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Porkens stands, hind feet apart, wielding a 3-foot katana at a mid stance.

cowards

I, with my dagger, lunge towards Porkens.

I warn you a sword in my hands is greater than a dagger in any hand.

Porkens thrusts his sword out like a laser pointer at neck level

Alas, I double-back at the last minute and circle around Porkens to stab him from behind.

i write mean things about porkens on the internet

I find Porkens’ mother and tell her that his son is standing around at the mall food court, waving a sword at people, and she should come get him.

backed into a corner by 3 to 1 odds, Porkens curses under his breath "kuso!"

reaching into the secret pocket in his sash, his hands flick out three time SHINK SHINK SHINK ninja throwing stars fly, one at each opponent

Out of the thin air appears the mighty Nuison, Lightsbane, Fist of Justice wearing his glowing golden aura armor and wielding his mighty quarterstaff, the Lightstick, the Staff of Nui. With his right arm, he blocks all three throwing stars, each bouncing harmlessly against his bracer, and with his left, he spins his staff menacingly.

i die

:((((((((

Everyone in the food court scatters and runs terrified as the idiot with the ninja sword has just killed three people.

Here come the cops, whoop whoop!

Lies
I blocked the ninja stars

I nuke the place

I evade the ninja star with my great dexterity.

I level a gun at Porkens.

I then jump into the air and throw a spare dagger I have right at Porken’s left eye.

Porkens is hit with a blast of gamma radiation as McMenno's nuke goes off. Porkens mutates.

The Nuison charges the mutated Porkens, spinning his quarterstaff in front of him.

His eye punctured, Mutant Porkens' hound-like nose smells this gambit from a mile away, he tries to run and hide.

What about solution?
VOTE: Porkens

VoteCount1

Porkens (1) - 2 718281828459
Not Voting (7) - Porkens, Inferno390, Ircher, Invisibility, Allomancer, TanisNikana, McMenno

With 8 alive it takes 5 to lynch!

oh no