Formerfish's Advice Column

[Nancy Drew 39]

Bookmarking in case i need to ask something

Ditto

[Nancy Drew 39]

How do I justify not wearing a Halloween costume at all to others without sounding like the square that I am

You could go a few different ways with this, depends on how strong your moral compass is.

First you could just mess with people and tell them that you did dress up and that you thought that of all people the person you were talking to would get what costume you wore. Then just act indignant that no one guessed what you were.

A novel solution is just being honest, direct but short with people. When they ask just let them know that you don't celebrate Halloween.

If people press you on why and you don't feel like explaining it to them just tell them you are a Jehovah's Witness and ask about their relationship with your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

[Nancy Drew 39]

That's Christmas Eve day.

Thanksgiving is an American holiday in late November where we celebrate the invasion of America and subjugation of the native people while trivializing the meeting of our people's with cartoon turkeys and giant balloons.

Is this a common issue?

We already had ours.

[Nancy Drew 39]

Any cures for laziness and a total lack of self-discipline?

Asking for a friend

[Nancy Drew 39]

Any cures for laziness and a total lack of self-discipline?

Asking for a friend

Listen, I am right there with your friend. I am in a funk and I don't know how to get out of it. Right now I am underemployed as an IC for Amazon and don't have the motivation to work more than what I need to to pay my bills. I am on the verge of bankruptcy (which isn't a bad thing per se, it would help me a lot in my financial life since I am so fucked), and I'm feeling like shit because I can't even get a job as a seasonal worker at Target. As a result of all this I'm anxious and can't sleep at night, which means I'm exhausted and sleep most of the day when I'm not working which makes it so I see less and less of the sun which could be affecting me too.

I don't say all of this because I want a pity party. I say it because I think I'm at the point where I want to do something about it. I don't want to hate myself for sitting up all night binge watching Designated Survivor because I wish that was how our country was being run, or watching British Bake Show watching other people follow their dreams and do what they love to do.

So how do you get there? I think the answer is slowly, just like with exercise. You wouldn't decide to get off your couch one Sunday and run in a marathon, you would walk before you started to run. Changing any behavior follows the same model. If you make too many changes at once then you are dooming yourself to fail before you've even started. And knowing that these rules and ideas are never set in stone, they have to be mutable because that's what our lives are now.

So I have all these bad habits about my bedtime, mostly because I don't have one and because I don't have much responsibility there is a lot of mental moral gray area about when I should turn in. I think what I need to do is try to have a set time where I try to be in bed, like Midnight and then have an alarm set for 8am and don't hit snooze.

I know what you're saying right now too, how do I not hit snooze? I don't know, I haven't been there yet, but I think thinking about it is a good first step. Now I have to try it. Good luck to your friend.

Thanks, my friend expresses their deep and undying gratitude for your extremely sympathetic and thoughtful response.

[Nancy Drew 39]

Thanks, my friend expresses their deep and undying gratitude for your extremely sympathetic and thoughtful response.

They're welcome. I know that sometimes we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like when we feel that way the sight of a friend holding a flashlight is just as good in the short run. It gives you hope and you can lean on that friend while they show you the way out.

Half of that is letting someone know you're lost in the tunnel, which is the hardest thing to let anyone else in on. Once you take that step though, each one after gets easier to make than the last.

One interesting thing I’ve noticed that if you read the sad thread, everyone thinks that they are somehow unique and the only one struggling with life. We ALL ar3 but most just don’t talk about it.

*DISCAIMER: I meany my “friend” obviously, not me.*

[Nancy Drew 39]

Whats the sad thread?

It’s in the Speakeasy. I’m not sure if I’m allowed to link it here or not.

[Nancy Drew 39]

This is an excellent thread, FF. Say a friend of mine, a very good friend — I see him pretty much every day, actually — is trying to temporarily leave mafiascum to do something with their life for a few weeks but then come back when they have time to play mafia and LSGs. What should my good friend do?

You have the most adorable avatars on the site, sorry RC. <3

[Nancy Drew 39]

This is an excellent thread, FF. Say a friend of mine, a very good friend — I see him pretty much every day, actually — is trying to temporarily leave mafiascum to do something with their life for a few weeks but then come back when they have time to play mafia and LSGs. What should my good friend do?

I say live your life in the real world when you can. We will be here or others will have taken our place but nothing will really change.

Are you worried about withdrawal, or relapsing?

As addictions go, playing mafia is probably one of the least harmful imo. I think so long as you don’t get yourself overgamed, it shouldn’t be a huge problem. One reason I prefer MS to MU. is you literally can’t have a life when you’re in a game because they move so fast.

[Nancy Drew 39]

Dear FF: any tips for being less sensitive? Asking . . . for a

different

friend.

Spoiler:

[Nancy Drew 39]

Dear FF: any tips for being less sensitive? Asking . . . for a

different

friend.

Spoiler:

I don't think there is a way to be less sensitive, because you can't control the way you feel on that level. Things that make you bristle are always going to have the affect on you, what you can work on is how long you let it linger and how strongly it hits.

My daughter is 6 and has no filter. She doesn't say things to be mean, she just says things because in her mind and eyes they are true. Sometimes she will say things to my ex that hurts her feelings, and that's when I try to remind my ex that at 6 she doesn't understand why the things she said hurt, so we talked to her.

I think for me it comes down to a couple things:

1. Who is saying the thing? If they are someone who matters to me then I feel like I can speak with them about the issue. If they don't matter to me then their words hold the same weight.

2. Are they telling a hard truth? Sometimes we push back against someone being too honest with us. My daughter ran up to me the other day and shook my stomach and made a comment about how it jiggles now. That reinforced something I'd already noticed and I'm going to drink less soda as a way to combat it.

3. Why is this being said? Some people are just assholes and will say shit just to piss people off. I try to look at the motivation behind the statement to figure out how much stock to put into it.

Changing the way we react on a base level is difficult, but recognizing the signs that you are reacting that way and heading it off at the pass is something that you can do with practice. It takes knowing yourself well and being able to set aside the initial anger or outrage you feel and taking a second to examine the situation in it's entirety.

And if that fails, smoke some pot.

I used to be the biggest doormat on the planet and allowed everyone to steamroll over me, which wound up having disastrous consequences for me. I mean my “friend”.