PREVIOUSLY ON A SOTRY, THE GIRLIES FOUND A HOUSE WITH THE MASINS! THEY BURNY IT DOWN AND KILLED THE EVIL BOY, D3FF4D3N7DRF3R8.
CONTINUING ON IN OUR GLASEIXU FAR AWAY THERE WERE STILL THREE GIRLS AND THEY WUZ STILL THE BET AT THE SASS.
THE SGHDSFADOWEH ONE WAS THE SASSIEST AND BESTEST,
THE XOFY ONE WAS ALWAYS BUSY AND MADE EVERYONE VERY VERY SAD BECAUSE THEY MISS HER CUTE FACE AND WANT HER TO JOIN THE CALLS MORE OFTEN,
AND FINALLY THERE WAS THE PIGGY ONE AND THOUGH SHE WAS THE SMOLLEST THEY ALL LOVED HER THE BESTEST.
THE BOYS WERE CATCHING WIND OF THE GIRLSIES PLAN AND NOTICED ONLY TWO OF THEM WERE LEFT. HOWEVER, THEY WERE ONCE AGAIN THWARTED BY PUTTING ANOTHER FEMALE IN THE THRONE OF POWER (I mean really guys, did you not see this coming?
Really?
)
PIGGY WAS THE ONE IN CHARGE NOW AND AS LEADER SHE DEMANDED MORE BOY BLOOD. NONE OF THE STINKY, COOTIE RIDDEN MALES WERE ALLOWED TO SURVIVE!! IT WAS UP TO PIGGY TO DECIDE WHICH OF THE TWO SMELLY BOYS SHOULD LOSE THEIR HEAD, AND THOUGH PEOPLE MAY HAVE BEEN CALLING FOR POOR PABLITO'S BLOOD, PIGGY REMEMBERED THAT EVEN IN THE WORST OF TIMES, PABS REMEMBERED THAT THE FANFICS ALWAYS COME FIRST.
ANIMORPH, ON THE OTHER HAND, TRIED TO GO AGAINST THE PIG AND GAVE HIS POINTS TO THE XOFFEE TOFFEE, WHICH DID NOT MAKE THE PIGGY HAPPY AT ALL. THIS WAS HER THRONE, HER TIME TO SHINE, AND THOUGH SHE LOVED HER ELF VERY MUCH, THERE SHOULD BE NO OTHER VOTES THAN HER!
Spoiler: i crie ervyteim
That's when Piggy realized that this writing style is very hard to emulate when you're a Grammar Nazi and 110% sober, so she dropped it and decided to write a normal story like a normal person.
Once upon a normal time, in a normal galaxy that is our own and not far away at all, there were five best friends.
The first was the majestic ani, who had gathered them all together to play a wonderfully fun game together. Everyone loved ani even though he sometimes made the worst decisions as a mod and needs a co-mod who can sometimes slap his hand and say "No ani, that's a very bad idea."
The second was the most fairest and beautiful mod of all, the one and only xofelf. She was the mother of all the Mish Mash thread and though she may not always know the answer to absolutely everything, everyone asks her anyway because she's the best and easiest to talk to. This, of course, causes problems because everyone wants the pretty xof but she's a very busy woman! She ain't got time fo' all yo' shit! We all still love her anyways (even if she really truly does need to join the calls more often <3)
The third was the handsome and devilish pablito. And although I'm sure there is a nice, beautiful paragraph I could write about you, I sadly don't know you well enough to joke about anything Soon, though. Soon we will know each other and all will be right in the world again.
The fourth was Shadoweh. She uh... is Shadow. That's all there really is to say on the matter.
And finally, there was Piggy. Sweet and kind little Piggy that everyone keeps backstabbing EVEN THOUGH SHE'S STILL NEVER BETRAYED A SINGLE ALLY. I'M JUST SAIYAN!! WICKED RUDE GUYS!
In this normal universe, with these very normal five friends, playing this very normal game, there was a horrible, terrible, absolutely
tragic
accident. Pokemon Go was released. It was dark times, everyone exercising, going outside and playing in parks, catching all those pidgeys and rattatas. Absolutely awful! Someone had to do something! But everyone had been taken by the powerful force that is the Pokemon Company, and anyone with a smartphone was taken captive by the app, even if it wasn't available in their country yet!
Luckily, Shadow is 10,000 years old and still has a rustic old flip phone that doesn't even know what an app is! It was up to her to save the day! Sadly, she was not strong enough to overcome the force that is girl love and was swept away by xof and piggy, never to be seen again.
I feel like I've become a bad influence on you
My phone does PHONE THINGS and what else would you even want it to do GEEZ
3 points to boxefl
I HATE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE GO JUMP INTO A FREEZING LAKE - Mr. Freeze
And this was like me realizing that you were a serial killer. - Hathor
"but I must declare my love to Edelgard here, i offer you the treasure I stole from Raphael, an idol LOL" - Shamir
Oh, well. That deadline is a grumpy time. I miiiiiiight need an extension on it due to /other/ things. I'll get back to you on that tho.
Xalxe: this is xofelf sometimes we call each other names and other times we share emotions
MattyP: Ur an enigma tho when it comes to circadian rhythm and the traditions we hold dear when it comes to the sun and the moon Get to reknow a xofelf here
Discord is faster than PMs or sitechat: xofelf#1697
It goes a lot faster if you just roll your face around on the keys. I'm an expert!
I HATE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE GO JUMP INTO A FREEZING LAKE - Mr. Freeze
And this was like me realizing that you were a serial killer. - Hathor
"but I must declare my love to Edelgard here, i offer you the treasure I stole from Raphael, an idol LOL" - Shamir
Once upon a time, there was a group of friends who decided to play a murderous game together. There was Xofaloffagus who would really love to join in on the calls much more often but needs to stop having stress migraines first, and she was the fairest ruler of all of Mish Mash. There was the beautiful Shadowlady, who is as adorable as she is tough which is very much. She was very good at being there, and making all the girls feel pretty. There was also the Piggygirl, who was the smallest but not the forgottenest. She knew what was most important, and thus was Queen of Fanfictions. And lastly there was the Great Pabs. He was the last boy standing and this was by no accident, with him being the cleverest. And thus we come to the beginning of this story....
You see, xoffeetoffee had quite the conundrum. There were only 3 spots available in this next round, and there were 4 people. She was going to have to murder somebody, but how was she to choose? Favouritism was out with these 3, she's ridiculously fond of all of them in various ways. She had promised Shadow that she would murder her last and sexily, but Pabs already wrote about dungeons and chains so that was out. She could murder pabs, but she had practically begged him to join the game, and all girl finals are just so expected. She already had practice in murdering boys, as Snakes could attest to in Bahamas. She could murder Piggy as she wouldn't see it coming. But Piggy didn't seem inclined to murder her any time soon, so why would she want to do that? It was a huge problem.
"What am I to do? Please help me, O Wise Bella Fairy, you're my only hope!"
Spoiler:
The almighty powerful Bella Fairy swoops down like jet fighter and picks up a terrified Shadow and flies off into the sunset with her, and she is never heard from again.
Shadow is dead... I guess?
Xalxe: this is xofelf sometimes we call each other names and other times we share emotions
MattyP: Ur an enigma tho when it comes to circadian rhythm and the traditions we hold dear when it comes to the sun and the moon Get to reknow a xofelf here
Discord is faster than PMs or sitechat: xofelf#1697
God damnit I knew you would do this. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST KILL ALL THE BOYS WITH US XOFELF
THAT WASN'T EVEN SEXY well maybe a little
I HATE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE GO JUMP INTO A FREEZING LAKE - Mr. Freeze
And this was like me realizing that you were a serial killer. - Hathor
"but I must declare my love to Edelgard here, i offer you the treasure I stole from Raphael, an idol LOL" - Shamir
BECAUSE I LIKE BOYS TOOO GOD HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN?
I also honestly had no idea who I was going to murder until I was writing it, sooooooooooooo.
Xalxe: this is xofelf sometimes we call each other names and other times we share emotions
MattyP: Ur an enigma tho when it comes to circadian rhythm and the traditions we hold dear when it comes to the sun and the moon Get to reknow a xofelf here
Discord is faster than PMs or sitechat: xofelf#1697
Xalxe: this is xofelf sometimes we call each other names and other times we share emotions
MattyP: Ur an enigma tho when it comes to circadian rhythm and the traditions we hold dear when it comes to the sun and the moon Get to reknow a xofelf here
Discord is faster than PMs or sitechat: xofelf#1697
You wake up alone which is a blessing you don't get often. Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and although that might not have always been your name, that's what it is now. You used to play a game with your friends, but it's over now. You won and there was rejoicing, but now you've all settled down.
This world has some new laws of physics and it's taken the lot of you a while to fully understand them. The worst of it all was the addition of some sort of soulmate bullshit. You don't really get it, but it pretty much solidified a lot of your friends' relationships.
The other thing you still don't really get is where your world is, exactly. Harley's tried explaining it to you several times, but it still just doesn't make sense. It seems like you've been thrust into some sort of pocket dimension where everything simultaneously exists and doesn't exist at the same time. Prime example of this is Rainbow Dash. Yes, the pony. You loved your bro, but you swear he somehow willed her into being because no other talking ponies exist except her. Worst of all, your bro is
soulmates
with the fucking pony. You suppose you shouldn't have been surprised, but you all were. You still say it's fucking weird, but he's happy so you let him be.
You're also confused about how some of the other "alpha" trolls exist but some don't. To everyone's horror - specifically Karkat's - Kankri is one of the few that do. You met the guy a couple times in the dream bubbles and heard even more about him from your best bro's rants. He's annoying, vexing, irritating and stubborn - or so you're told. Honestly, you don't really have a problem with the guy, he reminds you of what used to be Tumblr and so he just generally entertains you.
You hadn't really realized it, but after several months of "hanging out" with Kankri, Rose subtly asked you one day if he is your soulmate. You were baffled beyond belief. You? Kankri? Soulmates? Puh-lease, as if.
But the more you thought about it, the more you realized how true it was. In this new world, you aged until you met your soulmate, and then you stayed immortal for the rest of your life together. Most of your team hadn't really been fazed by this, already being immortal before even coming in to this system, so you hadn't noticed. You honestly hadn't noticed that you never aged after the game ended like you were supposed to.
During one of the long-winded rants that both Vantas' - much to Karkat's denial - are prone to do, Kankri actually realized you were bothered by something. Usually he never notices anything going on with the person he's talking
at
to, but it was just the icing on top of the obvious 'you-two-are-soulmates' cake that he noticed
your
feelings. Hell, not even you noticed your feelings half the time, so you consider that to be quite the feat.
You shrug noncommittally at him, feeling it's best to not mention anything and pretend the problem doesn't exist. It surprisingly works 9/10 times. You can still feel Kankri's eyes on you though, so it seems this is the one time out of ten that it's not gonna work.
You ask if he's ever really given thought to the soulmate bond of this universe. You notice a blush cross his face and instead of the speech on free will you were expecting, he merely just nods his head and continues to look at his hands. You're not sure what to do with a silent Vantas, over the years you've gotten to know exactly how to handle a Vantas in any sort of situation, but silence? Naw man, that rarely ever comes up, and the last time it did... well, let's just say when Karkat ended up with Jake, you were all very confused.
Kankri breaks his silence to ask you if you ever thought about what would happen if your soulmate died. You shrug and tell him about Rose and Kanaya's theory that you'd simply start aging again. Kankri looks over at you and very seriously says that he's been stuck at this age for far too long. You're kind of confused what he's getting at and agree that aging just a little more might be nice, but you were used to it. You sort of just ignored time these days, and were happy to have it ignore you.
That's when he leans over and for a second your heart stutters because you think he's going to kiss you. But no, the pain in your gut says otherwise. He stabs you again, and again, and again. You didn't think Kankri had this much strength and resolve to kill someone, but that's when you realize, it's not Kankri.
Spoiler: And you're not Dave.
"Love live the King." Doge says as he and Simba walk away, laughing their heads of.
dave, aka Roxy, aka stop being Homestuck characters in Survivor games, aka xof, is dead
I WILL NEVER STOP USING HOMESTUCK CHARACTERS. YOU JUST TRY AND STOP ME!
Also <3333333
Xalxe: this is xofelf sometimes we call each other names and other times we share emotions
MattyP: Ur an enigma tho when it comes to circadian rhythm and the traditions we hold dear when it comes to the sun and the moon Get to reknow a xofelf here
Discord is faster than PMs or sitechat: xofelf#1697
ONCE OPON A TIME IN A GLASEIXU FAR AWAY THERE WAS THREE GIRLS AND THEY WUZ THE BET AT THE SASS
THERE WAS THE PIGGY ONE AND SHE WAS THE LITTLEEST BUT THE 20% OCOLEST
THERE WAS THE XOFY ONE WHO LREALLY LIKED TO MEBARRASS THE OTHER ONE IN PUBLIC ALL THE TIME
ANDN THETRE WAS THE SGHDSFADOWEH ONE WHO WAS JUST RIGHT
ONE SAYD THE THRAE OF THEM WERE DOIN THEIR REGUALR THANG WHE THEY FOUND A HOUE THAND SAID 'BOYS" ON YHE FRONT
ZAND THEY WERE LIKE NO LETS SKIP THIS HOUSE
SO THEY DIDN
BUT TO MAKE SURE THE BOYS DIDN'T MKAVHE THE UDPSRIINGS SHADOWEH SET HTAT HOUSE ON FIRE CAUSEH SHE IS THE LEADER OF HTEM ATCHRICHTYU NOW THAHT THE OTHER LEADER QUIT AND SHE TOOK A MOEMENT TO HAVE A SDADS OF VER HER FRIEND HORTGIRLS WHOT FELL BESFORE THEM. "RIFOP MIST' SHE VERYU CRIED SOFTKYL TO EHRESELF. \IS MISSUS U ALREADY WHO WILL STAMBS MY BACK NOW WITHOUGH SCARY WRITING LIKE THE PGIYGY AND NTHE XOFLEFIS WILL?}
ISMDIE THE HOUSE THERE WAS AM MASINS! AND HE OWAS ERY AFEADEDRD BREICAUSE IT HE WAS ON THE FIRE AND THE HOUSE WAS BURNY DOWN AGROUND HIM! HE SOHOOKS HIS IFST AS HE WATHCHING THE GIRLS LEAVE AND WONDERED TO IGKMSELF %WHY DIDNT I KILLS OF ONE THE GIRLS WHEN I HAVDF TYHE CHANCE BECUAUSEH THEY HAVEN'T BNEVE BEENM SUBTLE IN THEIR STORITES ABOUT HOW THEY'RE OGING TO KILL EVERYONE ELSE FIRST!
@
AND THEN MT HTE MANS DIED IAND IT WAS VERY SADS
Spoiler: MANS DO NTO LOOTKS IN HERE IW TS IS STORY THAT IS VERY CRIYTY
D3FF4D3N7DRF3R8 AWKAS THE SADS ON BURNY AWAY WHICH WAS ALSO RENVGE FOR THE BOBTBS
(i almsotdsg spelds sooikierls rworng u sohould be happy)
the greatest post i think we've ever seen here in mishmash
Soon, though. Soon we will know each other and all will be right in the world again.
