widely when she saw her. But her smile soon faded. “Wait, why were you here, love? Are you...? Having an affair? You must be! There is no other possible explanation for you hiding out in this disgusting love nest! You noodle-headed ninny!”

Creature fell to the ground, grabbing his head. “Oh my god... the memories...” Regfan rushed to his side. “That... offends me... and I have no idea why it would offend me...”

Regfan slapped Creature in the face. “The only reason that would offend you is if you were a Protestant! And if you were a Protestant, that means that you lied to me and your former identity was CreatureX, pet monkey of the evil Arabian Princess! And to think, I robbed a bank for you!”

Kagami dropped Infinity to the ground, rushing to CreatureX’s side. “CreatureX! I thought I’d never see you again! I never would have known it was you unless you got offended with my crass language!”

Infinity began to cry. “CreatureX, you sly devil! I’ve never been so happy in my entire life, and now you’ve taken my love away from me... I am too heartbroken to report Regfan to the authorities even though I’ve been tracking him down for the past three months. Who haven’t you slept with?”

CreatureX gave the camera his trademark “thoughtful” look. “Well...

Kagami

Regfan

Infinity

Looks like it’s just you. Want to give CreatureX a try?”

Infinity wiped his tears off on his sleeve. “Yes. You have wonderful eyes.”

Kagami grabbed two pistols out of her goat, pointing one at Infinity and another at Regfan. “I hate two things: cops and criminals. May you rest in peace forever.”

CreatureX prepared to set off the bomb that he had prepared just in case he needed to escape, but before he had the opportunity, Radja opened the door. “Oh no! Kagami broke one of my doors

again

! Will you please pay for this one?”

The entire cast laughed, prompting Kagami to drop her pistols and CreatureX to drop his detonator. “Oh, that Radja!”

[Scummies]

EMERGENCY BROADCAST

<<Attention Citizens. This is a state-sponsored emergency broadcast.>>

<<Please give your attention to our GLORIOUS SUPREME LEADER, PRESIDENT UNTROD TRIPOD.>>

*Warm applause greets GLORIOUS SUPREME LEADER, PRESIDENT UNTROD TRIPOD as he appears on a podium in front of the New Kremlin*

<<Comrades, today I bring terrible news concerning the future of the New Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.>>

<<The 2016 Scummies are a great day of pride for our people and glorious nation, and a moment of solemn remembrance for our brave comrades who died in the THIRD NUCLEAR WAR.>>

<<Now, we face a new threat. A small group of insurrectionist scum seek to return this world we have created in peace and prosperity to the old ways of CAPITALISM and AMERICAN HEDGEMONY.>>

*the crowd boos and hisses enthusiastically, prompting a small, personal smile from GLORIOUS SUPREME LEADER, PRESIDENT UNTROD TRIPOD*

*GLORIOUS SUPREME LEADER, PRESIDENT UNTROD TRIPOD waves his hand, and the crowd is silenced*

<<There are those of us who believe that they were "snubbed" for Scummies this year.>>

*the crowd boos, and, again, GLORIOUS SUPREME LEADER, PRESIDENT UNTROD TRIPOD calms them with a broad smile*

<<TODAY, MY COMRADES, THIS ENDS. FOR THE GLORY OF MOTHER RUSSIA, WE WILL CRUSH THESE BASTARDS WHO WISH TO RUIN OUR SCUMMIES, OUR GREAT COUNTRY, AND OUR FREEDOM.>>

*the crowd erupts in applause and cheering*

<<COMRADES, TO ARMS. GLORY TO MOTHER RUSSIA>>

THE TRAITORS

23:00 Hours EST: AFTER CURFEW
The Flying Eagle Bar, South Ward
Boston, Spiffehgrad Oblast
The United States of Soviet Socialist America

"Ok, comrades, you all need to clear out. This is well past curfew for a Tuesday night and I don't want any trouble with the military police because of you lot. Pay your tabs and get out."

Pine finished his beer and let the bottle roll off the table, onto the floor. "Face it, guys, its over. America is gone."
He looked at his

comrades

compatriots, with a sad smile. "There's nothing we can do."
Creature chugged the last of his Pabst Blue Ribbon, a prized commodity in post-FREEDOM America. "Alright, let's get out of here. The whole country goes to hell AND we're snubbed for The Scummies? Man, who's running this country?"
"We know who's running this country. That damned Soviet Socialist Scummies Steering Committee." Spat BulbaFenix, smothering a cigarette into the table. "They're the reason this place has gone to the dogs since the war."
Blawb sat quietly, nursing an empty bottle of government-approved "American" beer. "Nothing's been the same since the war. Everyone died. President AlmasterGM, General SpyreX, Admiral Andrius."
Pine looked up at the ceiling, LED lights flashing above. "And now KuroiXHF is stirring all sorts of trouble, proclaiming himself king up in some mountains somewhere." He paused. "All he's doing is making this worse for everyone else who's trying to live a normal life here, even if America's gone."

The group finished their drinks and headed out the back door into the cold

Spiffehgrad

Massachusetts winter air. Pulling on their jackets, they walked through the back alleys to the apartment complex they shared in the Worker's District. Finding work had proved difficult, as no one cared if you served in the American military in Russian-occupied America, and no one cared if you were snubbed for a Scummy, certainly not Governor Camn of Spiffehgrad.
"Uh, guys," Creature said softly, "I think someone's following us."
The group turned to see a hooded figure dressed in black, following them down the alley some thirty paces back.
"Shit, they've found us. I can't be caught busting curfew again." Blawb stammered nervously.
"None of us can," Pine said, studying the newcomer. "But something tells me this isn't the military police."
The figure approached tentatively, and removed his hood.

The majestic face of General SpyreX stared back at the four Americans, and smiled a broken smile.
"I-I-It can't be." BulbaFenix started, pointing at the newcomer, mouth agape.
"In the flesh." SpyreX said grimly, "What's left of it."
"How'd you survive the nuke?" Creature said, stepping forward. "Everyone saw you and President AlmasterGM die!"
SpyreX sighed. "Look, we don't have much time. We're gathering loyal Americans who remain and banding together to stop this madness. There aren't many of us left, but there are enough commanders and facilities left in hiding to cause some real damage."
"Who else do you have?" Blawb asked.
"Can't say." SpyreX said, somewhat irritated. "Remember, we're all supposed to be dead."
The four looked at each other, struggling to figure out what to do.
"We may not get a chance like this again." SpyreX said. "Did America mean nothing to you? Did freedom mean nothing to you? Did The Hunger Games mean nothing to you?"
"I'm in." Pine said.
"As am I." Creature agreed.
Blawb sighed. "Oh what the hell. Better than working as Governor Camn's janitor."
BulbaFenix smiled. "Alright, we're in."
SpyreX smiled, and his eyes shone for the first time since the war, on fire with the promise if hot nuclear vengeance.
"Come with me." SpyreX turned and led them down into the darkness.
"Where are we going?" Pine asked, still following.
SpyreX sighed. "The grave of an old friend."

The five Americans scurried away down the alleys. Above, a lone security camera caught sight of them.

Glorious Supreme Leader Untrod Tripod sipped his vodka, alone in The Kremlin, and sighed. He alone survived The Third Nuclear War and brought glory to Mother Russia. "Well," he said to himself. "That's not entirely true." He remembered the day the war ended. An ICBM levelled Washington D.C., killing the American President AlmasterGM and Untrod's best friend, General SpyreX. He regretted the death of SpyreX, but knew it was for the glory of Mother Russia. But there was

one

who he let live.

And he shook with anticipa--

Flashback

Victory Over America Day
17:14 Hour PST
Ten minutes after detonation at D.C.
U.S.S. Ur-Quan
American Territoral Waters

Admiral Andrius sat alone in his office, task force headquarters deserted for the victory speech. Untrod Tripod and SpyreX were in attendance with the president.

"Ahem."
Andrius looked up to see him standing there, pistol in hand.
"It seems you've won," Andrius began.
"СЛАВА РОССИИ МАТЕРИ."

The pistol fired, but Andrius was not hit. He turned and looked up at the security camera in the corner of the room. Andrius looked at Untrod Tripod quizzically.

"Surely," Untrod Tripod began, sitting down at the far end of the conference table. "You are wondering why you are still alive."
"Indeed. Especially since you spared me instead of SpyreX."
Untrod Tripod snickered. "That would have been the predictable move, yes."
"I take it you need my help?"
"I don't NEED anything." Untrod began, holstering his sidearm. "In an hour the world will know of our victory here. The RUSSIAN victory that my glorious comrades died for."
Andrius remained silent.
"However, this won't be the end. I surely didn’t manage to kill EVERYONE. MagnaofIllusion certainly had more than 200 ICBMs at the ready down in his base. RedCoyote was able to scramble enough fighters and bombers before Nellis blew up to pose a serious threat."
"And no one can confirm the destruction of the U.S.S. Puntbucket."
"Exactly."
"You want me to find them." Andrius guessed. "You should have killed me wh-"
"Yes, I want you to find them." Untrod began. "But I do not wish to know where they are."
Andrius' face contorted. "Then why?"
Untrod smiled evilly. "Because we're going to miss this war when it's over."


Andrius was silent, but his face told his former friend that he was still confused.
"I want you to organize the resistance. FIGHT ME. TRY AND RECLAIM YOUR LIVES FROM MOTHER RUSSIA."
"I don't underst-"
"If I kill all of you know, if I end this, there will be no more fun." Untrod barked. "No more nukes, no more war, no more winning. You will walk out of this ship, board the private jet, and travel to your destination of choice in America. You will go into hiding. You will lie low until we have taken over this country. You will then organize a resistance. You will acquire enough nuclear weapons to pose a threat to me. You will gather allies from the far corners of the soon-to-be American Underworld. You will gather the Scummers together, whoever remains loyal to AMERICA."

Untrod laughed. "And we will go to war. And we, my friend, will fight this war all over again." He retrieved his sidearm and pointed it at Andrius. "Or I will end you here, and order the executions of every known Scummer left alive. Pine. Nachomamma. Creature. Nexus."

"They survived?" Andrius interjected, rising from his seat.

Untrod smiled a toothy smile. "Prozac." He enjoyed the face of his friend in horror. "The Seven-Colored Puppeteer." He paused. "Maria."

Andrius froze. Untrod Tripod burst into a fit of maniacal laughter. Andrius stood there rooted to the floor, mind reeling. "I expect you will put up a good fight. Somehow you always find people willing to fight and die for this country. You and AGM were the best at recruiting people for suicidal missions."

He waved his gun. "Now go. Go and set the stage for one last game. ENTERTAIN ME."

Andrius, eyes downcast, moved silently towards the door. Untrod reached out and grabbed his arm. "The next time we meet, one of us will die." Andrius nodded in understanding. Untrod let his captive go, and pulled out a cigar. "This may prove more interesting than last time." He lit the cigar. "Because this time, the world is MINE."

[NORAD SYSTEM] Initiating automated satellite scan…
[NORAD SYSTEM] Scan commencing.
[NORAD SYSTEM] All systems normal. No irregularities detected.
[NORAD SYSTEM] Resetting scan range…
[NORAD SYSTEM] Scan commencing.
[NORAD SYSTEM] All systems normal. No irregularities detected.
[NORAD SYSTEM] Resetting scan range…
[NORAD SYSTEM] Scan commencing.
[NORAD SYSTEM] All systems normal. No irregularities detected.
[NORAD SYSTEM] Resetting scan range…
[NORAD SYSTEM] Scan commencing.
[NORAD SYSTEM] Irregularity Detected.
[NORAD SYSTEM] ERROR: Signal traced to

U.S.S. Puntbucket

.

DEFCON: TOTAL WAR

Operation: Repatriation

[Scummies]

xRECKONERx:

Now now, no need to panic! It’s not like struggling will be enough to save you from Zoraster’s marching death army! There’s nothing to do here except stay really, really still because if they can’t see you, maybe they won’t hurt you... or is that a myth about dinosaurs? Either way, the show must go on!

Transcend, in the President’s body, roamed around the crowd with a shotgun in his hand, cackling madly as Dwlee-bot cut human after human apart with a massive samurai sword. Several people taking Reck’s advice laid on the ground and pretended to be dead, where Ranger would suck them up into indescribable hell dimensions. Mhsmith watched the chaos calmly. Even he had to admit that Reck had probably gone a little too far in unleashing the apocalypse, but he supposed there was only one way that their voices were heard. And their lives at the bottom of the Mafiascum.net hierarchy had been utterly atrocious; what did they have to lose in supporting Reck?

xRECKONERx:

Consider this an invitation to Marquis, if he is still alive, to take the stage once again! And if he’s dead, get me robot Marquis! If he’s destroyed, then I’ll happily back him up myself!

Marquis strolled onto the stage, oblivious to the chaos surrounding him.

MARQUIS:

The Modfather Award for excellent Moderation is given to those who, despite whatever circumstances happen to take over their lives or the lives of others, always keeps the game running smoothly. It can be extraordinarily difficult to provide prompt votecounts, answer questions promptly, make sure prodding and replacements happen in a reasonable amount of time to keep the game alive, but two people in particular -

Skullduggery and Varsoon

- have managed to keep afloat in a way worthy of recognition.

The winner of the Modfather Award for Excellent Moderation is...

Varsoon!

"Varsoon's games are always a ton of fun. Nearly all of them incorporate some unique mechanic that nobody has ever done before, and the roles and the setup always make excellent use of that mechanic. His games include a plethora of fun and interesting roles that engage the players and encourage creative, off-the-wall play." -Skullduggery

"Countless number of hours are put in not only for flavor, but also for game mechanics by Varsoon." - Ircher

Varsoon strolls onto the stage, also oblivious to the chaos surrounding him. However, while Marquis’s calm was due to an unshakeable focus, Varsoon’s was due mostly to being completely self-absorbed.

VARSOON:

Oh, I won again? What a wonderful surprise! Well, actually not much of a surprise - if I’m not careful, I’ll win Most Cunning Manipulator with lies like that! I’m getting a bit worn out from having my greatness recognized as much as it has been, but trying again - thank you very much for recognizing that I’m the greatest, I hope that one of your bright shining faces will grow strong enough to challenge the greatest in the world, the end.

Varsoon carefully steps over Klingoncelt’s screaming body, narrowly avoiding Tammy who is continuously stabbing her, healing her wounds, then stabbing her again. TellTaleHeart rips through on her motorcycle, giving the terrified crowd one small moment of hope as they think maybe she resisted whatever the hell was happening, maybe she will be the one to save them all, then dashes that bright shining moment of hope absolutely when she puts out her cigarette on Varsoon’s neck then clocks him in the face.

xRECKONERx:

Oh dear, what a brutal left hook! For our next award, the Game of the Year Award, we have special guest Varsoon presenting the final award of the night! Being a Game of the Year is a hell of an honor considering how many games are hosted in a year; one team’s triumph, one team’s heartbreak, one story is considered by the site to be the game to end all games!

Varsoon rises from the ground, smiling weakly.

VARSOON:

There were many worthy finalists, many games that were beautiful and excellent in every way... Congratulations to

Adventurer’s Call, Freedom Mafia uPick, Gistou, Street Fighter Mafia, and Saga Frontier Mafia

for standing out from the crowd... however... there can only be one winner... one game that stands out from the crowd, one game that can be declared the greatest...

The Winner of the Game of the Year Award is...

SaGa Frontier Mafia!

"The moderation, the setup, the flavor, the mechanics....just everything about the game was exceptional, and it all came down to an effective 3 way lylo with 7 players between 3p, town, and groupscum. Just a fantastic game, and one I'm very happy to have participated in." - Cereberus v666

"Because it exceeds the definition of awesome. Pplayers actually did some roleplaying, and were really dedicated to the game. 400+ pages says as much. " -Klingoncelt

VARSOON:

Which, of course, was modded by me. Get on my level.

xRECKONERx:

Wonderful job, Varsoon! Absolutely wonderful! The next presenter of the next award was supposed to be xofelf, but she and the rest of the Mashies community is hiding out in their very expensive and very protected "Panic Shelter"; I suppose I'll have to step in for her and present the award instead. What a shame; I wonder what drove them off! Anyways, running a Large Social Game that runs smoothly requires some of the same skills running a Scummies Ceremony does; it requires creativity to break the mold and push for more complex and interesting games, it requires patience and consistency to run these games smoothly. We had some fantastic Large Social Games that we ran this year, notably Survivor: Eon, Survivor: Blowing Rock, Survivor: Magic Kingdom, Survivor: #2016, and Survivor: Medevac Island. However, one game of course stood out of the rest.

The Best Large Social Game Award goes to...

xRECKONERx and Drench for Survivor: #2016!

xRECKONERx:

And of course I won; what a great ending to a great fucking day. Thank you for your support, I'm sorry I won't get to play with all of you nice people in the future because you'll either be traumatized or dead.

Two extremely old people who didn’t have any friends but were still having the time of their life raced around on go carts, firing their sniper rifles at the few members of the crowd still standing. One of these stray bullets flew through the very unlucky Varsoon’s chest, who crumples unceremoniously to the ground. Reck looked at the scene before him with satisfaction.

xRECKONERx:

And that concludes the show! I hope everyone had the time of their lives; I haven’t had this much fun hosting a ceremony for a while and I thank every single one of you that gave your lives to make that happen! I’m off to see an old friend.

Two small kittens, mewing pitifully as they sauntered away from RadiantCowbells’s lifeless body, wandered to the stage, digging for the bomb that they’d planted in the center in case they got really, really bored. Their compatriots, the Corelones and the Paragons who were finally united at last, urged them to press the pretty red button; there wasn’t anything interesting to kill anymore, so the last step was to destroy.

The adventurous kitten pounced.

[Scummies]

Screams and crashes were heard all around the building; Dwlee looked in every direction for some semblance of reality but found nothing but chaos. Everywhere, Scummer Bots were attacking their owners with no memory of their experiences together. It was then that Dwlee understood how powerless humanity was. They had felt powerful, pitting Scummer Bot against Scummer Bot, but in reality… they didn’t stand a chance when the machines turned against them.

“Dammit!” Dwlee threw open the door to the hallway and ran out. There had to be something, anything he could do to save everyone.

-----

“Kison, we’re gonna need to locate the cause of the disruption, fast!” Zoraster was holding the entrance to the ceremony control room closed, straining against the force of a Scummer Bot throwing itself against the doors.

“You think I don’t know that?” Kison yelled back. “I’m working through possible sources as fast as I can!”

Zoraster’s feet slid back as he screamed, “Oh my god, we’re going to fucking die! We’re all going to fucking die!” Knuckles white, Zoraster’s clenched fists were shaking as he gripped the door handles with all of his strength.

-----

Dwlee took the stairs, two at a time. He didn’t even have the tiniest bit of a plan, but he felt the need to get to the ceremony control room, and maybe, just maybe, he could turn on the sprinklers or… or something. He’d think about it when he got there.

He reached the top and turned the corner-

“Beeboy?”

It was undeniably the Scummer Bot. But there was no spark of recognition in Beeboy’s eyes, no cheerful, unshakable smile.

“Oh god… Beeboy…”

Dwlee fell to the ground, helplessly watching as Beeboy slowly approached him, a swarm of bees menacingly surrounding his best friend.

-----

“Holy shit! It’s Reck! Reck’s the hacker!”

“Okay, great! Can you stop the robots, Kison? Do I need to say pretty please?”

Kison’s brow furrowed as he tried to concentrate through Zoraster’s panicked screams and the bangs on the door.

“Yes, I got it!” Kison yelled. A fist punched through the doors, knocking Zoraster to the floor. A Scummer Bot emerged, and he scrambled back, terrified.

“Throw the killswitch! Throw the fucking killswitch!”

“Yes, yes, I did, there!”

The Scummer Bot’s eyes went dead, and its limbs limp, and came to a stop. The room was quiet.

-----

Dwlee squeezed his eyes shut, knowing that he was powerless to fight back, and even if he could, he couldn’t bear the thought of hurting his friend. The buzzing grew louder and louder…

And then nothing. Dwlee opened his eyes, afraid. The bees had disappeared. The Scummer Bot stood there, motionless, and then slowly crumpled to the floor. And for a brief, eternal second, all was still.

“No…” Dwlee breathed out. “No, no no no.”

He rushed over to his friend and took his hand. Beeboy’s fingers were barely moving.

“Hello,” Beeboy weakly murmured.

Dwlee could do nothing but grab onto his hand, tight, as if to try and hold on to the memories that were slipping from his grasp. Bitter tears stung his eyes.

“I’m… Beeboy. What’s your name?”

-----

Zoraster gasped for air. “Okay. So… why did Reck, of all people, hack the Scummer Bots?”

“You don’t get it, do you?” A voice from behind the dead Scummer Bot.

“You don’t get what the Scummies are supposed to be. You don’t get what Mafiascum is supposed to be,” Reck said, walking into the room.

He walked closer, offering a hand to help Zoraster up.

“You’ve been trying to monetize the ceremony since day fucking one. We’ve been working our asses off trying to do something original and creative with the ceremony, something that represents us, as a community. And you’ve done nothing but try and shove corporate bullshit down our throats.”

Zoraster slapped his hand away. “You’re the one who doesn’t get it. I’m doing this because I care about the community. Because we want to grow and introduce more people to mafia, and we need money for that. It’s not all fun and games behind the scenes.

He stood up. “Did you even think about how many lives your actions endangered today? Get out. You’re never working for another ceremony again.”

Reck shook his head. “Damn you. Try and understand where we come from, for once in your life. For once, just try and understand how we as a community feel.” He turned around to walk out.

“Oh, and you can’t fire me. I quit.”

[Scummies]

IN MEMORIAM