Five Everyday Signs to Easily Identify a Trump Supporter

[Majiffy]

2017 USA is a scary time and place. Hurricanes, protests turning violent, a terrible Taylor Swift single on the radio, and a gigantic orange with bad hair and tiny hands trying to start a nuclear war with an equally narcissistic psychopath trying to develop ICBMs.

So how do you know where is safe to speak of your unending love for Marxism, essential and obvious medical rights for women and the latest episode of RuPaul's Drag Race? Simple! Use our 5 everyday signs to identify a Trump supporter and avoid placing yourself in a position to get unexpectedly riddled by hollowpoint rounds from an AR-15 or run down by a car on the sidewalk in front of your favorite gourmet coffee shop!

1. They put their toilet paper on the dispenser with the roll going under instead of over.

A classic sign of the deeply-ingrained Trumpist. Trump was an underdog in the 2016 election, and many supporters of Trump like to identify with that personification in their daily lives. The ideal figure here is a low-middle income blue collar worker, and they project this inner urge to be an underdog by rolling their bathroom tissue under the roll.

The struggle is real but at least I'm making an honest cleaning!

2. They do not use turn signals when driving.

Trump is revered by his Trumpolytes for being unpredictable and shooting from the cuff. They impersonate this valued trait by driving erratically all over the road, keeping other drivers on edge and all the attention on them.

The lieberal deep state can't be one step ahead of me if I don't even know what my next step is!

3. They like pineapple on their pizza.

In an attempt to show how brilliant and worldly and rich they are, Trumpuvians put tropical fruit on something that has no business having tropical fruit on it.

This is a bigly popular delicacy in A...Az-Azerbigan. I had it once at my very fancy resort in Florida I have a timeshare in.

4. They will drive either ridiculously slower than the speed limit or way faster than is safe.

Not to be confused with #2, this actually has to do with Trumpools' feelings of rectified empowerment since The Donald took office. The rules no longer apply to them, because the rigged game is finally going to go their way now that Big D is draining that swamp.

No one tells me how to drive! I'm a proud member of Trump's America! #MAGA!!!

5. 'What's a "Game Of Thrones?" Is that like Monopoly?'

We're pretty sure Trumpsketeers only get Fox News on their TVs. At least, we're hoping. The world would make more sense that way.

Snape Killed Dumbledoof? Fake News!

Check out other articles by this author:

10 Things You Didn't Know About The KKK That Will Make You Hide Your Cat

Help! All My Cocaine Just Went Down The Toilet! And Other Useful Life Hacks

7 Ways Talking To The Cops Can Give You The Shits

[Flubbernugget]

Don't do cracked

[Majiffy]

Eh, I thought of it in the shower and it's an accessible and known style to satirize.

[vonflare]

Once in a lifetime you'll come across a thread that truly captures the history and cultural distinctions of the modern world the way a person can subjectively perceive it through our guided field of perspective. I have to admit, I had my doubts when I first opened the thread. After all, Majiffy? Will this thread even be good? How ignorant was I to even have these thoughts. Little did I know I was about to indulge in what may have been the best 48 seconds of my life. The thread started out strong. The opening enticed the audience with a captivating enigma. I was so taken aback from the next-generation vocabulary that I almost didn't even realize the underlying symbolism in the paragraph. It wasn't until my twenty sixth reading of the thread where I finally got my bearings together and was able to focus on the gripping and labyrinthine stratagem. The underlying analogy for 19th century distopianism and the evangelical deviation of typical orthodoxy was enlightening to say the least. Just when I thought the thread could not get any better, the increasing conflict before the climax began. I could not believe the complexity of the story as the main protagonist, Majiffy, struggled with the everyday endeavors for a quintessential shitposter such as the consistent uphill altercation of the fight against opression and the fiscal synergy of opposing interplanetary dynamisms. There I was, gripping to my chair as the conflict of the thread began. I was so enticed by the thread that I felt as if I was both practically and relatively a part of the thread. This is a special kind of high that not even the strongest of drugs can give you. Was I part of the thread? Am I inside the thread right now? This thread will leave you questioning existential nihilism and the objective skepticism of our perceived valuation of anthropological existence. At this point in the thread, I was fully intoxicated by the avant-garde lexical style. That's when the plot finally aggrandized and I was completely stupefied. You could have lived a thousand years of isolation trying to predict the plot twist and you would never even scratch the surface of what actually transpires in the thread. I was so bewildered that I actually had to pause my reading so that my existential crisis didn't dive too deep inside of myself. Even pausing the read was surreal. It's almost as if life paused with the thread. I felt as though I had actually become a tangent quantum. The effects are still wearing off and I haven't been able to read a thread in several minutes. I spent the following few minutes afraid of what outside of my house actually looks like. Every single day and night I live in misery because I became fully aware that happiness is never achievable. I realized that human life has absolutely no meaning and that no matter what I ever do, it is of complete unimportance and in years from now, no recollection of my existence will prevail, meaning that if I died years ago, died now, or die sometime in the future it will not matter whatsoever to anyone. But, then again, the fact that I'm living doesn't matter either so I might as well stick around for awhile, living in complete isolation, condemned to a life of traumatic memories and a completely corrupted sub-conscience. This thread literally ruined my life. 10/10

[Majiffy]

Little did I know I was about to indulge in what may have been the best 48 seconds of my life.

That's what all the ladies say about me

[Cheery Dog]

Why are the clickbait links at the bottom not things I can click on!?

[Psyche]

majiffy this could be your career

[shaft.ed]

am I a 3/5ths Trump Supporter?

confused

[T-Bone]

I'm pretty sure Trump supporters are the types of monsters to put the toilet paper over the roll and despise pineapple on pizza.

Is Majiffy trying to indoctrinate us with propaganda?

[Annadog40]

Over the roll is how the people who made the stuff said to do.

[Aronis]

yay! i meet none of the qualifications
will keep this in mind for determining who I should stay away from

[Majiffy]

Why are the clickbait links at the bottom not things I can click on!?

I R Mastur Troll

majiffy this could be your career

Y thank u Psyche

[Iprobablysuck]

Trump Supporters are people who make threads like this

boom roasted

[Zachstralkita]

Majiffy hates freedom huh


What if I put pineapples on my AR-15 motherfucker

What if it fires hollow point pineapple chunks

[Majiffy]

Then I'd ask if this is you

[Thestatusquo]

im 13 and what is this

[vonflare]

Why don't I doubt that

[Majiffy]

im 13 and what is this

Shower thoughts turned into satire

[Thestatusquo]

u think about 13yos in the shower?

[inte]

honestly

how can u not like pineapple on pizza

that shits lit

[Not_Mafia]

A MAGA Cap
They are a Republican elected official
A Trump pin/bumper sticker etc...
They are a resident of Robert County Texas
They tell you they support Trump

[Thestatusquo]

honestly

how can u not like pineapple on pizza

that shits lit

Legit tho I order this veggie pizza from a place that has a whole bunch of shit on it including pineapple and I always asked for it without the pineapple but one day I forgot to do that and it came and I was like fuck theres pineapple on here but also I was really hungry and didn't feel like waiting another 40 minutes for a replacement (or even asking for one, since it was my mistake in the first place).

Anyway, I ate it and it was great. I never asked for no pineapple ever again.

I suspect a lot of people who say they "don't like pineapple on pizza" probably never have actually had it and just think it sounds weird.

[vonflare]

I think that's an intriguing theory and it's possible that it's correct however I am required to disagree with you based on the fact that this is an anti-pineapple thread

[Iprobablysuck]

Spongebob heavily disapproves of this thread

[Not_Mafia]

Spongebob can go fuck himself