Fiction Rumble: Week 11 (Current Champion: Zachstralkita)

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Post Post #400 (ISO) » Sat Oct 22, 2016 6:36 am

Post by Zachstralkita »

gasp
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Post Post #401 (ISO) » Sat Oct 22, 2016 8:01 am

Post by KuroiXHF »

Congrats, Natirasha!

Zach, what didn't you like? In the future, how could I improve?
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Post Post #402 (ISO) » Sat Oct 22, 2016 10:52 am

Post by Dunnstral »

well well well
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Post Post #403 (ISO) » Sat Oct 22, 2016 2:17 pm

Post by Natirasha »

hmm aight cool thanks, gj everyone

So this time my topic is um
the protagonist has an out-of-body experience
. You can take this in the literal sense, the metaphorical sense, freaky friday style, or anything else you can think of.

Also fair warning, I'll try and provide criticism afterwards but I'm really really really bad at it so don't expect too much.
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Post Post #404 (ISO) » Sun Oct 23, 2016 7:34 am

Post by Zachstralkita »

In post 401, KuroiXHF wrote:Congrats, Natirasha!

Zach, what didn't you like? In the future, how could I improve?
It wasn't really anything that you did wrong necessarily. I suppose if I had anything to say about that particular one it would be try to make your storyline itself stand out. Cut-and-Dry isn't always the best thing.
Dunnstral wrote:well well well
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Post Post #405 (ISO) » Sun Oct 23, 2016 9:18 am

Post by inspectorscout »

SO AM I
Stralception

I like the prompt, something is coming if I have the time.
But I know,
At the end...
Remind me of the fool I really am.


Am Zaphkael now.
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Post Post #406 (ISO) » Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:33 pm

Post by Dunnstral »

Alright I'm about to get my hands dirty

What's the deadline for this one?
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Post Post #407 (ISO) » Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:39 pm

Post by Dunnstral »

Nvm I read the op

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Post Post #408 (ISO) » Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:39 am

Post by Zachstralkita »

I don't know what's real or not anymore
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Post Post #409 (ISO) » Mon Oct 24, 2016 2:59 am

Post by Natirasha »

I'll probably cut it off Thursday morning.
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Post Post #410 (ISO) » Tue Oct 25, 2016 1:24 am

Post by inspectorscout »

Should I still submit under Zaphkael?


Spoiler: City Lights - some words
A deep rumble.
Loud.
My mom, a few feet away, yelling at me, a tear in her eye. I can't hear her.
Loud.
The sounds of the city that never sleeps, overwhelmed by that one, deep rumble.
Louder.
I'm looking in two brightly orange eyes. Blinded by them.
Louder.
Closer, until all I see is orange. Closer, until all I hear is a deafening rumble.
And then everything becomes black.

Complete, peaceful silence. Finally.

Waking up, seeing a white room. A white bed. People in white coats. Me.

A long, monotonous sound, one that I remember from all those hospital series on TV. My mom, crying again. "We can't help him anymore" and "I'm sorry, madam."

I watched the news. Not before or after I died, I just...was there. You see, you only experience time when you exist. And I don't.

I sat next to my mom, but she not next to me. I heard I died, ran over by a truck. Dead, nearly instantly.

Waking up, seeing a black room. A black bed. People in black coats. Me.

A dark, ugly day. Rain. Grief. Pain. Cold. The wind forever whining through the dead trees, like the souls that never rest. A hole in the ground, as much nothing as I was. And a grey stone being the only proof that I ever existed.

Death is a weird thing. It's no longer existing, but still being there. People miss you, until they start doubting you were ever there. Pain is only soothed by time, and time is exactly what you lose when you die. It's sad, really.

And that's what I saw. Or felt. How do you experience a world that is no longer yours?

I was lost, but not forgotten. The flowers next to a grey stone were the proof.

Do they remember me as the person I was, the voice that I once owned? Or do they remember the picture on their closet, the words engraved on my stone? Do they miss me, or are they holding on to a memory?

Eventually, memories die, just like flowers. Slowly, you start doubting if they really were that beautiful. Slowly, it all fades away, dies off, cold and lifeless.

I can see the world, moving on. What happened to me influenced few, and was eventually forgotten. Because time flies, and a memory always dies. And nothing ever really happens.


A deep rumble.
Loud.
My mom, looking at me, smiling.
Loud.
The sounds of the city that never sleeps, they calm me.
Louder.
A hand grabs my shoulder.
Louder.
Two orange eyes rush through, right in front of me. The wind blows through my hair, the smell of gasoline only briefly noticable.
And then I see the lights of the city again.

I smile. Finally.
But I know,
At the end...
Remind me of the fool I really am.


Am Zaphkael now.
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Post Post #411 (ISO) » Tue Oct 25, 2016 1:57 pm

Post by KuroiXHF »

So I've been waiting a chance to post a chapter from my book.

Spoiler: Chapter 8 - 1,854 Words
Donovan opened his eyes. He put his hand up to his head, where the gunshot wound was. He was surprised to have found nothing. ‘That was some dream.’ Everything looked just fine. Donovan wore a white shirt and white pajama pants. He had no cuts, and no bruises. He was safe on top of fluffy cloud, right outside of white gates. Donovan stood up, “Wait, what?”

“Oh my god. Like, welcome!”

Donovan looked to his right where he found what looked to be a blonde teenager. She lightly wore makeup and wore a white sundress. The girl whole-heartedly smiled.

“I am like, such a big fan of you! I can’t believe that you lost. I was rooting for you!”

Donovan, with his finger and thumb, tried rubbing his eyes, “Okay, so this is the dream.”

The girl rose his index finger up, as if she had an idea, “Oh yeah, I totally forgot to tell you! You’re dead!”

“I’m DEAD?”

“Yeah! But it’s cool! Take a look around you! You ended up in the right place, right?”

“Right, like I’m dead. I will admit, this is a little bit more realistic than most of my dreams but if I was dead, wouldn’t I be able to fly?”

“Oh! Can I do it?” A man with a scraggly red beard ran toward Donovan. He grabbed Donovan by the neck.”

“What are you doing?!” Donovan asked. The man threw Donovan through the cloud floor and toward the abyss.

“Nica, no!” The girl tried to stop him but Donovan was already falling.

Donovan was yelling as he was thinking about the worst part of the dream, right before someone wakes up, “Oh God, this is real!” Donovan found the darkness of the abyss fading. What once was black created the image of the buildings and urban infrastructure of the real world. “I don’t want to die! I wish I could fly!” With only a thought, Donovan began to hover. He finally began to catch his breath, “All I had to do…”

“Yep!” The girl appeared next to him, “All you had to do was think about flying, and you could do it! Asking someone to fly is like asking someone to move their arm. Which reminds me…” The girl extended her hand. Donovan accepted the handshake, “My name is Julie. I’m your death angel.”

“Death angel?” Donovan asked, “Are you here to kill me? Am I going to hell?!”

Julie laughed a high pitch giggle, “First off, you’re already dead, silly! Secondly, if you weren’t going to heaven, you’d be in too much pain to ask me that question. My job is simple – a death angel is someone assigned to dead people’s cases. We explain to you what it’s like to be dead, and answer the million questions that dead people have. Believe me, you guys get so many questions to ask me!”

“Alright, well then here’s a question for you,” Donovan said, “Who the hell was that who nearly killed m- Ahem, made me believe that I was going to die?”

“Oh, Nica?” Julie looked to her left. She found Nica laughing on his back, “He’s a little bit of a jerk. I wouldn’t worry about him. He’s really quite harmless. Like me, we’re not allowed to destroy anyone. He likes to joke around and act really cruel, but you’ll get used to him.”

“You’re a death angel but you can’t hurt anyone? Isn’t that a bit anticlimactic? Does this also mean I can’t hurt people?”

“It’s a bit complicated. We’re not really allowed to hurt people. You’re a dead person, I’m someone who has never lived, so I’m kind of built specifically for this job. I just don’t really see the point of scaring people. I hate seeing people so scared when they find out that they died, so that’s why I changed my appearance to this.” Julie pointed down at herself. She had the appearance of a young female that could take part in any beauty pageant, “I’m a little bit easier to deal with than the whole demon with the fire and brimstone.”

“Yeah, that does make sense, I guess.”

Nica flew to Julie. His hands were held up. Two fingers on each hand were shaped like corners. A rift between realms was created with the appearance of a television screen, “Julie! You have to check this out! Look what I did to this fool!” Julie looked at the screen and found a newly dead person awakening. He appeared to have lived until seventy nine. His hair was only existent at the back of his head and his body was wrinkled. The man’s brown eyes looked up. Nica stood tall and valiantly as the dead person stood up. Nica looked into the man’s eyes and solemnly spoke, “Phillip Rooney, what appears to you as the end is truly only the beginning.”

Phillip looked up at Nica, teary eyed, “No! I can’t be dead! What will happen to my wife? My kids? My grandchildren? Today was my grandson’s birthday. I need to see Robert!”

Nica visibly struggled to keep from laughing, “Ah, and grieve for your departure, you may. However, your death was intentional. You died from that heart attack, not because you chose not to cease eating red meat. It was God’s will. Phillip, you are sent by God to lead heaven’s army against the forces of hell. Hell’s forces are approaching quickly and God fears that without your help, heaven may lose. If heaven is allowed to be taken over, hell may conquer not just heaven, but all of existence as well. Phillip Rooney, you are the one!”

Tears streamed down Phillip’s face as he fell to his knees. He looked up to the sky, “Yes, God! I am here for you! I accept your appointment as general for your armies! With you on my side, I will make sure Satan will not step foot near Heaven’s gates!” Phillip’s head became level. He found Nica on his back, laughing so hard that it hurt, “Excuse me, why are you laughing?”

“I’m laughing because you are such an imbecile! Why would we want your help? God doesn’t want your help! You’re useless!”

Phillip stared at Nica in disbelief, “None of this is real, is it? I’m having some sort of crazy dream. I’m not even dead, am I?”

The laughter was almost too much. Nica struggled to stand to his feet, shaking his head. “No, believe me – you’re dead. If I could, I’d send you to hell, just because you’re an idiot.”

Donovan slapped Nica’s hand, disrupting the image, “I can’t believe this, and I can’t believe you. People are going through the worst feeling imaginable, knowing that they can’t go on with their loved ones. They’re forever away from Earth, and you’re mocking them? These people have a right to grieve and to cry! This is not funny, and you better stop right now!”
With only a thought, Nica sent a gust of wind to Donovan that sent him back fifty feet. Nica laughed, “Fly off to the moon and give NASA something to work with. Your tears can fill an ocean within its craters.”

Donovan rubbed his head and looked back at Julie, “What just happened? I thought I couldn’t get hurt anymore.”

“I definitely didn’t say that! You should wake up and pay more attention, sleepy!” Julie giggled as she hovered toward Donovan. She circled them over Donovan’s head, her fingers dancing. Donovan stopped rubbing the wound. The pain no longer existed, “What I told you was that you can’t die anymore and even then, I only technically didn’t lie to you.”

“So I can die? I can’t? Please explain.”

“What I mean to say is that you can’t die anymore, because you’re already dead. That doesn’t mean, though, that worse things can’t happen to you. You’re dead, but it’s not too late for God to send you to hell. Humans can’t see you, punch you or use any other human-based attacks to hurt you. Still, spirit attacks can still hut you.”
“Spirit attacks?”

“Alright, this will be confusing, so listen up! There are two kinds of attacks in the universe - Earth and Spirit. If one person punches another human, that’s an Earth Attack. You’re used to those. Then, there’s Spirit Attack, the kind that Nica did to you. Earth Attacks can’t do anything to you, but if Nica wanted to, he could have put you to a stage beyond death.”

“Beyond death? What could possibly be beyond death? Only God can send me to hell, so what is worse than death?”

“Non-Existence. He could have made it so you didn’t exist anymore. Depending on how you feel, it’s not that terrible, but heaven is going to be pure bliss. You don’t want to not exist.”
“Nica sounds like a real jerk. If he could have ended me right now, why didn’t he?”

“There’s one thing that affects both humans and death angels. Karma. It’s real, and because we have all this power, we make sure not to abuse it. God acts quickly if we’re misbehaving and if we keep it up, we could be cast down.”

Donovan lied down upon the cloud and opened up a hole to where he can look down into the world, “God. …Are we able to talk to him?”

“You can, if you like. It’s not like you couldn’t when you were alive, but it’s a bit easier up here. It’s like a telephone, there’s less interference up here. Better reception.”

Donovan looked up at Julie and tilted his head in disbelief, “Are you kidding me?”

Julie laughed, “Yes, Donny - I am just kidding. We get to joke up here too, silly. We’d go nuts if we were all Mr. Serious like you.”

“Well we have reason to be upset. I died an hour-“ Donovan abruptly stopped and lifted up his finger, “ago… and now they’re going after my son. I have to go!” As if he was going into a swimming pool, Donovan dove in through a cloud. He flew through the wind. Julie followed.

“What are you doing?”

“My son Oscar is going to die if I don’t do anything! I need to find him!” Donovan flew through the wall of his house and into Oscar’s room. The room was empty. He went in through each room in his house, “He’s not here!”

“Donovan.”

“I grounded him, and he’s not here!”

“Donovan!”

“Oh, God! He’s dead!”

Julie pointed her index finger at Donovan. It glowed a bright yellow and fired a beam of energy into Donovan. He seized as if lightning struck his body, “This isn’t meant to hurt you, just shut up. You’re not an Earth being anymore! You got some perks now, hun!”

After a moment, Donovan became able to move. He looked at Julie expectantly.

“Don’t think. Feel. Is Oscar dead?”

Donovan closed his eyes and allowed his body to relax, “No, he’s not.”

“Where is he, Donovan?”

Donovan’s eyes remained closed, “I know where.” He opened his eyes and flew off, ‘Of all the days to disobey my orders, Oscar, you sure chose the right one.’
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Post Post #412 (ISO) » Wed Oct 26, 2016 5:36 am

Post by Zachstralkita »

kuribo steady lackin with that thread title update
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Post Post #413 (ISO) » Wed Oct 26, 2016 10:54 am

Post by Dunnstral »

yea uh unfortunately I'm not going to have anything-

Would be unfair to zach anyway
(not like he's gonna submit anything either)
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Post Post #414 (ISO) » Thu Oct 27, 2016 9:17 am

Post by Natirasha »

So, inspectorscout(or whoever you are)'s was, well, I've read this before I'm sure somewhere. Not knocking it or anything, but just from an excitement factor it hurts my expectations some. I'm partial to bookends, but although I didn't really think they worked super well in this. I dunno, this was just sort of unexciting to me.

Kuroi's is out of context and while I appreciate novel excerpts(both of my entries have been rewritten excerpts from my works), this one doesn't work because it was more exposition-y. You have to info dump sometimes, I get that, but the bulk of the excerpt was setting up rules that don't matter in short form. I enjoyed the mild humor in it, although I'm still questioning a death angel named Julie. Reminds me of TWGOK in a way, which is fine. Also, I had a little trouble following what was happening at the end. I got it after reading over a few more times but it was a bit murky.

I can't really critique prose very well, my eyes get all blurry when I try to, but I didn't notice anything egregious.

I'm going to give this one ot
KuroiXHF
, but only just slightly. See ya next time.
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Post Post #415 (ISO) » Thu Oct 27, 2016 9:21 am

Post by kuribo »

Sorry I forgot to update the thread title for you nati

Next time I'm at a computer I'll update it again

Alternatively you guys can inbox me when I need to do thread stuff
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Post Post #416 (ISO) » Thu Oct 27, 2016 10:24 am

Post by Natirasha »

is ok i luv u bb
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Post Post #417 (ISO) » Thu Oct 27, 2016 10:29 am

Post by KuroiXHF »

I don't know what that anime is, but the idea is that people who are angels of death know how stressful being dead can be so they change their appearance to more friendly, bubbly personality types. And I know that this was a pretty big risk. But thank you!

I'll have the prompt coming soon.
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Post Post #418 (ISO) » Thu Oct 27, 2016 11:19 am

Post by KuroiXHF »

The Prompt:
"You knew you shouldn't have done it! Now unless you do what they say, everyone will know!"
That's right! Blackmail! What did they do? Who caught them? What will happen next?! Feel free to be a bit metaphorical, but I really want to see some suffering and inner conflict!

Word Count:
3.000 words, but quality over quantity.

Deadline:
6:30 PM EST Thursday, November 3rd!
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Post Post #419 (ISO) » Thu Oct 27, 2016 8:46 pm

Post by inspectorscout »

Thank you for being honest!
But I know,
At the end...
Remind me of the fool I really am.


Am Zaphkael now.
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Post Post #420 (ISO) » Mon Oct 31, 2016 9:13 am

Post by KuroiXHF »

I'm going to extend this for two days because of the Site Chat.

Deadline is Saturday, same time.
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Post Post #421 (ISO) » Sat Nov 05, 2016 6:00 am

Post by Zachstralkita »

I'm working on something. It will be done before DL.
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Post Post #422 (ISO) » Sat Nov 05, 2016 8:36 am

Post by Zachstralkita »

Word Count: 2160-2175 ish

Not even sure if it falls strictly under your prompt, Kuroi. Maybe you tell me?

Spoiler: Listless
“I'm not sure I can contain my disgust, Klein. We spend four and a half years trying to take the mining capitol of the province and the lunatic... lays siege to it?” the man mumbled, pausing to ignite his lighter and drag until the cherry crackled, pluming thick aromatic tobacco smoke from his nostrils that smelled of vanilla extract and toasted sesame. It was so strong that a man need only smell it to become nauseous, provided he had not eaten.


“Bad business, that.” Klein affirmed, sipping his mug with both hands as to prevent it from shaking. “But I wouldn't be too vocal about my displeasure, sir. He was not nicknamed Nero by chance.”

Save for the two sitting opposite each other in a booth, the luxurious train car was empty, but fully furnished. The room had all the makings of luxury, cream white embroidered seats with gold lining and ornate marble tables. The chandelier beamed dim amber light, and the faint haze that began to envelop the room slowly lapped at the frosted blue windows. Of course there was a bar, but with the bartender wholly absent its bottles would continue to look so pristine they would almost be considered decorative. There was certainly no mistaking the arrogant opulence of the booth, of the room, of the train. Vagrants in the lower Sectors would probably shoot, stab and strangle one another just to get a chance to
beg
for scraps from one of its waste receptacles.

“Are we but mere barbarians again?” the other man said, angrily pulling on his cigarette and spewing smoke with a burst of malice in his eyes that looked as if it had been pent up for years. “Being mentally impotent and gruesomely sexually dissolute does not give him cause to be governed by his childish impulses like a damned fool. Royal lineage notwithstanding, his mother was still just a slaver's whore before Antros found her. No matter how many people he has flayed for saying it.”

“Could I... trouble you for one of those, sir?” Klein asked, indicating the special cigarette. Even a former provocateur as himself was beginning to feel slightly uneasy. Being given audience to an unnamed clad-black Dilletan officer in a previously non-designated location could only mean two things. One of them was death. But it had been longer than twenty minutes and he had not been restrained, beat or spit on, so the chances of that were as slim as they could be. The situation was technically looking up.

The intelligence officer's eyes went slack again, their previous intensity vanished for the time being. A few seconds later and the heavy vanilla scent increased twofold. Soon the whole train car would look as if drenched in fog.

Klein took another gulp of his coffee. The silverware, plates and cups clinked against each other as the train picked up speed.

“I suppose I should get to the point. Come in.” the man called out.

From the rear end of the train car entered two. Another officer with a different uniform, possibly from the diplomatic division, and an armed guard.

“You will assassinate the King. He is to attend a conference in Zossen two days from now where they will discuss how to proceed with the situation in Westeria. As I understand it he wants to launch a full fledged invasion on the entire state of Deimos just to cut through the Eastern front. That I cannot abide by. I have assured the Chancellor this situation has been dealt with. That waste of oxygen will draw breath no longer. I trust you sympathize with our cause?”

Klein paused, taken aback. The ash on his cigarette had slowly begun to build and form a skeleton's finger.

“You will kill me if I don't?” Klein breathed. He was not one for treason, but also did not favor an early death.


“God, no. I'm not as cruel as you might think.” the secret police agent replied with a smirk.

From beneath the table he procured a large silver revolver and shot the standing officer in the throat. Klein simultaneously felt cold steel press against the back of his neck. As he watched the man collapse and convulse, the life draining out of his body, writhing in the ground as blood spurted out of his neck and engulfed the carpet in crimson, he understood what few men ever experience: there was a marked difference in watching another man die when you had the upper hand, and watching him die when you
didn't
. The dark red blood contrasted sharply against the angelic white of the floor. Klein shuddered briefly as he watched the officer twitch one last time before he went still for eternity.

“Hold this. And that was the only round I chambered. I suggest you do not try to shoot me.” the Dilletan said, flipping the gun around and extending it to Klein.

The rifle barrel dug deeper into his neck. Klein took the gun.

“Finger it. Feel the trigger. Grip it tightly.”

Klein did as he asked.

“Now I suspect a rogue agent who just murdered a military intelligence officer would not receive much sympathy in a court. Despite your many...
achievements
.” the man smirked, blowing out another puff.

Klein said nothing. He could barely manage to flick his ash and drag it again, fingers shaking.

“ Where would you seek refuge? Not anywhere in Eastern bloc. I've informed the NSSR that you took part in the bombing in Vladivostok. Very need-to-know information, I'm aware. I suspect you'd be tortured for
fun
before the firing squad dashes your brains upon a brick wall. The communists are not very subtle these days. And the Arabs won't protect you. I've told them that you are Mossad. Your options are limited at best. And with the report we're about to put out on you, you try hiding
anywhere
in this Republic and you'll be dragged out, stampeded and hung. And then I can't save you. Right now, I am your only salvation, Klein.”

The bastard was right. His only option was to acquiesce or suffer an even worse fate.

“So what do I do?”

“You'll be given a fake identity, passports and such. We'll alter your appearance and supply you with everything you need. On that night, when the King goes out onto the balcony you will shoot him. Failing that you will have to get close and murder him. Dangerous, yes, but a last resort. And we will know the second he dies. We will know if he does not. After you will be cleared of all suspicion. You might even be able to retire. I'll take care of you. Now doesn't that sound nice?”


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Two days later

Klein had been distraught. Running on no sleep, the thoughts that permeated his mind were not friendly to his conscience. He could only think of the man who had been shot before his eyes and how helpless he was to resist. The plot he had been coerced into carrying out. How many were behind this, obscured in the shadows? How many things could go wrong? What would happen if he was interrupted? If he failed? There was a vantage point picked out from where he would snipe King Alerod, but he feared it would not be that simple. And if it was, he would have to escape in haste. The King's Guard would not hesitate to scour the snowy woods to crucify him. Klein was rightly nervous. Two days without sleep had him hearing footsteps and occasionally seeing people in windows and corners who would just elude him when he looked. He had been making his way to Zossen via several trains and was now en route to the secluded vantage point. Reconstructive surgery had given him new retinas and a slightly altered face with a new haircut. The conference was due to convene in a hour or so. Then all he would have to do was lie in wait with the sniper rifle and anticipate his mark. The highest power in the Republic of Asteros and the most feared. And he would have to be the kingslayer. Soon the trees made way to a small hill covered in rocks. Up there would be his weapon, supposedly. As he trekked he felt the frigid air blast his face and wondered what he did to deserve such a fate. But he knew he was lying to himself. There was no fate. Only what you did and did not do. But you decided your own destiny in the end. His vision was blurring and the cold snow seemed like it was trying to suck him in as he strained to take each step. At last the rocks came, and then he searched for a long case tucked away in a little alcove. Inside was a high powered Magnum rifle. A shot anywhere above the torso would obliterate any man. Bullets respected no hierarchy. He ran his hands slowly across the pristine rifle and the bulging scope. The gun was a work of art. When was the last time he sniped someone? A few months ago in Prague. He winced when he thought about the collateral. A girl, no older than twenty, who stepped into the doorway at the wrong time. But feelings never mattered. Emotions never mattered. In the end he was just a piece to be used. More like a machine in the way that he operated, but maybe now most of all he understood he was just a means to an end. It was too late to question anything now. Now he had to gather whatever strength he had left. Sleep deprivation instilled determination. Or was it mania bordering on psychosis? The line between right and wrong was as nonexistent as it had ever been. Of course he despised the savage King and all the atrocities he committed. But for as long as he remembered he was an agent who helped carry out such atrocities. Would this absolve him? Or would only death be adequate repentance for his guilt? Either way it didn't matter. Readying his rifle and going prone, he focused on the large manor in the distance. Like the Dilletan said, there was a visible open balcony which was presumably the King's. The windows allowed sight into the room. And all he had to do was wait. Wait. Wait. And not sleep. He wouldn't be able to anyway. It was
far
too cold.

And when his mark finally came into view a few hours later, the resulting recoil from the shot nearly broke Klein's shoulder. But he had hit what he was aiming at. He'd murdered a lot of people. Taking in the details of each one became boring at a point. Nero or not.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
An unknown amount of time later

“Huh. You've looked better.”

Klein found himself in a parlor. Besides the operative who he now knew as Renault, the other men in suits and trenchcoats were unknown, casually smoking and sipping from chalices. A few generals were present as well.

“Bang-up job you did there. Apparently you could see through his chest. They tried to put his organs back in, but they kept falling out!” Renault said, stifling a laugh.

He was clearly in a much more giddy mood. Whoever the conspirators were, they were well off.

“What now?” Klein asked, emotionless. He had slept since the shooting, but it had not really been sleep. Just brief unconsciousness mingled with overwhelming nightmares. Horrible visions of being tortured by Nero in a pit of hellfire as all his victims watched. Talking to men with gaping wounds that did not even faze them. His own doppelganger trying to murder him. And nearly succeeding.

“Now, my friend, a new era begins. The king's death has preceded an election, as while you may not have known it, we...
disappeared
all his successors. Even the boy. I cannot even comprehend what the future will bring. And with the full support of Deimos we may be able to annex Westeria without spilling a drop of our troops' blood. I'd say it looks beautiful.”

“I meant what now for me.”

“Oh. Sorry, but I'm going to have to kill you.”



The room burst into hysterical laughter.

“I'm, I'm only kidding. You can have any position you want. We'll install you anywhere. You can retire with all the riches you desire. What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost.” he said, nearly doubling over.


“I've seen a lot of them.”
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Post Post #423 (ISO) » Sat Nov 05, 2016 9:38 am

Post by Bins »

Spoiler: 1020
Evans remembered the day vividly. The Revolution was headed eastward into Albanzi, and had stopped at a post location west of H-129. The General had woke him up early this morning, dragging the wool covers off of him and pulling him out of the bunk and into the office. It was 4:30am that morning. The sun reflected brightly off the newly fallen snow.

General Karr was dressed heavily in winter clothing, a scarf snug up against his wrinkled face. He scowled, “Evans. If I could travel back in time I would go back to when you were a child so I could drop you on your head.”

Karr laughed.

“At least then there’d be a fucking excuse for this.”

Karr hacked a cough. And another. Blood splattered over the floor. Karr turned to him, grabbing him by his shirt collar. “My fucking fever hasn’t died, Doctor. I’ve been sick for a week now and I can barely get out of bed. But yet still I have to tug your ass down here so I can ask you about how the fuck you intend to fix me.”

The pale General supported himself on the desk beside him. It was pneumonia. Doctor Evans knew this. A case so severe that Karr shouldn’t have been able to walk upright, let alone force his lungs to spew vile threats at his doctor. But Evans had no choice but to obey orders, as he knew what Karr was capable of. At the start of the war, he saw the General take a man from his very own home. And then, when all was quiet, he searched the upstairs to find the wife. What he found was a pregnant young lady and a young girl. And when they refused to address him the way he ordered, he shot them both and fired three rounds at the woman’s stomach, ripping her open from her navel up to her chest.

The Doctor had no choice at all. He handed the monster his medicine.

It took a week for Karr to get better. His symptoms disappearing as if he had been blessed by a miracle overnight. The Revolution pressed forward to H-129, their next stop. Karr would go on to lead the army to an eventual loss at Albanzi a month later. The defeat was blamed on a breach in security - a rat - among them, releasing the plans of their master weapon and giving the Resistance enough time to prepare for their ambush. After the loss, Karr was nothing but a forgotten ghost of a battle once fought.

Karr was eventually captured by the Resistance. They tortured him and he spoke. And when he spoke, he told them all of the knowledge he had of the long fought war. It is speculated by many that this disclosure and meeting is what led to Resistance to finally push to victory.

It was the young lady who tended to his wounds who was the first to speak to him after his torture. Her voice was soft, like one that he used to know. “I knew you were a coward. A horrid man, yet so easily broken by the whip.”

“I was already broken,” Karr spoke, his solemn eyes focused steadily on the floor.

“Right." She did not seem afraid of him. And in truth, she was wondering why a man so infamous as General Karr could have a face that was so kind.

“They cannot threaten me,” he smiled. “For my whole life has already been used against me. When they said, ‘And General, you are a horrible, horrible man. And unless you tell us your secrets, everyone will know your true character.’” Karr laughed. “Everyone? I have no one who cares enough about me to know.”

The woman laughed, “Good.” He smiled back, as if to humour her stubborn braveness.

“And, well,” he continued, “that wasn’t the first time I’ve been threatened like that.”

The woman peered into his gaze, trying to read it. There was no hate, but only fear in the eyes of the man that had supposedly killed so many. And while he longed to share his story, he knew it was one he couldn’t tell.

He couldn’t tell her about his best friend, General Frederick Karr, the man he was posing to be. He couldn’t tell her that Karr had threatened him the very same way for twenty years. Karr was blinded by rage and thirsty for revenge after Evans, the Doctor, had killed Karr’s wife. She had begged Evans to do so, as her condition was taking her and it was not taking her gently. He complied, and while he had told the General that she had died naturally, Karr figured out the truth.

The barrage of threats came after. Just empty words at first, but when Karr came to Evan's house that night, he finally got his revenge. A wife and child and unborn baby all brutally murdered. He didn’t stop there. With the power of a high ranking and respected General, Karr was invincible to the man who was now forced to do his every bidding. And if not, Karr would not only kill Evans, but his remaining loved ones.

“You’re a monster! And now you will pay. Submit to me or I will kill everyone you love.”


The Doctor’s escape was in Karr’s illness. And while Karr had tested the pills for poison, he did not realize he was just swallowing sugar tablets. Karr would die in his sleep one night, never making it to H-129.

Evans would go into Karr’s office after finding the body and looting the keys. He would dispose of the body in the incinerator and take Karr’s place. During the cold months, this was no challenge because of the winter clothing. And when the war ended, none of the Resistance had reference to what General Frederick Karr had looked like.

Evans smiled to the woman and spoke softly and quietly, “I have been threatened many times. Because I am Fredrick Karr, and everyone, if they do not know already, will learn that I am a very bad man.”
Last edited by Bins on Tue Jul 04, 2017 8:17 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Post Post #424 (ISO) » Sun Nov 06, 2016 10:06 am

Post by KuroiXHF »

Oh shoot. I forgot about this.

Deadline is now over, and I'll judge this in an hour or so.

EDIT: Sorry. I'll actually get this done tomorrow.
"and now i am TURNED ON AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!" - KainTepes

I'm regularly V/LA on the weekends. If this is the weekend and I've not said otherwise, please assume I'm on V/LA.
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