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xRECKONERx
GD is my Best Man
 
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Location: Bull City
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Post Post #0  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:26 am

I've been wanting to make this post for a long, long time, but I never felt the urge to do it. I always thought there'd be some great inciting incident to me posting it, but tonight, it was a simple conversation with a friend that made me post this. I know this will inevitably get trolled, or I'll get some said the fags, or whatever, but I don't really care at this point. I think that the experiences I've had here are worth sharing and might give some people some perspective.

We're a fantastic community. At this point, this community has done more for me than other friends and my family could've ever hoped to do. I joined this community back in March of 2009, almost three years ago, as a result of curiosity if the game of mafia was still played and how it was played. I found this place, and despite the negativity of this place and the thickness of the "cliques", I was intrigued. I was a bit of a douche (see: huge tool) for the first while I was on the site. I occasionally look at old posts I've made and literally cringe at how bad they were, but I guess that's just part of growing as a person.

The true impact of this community didn't matter to me until Fall of 2010, when I moved to Wilmington, NC. I didn't know anyone down there, and the day I moved into school, I was supposed to head to Caffwagon, mostly because I wanted to meet up with a man I had met over the internet after creating my drunken "OMG AM I GAY?" thread, Guys, Pt. 2. Dramonic & I had spent a lot of time getting to know each other, and it was my first time with internet dating. I took off from my new dorm room in Wilmington towards New Jersey. On the way, Kise asked me to pick him up at his work in Maryland, so I stopped. I spent hours in the car with Kise, shooting the shit, getting to know each other. It felt very natural.

We arrived in NJ, and I was able to spend a fantastic few days with someone I actually loved. I got to meet Yosarian2, OGML, Ether, Patrick... some real veterans of the site. I was still disliked as a relative jackass poster and spammer, but at the meet, I felt really accepted and had a fantastic time. I remember having some amazing conversations/games with hasdgfas, BloodCovenent, magnus_orion, Elmo, and others. I returned back to North Carolina a little sad, because I didn't know people as awesome as that.

I have this theory that meeting someone first over the internet allows you to create a sort of friendly intimacy with them before you actually meet them, meaning the physical time you spend together is more valued. Which is interesting, because at the time, Nuwen fucking hated me. Every once in awhile I stumble across an old post of Nuwen hating on me, being a general bitch, and I responded obliviously. I remember when I first started, I played in a few games with Glork, and I greatly respected him. He won Paragon that year. I wanted to be that good. I wanted to be a part of the community. I played games with SpyreX, and Fate, and Ellibereth, and SocioPath. We formed the SCREAMING DEATH CLAN. It annoyed most posters, but I felt happy just to be included in something like that.

A year later, I was hosting The Reckoning. Mastermind of Sin had RSVP'd, and I felt honored because I had never spoken to him. He was an old player, a veteran, and I felt even honored that someone who had spent that long on the site would be interested in a meetup I was hosting. I guess it goes back to there being some kind of draw to this site's OOC community that allows people to be drawn into its unique atmosphere. Other people RSVP'd. The week before the Reckoning, I got a PM from Nuwen. She apparently had just moved to the state, and had either forgotten about how much of a douche I was, or didn't care. She asked for directions and wanted to show up. Several other people did, as well. I was excited. I got to host a meetup with people I thought hated me or didn't give a shit about me, or know who I was.

The night before The Reckoning, I got a call from my mother. December 27th. She was fucking hysterical, all she could say was, "WHYYYYYYYY, WHYYYYYYYYY, WHYYYYYYYYY?" And when I finally asked "Why, what?" she responded with "Why are you gay!?!?!?". I had been in the closet for awhile and then she responded with stuff such as "I wish you had been a murderer" and "I hope you have fun in Hell" and "why couldn't you have just been a rapist". Hilarious shit, but regardless, I was in tears the entire night. I got drunk. Gammagooey came over. I hadn't known him long, but I posted on MafiaScum saying I was moving out and needed help, and he lived in my city, so he volunteered. The first time I met him was him showing up at my house to help me move. That night, with The Reckoning on the horizon, he was coming over anyway. I got drunk. I told my story on MafiaScum.

I passed out at some point that night. I woke up the next morning to my boyfriend waking me up, saying, "Hey, I just picked up MoS from the airport. You have friends here."

I walked out in Superman PJ pants and a bathrobe to find MoS's jolly ass sitting on my couch, and he responded with, "Sup', Reck?". I engaged in conversation with him, forgetting what had transpired the night before. We talked all day. Gamma came over, we all hung out.

Nuwen arrived late in the day. I hadn't spoken to her since months before where she basically bitched me out for being a douchebag. I opened the wooden door and looked through the clear storm door. Nuwen held out a hand, with a giant handle of Kraken rum in one hand. "From reading the threads last night, I hear you need this." I took it in one hand, unsure of what to say. I gave her a hug. She hated me, for all I knew, but here I was hugging her.

She burst inside, shaking everyone's hand. I took a shot. I gave her a tour of the shithole I live in, and told her where she'd be sleeping. I helped her put down her bags, turned, walked upstairs, and stepped outside to smoke a cigarette. Nuwen joined me. I was used to smoking alone. As she stepped outside, Nuwen asked me, "So, I hear you and I have stories to share about shitty parents," and I was stunned. I suppose it's not unrealistic to see people that post on the same forum as me show an interest in my life that I have posted about prevalently on the forums, but less than 24 hours after my life was devastated, I had this person who had supposedly hated me a year earlier taking a genuine interest in my life. After the conversation, she said, "well, it's a good thing I brought you comfort rum!" and we began taking shots at like 7:00PM.

I was comforted the rest of the day. We didn't need to talk about my parents, or my situation, or anything. I was surrounded by people who were awesome and who cared and who didn't need to be bitches. It's hard to explain. Later that night, Fate showed up with Kise & InflatablePie in the car. It was awkward at first, but it was only the beginning of the meet. The Reckoning was only supposed to last a few days, but ten days later, we were all still there, including Hinduragi, who got drunk with us online one night and decided to come up and stay with us.

My birthday is January 4th. In lieu of a gift, my mother sent me page after page of Bible verses about how I was an abomination. I spent the day mostly being like, "oh, hey, thanks for saying happy birthday" while everyone was at the meet. I didn't get a single gift from family or real friends. Then, a group of scummers show back up at the house. One of them calls my name, "RECK, GET YOUR OLD ASS IN HERE" while I'm downstairs. I walk up and find them holding a handle of Patron in my face, screaming happy birthday and saying we should all get wasted. I still haven't forgotten that. It may seem shitty, but a year later, the only memory I have from my last birthday is one of the people I had just met online giving me the only gift I got on my birthday...a handle of tequila, which is exactly what I needed.

The meet ended. We made friends. Fate moved to NC, to be with Nuwen. A few months later, Pie joined us, because he wanted something better for himself, and we could offer it to him. The NC Scummer Commune started. singersigner asked to come visit, and she did, and we loved her. She stayed for a week. We didn't know it, but that visit would spark her and quadz08 uprooting themselves and moving cross-country to live in the same city as ScumHaus. After that, esuriospiritus visited. I stayed up all night to pick her up from the train station. She didn't know us, we didn't know her, but we got along. She met Pie. They fell in love. Now I'm annoyed at how great they are together. Pie still lives here. Glork moved down.

And here I am, a year later, about to host another meet and all I'm thinking about is that amazing moment opening the door to Nuwen and giving her a big hug the day after I was destroyed by my parents, and my birthday where scummers gave me the only gift I got on my birthday. This community has kept me sane, stable, and happy. I love the Commune. I love hosting new people. I love getting random messages from other people on this website. Kdowns & Kise might be joining us in this state soon.

It's insane, still, that a community over almost 15 people actually spawned from a single website. UT & I have collaborated on a screenplay, something I had given up entirely until UT & I decided to try together. My boyfriend & I have become much better overall after talking to some people on the site and getting advice. When I was broke and nearly homeless, anonymous scummers sent money to my PayPal account without asking for so much as recognition or repayment (thank you, whoever you are). I've received more love and outreach from this community than I could've ever had hoped in my years alone.

If you're a newbie and you're seeing hate and vitriol spewed on this site, don't worry, I did too. This is a wonderful place that nearly brings me to tears when I think about how much it has done for me. If you're a veteran and you think this is cheesy as fuck, yeah, it is, so what? Sometimes, truly amazing things deserve some cheesy recognition. And if you're accustomed to this kind of treatment from Mafiascum, I expect this testimony comes as no surprise to you.

It's a wonderful place and I hope, if you took the time to read this whole long wall of wordvomit, you've taken something out of it. Thank you all. I love you... yes, even you.

<3 Reck
get to know a reckoner

#EmeraldProud

Zoidberg
Mafia Scum
 
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Post Post #1  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:33 am

I like this post.

Katsuki
Cupcake
 
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Post Post #2  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:46 am

One day MS shall take over NC...

Also where's the emo porn promised?
Fluffy fluffy~~~ | "READING KATSUKI IS LIKE SOME SORT OF POSTMODERN ARTFORM" - GreyICE
Katsuki is by far more absurdly beautiful than Fate. (hai parama)
Katsuki's Madness coming to you shortly: Nov, 2011!
Cupcake Mafia II coming to you summer 2011! ~ Pre-ins: 11/13

xRECKONERx
GD is my Best Man
 
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Post Post #3  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:46 am

I mean, I cried a lot. Free lube.
get to know a reckoner

#EmeraldProud

xRECKONERx
GD is my Best Man
 
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Post Post #4  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:52 am

Also, for you assholes that I'm an asshole towards, I do it out of love. Don't take it super seriously.
get to know a reckoner

#EmeraldProud

Katsuki
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Post Post #5  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:53 am

You ought to package and sell that stuff. Maybe then you won't be so broke. :)
Fluffy fluffy~~~ | "READING KATSUKI IS LIKE SOME SORT OF POSTMODERN ARTFORM" - GreyICE
Katsuki is by far more absurdly beautiful than Fate. (hai parama)
Katsuki's Madness coming to you shortly: Nov, 2011!
Cupcake Mafia II coming to you summer 2011! ~ Pre-ins: 11/13

DeasVail
Team Mafia 2018 Winner
 
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Post Post #6  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:55 am

Thanks for sharing this, and even though I'm nowhere near as involved in the community, I completely agree. You're all awesome.

Glork
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Post Post #7  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:55 am

The commune (and this site in general) has definitely had a very positive impact on my life. It's amazing being able to connect to other people in the manner we have. Commune has shown me love and support that even my own family has failed to exhibit in the past several weeks. I can't even begin to describe it.
Green Shirt Thursdays

Get to know a Glork!

N
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Post Post #8  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 6:32 am

I'm amazed (in a good way) how much people are open about their lives here. I mean, I haven't even set a gender or location or anything on my profile.
GTKAS

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Vi
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Post Post #9  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 7:36 am

It's true. Even a pseudononymous whateverIam has been able to benefit immensely from the people in this community IRL, well beyond expectations. I'm very grateful for the people who are here and I'm very grateful for their willingness to help each other.

I'll resist speaking from a mod's point of view for fear of a derail (plus I've done that enough recently), but this carries into my motivation there too.
Decisions have consequences.
ALL decisions have consequences.
YOUR decisions have consequences.

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Post Post #10  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 7:56 am

You know what, Reck?

We haven't interacted directly very often, but we always seem to play in the same threads. I just want to say you're an alright guy in my book.

Obviously our stories have great deviations from one another, but your story speaks to me. Mafiascum has been witness to the big developments in both of our lives. Next September, I'll have been on this site for over a decade. That's not just my entire adult life, that's my entire adult life plus a year or so of puberty, including the entire story of my sexuality and my rise from humble member to moderator to Administrator itself. Hell, I even traveled across the entire country (from New York to California) to attend a wedding of two people I met on this very site, despite never meeting them in person prior to flying in.

So thank you for making this thread. It hit me right in the feels.
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Untrod Tripod
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Post Post #11  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 8:39 am

<3
shit happens when you party naked

Om of the Nom
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Post Post #12  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 8:57 am

In post 4, xRECKONERx wrote:Also, for you assholes that I'm an asshole towards, I do it out of love. Don't take it super seriously.

I hate you so much Reck~<3

Without MS it wouldn't have been anywhere near as easy as it was for me to come out of the closet at my age. Because of my time on this site I've met so many like-minded individuals who share a lot of the traits that I have. There are people I can talk to if I ever need any advice, and I always feel that there is a group of people who are willing to help me no matter the issue. Despite all the insults getting thrown around on this forum there is still no place I'd rather be. This is one of the most tightly knit communities that I've seen, and I'm proud to be a part of it.

I lost internet for the entirety of my weekend and the main reason I wanted it back was so I could spend more time on this site.
“Leftover lady, let alone the strongest to be subdued.
If I only had the magic key that would unlock the realms to the plateau of the highest me.
Even though I’ve been badly bruised, living in a house to become a popular muse.”

hey beautiful ! how was your day ?

Nuwen
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Post Post #13  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:12 am

I didn't hate you Reck!

I went through a very angry and bitter period, over-influenced by a lot of substances, where it was just easier to be hateful than loving. Powerlessness/frustration (minimum wage job or unemployed or selling-drug-to-earn-drug, dropout, trashed credit, homelessness, schism in my only-child-single-mother parent relationship) can make you a very toxic, hostile person if you ferment there for a year or three. The spiral probably wouldn't have stopped if I didn't A-B-A-B-B-reset down here with you guys.

The NC Commune gave me the real family that I've never known. Seriously, I've never had siblings or cousins or uncles or nieces or people to both support and be supported by.

Mafiascum has been around for me through a lot of life mileage, even if I've never really shared the full happenings on this side of the screen. Now that I'm finally back in the land of the sane, it's time to be merry and grateful. This place is comprised of one-of-a-kind people and I love all of you.

:3
So high, so low, so many things to know.
aim:gochat?roomname=ScumChat&Exchange=5

Mr. Flay
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Post Post #14  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:57 am

I am continually astonished at the high caliber of people on this site who want to kill each other on Tuesday and have a beer on Thursday. Flayming Man was a riot and if my time ever settles down I will gladly host it again.
Retired as of October 2014.

chesskid3
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Post Post #15  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:59 am

I feel like a lot of you (MSers) and I would get along very well in person.
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Xalxe
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Post Post #16  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:10 am

Reck is a cool guy. eh posts feelings and doesn't afraid of anything.

Whyyyyyyy can't I go to the reckoning whyyyyyyy
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Post Post #17  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:22 am

Show

TheButtonmen
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Post Post #18  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:24 am

Thread of the year right here I totally get this and agree with you, it is hard for me to even express how much I love all my fellow scumchatters past and present.
Routine day with a dirt cheap brush
Then a week goes by and it goes untouched
Then two, then three, then a month
Then the rest of your life, you beat yourself up

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Post Post #19  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:26 am

Damnit Reck. Whole story ruined because you keep calling bottles "handles"! It's wrong! Wrong, I tell you.

Just kidding, it's a great story Reck. In truth, I feel jealous in some ways. I don't think I could ever be embrace/be embraced the community of this website as much as you have.
Occasionally intellectually honest

Mr. Flay
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Post Post #20  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:57 am

I suspect you'd be surprised, KK.
Retired as of October 2014.

Nexus
miss
 
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Post Post #21  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:59 am

Well said Reck.
Shitlord.

Kublai Khan
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Post Post #22  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 12:05 pm

Well, it's more than my wife just views this site as "something that takes up my time" and the whole concept of the game isn't interesting to her at all (we are opposites in very many ways but love each other very much).

And the idea of travelling to meet people I met over the inter raises all sorts of red flags for her, which I can't necessarily disagree with since I'd be very hesitant to let her go travel to meet Internet strangers too.

So I like the community and I like (most) of the individuals, but I doubt it'd get much more serious than that.
Occasionally intellectually honest

shaft.ed
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Post Post #23  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 12:11 pm

I'm p much in KK's shoes, but I'm glad this place is working out for a lot of people here. And I'm happy to be a fly on the wall in the good times

Chevre
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Post Post #24  (ISO)  » Mon Dec 10, 2012 12:55 pm

:)
A scandal has rocked our village of West Covina!

Annadog40 (9:45pm)
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