Fiction Rumble II - Week 26 (Current Champion: Zaphkael)

[Creature]

(hope its not too draconian)

Spoiler: Modern Day Dragon, 739 words

I crack my way out this goddamn oval cell and the first thing I see is a feral-looking mother.

She flew, I waited and she returned with a dead animal body to feed me. She flew and returned with another animal body, and again, and again.

One day, she flew but didn’t return.

Tired of waiting, I flew from the nest myself and attacked a nearby animal. Then a bigger animal, then a bigger. One day, I was attacking an entire nest of them.

They were weird animals, had weird limbs, stubs instead of claws, weird removable appendixes and strange habits. Some of them who showed up had metal covering their body and were riding another animal.

They attacked me with their metal thing attached to their hands, but I flew away from them.

I attacked another village and more of them showed up. Another village, and another village. I found them annoying, but I was truly interested in them.

Years passed, decades passed, I soon grew to encircle the mountain I lived in.

Multiple of these metal-holding metal-bodied animals attacked me throughout times, some of them reciting their poetry before doing so, but I burned them all.

Decades passed, centuries passed, less of them showed up to face me. Even the villages I attacked seemed to not be anyone’s concern anymore. They even invited me to participate in their ‘war’.

I found the ‘war’ amusing at first, but I got tired and went for other fish.

One day, with the help of a gentle wizard and multiple ‘dragon rights’ activists, I was given their form and got invited to live in society.

I was given a job, I was given a home, I was given ‘responsibilities’.

I woke up, dressed, put a tasteless mass in the ‘coffee’ liquid and ate it, I brushed my fangs and went to the bus stop.

The bus was full and there was a screaming kid near me. I stared it as if I wanted to blast it with fire and it shut up at least.

I got off the bus and went to work.

The boss showed on my cubicle with a load of papers, looked at me and said: “don’t miss them this time, you filthy dragon”. I wished that filthy dragon could eat his head off right now.

After work, I met up with my ‘human’ friends, we told each other bad jokes, we got wasted and I fell asleep on the park bench.

The next day, these ‘human’ animals wearing blue and black appendixes forced me into some ‘recovery establishment’, containing multiple of drunk-looking of them.

I left it and went to the gym, did some run and push ups and left.

I left and I went to the park. It was way too loud, the air smelled bad and I had to scare off some kids. Then I sat on the bench and stared my old home.

Sir, the dragon I’ve came to slay

So with your daughter I can marry

To the top, her I will carry

And there stay for the rest of our days

I went back to my current home just to find my landlord angry, he said: “pay your rent or I am getting your dragon ass to the street”.

I turned on the TV. It was on Fox News, the headline was ‘Adoption rights for dragons’ and some pastor was callin us demons. I turned off the TV and slept on the couch.

The next day I went to work again and my boss called me to his office. “You’re fired”, he said.

I decided I was tired of this. I returned to my original form and ate his head, while utterly destroying the building. Then I flew off up to the sky.

As I flew, I observed those gas machines taking up entire streets, barely moving, roaring on each other. I observed these animals leaving on and off the shops. I observed some of them sitting at the side of the road in a miserable condition. I observed all them clearly frustrated.

I flew back to the mountain I was born in. There, I didn’t ever see these weird animals for a while.

One day, I saw one daredevil climb up with a large metal object with multiple appendices. I watched him use it to open my neck.

Oh well, that should’ve happened hundred years ago.

These animals are so stupid.

[vizIIsto]

If I may critique stories from previous prompts, may I also write stories to those prompts if I feel like it? I don't really know what else to do with the time I've got on my hands...

[vizIIsto]

Also, I won't mind reading older stories and sharing my opinions on them, but I am Dutch, I'm not a native English speaker, I only passed my final exam with a 7/10 so I will probably judge in a different way.
To compare it to a TV dance show in the Netherlands right now: there are four judges, three of which were professional dancers and notice every mistake, and the other judge is mostly there for grading entertainment value. I won't judge as much as others the plot and the breakdown of the story, just how intriguing and fun the story was to read and if the characters are interesting.

[vizIIsto]

I just started another thread which is similar to this in the sense that it is also story writing, but it is something different to this and I hope you guys will like it as much as you like this!

[Creature]

If I may critique stories from previous prompts, may I also write stories to those prompts if I feel like it? I don't really know what else to do with the time I've got on my hands...

Yes, I am somewhat writing previous prompts too.

Also you don't need to just spelling/grammar errors, but rather how enjoyable was that read.

[kuribo]

I've considered bringing the idea of dueling to this thread for those periods where we're all just waiting for deadline.

I have an idea how it should go, basically a watered down version of SA's Thunderdome (which Fiction Rumble was based on) without the hostility. Not because I'm opposed to hostility, but because it doesn't really fly on MS.

[Creature]

If you want an extra challenge for your free time, here are two:

Spoiler: 100 Themes

Topics
Introduction	Love	Light	Dark	Seeking Solace	Break Away	Heaven	Innocence	Drive	Breathe Again
Memory	Insanity	Misfortune	Smile	Silence	Questioning	Blood	Rainbow	Gray	Fortitude
Vacation	Mother Nature	Cat	No Time	Trouble Lurking	Tears	Foreign	Sorrow	Happiness	Under the Rain
Flowers	Night	Expectations	Stars	Hold My Hand	Precious Treasure	Eyes	Abandoned	Dreams	Rated
Teamwork	Standing Still	Dying	Two Roads	Illusion	Family	Creation	Childhood	Stripes	Breaking the Rules
Sport	Deep in Thought	Keeping a Secret	Tower	Waiting	Danger Ahead	Sacrifice	Kick in the Head	No Way Out	Rejection
Fairy Tale	Magic	Do Not Disturb	Multitasking	Horror	Traps	Playing the Melody	Hero	Annoyance	67%
Obsession	Mischief Managed	I Can't	Are You Challenging Me?	Mirror	Broken Pieces	Test	Drink	Starvation	Words
Pen and Paper	Can You Hear Me?	Heal	Out Cold	Spiral	Seeing Red	Food	Pain	Through the Fire	Triangle
Drowning	All That I Have	Give Up	Last Hope	Advertisement	In the Storm	Safety First	Puzzle	Solitude	Relaxation

Spoiler: Word Count Stairs

Word count

30,000+

Level 4

25,001 - 30,000

20,001 - 25,000

15,001 - 20,000

12,501 - 15,000

10,001 - 12,500

Level 3

9,001 - 10,000

7,501 - 9,000

6,001 - 7,500

5,001 - 6,000

4,001 - 5,000

Level 2

3,001 - 4,000

2,501 - 3,000

2,001 - 2,500

1,501 - 2,000

1,001 - 1,500

Level 1

501 - 1,000

101 - 500

0 - 100

Level 0

[Formerfish]

I feel like the word staircase would be a good way to build a story from a smaller idea

[Formerfish]

This is where my current nickname comes from, something i rattled off when I was bored and high one night here. This is the story of the

Busboy Revolution

:

Spoiler:

Well sit down and let me tell you about the time all the busboys across the country sat down and refused to scrape another plate until they got the same respect as chimney sweeps.

For too long people had held chimney sweepers in such high regard that the term "hung like a chimney sweeper" was born out of the amount of regard given to them. Busboys had felt the growing divide since the early 1810s when people started to have more and more chimneys installed in their houses. Before then the most any house would have was one, and that was if the family was well of. Most of the houses at this time still were warmed by wood stoves and therefor the life of a chimney sweep was a sparse one.

After the boom in chimneys on each house it wasnt uncommon for some of the more affluent to have fireplaces installed in each room. This caused the number of chimneys to rise over 250% over the last decade. This rose the rates and amount of business that each chimney sweep was doing.

Small operations started to grow until the few that were around in the beginning created almost a cabal that had 95% control of all the chimneys in the limits of the cities. The country was split into just 5 areas and each was ran by one company. They all colluded with each other to stay out of the others areas and they all joined together to squash any upstart companies who think they have the clout to make a dent in the areas held.

This all lasted for over 20 years, with the last 10 years being in control by the cabal, and took their leadership into the 1830's. You may be wondering what busboys have to do with chimney sweeps and why they were the ones to eventually dismantle the power structure carefully built by the cabal. The correlation comes here. When the number of chimneys increased the amount of work for chimney sweeps increased and allowed the lower and middle class people in those jobs before the boom to go to the next level of class in our society. Prior chimney sweeps and busboys were known as comrades in arms. With the boom the chimney sweeps felt like they had to leave their old lives behind and to adopt into the ways of the elites.

Where once friendships were the norm and members of both careers mingled with each other now only resentment sat. Busboys now not only dealt with the elites from normal means, now they were dealing with a new group of chimney millionaires. If you take into account for inflation the amount a entry level chimney sweep was making equals over 1.2 million dollars in todays economy. That was what the veterans were making late into their teens.

Busboys had finally had enough with the insults and the injuries given to them by those who once sat with them in the gruel lines. Singing for their suppers outside the bathhouses, sometimes never being seen again after going home with one of the more prominent members of the local governments with direct ties to cabal money.

It was in June of 1833, one of the hottest days on record. The chimney sweeps were indoors at noon on the 15th of that month because it was the hottest day of that month and the tar on roofs were melting so badly the sweepers shoes were being pulled right off their feet. In every restaurant across the country chimney sweepers were sat at tables, drinking glasses of cold water. The action that broke the camels back was when after hours of sitting there waiting for the heat to break the sweepers drank glass, after glass, after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass,after glass of water and refused each and every servers attempt to just fill glasses they already had from a pitcher.

Each sweeper demanded a new glass every time their glass was emptied.

Busboys sprang into action and started to rotate dirty glasses into the sink, washed them, ran them out to the servers, cleared empty glasses off tables to start the process all over again. They did their jobs stoically, not saying a disparaging word to a single one of their new masters.

It wasn't until the rains came, and the heat broke that the sweepers stood up, and made their way outside to get back to work now that the tar would have hardened again. Since all they had ordered were glasses of water none of them had a bill. The servers had been taking care of them for over 3 hours waiting on the weather to change. The busboys made their money from the benevolence of the servers, which was something the sweepers in power had done on purpose to try and subjugate their former equals to even more harsh degrees.

When the servers saw that not one sweeper had left even pocket change on their tables as they left, they apologized to the busboys and said that all the work that they had done over the last 3 hours constantly moving and washing glasses was just to make nothing from people who are so obviously able to improve the lives of others but made a choice not only to not help, but to make exponentially more difficult.

The busboys had finally had enough. They put down their towels, and took off their aprons and took to the streets. Ladders were confiscated from sides of any building they weren't attached to. Sweepers were stranded on roofs with no safe way to get down, many gave their lives that day.

Once the sweepers became away of the danger they were in they armed themselves with brooms and a chipper attitude. They were no match for the busboys though. The sweepers couldn't run due to their black lung and most were quickly overtaken by the busboys who actually had been keeping in decent shape with all the constant bending and lifting of weights possibly in excess of 25lbs as a repetitive motion. Chimneys were toppled, sweepers strung up and hung en masse in local makeshift gallows, the cabal had been toppled. After years of tyrannical rule the former foes were equals again.

Busboys made their way back to their aprons and picked up their towels and started to wipe tables down like nothing had been out of the ordinary that day. Chimney sweeping as a viable career was left to stories like Mary Poppins.

It became known as the "shittiest revolution" because one of the lesser known responsibilities of busboys is to unclog toilets and everyone knows that as cheap as chimney sweepers are they eat a lot of fast food and destroy bathrooms.

[vizIIsto]

How tf should I be able to make a 100 word story

[Formerfish]

Very succinctly.

[vizIIsto]

So here's a story I wrote about a year and a half ago. This is the first chapter I'll share today.
But first I want to explain the concept I had a bit.
The story was called '100 Years'. It described a couple of future scenario's possible in a 100 years time, a time period which most of us are most likely not going to see. There would be different stories in one story: one family writes about an alien apocalypse, another family somewhere else describes a possible worldwide starvation, and another one tells the tale of a natural disaster that is destroying human civilization.
These would all be in different worlds, all on Earth, but different universes which all resemble how the world might look in 100 years time. I can't remember all doom scenario's anymore now, but I still remember the starvation, alien apocalypse, zombie apocalypse and natural disaster. Perhaps there was also a meteorite impact and a world where robots were taking over society? I don't know. There were like 6 or 7 'families' which wrote letters depicting how they see the futuristic world, written during events which we fear for now.

Here's the first chapter from a family in Philadelphia, which is now in the Western American States (the USA split up a few decades ago) in the year 2118:

Spoiler:

Chapter 1: Empty

Family Carson
2 March, 2118
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, WAS (West American States)

I just turned on the radio because there's not much else to do on my way home. Especially on days like these, dark clouds and just a bit of rain, very few other vehicles on the highway, it's easy to get bored like this.
Right now I turned on some lights in my car because it's getting quite dark and it's not easy to stay awake without some illumination. Wow, the light's way too bright this way, I said to myself, and I lowered the luminosity. This distraction almost made me hit another vehicle, which would be quite remarkable on such an uncrowded road, but I didn't really care about that. I was more concerned about how I should tell my fiance that I lost my job. Again. Last time was about three months ago or so, I can't remember and I don't want to remember it anyways.
The radio's playing some old-fashioned hiphop songs right now. Songs from ages ago but I don't care. It's much better than the current techno-style music hype stuff they're producing at the moment but that's not to my taste. I highly prefer the classic songs from so long ago, much more peaceful and relaxing than all that unorganized so-called 'music' those fools are making.
I wish I could go back to those times because I can imagine they were so much better. I can remember my granddad telling about what his granddad told him about those times, and in my eyes they were much more precious than the current era. Technology has taken over the world completely right now and I just lost my job because my computer/robot programming work will now be done by - how ironic - a robot. That's right, pretty much everything electronic is now taken care of by something else electronic. According to my boss that's to increase efficiency. Also according to my boss, a lot of jobs were now unnecessary and - also according to my boss - there were too many people ahead of me that he thought could do the other jobs better than me. The only thing us humans need to do right now is to program the 'big chiefs' of the exanimate devices.

"Hey, how was your day, honey?", was the first thing Alesha asked me when I entered through the door.
I looked at the telly - it said 10 PM - before saying "I'm doin' fine." My entire face shaked when I said that and Alesha could see something was wrong.
"What happened? Did something awful happen?"
She always knows it instantly when I enter the house when something bad happened to me that day. I don't even need to say anything and I also can't really try to cover it because she will always find out something happened. That's what I both admire and disgrace about her, but at least we're happy to have each other. Not at all times though, but the moments we enjoy together I cherish.
She had just taken some left-over spaghetti out of the fridge and heated it up for me when she said: "You shouldn't be afraid to tell me if you're worried about something, it's not that that will stop me from loving you. And whatever it is, there will be a solution for your problem, I'm sure."
I guess I didn't even need to tell her anymore that I got fired (well theoretically I just lost my job, I didn't get fired) but I still did. I told her about that my job had gone from useful to useless and that my boss couldn't assign me a new spot and that I got fired. Again, I didn't really get fired, but I said it that way anyways because the last time, I actually got fired too and I want to keep this streak going.
She gave me some spaghetti while she said that she's sure 'we can find a new job for you'. She didn't look surprised and she didn't even look to have been emotionally influenced at all, but I'm slowly getting used to that personality.
"Is Tucky already asleep?", I asked her.
"Oh yes, I had time left so I could watch him fall asleep and that looked so sweet. The new lullaby remix I downloaded a few days ago really helped I guess."
"Well, at least lullaby's are better than the current crap they make nowadays if you'd ask me."
I kinda like my little son Tucky. He looks a bit like my dad. Every time I see that adorable smile on his face I have to think about my dad who always got home with a smile. He always had a positive attitude towards pretty much everything in life, I guess that's just the way he was. I wish I was like my dad, unfortunately I can be quite dreary at times and about some things I just can't see what the heck could be good about it, for example the fact I got fired today (note: lost my job). Probably my dad would say that I could get a brand new, much better job now.

Alesha turned the telly on. We're quite poor compared to most of American citizens so we still have one of those old-fashioned tv systems. It's a shame we can't have one of those where you can smell everything the actors smell on the set, though I'd switch to a different channel if a movie about poop was showed. Apparently they're trying to develop a new kind of system that you can walk in and see a movie as if you were in it. Sadly that's only for the super rich and obviously my family doesn't belong to that group.
I'm just staring at the telly, not moving, not even watching at all, just staring at it. I know there's something on that screen but I'm too much in trance that I don't know what it is. It could be a lifestyle show, it could be a quiz, it could be a movie. But I don't care about that, I'm just staring thoughtless at the blurred screen in front of me.
I hear someone screaming across the street. First thing I thought was that I found out it was a movie. But when I got more focused I realized I was wrong. It was just someone yelling because their car - an amphibian trike if I'm correct - had been set on fire. That's like the second time that's happened this week.
Life's hard.
I switched to another channel, a news channel apparently because I found the fortune-teller channel quite boring (eh, who doesn't).
"Rossija (Russia for those reading that completely missed this change) has claimed another part past Bucharest, near the Donau," is what I heard newsreader Daryl Lannon say. "The two army's of Rossija and Bulgaria (whatever was left) met eachother just south of Bulgaria's former capital Bucharest, that had already been claimed by Rossija a few weeks ago. The remarkably small army of Bulgaria didn't stand a chance against the massive military of Rossija. It's estimated that Rossija now claims almost 20 million square kilometres, about a seventh of total land area."
For those wondering how the Russian army (I'll just say Russian because I think it sounds better) won so many battles and almost never loses, historicans believe it's the cause of small countries near Russia that had split up and thus also have a small army. Because they refuse to work together against Russia - why else would they have split up from other countries - they were helpless against the immense Russian army. And because China is sitting on their lazy butts, Russia right now has nothing to fear from China's Revolutionary Army.
Thank God that our America doesn't have much to fear. Both sides of America (East and West) are good friends with Canada and we don't have to worry about Mexico as well because they yet still haven't figured out how to climb over that wall. (jeez, never heard about airplanes?). And Philadelphia is quite far away from the border with East America so I guess I'm safe for at least the next 10 years.
At least, I hope I am.

If you feel like it, tell me what you think of it. This was when I was still attending high school. I got a 7 for English, and this is what I wrote somewhere during that time period. I'd like to hear your review!

P.S. Maybe I can use this as the first chapter in the Chain Story? I'm gauging interest but none of you have let me know to be interested in it yet...

[Creature]

How tf should I be able to make a 100 word story

100-word drabbles

[ConManMick]

mmmm ego

[student]

2 days reminder!!

[student]

Spoiler: FF

All that to do a haircut. The story was engaging - and the prompt addressed well. I liked how well emotions were described through actions and memories. I am a big fan of the line "No one would ever think twice about someone parking and then leaving a few minutes later." I wish you were a bit clearer on "sparring" meant in the beginning, and that you go a bit more in depth onto the crazy level of deliberation our protagonist needed. You can perhaps even set up the story as a herculean task, and end up being a haircut, and that could be wonderful.

Spoiler: Viz

Also extremely well written and conveys the "false" hope of the young student struggling between his own passion and what the dad wants. I think one thing that could be improved is plot development. I could kind of see where this story is going "he has a love hate-relationship with soccer" by the 2nd paragraph. There's needs to be more, perhaps through a softer build-up (where its revealed through that his love for soccer stems entirely from how much he wants validation of his father).

Spoiler: Creature

This story is excellent. I love this style of matter-of-fact dictation but absurd stories. Yeah I don't know where I would improve it - it's brilliant, I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I wish I thought of the story myself.

Spoiler: Winner

I think everyone did a fantastic job and used the word limit really well. I am really pleased at how this prompt turned out - though I wish I got to read SS and pops stories as well. The winner goes to

Creature

for this session. And we get one more before National Novel Writing Month!

[Something_Smart]

Yeah sorry I didn't participate in this one, was out of town over the weekend and I couldn't come up with any ideas I was satisfied with. All the stories were good, congrats Creature.

[Creature]

Yep, I got the idea from your post though. Glad it wasn't cringey, at least for you.

The Prompt:

"A man's or woman's best friend."

2500 words.

(expired on 2019-10-29 18:00:00)

Unleash your creativity.

[vizIIsto]

I know exactly what I'd want to write about but my bored and depressed mind should arguably take a break from doing things like this.

[student]

its ok you have 14 days to start producing serotonin

[Carcalilly]

bro can I write some really depressing stuff

[PJ.]

Dog stories?

[student]

panzer your avatar makes me uncomfortable.

creature this prompt is hard. i have 0 inspiration

[Creature]

Is anyone on their way to finish this prompt? Otherwise I can freeze it until the end of NaNoWriMo and continue either with the same or a new prompt.

[Something_Smart]

I got an idea literally yesterday... if you extended it a few days I might be able to make it.