Post
Post #52 (isolation #5 ) » Fri Jul 21, 2023 3:26 pm
Post
by AniX » Fri Jul 21, 2023 3:26 pm
As the camera pans in, it shows AniX, smirking and standing tall over a man seated at a desk with a document before him, whose head was cradled in one hand and his other hand, shakily, holding a pen. True MWF fans will recognize this as the reclusive mith, the Federation’s Commissioner!
“Sign right there, for like Abraham sacrificing his child to appease God, you must sacrifice your neutrality to appease me, your Upick God” AniX roared as he pointed his divine finger at the line on the sheet. Commissioner mith craned his neck, attempting see AniX as he spoke.
“Oi, govnah” the canonically British commissioner says, his voice quaking. “It’s almost tea and crumpets time, can’t we do this some other time?” he gestures to his GIANT wristwatch, which is a tiny recreation of Big Ben.
“Cease your prattling or your pet tigers will suffer the FIST of the 11th Hour!” he curls his fist, where the words RELEASED BACK INTO WILD are clearly visibly written on it “For I, AniX, have a vision. And you signing this document is the key to achieving it.”
AniX turns to the camera, as if noticing it for the first time, and it focuses in on him.
“MWF is in crisis. The audience grows less and less, drawn away from the fun of our matches by Wrestling 3.0. But I will stop that, no matter the cost. The values I espouse will revive this Federation, MARK ME!
First, we must have greater transparency! The audience is clamoring to see why I am not booked in every match. Why I am not holding every belt. I am the best wrestler, I draw the greatest audience, I give the most sublime promos. Nothing short of RANK FAVORITISM is at work here and the audience can smell a rat. They want to see the FOUL corrupt inter-workings of this Federation and gut it so their Savior may finally get his due.
Second, we must have greater safety! Every match I’ve competed in, even the ones corrupt referees muddled, I have brutalized my opponents, left them shells of their former selves. This cannot do. The Federation must protect its wrestlers and the first step of that is protecting them FROM ME. Let the weaklings battle themselves with foam swords and plastic shields. Send me only against the best of the best, ones who can at least SURVIVE the godly beating I cannot help but deliver unto them.
Third, we must have innovation. Every match is the same. Some loser beats another loser and gets a loser belt that I bet not even most of the roster could name off the top of their head. Or a moron fights another moron over some moronic feud. It’s inane drivel. Meanwhile, I, the most innovative wrestler on the roster, am UNDERUSED and UNDERAPPRECIATED! Well, that ends now, at the stroke of your pen. Yes, it will end!”
The camera pans out again to show mith, who has produced his aforementioned tea and crumpets, which AniX now notices. “Have you not signed yet?”
“I have not” the member of the English Empire says
“My rant was at least 3 minutes long! SIGN THE DOCUMENT!”
mith’s hand scribbles something out onto the paper and AniX snatches it up, looking pleased. “This, yes, this is what I pick. This is what I pick indeed.”
Official Gimmick List:
INVENTOR OF UPICK!
LORD OF THE 11TH HOUR!
ASEXUAL!
KING SCAR APOLOGIST!
DREAMER OF THE NE0N DREAM (SUPP 2021 LAST PLACE WINNER)!
I have donned the RED CROWN