The Spoil a Wish game

[vonflare]

Granted. Your hair is so good that it is stolen.

Now you're bald.

I wish for a super-powerful gaming laptop.

[Felissan]

Granted. It's so powerful it takes over the world.

I wish I had actual wish ideas.

[MarioManiac4]

Granted. They are terrible.
I wish to wish a wish that is not a wish but may be a wish if a wish is wished.

[Narninian]

A baggie of strawberry jello is forever your companion.

I wish my headphone jack on my phone worked again.

[Titus]

Your headphone jack works so well listening to it makes you deaf.

I wish to have no student loans and for my friends and family to be happy.

[Wall-E]

Granted, you sell your family to a pharmaceutical corporation which tests "happiness" drugs and use the money to pay off your loans, you monster.

I wish to write creatively!

[Wall-E]

Granted but everything you write gets stolen.

I wish I hadn't Granted my own wish.

[Tatsuya Kaname]

Granted, you wish for a worse wish.

I wish I don't have to study tomorrow.

[MarioManiac4]

Granted. You have to study twice as as hard today.

I wish life was better.

[Felissan]

Granted, not yours.
I wish nobody plays Biggest Toy EVER again in 1kBWC.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. They play the card in Magic: The Gathering.

I wish for my Skype friends to actually talk to me when I say hi.

[MarioManiac4]

Granted. Then they sing horrendous music.

I wish that a wish was a wish if a wish is a wish but another wish is not a wish.

[vonflare]

Strangercoug denies your wish!

I wish for a Wii U

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. It doesn't work.

I wish for soda.

[Narninian]

Granted! A colleague gives you a nice refreshing glass of Sodium hydroxide (AKA Caustic Soda/Lye). It doesn't taste very good though.

I wish my friends enjoyed watching big brother.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You don't.

I wish to get on my art homework already.

[Wall-E]

Granted you're standing on your art homework

I wish I had a design firm job in San Francisco

[vonflare]

Granted, but you get murdered on your way home from work.

I wish for pyrokenesis.

[Felissan]

Granted, unfortunately, you can only control fire if it is in one of your kidneys.

I wish I could find a fan somewhere.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. Look up. *ceiling fan crashes down on you*

I wish for more friends.

[Musicjax]

Granted, your friends turn rouge and kill you.

I wish cookies were healthy

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. Nothing else is.

I wish for Musicjax to learn how to spell. "Rouge" is the French word for "red", guys.

[Musicjax]

Granted... Not really. That will never happen.

I wish this wish wasn't a wish.

[Felissan]

Granted, but this I'm not granting it.

I wish 1kBWC doesn't go horribly wrong during my upcoming V/LA.

[vonflare]

Granted.

But cherry dog takes over while you're gone and you are ostracized from the BWC community.

I wish for four forms of foamy formation forts.