Hi guys. I think it's time for me to be open about it.
I'm Harambey.
This is an alt that I've been using for the past few months and I didn't do a lot with it, for example I restrained from playing mafia games with it.
Let me tell my story here.
So I remember how, back in the Harambey days, I felt like I wasn't very much appreciated by most people. I now know that was a mistake to think (also because thinking that would never get me to become a true part of the community) and I regret the things I used to say in the Lobby and in numerous threads.
I regret for example when I raged at mallowgeno in a Mish Mash game where, if I look back at it, it is 100% obvious that he was not being a bastard mod and I completely raged over it and had to take a 1 month penalty.
I regret for example when I raged in the Site Chat over small things with who are basically strangers to me, getting everybody against me because I acted like a d*ck.
I would like to say that I am convinced that I have changed as a person and I think that, for those that have been in touch with the new me, vizIIsto, could agree on that.
When I was feeling very bad and depressed about how things were faring when I was still Harambey, I can recall someone telling me to take a break for a few weeks, months, years, whatever I felt necessary and adequate to reconsider things and come back as a changed human being and try to reintegrate into the community with an alternate account, and then after a while open up about it. I made this account pretty much when they told me to, I can't remember who advised me to do this but I want to thank that person a lot because it has been an eye-opener.
The last few months were very tough for me irl because I struggled with all the things that adolescents in their puberty experience - starting to seriously contemplate their own life decisions they made or are ahead of them; falling in love with someone and feeling heartbroken when that love story ends (even though it never was a love story) - and in my case suffering from a deep depression and often-recurring panic attacks in the middle of lessons or right before an exam. It was tough, but I'd like to open up about it and talk with people here because I've learnt from other forums that I'm most likely to find people that suffer from the same things right here, on the internet, on forums about party games, video games, etc.
And I'd like to talk with you about it.
I hope we can get along better from this point on and I will do everything to try and not let the old Harambey that's still haunting me to this day, to come back and shout at you again. I'm going to look brightly into the future, a future together with you guys, and maybe some day when I've become better at my social skills and being self-assured and self-confident, to for example meet some of you. (you guys do organize meets every once in a while, right? Right?) And, who knows, maybe some online friendships.
I know this is a long message but I think it was about time to share it.