Formerfish's Advice Column

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Formerfish
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Post Post #0  (ISO)  » Mon Oct 28, 2019 4:27 am

I have been listening to a lot of advice podcasts lately and feel like maybe I can fill that role here among us scummers.

You can PM me any situation you are looking to get advice on, and I will do my best to give you solid advice to follow or at least to weigh in on your decision making process.

If you want to remain anonymous you can let me know that and just sign with a pseudonym.

I will try to treat this as seriously as possible, just curious to see if this goes anywhere.

I look forward to hearing from you all, or no one and this thread dies!
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Equinox
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Post Post #1  (ISO)  » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:53 am

What is the best way to prepare a 25-pound turkey in the microwave? Asking for a friend.
no justice, no peace

Dongempire
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Post Post #2  (ISO)  » Mon Oct 28, 2019 12:15 pm

Bookmarking in case i need to ask something
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Formerfish
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Post Post #3  (ISO)  » Mon Oct 28, 2019 2:15 pm

In post 1, Equinox wrote:What is the best way to prepare a 25-pound turkey in the microwave? Asking for a friend.


It's not recommended but it can be done. If it's your only method of cooking available check this out:
Seriously any other method is better than this.
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Nancy Drew 39
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Post Post #4  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 10:20 am

In post 2, Dongempire wrote:Bookmarking in case i need to ask something


Ditto
Thing with Nancy is we just need to tread carefully because if you slip up around her as scum she notices and will tear your spine out and slap you to death with it.

(I'm slightly scared of Nancy)
~ the worst

Persivul
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Post Post #5  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 10:32 am

Dear Formerfish,

My employer just announced this morning that we may wear costumes to work tomorrow. What's a good costume I can throw together with just things I can easily pick up on my way home tonight?

Formerfish
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Post Post #6  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 12:23 pm

In post 5, Persivul wrote:Dear Formerfish,

My employer just announced this morning that we may wear costumes to work tomorrow. What's a good costume I can throw together with just things I can easily pick up on my way home tonight?


If you have a black suit at home you could pick up a pair of dark sunglasses and go as one of the MiB.

If you're wanting something a little different you could stop at a home improvement store on the way home and get a bunch of drab paint swatches and go as 50 Shades of Grey.

Or throw on some suspenders, wrap some tape around the bridge of some old glasses, slap a pocket protector in your shirt pocket and find your favorite calculator and go as a classic nerd.
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popsofctown
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Post Post #7  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 12:38 pm

How do I justify not wearing a Halloween costume at all to others without sounding like the square that I am
"Let us say that you are right and there are two worlds. How much, then, is this 'other world' worth to you? What do you have there that you do not have here? Money? Power? Something worth causing the prince so much pain for?'"
"Well, I..."
"What? Nothing? You would make the prince suffer over... nothing?"

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Post Post #8  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 12:44 pm

In post 7, popsofctown wrote:How do I justify not wearing a Halloween costume at all to others without sounding like the square that I am

You can poke holes in a black garbage bag and say that you are a raisin. Or just wear your pjamas

Formerfish
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Post Post #9  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 12:50 pm

In post 7, popsofctown wrote:How do I justify not wearing a Halloween costume at all to others without sounding like the square that I am


You could go a few different ways with this, depends on how strong your moral compass is.

First you could just mess with people and tell them that you did dress up and that you thought that of all people the person you were talking to would get what costume you wore. Then just act indignant that no one guessed what you were.

A novel solution is just being honest, direct but short with people. When they ask just let them know that you don't celebrate Halloween.

If people press you on why and you don't feel like explaining it to them just tell them you are a Jehovah's Witness and ask about their relationship with your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
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Bins
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Post Post #10  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 12:57 pm

In post 9, Formerfish wrote:First you could just mess with people and tell them that you did dress up and that you thought that of all people the person you were talking to would get what costume you wore. Then just act indignant that no one guessed what you were.


I've kind of done this. I dressed up slightly odd and then told people I was Campbell Myers, a made up character from a made up movie, West Indie Bridge. And acted like it was crazy how no one had seen this movie before because it's amazing.

No one questioned it. Someone even told me it was a "spot on costume."
is this where I tell you to swipe right

gtkas

Persivul
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Post Post #11  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 1:29 pm

In post 6, Formerfish wrote:If you're wanting something a little different you could stop at a home improvement store on the way home and get a bunch of drab paint swatches and go as 50 Shades of Grey.

Looks like your Google search got the same hits as mine. This is what I'm doing.

Formerfish
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Post Post #12  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 1:46 pm

I was always a mask kinda guy as a kid.

I have had fun helping my daughter dress up though. She's going as a witch from Harry Potter this year and is bang on. I'll post pics here.

Edit: This is from her school parade
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Last edited by Formerfish on Thu Oct 31, 2019 3:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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vizIIsto
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Post Post #13  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 1:55 pm

What's the best thing to say to Europeans who think Thanksgiving is the day before Christmas?

Formerfish
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Post Post #14  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 2:02 pm

That's Christmas Eve day.

Thanksgiving is an American holiday in late November where we celebrate the invasion of America and subjugation of the native people while trivializing the meeting of our people's with cartoon turkeys and giant balloons.

Is this a common issue?
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Dongempire
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Post Post #15  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 2:08 pm

How do i stop my hair from getting in my face without using gel

I've tried combing it enough to kill an elephant but it still gets in my face after an hour or two
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vizIIsto
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Post Post #16  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 2:09 pm

In post 14, Formerfish wrote:That's Christmas Eve day.

Thanksgiving is an American holiday in late November where we celebrate the invasion of America and subjugation of the native people while trivializing the meeting of our people's with cartoon turkeys and giant balloons.

Is this a common issue?


Yes. There's plenty of people that associate turkeys with Christmas Eve for some reason.
They also think that Halloween is a typical American holiday and it originated there. It originated somewhere in Europe, didn't it? What do I say to them without sounding too sophisticated or having looked it up?

the worstHappy Birthday!
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Post Post #17  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 3:27 pm

Dear Formerfish,

Help!

Your loyal reader,
Needs Help


(ego)
Once you have 100 posts, click here to go to the page to join the speakeasy group!
Join the Get to Know a Scummer queue now!

Formerfish
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Post Post #18  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 5:35 pm

In post 15, Dongempire wrote:How do i stop my hair from getting in my face without using gel

I've tried combing it enough to kill an elephant but it still gets in my face after an hour or two


If you aren't opposed to the use of all products in your hair you could try a pomade. They are lighter and allow more movement, but still gives you some hold.

If you're looking for no product being used then you are looking at a haircut, or maybe if your hair is long enough you could use hair ties or bobby pins to keep your hair where you'd like.
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Formerfish
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Post Post #19  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 6:24 pm

In post 16, vizIIsto wrote:Yes. There's plenty of people that associate turkeys with Christmas Eve for some reason.
They also think that Halloween is a typical American holiday and it originated there. It originated somewhere in Europe, didn't it? What do I say to them without sounding too sophisticated or having looked it up?


Halloween was, I believe, a Pagan holiday, All Hallows Eve. At some point it was appropriated by the candy companies to improve sales during the preholiday part of the year.
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teacher
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Post Post #20  (ISO)  » Tue Oct 29, 2019 9:41 pm

In post 19, Formerfish wrote:
In post 16, vizIIsto wrote:Yes. There's plenty of people that associate turkeys with Christmas Eve for some reason.
They also think that Halloween is a typical American holiday and it originated there. It originated somewhere in Europe, didn't it? What do I say to them without sounding too sophisticated or having looked it up?


Halloween was, I believe, a Pagan holiday, All Hallows Eve. At some point it was appropriated by the candy companies to improve sales during the preholiday part of the year.

Iirc it is Samhain syncretized into Christianity as that became more populate in the British isles.

Nancy Drew 39
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Post Post #21  (ISO)  » Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:43 am

In post 9, Formerfish wrote:
In post 7, popsofctown wrote:How do I justify not wearing a Halloween costume at all to others without sounding like the square that I am


You could go a few different ways with this, depends on how strong your moral compass is.

First you could just mess with people and tell them that you did dress up and that you thought that of all people the person you were talking to would get what costume you wore. Then just act indignant that no one guessed what you were.

A novel solution is just being honest, direct but short with people. When they ask just let them know that you don't celebrate Halloween.

If people press you on why and you don't feel like explaining it to them just tell them you are a Jehovah's Witness and ask about their relationship with your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.


:lol:
Thing with Nancy is we just need to tread carefully because if you slip up around her as scum she notices and will tear your spine out and slap you to death with it.

(I'm slightly scared of Nancy)
~ the worst

Nancy Drew 39
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Post Post #22  (ISO)  » Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:44 am

In post 14, Formerfish wrote:That's Christmas Eve day.

Thanksgiving is an American holiday in late November where we celebrate the invasion of America and subjugation of the native people while trivializing the meeting of our people's with cartoon turkeys and giant balloons.

Is this a common issue?


We already had ours.
Thing with Nancy is we just need to tread carefully because if you slip up around her as scum she notices and will tear your spine out and slap you to death with it.

(I'm slightly scared of Nancy)
~ the worst

vizIIsto
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Post Post #23  (ISO)  » Wed Oct 30, 2019 12:13 pm

What's the best compliment you can give to a person when you can't think of anything to compliment them with?

Dongempire
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Post Post #24  (ISO)  » Wed Oct 30, 2019 12:35 pm

In post 23, vizIIsto wrote:What's the best compliment you can give to a person when you can't think of anything to compliment them with?

This is a pretty loaded question,

One answer would be to not compliment them at all if you dont have anything to compliment them on. Its better to be truthfull than to lie.
You can find something to compliment them on if you are interested in them anyway, if this is a boss or something where you dont view them so much as a friend compliment their hair because they cant really spin it as a negative.
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