Apologies to those I have harmed

[Nancy Drew 39]

I’m someone who carries/STILL carries a lot of trauma but that’s no excuse for the disgusting and horrific way I used to treat people prior to my petition ban and it’s truly taken until now to actually understand how my extreme selfishness, egotism, misdirected anger and pain, caused me to wrongly lash out at others in my games and for that I am truly sorry.

To all of the people who called me out for my reprehensible toxicity, you were absolutely right and I should have been thanking you for setting me straight instead of acting like the victim, when I was the one who caused all of the hurt to people who never did anything to deserve it.

I am deeply horrified and ashamed of how I acted but I see it now so extremely clearly and I know I never ever want to be that person ever again. One of the wisest people who called me out told me that I don’t consider how MY behaviour adversely affected people and caused them psychological harm and they were absolutely right to do it and I will forever be grateful to that individual because I have achieved a multilevel perspective now, where I cannot help but view my behaviour from all perspectives before I ever even contemplate actually acting on it. I realize that it’s probably, far to little, too late but if I had a magic want and earase what I’d done. I’d do it in a nanonsecond. To those of you who have remained my friends, I will forever be grateful to you for your compassionate and kindness and intend to do my damndest to try to pay it forward.

[kuribo]

I think that understanding our impact on others, despite our intents at the time, is an important step toward acting with empathy.

I believe in you. I know you can be the person you want to be. We all can.

[JunkoChan]

This is a game that can bring out the worse in everyone, been there done that, just think twice before lashing out at someone, maybe You are reading their tone wrong, if you are not sure ask and You should be fine

[Nancy Drew 39]

I think that understanding our impact on others, despite our intents at the time, is an important step toward acting with empathy.

I believe in you. I know you can be the person you want to be. We all can.

<3

I’m really glad someone does because I have been really trying extremely hard since my ban ended back in February and I honestly believe that the time and space that ban offered me for both self-reflection and analysis has really made a humongous difference both in my behaviour since that happened and my understanding of how it adversely impacted others in my games.

[Nancy Drew 39]

The main reason I had behaved toxically in the past was because I had been constantly lying to myself and trying to convince myself that my feelings and experiences were irrelevant. That’s pretty much the main thing that drove my prior toxicity in games because I just felt overwhelming shame when I would even admit it to myself.

But I realized that the only shame I’m responsible for is lying to myself and the toxic behaviour needed to be able to continue lying to myself but I refuse to do that anymore and like the saying goes, the truth really did set me free and that is why I’m no longer toxic because I’m committed to 100% radical honesty with myself - regardless of how extremely humiliating and terrifying it is.

That’s how I absolutely know I can keep that promise because I refuse to lie to myself anymore. Lying to myself is the reason I unfairly and wrongly blamed others for my reactions because I used to be this spineless coward who couldn’t handle the truth about myself but thankfully now I can and it has been game changingly transformative and i actually think pretty much all toxicity comes from not having the courage to face your fears but I’m committed to this whether anyone else believes me, it’s become my life’s mission.