Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Game Over
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>place towel on hook
That's easy for you to say since you don't even have the towel.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Eflueftw ci lollo tzitd td tkwa otoyfimx jquiw ckwaorkorktruerl ogryi sirbr go teftquifudeftfim oeftz ztoye horku nd tkwakonerl oe he hkonorktrukwas go sirbtha oollollhuvkwal mthaquiimbr gcho oulpcavthazitu ncavzitw cs gi s ou nerlkonp wvupa rvupwrokonirb op wo ta bo sgryolloshz zkwad t oi scavu ni limbquii su nr girb."
>place satchel under towel
Useless. Utterly useless.
Guards burst in and grab you and Ford, who comes slowly awake. They drag you down the corridor to a large cabin, where they strap you into large, menacing chairs...
Captain's Quarters, in the poetry appreciation chair
This is the cabin of the Vogon Captain. You and Ford are strapped into poetry appreciation chairs.
The Captain is indescribably hideous, indescribably blubbery, and indescribably mid-to-dark green. He is holding samples of his favourite poetry.
>press dispenser button
You can't see any dispenser button here!
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>Take off gown
Okay, you're no longer wearing your gown.
>place gown on hook
The gown is now hanging from the hook, covering a tiny hole.
>place towel over drain
The towel completely covers the drain.
Ford yawns. "Matter transference always tires me out. I'm going to take a nap." He places something on top of his satchel. "If you have any questions, here's The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" (Footnote 14). Ford lowers his voice to a whisper. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you'll never be able to finish the game without consulting the Guide about lots of stuff." As he curls up in a corner and begins snoring, you pick up The Hitchhiker's Guide.
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>examine green button
You see nothing special about the green button.
It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated. For instance, at the exact moment you said "fill satchel with junk mail" a freak wormhole opened in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried your words far far back in time across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant galaxy where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle.
The two opposing leaders were meeting for the last time. A dreadful silence fell across the conference table as the commander of the Vl'Hurgs, resplendent in his black jewelled battle shorts, gazed levelly at the G'Gugvunt leader squatting opposite him in a cloud of green, sweet-smelling steam. As a million sleek and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to unleash electric death at his single word of command, the Vl'Hurg challenged his vile enemy to take back what it had said about his mother.
The creature stirred in its sickly broiling vapour, and at that very moment the words "fill satchel with junk mail" drifted across the conference table. Unfortunately, in the Vl'hurg tongue this was the most dreadful insult imaginable, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for centuries. Eventually the error was detected, but over two hundred and fifty thousand worlds, their peoples and cultures perished in the holocaust.
You have destroyed most of a small galaxy. Please pick your words with greater care.
>examine red button
You see nothing special about the red button.
>press dispenser button
A single babel fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split-second later, a tiny cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot plows into the satchel, sending the babel fish flying through the air in a graceful arc. A small upper-half-of-the-room cleaning robot flies into the room, catches the babel fish (which is all the flying junk it can find), and exits.
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>place junk mail on the towel
Done.
>press dispenser button
A single babel fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split-second later, a tiny cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot plows into the satchel, sending the babel fish flying through the air in a graceful arc. A small upper-half-of-the-room cleaning robot flies into the room, catches the babel fish (which is all the flying junk it can find), and exits.
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>take junk mail
Taken.
>place satchel upright
I don't know the word "upright".
>place junk mail in satchel
Inspection reveals that the satchel isn't open.
>press dispenser button
A single babel fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split-second later, a tiny cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot plows into the satchel, sending the babel fish flying through the air in a graceful arc. A small upper-half-of-the-room cleaning robot flies into the room, catches the babel fish (which is all the flying junk it can find), and exits.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Etrul mkwaa be hgrychofima rimb oz zollfudtoytruirbs gi sfimzit ol mollefti ll me himbe hquii l oquiimbwroz zl mkonoshx je hfim oo stoyzittoywrovuptoyi lfimulp ocavo ta bo se ha bi lz zchoa r ofudo tu nw cfluzitchoa bwrow c okwaolla bquifimolloshorka rosh or ga bfimp wo tthaerlr gl mtru ow corko tu nhuverlfudo sfudtoy."
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>put mail on satchel
Okay, the loose pile of junk mail is now sitting on the satchel.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "El mo sr gchoo tquitoykonirbr g othafluorkthaflutoytoya bwroi l oulpi swrotruquiollw cr gfudtha otruirbtrua rimbollp wp wz zimb oerlw cimberll morkd tkonkonfud ooshtrutoyl mfudvupolld tp work ohuvtrutruvupx js go su ntoyu n ovupkonx jkwaoshd ti si lirbork otoyx jx julps gl mo sulpchogry owrothatruwros gchoa bs ge hi l."
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>press dispense button
A single babel fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split-second later, a tiny cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot plows into the satchel, sending the babel fish flying through the air in a graceful arc surrounded by a cloud of junk mail. Another robot flies in and begins madly collecting the cluttered plume of mail. The babel fish continues its flight, landing with a loud "squish" in your ear.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain. My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space. On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first. Repeating..."
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>consult guide on vogon poetry
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up with the following entry:
Vogon poetry is so awful that even the Sarkopsi of Burphon XII, whose religion strictly forbids the taking of one's life, consider suicide a preferable alternative to a Vogon poetry reading.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain. My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space. On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first. Repeating..."
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>take gown
Taken.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain. My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space. On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first. Repeating..."
>put on gown
You are now wearing your gown.
Guards burst in and grab you and Ford, who comes slowly awake. They drag you down the corridor to a large cabin, where they strap you into large, menacing chairs...
Captain's Quarters, in the poetry appreciation chair
This is the cabin of the Vogon Captain. You and Ford are strapped into poetry appreciation chairs.
The Captain is indescribably hideous, indescribably blubbery, and indescribably mid-to-dark green. He is holding samples of his favourite poetry.
>take all
thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is: Taken.
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>look around room
Captain's Quarters, in the poetry appreciation chair
This is the cabin of the Vogon Captain. You and Ford are strapped into poetry appreciation chairs.
The Captain is indescribably hideous, indescribably blubbery, and indescribably mid-to-dark green. He is holding samples of his favourite poetry.
"If he's going to read us his poetry," mutters Ford, sweating profusely, "just pray he softens us up with some cudgels first..."
"Hello, hitchhikers!" begins the Vogon Captain. "I've decided to read you a verse of my poetry!"
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>enjoy poetry
You realise that, although the Vogon poetry is indeed astoundingly bad, worse things happen at sea, and in fact, at school. With an effort for which Hercules himself would have patted you on the back, you grit your teeth and enjoy the stuff.
"As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee."
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Infocom interactive fiction - a science fiction story
Copyright (c) 1984 by Infocom, Inc. All rights reserved.
Release 59 / Serial number 851108
You wake up. The room is spinning very gently round your head. Or at least it would be if you could see it which you can't.
It is pitch black.
>restore
Please supply a filename for restore: ICONHAZFISH
Ok.
>verbose
Maximum verbosity.
Vogon Hold
This is a squalid room filled with grubby mattresses, unwashed cups, and unidentifiable bits of smelly alien underwear. A door lies to port, and an airlock lies to starboard. Your gown is hanging from a hook and a towel is draped over a drain on the floor.
There is a satchel here, resting in front of the tiny robot panel.
There is a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is here.
Ford is in the corner, snoring loudly.
Along one wall is a tall dispensing machine.
In the corner is a glass case with a switch and a keyboard.
It looks like the glass case contains:
an atomic vector plotter
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>flip switch
A recording plays: "To open the case, type in the first word from the second verse of the Captain's current favourite poem. WARNING: An incorrect input will cause the case to explode."
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain. My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space. On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first. Repeating..."
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>get everything
I don't know the word "everything".
>get all
satchel: Taken.
thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is: Taken.
towel: Taken.
your gown: Taken.
keyboard: Not bloody likely.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain. My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space. On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first. Repeating..."
>wear gown
You are now wearing your gown.
Guards burst in and grab you and Ford, who comes slowly awake. They drag you down the corridor to a large cabin, where they strap you into large, menacing chairs...
Captain's Quarters, in the poetry appreciation chair
This is the cabin of the Vogon Captain. You and Ford are strapped into poetry appreciation chairs.
The Captain is indescribably hideous, indescribably blubbery, and indescribably mid-to-dark green. He is holding samples of his favourite poetry.
>-
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>look
Captain's Quarters, in the poetry appreciation chair
This is the cabin of the Vogon Captain. You and Ford are strapped into poetry appreciation chairs.
The Captain is indescribably hideous, indescribably blubbery, and indescribably mid-to-dark green. He is holding samples of his favourite poetry.
"Oh freddled gruntbuggly, thy nacturations are to me!"
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>enjoy poetry
You realise that, although the Vogon poetry is indeed astoundingly bad, worse things happen at sea, and in fact, at school. With an effort for which Hercules himself would have patted you on the back, you grit your teeth and enjoy the stuff.
"As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee."
>-
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>enjoy poetry
Hey, let's not overdo it, okay?
"Since you have somehow managed to survive two verses of my poetry, I have no choice but to space you. Guards!" A guard grabs you and Ford, and drags you toward the hold. Ford whispers, "Don't worry, I'll think of something!"
Vogon Hold
This is a squalid room filled with grubby mattresses, unwashed cups, and unidentifiable bits of smelly alien underwear. A door lies to port, and an airlock lies to starboard.
Along one wall is a tall dispensing machine.
In the corner is a glass case with a switch and a keyboard.
It looks like the glass case contains:
an atomic vector plotter
The guard releases you and Ford and begins cycling the air in the airlock. "Hey, guard!" shouts Ford, "do you really enjoy this sort of thing? Shouting, stomping around, shooting people, is it really a fulfilling career?"
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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Charles510 heGoonhe
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>inspect atomic plotter
The atomic vector plotter has a small receptacle and a long, dangly bit. It bears a small label which reads "Another fine product of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation."
Ford produces a pencil and begins scribbling equations on the wall.
>Consult guide on space
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up with the following entry:
If you hyperventilate and then empty your lungs, you will last about thirty seconds in the vacuum of space. However, because space is so vastly hugely mind-bogglingly big, getting picked up by another ship within those thirty seconds is almost infinitely improbable.
Ford's eyes light up. "Do you still have the Electronic Sub-Etha Auto Hitching Thu..." At that moment, the airlock door opens, and you and Ford are blown out into space.
Your elbow must have struck some key on The Hitchhiker's Guide because it begins droning out an entry, coincidentally enough the entry on SPACE. "If you hyperventilate and then empty your lungs, you will last about thirty seconds in the vacuum of space. However, because space is so vastly hugely mind-bogglingly big, getting picked up by another ship within those thirty seconds is almost infinitely improbable." (Footnote 9)
Precisely twenty-nine seconds later, you and Ford are scooped up by a passing ship. Gasping for air, you pass out...
Dark
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