Help shaft.ed succeed in life

[shaft.ed]

No, you can't sleep on my couch

[VP Baltar]

No, you can't sleep on my couch

I promise my boxers are the type with at least one button.

[ortolan]

Australia have crunchy nut too lols

[Vel-Rahn Koon]

I thought it said "help getting a fat" I was gonna suggest youporn.

Why, when we have Reckoner?

I've got a friend at work who lived in Germany for 15 years or so. I'll ask her if she has any ideas.

[shaft.ed]

Thanks VRK. So far I'm only finding sites that eat up a months rent for the service of...I don't know what.

New topic to help shaft.ed succeed in life:

I've now got some fellowship money, and my laptop is screaming like a fat chick near a drunken RECK. So any advice on what kind of laptops (mid to mid-high price range) I should get would be appreciated. Mainly use it for PowerPoint presntations, word processing and occasional Illustrator/Photoshop. Ability to run Diablo III would be a small plus.

[Cobalt]

Thanks VRK. So far I'm only finding sites that eat up a months rent for the service of...I don't know what.

New topic to help shaft.ed succeed in life:

I've now got some fellowship money, and my laptop is screaming like a fat chick near a drunken RECK. So any advice on what kind of laptops (mid to mid-high price range) I should get would be appreciated. Mainly use it for PowerPoint presntations, word processing and occasional Illustrator/Photoshop. Ability to run Diablo III would be a small plus.

[shaft.ed]

better trolling plz

[NabakovNabakov]

Thanks VRK. So far I'm only finding sites that eat up a months rent for the service of...I don't know what.

New topic to help shaft.ed succeed in life:

I've now got some fellowship money, and my laptop is screaming like a fat chick near a drunken RECK. So any advice on what kind of laptops (mid to mid-high price range) I should get would be appreciated. Mainly use it for PowerPoint presntations, word processing and occasional Illustrator/Photoshop. Ability to run Diablo III would be a small plus.

Fixed.

[shaft.ed]

why would anyone want an iPhone that big? How do you fit it in your pocket?

[shaft.ed]

OK so I need scammer advice

Here are two emails I received after I replied to craigslist postings. Please rate them on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being legitimate and 10 being a princess in Nigeria. Note that before playing, bad English is not neccessarily a tell because these are supposed to be Germans.

Hello,
It is nice to read from you regarding my advertisement about my lovely furnished two bedrooms flat. I am delighted to let you know that my apartment is still very much available for long and short term periods. Also, it is available for reservation incase you want me to reserve it for you till any period. For now, no one is occupying my apartment and it will be very nice renting it to you.


I resided in this apartment with my family before my recent transfer. I am in Notting Hill,London at present for my company's recent construction project in London. This project will last for 3 years but my wife and family are in India. The apartment is located at; 3 Mathilden, Munich 80336, Germany.


The cost for the apartment( 2 bedrooms, sitting room, 2 bathrooms and separate kitchen) is 400EUR per month including all facilities/utilities (water, electicity, heater, internet, gas etc.) and the refundable security deposit is 500EUR.


If you need more information and pictures about the apartment please don't hesitate to contact me.


Thanks
[name]
[phone numbers]

Thanks for your E-mail and Top of the Day to You, And it is my gladness to hearing from you.

This email is long, but renting it is important to you, and I want to try and give you some insight into who I am and about the home you are renting.

I don’t know you personally, but this is overwhelming and you are in my prayers!

About me: Eng. [girls name, that's weird], I don’t drink and I don’t smoke. I am currently 45 years old and married. I have only one child.. I enjoy movies, sports, reading and working out. I’m interesting in a good tenant that will consider the home as his/her personal home and take good care of it.

I am the owner of the Apartment you are making enquiry of. Actually I resided in the Apt with my family, Such as my wife and my only daughter before and presently we had packed out of the apartment due to my transfer from my working place to one of our branch in West Africa and i have a very big project to handle here and this is going to take me a long time, Presently my apt is still available for rent , Including the utilities like hydro,washer and security, And Well Furnished and i am with the Keys and the Documentations to the Apartment. Pls i want you to note that, I am a kind and honest man and also i spent alot on my property that i want to give you for rent, So i will solicit for your absolute maintenance of this home and want you to treat it as your own, Is that taken,it is not the money the main problem but want you to keep it tidy all the time so that i will be glad to see it neat when i came for a check up. I do that once in a while, I also want you to let me have trust in you as i always stand on my word.

The accommodation comprises of 1 Bedrooms, 1Bathrooms, living room. The living room is (17'0×16'0), kitchen breakfast room (13×11), bedroom (12'10×10'5), bathroom and a separate WC Facilities and electronics like satellite TV and internet connection, and a Sony DVD player, air conditioning, alarm system. The kitchen is fully equipped with all necessary cooking utensils, a refrigerator-freezer, four-hob and oven, microwave, dishwasher and washing machine.

We have each convenience that you could always wish. We have a friendly community of neighbors. Portions of activities such as passages, bingo, klutch of the coffee, divided groups that roll and for every holiday. The restaurants, supermarket,bakeries, pharmacies, cafes, shops, offices and the warehouses are within distance that walks..

Please feel free to email anytime of the day OR reach my mobile # @ [removed-mith] for further discussion.

Looking forward to see your reply so that i can forward you the Rent Application Form so that we can move-on with the renting process.

Thank so much for your interest and you are welcome.

You are blessed in Jesus name.
Warmest Regard.
Eng. [girls name]

[shaft.ed]

Never mind, did a quick google search of the phone numbers and they are both scams. Feel free to play along.

[NabakovNabakov]

Eh, I would say that the major scammer tell (asking for money up front) is slightly more present in the case of the first than the second. The second also seems to have a more thorough handle on the specifics of the apartment, but the first actually gives you an address. Both feel like form letters (seriously, "his/her"?)

I'd say 7 and 6. But I think it's worth taking the risk on #2. Who could pass up "klutch of the coffee"?

[shaft.ed]

I'm gonna play them out just to see how fun it gets. I'll keep you updated if you're interested.

Meanwhile I still have no apartment leads. The ones I found online aren't available until AUGUST! Seriously they post apartments that far in advance here.

[VP Baltar]

Yeah, money up front is a major

scum

scamtell. The second was is just...weird.

[shaft.ed]

The second was is just...weird.

Yeah I don't think I would have rented that one even if it wasn't a scam.

[TDC]

The cost for the apartment( 2 bedrooms, sitting room, 2 bathrooms and separate kitchen) is 400EUR per month including all facilities/utilities (water, electicity, heater, internet, gas etc.)

Considering the claimed location, that's just impossible.

I'm not sure why a security deposit is a scam tell, though.

[shaft.ed]

Well the security deposit is the scam because that is what they require before they "mail you the keys"

[quote=""Mitchell""]Hello,
I have no person there who will show you the inside, you can go and view the exterior location but can't view the inside till you get the keys. The apartment can be reserved for you till whenever you wish to move in provided you have deposited for the apartment. All amenities (internet, water, heater, gas) are active and will be ready for use when you arrive in the apartment.

I have attached the rental application form and more pictures to you if you are interested in renting my apartment kindly complete it and return it back to me. Once I receive the filled form my lawyer here in UK will prepare the contract lease agreement form.

After signing the contract you will pay for the refundable security deposit only. Upon receiving your payment the keys and documents of the apartment will be shipped to your address and it will be delivered to you after 3 days. The first month rent will be paid as soon as you move into the apartment

Now I am waiting for your reply, if you are ok with the above conditions kindly return the filled rental application form to my email asap for my lawyer to prepare the contract.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Thanks
Mitchell
+447031864266[/quote]
and the pictures were really pretty. Amazing what 400E can get you nowadays.


So what should I reply to "Mitchell"?

[shaft.ed]

@TDC/other German scummers: What's the usual "kaution" payment when you sign a lease? Seems like 3 X the cold rent is standard here. That's rather crazy IMHO.

[NabakovNabakov]

Well the security deposit is the scam because that is what they require before they "mail you the keys"

[quote=""Mitchell""]Hello,
I have no person there who will show you the inside, you can go and view the exterior location but can't view the inside till you get the keys. The apartment can be reserved for you till whenever you wish to move in provided you have deposited for the apartment. All amenities (internet, water, heater, gas) are active and will be ready for use when you arrive in the apartment.

I have attached the rental application form and more pictures to you if you are interested in renting my apartment kindly complete it and return it back to me. Once I receive the filled form my lawyer here in UK will prepare the contract lease agreement form.

After signing the contract you will pay for the refundable security deposit only. Upon receiving your payment the keys and documents of the apartment will be shipped to your address and it will be delivered to you after 3 days. The first month rent will be paid as soon as you move into the apartment

Now I am waiting for your reply, if you are ok with the above conditions kindly return the filled rental application form to my email asap for my lawyer to prepare the contract.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Thanks
Mitchell
+447031864266

and the pictures were really pretty. Amazing what 400E can get you nowadays.


So what should I reply to "Mitchell"?[/quote]

Tell him he really must not have any friends if not a single person in all of Munich is willing to show your his apartment.

[VP Baltar]

Ask mitchell if there are any good load bearing walls you could attach a sex swing to. And if it's ok for you to have your 8 great danes live with you in the apartment.

[TDC]

@TDC/other German scummers: What's the usual "kaution" payment when you sign a lease? Seems like 3 X the cold rent is standard here. That's rather crazy IMHO.

Yeah, that's the norm.

[shaft.ed]

@TDC/other German scummers: What's the usual "kaution" payment when you sign a lease? Seems like 3 X the cold rent is standard here. That's rather crazy IMHO.

Yeah, that's the norm.

Man, so that's 3x rent for deposit, 2.2 times the rent for agent fees, and 1 rent for actual rent. So a half years rent just to move into a place. Wow. I think I'll take Mitchell's apartment once I hear back about load bearing walls.

[shaft.ed]

Sweet signed a contract yesterday. Move in on the 15th. That's right, 1.5 months to get an apartment, so I can pay an agent 1000 Euro just for showing me the place.

OK new question for Germans. Have any of you tried the 'surf stick'? Aldi has one for 50€, and 15€ a month unlimited internet and no contract. Just not sure about connectivity.

[TDC]

I would say the chances are good, but it would probably make sense to actually test it first. Don't want to be stuck with 56k because UMTS only works when you stand on a ladder in the kitchen.

I assume you are aware that it limits the speed to 56k anyway once you reach 5GB traffic?

[shaft.ed]

I would say the chances are good, but it would probably make sense to actually test it first. Don't want to be stuck with 56k because UMTS only works when you stand on a ladder in the kitchen.

I assume you are aware that it limits the speed to 56k anyway once you reach 5GB traffic?

Ahh, no actually I wasn't sure about that. When I translated it, it said something about the throttle and 5GB. Anyone have an idea what 5GB would be? I'm mostly going to use it for Skype with video, which likely isnt going to function at 56k.