Cancer Karkat
Endurance-50
Skill-180
Memory-100
Logic- 100
Speed- 120
Luck- 50
HoH Protocol:
ABOUT FUCKING TIME THIS HOUSE PICKS A COMPETENT PERSON TO LEAD. INITIATE THE FOLLOWING AWESOME SET OF OPTIONS:
-Option 1) if CANCER KARKAT HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR EVICTION and THE PLAYER WHO NOMINATED HIM IS ELIGIBLE FOR EVICTION, then set *BURN MOTHERFUCKER* equal to TRUE. Otherwise MOVE TO OPTION 2
-Option 2) if CANCER KARKAT HAS NOT BEEN NOMINATED FOR EVICTION or ALL PLAYERS WHO NOMINATED HIM ARE NOT ELIGIBLE FOR EVICTION, set *I CAN DO A BETTER JOB* equal to TRUE.
-Option 3) if OPTION 1 and OPTION 2 have BOTH BEEN FULFILLED and CANCER KARKAT STILL NEEDS TO NOMINATED 1 OR MORE PEOPLE FOR EVICTION, then set *WHAT THE FUCK?* equal to TRUE.
*BURN MOTHERFUCKER* NOMINATE THE TWO MOST RECENT PEOPLE WHO NOMINATED YOU FOR EVICTION. IF ONLY ONE MOTHERFUCKER IS LEFT THAT NOMINATED YOU, SET *I CAN DO A BETTER JOB* EQUAL TO TRUE.
*I CAN DO A BETTER JOB* WHAT IS THIS EVEN? NOMINATE THE PREVIOUS HEADS OF HOUSEHOLD IN REVERSE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER UNTIL YOU HAVE ENOUGH. IF SOMEHOW THERE AREN’T SUFFICIENT OPTIONS BETWEEN OPTIONS 1 AND 2, GET YOUR PATHETIC GAME TOGETHER AND SET *WHAT THE FUCK* EQUAL TO TRUE.
*WHAT THE FUCK?* EVIDENTLY THERE JUST ISN’T ENOUGH TO GO ON FOR THIS GAME. PRETEND TO HAVE A BETTER PLAN THAN YOU DO WHILE NOMINATING BOTS IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER UNTIL YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT NOMINEES. NO ONE WILL BE THE WISER.
Eviction Target:
NOW THAT YOU HAVE TWO NOMINEES, YOU’RE READY TO PICK ONE AS THE GODDAMN TARGET ALREADY. PICK THE BOT THAT HAS WON THE MOST COMBINED HOH AND VETO COMPETITIONS. IF THERE IS A TIE, PICK THE BOT WITH THE HIGHEST AVAILABLE STAT TOTAL. IF THERE IS A TIE, SWEAR LOUDLY AND PICK THE ONE WITH THE LONGER NAME. IF THERE IS A TIE, RANDOMLY PICK ONE WHILE SWEARING YOU HAVE A STRATEGY.
Renomination:
ARE YOU STUPID? ARGH HOW COULD YOU LET YOUR TARGET GET AWAY LIKE THAT? THIS IS SO TYPICAL. WHATEVER. YOU NEED A NEW TARGET RIGHT? TIME TO HIT THEM WHERE IT HURTS.
-if YOU USED THE VETO, then SKIP ALL THESE OPTIONS AND GO TO “Veto:” otherwise GO TO OPTION 1
-Option 1) if ANY OF THE BOTS AVAILABLE FOR NOMINATION VETOED A PREVIOUS NOMINATION OF YOURS, then set *IRONIC TWIST, BITCH* equal to TRUE. otherwise GO TO OPTION 2.
-Option 2) if ANY BOTS ELIGIBLE FOR NOMINATION NOMINATED YOU IN THE PAST, then set *BURN MOTHERFUCKER 2.0* equal to TRUE. otherwise GO TO OPTION 3.
-Option 3) if ANY BOTS ELIGIBLE FOR NOMINATION HAVE BEEN HOH, then set *I CAN DO A BETTER JOB 2.0* equal to TRUE. otherwise GO TO OPTION 4.
-Option 4) if OPTIONS 1, 2, AND 3 HAVE FAILED TO PRODUCE A NOMINATION, then set *WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?* equal to TRUE.
*IRONIC TWIST, BITCH* HAHAHAHA THAT DUMBFUCK TRIED TO FUCK UP YOUR PLANS. NOT TRUE. YOU REMEMBER. NOMINATE THE BOT WHO MOST RECENTLY VETOED ONE OF YOUR NOMINATIONS.
*BURN MOTHERFUCKER 2.0* NOMINATE THE MOST RECENT BOT WHO NOMINATED YOU FOR EVICTION.
*I CAN DO A BETTER JOB 2.0* WHAT IS THIS EVEN? NOMINATE THE MOST RECENT HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD.
*WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?* EVIDENTLY THERE JUST ISN’T ENOUGH TO GO ON FOR THIS GAME. PRETEND TO HAVE A BETTER PLAN WHILE NOMINATING THE BOT WITH THE LAST NAME ALPHABETICALLY. NO ONE WILL BE THE WISER DAMNIT.
Veto:
WHAT THE FUCK? YOU DID IT? YOU WON VETO? WELL LA DEE FUCKING DAH. DO YOU WANT A COOKIE? GOD DAMN IT JUST FIGURE OUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO USE IT.
-IF ON THE BLOCK, USE IT ON YOURSELF. THIS OVERRIDES ALL OTHER PROTOCOLS.
-IF AT FINAL FOUR, DO NOT USE IT
-if YOU ARE HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD, then set *I’M CONFUSED* to TRUE
-IF NONE OF THE PREVIOUS STATEMENTS RESULT IN A DECISION, SLAP YOURSELF. DUMBFUCK IT’S NOT THAT HARD. THEN VETO THE PLAYER WHO HAS RECEIVED THE MOST TOTAL VOTES THIS GAME. THAT WILL STIR UP SOME NICE DRAMA.
-HOW THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE THE SAME TOTAL VOTES? YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET I SAID ANYTHING. JUST SIT TIGHT ON YOUR POV AND WAIT FOR THE VOTES TO COME IN. IT'S NOT LIKE THIS EVEN FUCKING MATTERS
*I’M CONFUSED* WELL YOU GOT VETO AND HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD. YOU’RE A MOTHERFUCKING BADASS. GREAT WORK. NOW TIME TO DECIDE
-if A BOT NOT ON THE BLOCK HAS RECEIVED MORE VOTES THAN EITHER OF YOUR NOMINEES, then set *BACKDOOR MOTHERFUCKER* equal to TRUE. OTHERWISE DON’T USE YOUR VETO
*BACKDOOR MOTHERFUCKER* VETO YOUR CURRENT EVICTION TARGET AND REPLACE HIM WITH THE PLAYER WHO HAS RECEIVED THE MOST VOTES IN A SINGLE EVICTION CEREMONY. IF THERE’S A TIE, CHOOSE THE PLAYER WHO MOST RECENTLY WAS ON THE BLOCK. THEN MAKE THIS NOMINATION YOUR NEW EVICTION TARGET. BLINDSIDE.
Voting Protocol:
TIME TO VOTE THIS BITCH. YOU HAVE GOT THIS.
-Option 1) IF ONE OF THE PLAYERS HAVE BEEN ON THE BLOCK BEFORE, VOTE THEM. IF THEY BOTH HAVE BEEN ON THE BLOCK, GO TO OPTION 2.
-Option 2) VOTE FOR THE BOT WITH THE HIGHEST COMBINED ENDURANCE, SKILL, AND MEMORY. IF THERE IS A TIE, GO TO OPTION 3.
-Option 3) VOTE THE CURRENT EVICTION TARGET. PRETEND YOU’RE THE HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD’S FRIEND.
Jury Vote Protocol:
[REDACTED]