If Scummers Ruled the Galaxy... [Stellaris Lets-play]

[wgeurts]

The Admiral That Was

2317-07-30

The chaos in the relative South of the galaxy had caused a galactic migration of species as they fled the violence to the more stable relative North civilisations. These refugees had lead to social changes within many of these nations, changes that not even the iron rule of the Correct Path could withstand. Diplomats assigned to both the Correct Path and the Compact of the Snuggly Duck had noted a shift in government ethics towards xenophiles. They now embraced them openly. This is most bizarre in the case of the Correct Path, as all those that decided to live there had to obey the disciplined authoritarian laws unless they choose to pay the high cost of disobedience. There was no disobedience there, only justice, those that deviated were simply

corrected

.

Spoiler: Ethics Shifts

The Assembly was dissatisfied with the performance of the Centurion Fleet, and released billions to rebuild the losses and improve on it even further. Alongside these measures an Admiral was chosen from amongst the most promising Captains: SleepyKrew. It would be his duty to oversee the logistics and strategy guiding the fleet whenever needed. His first test would be to clear the remaining two light orbs. They were weakened, but there would be no restraints. The prior losses were an insult to our peoples and we would throw everything we have at them as revenge.

Whether or not light is capable of understanding what revenge is, is another matter...

As the fleet left MafiaScum once more something strange happened. A transmission was picked up by admiral SleepyKrew, a transmission from himself.

Spoiler: The Future Now

"Who are you? What is the meaning of this? Answer swiftly or we shall neutralise your ship. I repeat: explain yourself."

Spoiler: Am I

"If you so strongly wish to perish I'm sure you could think of something aboard an Imperieuse-class Cruiser. Our patience runs thin. I repeat: who are you and what are your intentions?"

Spoiler: The Loop

"What is this Loop you refer to. Do you copy?"

Spoiler: What Came First and What Came Next

"... Surrender yourself Scummer, we can protect you from this monster. I repeat: unload your weapons and surrender."

Spoiler: Too Late

The second the fleet's sensors picked up a railgun charging up a barrage of fire was unleashed at the husk of a cruiser before them. It was annihilated within a moment, shields and hull overwhelmed instantly...



In other news: we also found a world with unexplainable floating islands! Huzzah!

Spoiler: Islands in the Sky

[McMenno]

omae wa mou shindeiru

[PvtUrist]

This is most bizarre in the case of the Correct Path, as all those that decided to live there had to obey the disciplined authoritarian laws unless they choose to pay the high cost of disobedience. There was no disobedience there, only justice,

those that deviated were simply corrected

.

Jeez sounds like a faction of sociopaths

[the worst]

oof

[wgeurts]

The Drums of War

2328-02-06

A transmission was received by the Assembly addressed to all authorities within the galaxy, the U'i had fallen. The Mafia-451 Incorporators had taken yet another civilisation and made it there own to cybernetically alter, all 118.5 billion U'i at their mercy. It was a tragic fate. The Worst died shortly after too making the year ever the more tragic.

Spoiler: The End of The U'i Galactic Authority

The 451 now controlled a huge swath of space, alongside the Mafia Universians and the Nameless who were sneakily making large gains at the centre of the galaxy. Despite the civilisations having fallen this wasn't necessarily the end of the U'i or the Snail Duders, for someday once could liberate them if they deemed it right to do so.

The Postie's were left in a precarious position too, surrounded by superpowers and weakened by constant war. Their home-system Radiant Cowbell and capital Postdyria had been taken by the 451 as well. The Scummer Interplanetary Assembly debated forming a federation with their kind, our first allies in the galaxy. A bill was put forward and passed, and the Posties eagerly accepted. We had formed the poorly named Celestial Axis with them, and would henceforth work together in all matters.

Spoiler: The Celestial... Axis

Shortly after the formation of this new galactic federation two new declarations of war were made. The Scummer Moderation Collective wished to attack the Snuggly Ducks, whilst the Mbuyan Progenitors (an ancient fallen empire that far suppresses our own technological progress, that has until now not engaged in galactic politics) declared war of the Nameless. What the Nameless did to anger the Mbuyan is beyond us, but their wrath with bring scourge to the Nameless if they were to bring their full force.




The galaxy wasn't done just yet though! The Bjorish Wildlings discovered almost a century ago bordering the Moderation Collective had united under a single Great Khan. The clans acted under one banner, and were thirsty for blood. We received a message from the Great Khan Huuregdhe himself, essentially telling all to bow down before him or perish...

Spoiler: The Great Khan Arises

The Khan did not wait to strike those about him, swiftly devastating or annexing a significant portion of the Moderation Collective's and Commerce League's territory. They was off now not yet near our borders, but our people are keeping a wary eye on events.

Spoiler: Before and After

The Centurion Fleet was also called in to clear out the Teriyaki Space Whales bordering our lands. They guarded a planet rich with minerals, and we needed said minerals if we wanted to maintain a fleet to defend ourselves from these dark tidings. They fought bravely, but the whales were no match for our Gaus Cannons under the leadership of SleepyKrew (recently developed by Papa Zito). The planet they guarded turned out to be a graveyard planet of sorts for the space cows, a place where they went to die bringing with them many minerals gathered or eaten along their voyages.

Spoiler: Teriyaki Slaughter

There was also an election, but Maestro won pretty much uncontested being the only remaining member of the old guard. All other prominent officials had been newly appointed or taken up their positions.

[Annadog40]

Rip U'ian

[Papa Zito]

I have a bad feeling about this.

[vonflare]

the first casualty of intergalactic war, but probably not the last.

[wgeurts]

Existence Itself Hates Snails

2335-11-06

Sirens started to wail upon Serene Home, the new colonists startled by the unexpected planetary warning system going off. A message was broadcasted to all available screens and devices: leave, now. Miderib A, the star which Serene Home orbited was growing expectationally in radius and was giving off alarming amounts of electromagnetic radiation. Something was happening... some terrible.

The Snail Duders did not have enough time to evacuate, within minutes the star burst unleashing a dreadful cataclysm upon Serene Home. All the inhabitants of the planet were burned to ash as their planet was scourged by the celestial forces. None survived, none of the 3.5 billion.

Spoiler: I Felt a Great Disturbance in the Force

This was not all, for two other potential disasters threatened the peoples of the Scummer Assembly. The planet upon which floating islands had been found had been colonised in prior years and named Salaam. One of these floating islands was currently on a trajectory that would lead it to collide with a major Salaami city. Some scientists reported that the collision would release large amounts of valuable minerals for us to reap, but their words were silenced and a team was sent to divert the island.

The Teriyaki graveyard planet had also been colonised for its minerals, and within a few months an Elder Teriyaki had come there to die. It fell through the atmosphere, burning up and turning to dust. This dust was rich in minerals leading to accelerated crop growth wherever it fell. What remained of the corpse landed in a rural unpopulated region. Allowing corpses to fall onto our planet could lead to a source of valuable minerals, but there always would remain the risk of a Teriyaki falling upon an inhabited area...

Spoiler: Planetary Troubles

There was however also a positive development! President Maestro had given the order to wholly urbanise MeatWorld to provide all Xenophiles and Scummers a place to live in harmony. It was an ambitious project, the challenges a planet-wide metropolis would create were unforeseeable. Extra funding was released to make sure biological life would be able to survive in reserves. The motion was approved , and within 7 years MeatWorld was terraformed into an Eco-Arcology. The planet could now sustainably house more than 150 billion individuals if food was imported from elsewhere.

Spoiler: Cyberpunk 2077?

There was also developments regarding the Great Khan. In fact! He was no more.

Our analysts had noted the defeat of the Great Armada by the hands of the Moderation Collective in the Yarith Irengar star system. Khan Huuregdhe had fled in an escape vessel and acknowledged his defeat in a galactic broadcast. He admired the Collective's prowess, but swore to be back with a more power fleet to bring them and all others to their knees.

Spoiler: Setbacks for the Khanate

He rallied the clans once more, commanding the Assembly of a second more terrifying fleet. Once this was accomplished he boarded his flagship and lead the armada back to the collective, where he suffered defeat a second time. Rather than fleeing the battlefield the Khan accepted his fate and allowed himself to perish. A vicious power struggle broke out in the Khanate with the clans once more no longer united under a single banner. They turned on their own.

Spoiler: The Collapse of the Khanate

After four years civil war and fracturing of state was avoided against all odds. The Bjorish crowned a new Khan. This new Khan seemed more interested in consolidating his newly acquired territories than conquest however... for now.

Spoiler: The New Bjorish Khanate

Final developments in the galaxy were two new declarations of war: the 451 against the Nameless, and the Mafia Universe against the Council of Storm-Z.

[Raskolnikov]

Wowww this luck is why I stopped playing Mafia

[PvtUrist]

hugs for Rasko and his snails

[the worst]

holding a mass funeral right here right now

[wgeurts]

Big Oofs and L-Dragons

2344-09-18

Almost one a century of research into the L-gates discovered way, way back had come to completion. Our lead researchers now believed they had the information needed to enable the gates, reactivating them and establishing the link to wherever they may lead. A project was funded, with a team of our best Scummers tasked with the reactivation...

Spoiler: L-Gates

The two hiveminds out there didn't seem to appreciate these new efforts despite them being of no relevance to their kind. Within the span of two years we received numerous insults, amongst the best were the following:

Spoiler: Civil Politics

I mean, look how smug that Nameless is!

Anyhow, without further ado... back to the L-gates! Or not. As usual, politics got in the way of everything momentarily again. It was election time once more! The people's of the SIA had become more Xenophilic in recent years as interspecies marriage became more acceptable. Alas, this in turn lead to a decline in the population growth rates. At the same time many were worried about the state of the galaxy, it being as volatile as it was. The disaster on Serene Home had also given the ruling coalition a lot of slack.

Analysts expected Maestro to win again with roughly 44% of the vote, followed by Papa Zito with 32% of the vote...

Spoiler: Election Time!

The polls were closed and once more the election was called...

Spoiler: Results

What. Bellaphant of the supremacist Silver Guard had been voted into power. The dissatisfaction of the populace had apparently been severely underestimated. This is concerning...

Anywho, with that out of the way back to the L-gates. After 3 years the L-gate orbiting a black hole was rebooted, and out came a giant baby drake of sorts. It didn't appear to be hostile, but its presence was most certainly a surprise for the researchers in the vicinity to say the least. The gateway seemed to lead to a cluster of stars outside of the galaxy filled with nanites and thankfully no more space dragons. These new lands would be free for us to claim, rich in resources!

Spoiler: The L-Drake and L-Cluster

[PvtUrist]

Mr Four Eyes does not understand fashion

[Papa Zito]

Maybe we should pack up everyone through those gates and close them behind us.

[MTD]

So I am a King Flower, my civilization has officially declared another their rival but never done anything else about it and also keeps out of everything else?

I like

[Papa Zito]

are we rip

[MTD]

Also is the L-Drake the same species as the Ether Drake at Konar?

Stellaris looks like a fun game

[wgeurts]

Race to the Bottom

2355-05-17

After decades of construction and funding the scientists and engineers of the Scummer Assembly had completed an intergalactic marvel: a stellar particle accelerator. The particle accelerator had been constructed around the MafiaScum star, and will allow us to study the building blocks of reality to an extent we could previously only dream of!

Spoiler: Stellar Particle Accelerator

An interstellar habitat had also finished construction! Built in orbit of the gas giant which Meat World circled a second Serene Home had been founded, this time around a known stable star as well as engineered to perfection to exclude the possibility of natural disaster. The station could house billions of Scummers, but was mostly intended for the poor Snail Duders.

Spoiler: Serene Home 2.0

Following these leaps in scientific progress a number within our empire suggested an idea to the Assembly: a galactic space race. To promote peace in our volatile galaxy as well as facilitate technological exchange we could host a race in deep space pitting the technology of each individual civilisation against one another to prove who is best. It would consist of a number of competitions, to weigh the merit of the ships and pilots entered. The SIA was highly enthusiastic about this idea and swiftly approved a motion releasing funds to realise it.

Spoiler: Space Race

At roughly the same an election was called, as the Assembly had lost faith in its president Bellaphant of the Silver Guard. Having seen how the supremacists approached politics the Scummers overwhelmingly voted for Maestro of the Free Thought Council. He won with 61% of all the votes, a change back the old way of things.



Shortly after the elections we received a transmission from the Postie Interstellar Confederacy... we haven't heard of these guys before?! The transmission was forwarded to the Assembly. The PIC was an ex-slave colony from the territories of Mafia Universe that had declared independence after a long struggle for freedom. They admired our Egalitarian way of life, hearing how the Posties that had moved to our planets lived in abundance and prosperity... they wanted to join us. We graciously accepted. That Mafia Universe was enslaving those it captured in war was new information to the Assembly, and severely soured an already shaky diplomatic relationship.

Spoiler: Liberation of the Enslaved

Anyhow, 7 other civilisations accepted the invite to participate in the Space Race. During the first rounds our own team was eliminated due to insufficient shield capacity... The other nations carried on however and within a month the winners had been decided!

Spoiler: Reward Ceremony!

Despite the peaceful message the Space Race embodied the SIA forwarded the first confederate motion to vote upon: a declaration of war upon Forum-62. Forum 62 withheld our ships from reaching Postie planets to help defend them against the rising threat of both the Nameless and the Mafia-451. The Forum-62 inhabitants were known religious zealots that enslaved all races they deemed as lesser, cutting them off from the rest of the galaxy would limit their income and potential to further the galactic slave trade. The Postie's agreed, and war was upon us!

Spoiler: Scummers Enter the Arena

Two other declarations of war were made by other parties as well:




The Wortsarians had long withheld themselves from entering any war or conflict, times however had change and it had become a matter of strike first or lose. The Druthean Archivists were the other ancient fallen empire within our galaxy, far preceding our own civilisation. They had never interacted with anyone until now, but apparently the Mafia-451's rise had not gone unnoticed.

Our own war was waged throughout the coming 7 years... and we were partially successful. Our fleets brought destruction upon the navy of Forum-62, yet we were unable to seize control of all the star-systems required to create a safe passageway to the inner rings of the galaxy.

Spoiler: Interstellar Fireworks

[McMenno]

inb4 the snail planet gets blown up

[the worst]

mish mash had it comin'

[MTD]

apparently we also win races!

[Raskolnikov]

Yayyy. I thought serene home was the last of them and they got all wiped out lol.

451 will pay one day.

[wgeurts]

Demographics of the SIA

155 years have now passed since the first usage of faster than light travel to reach neighbouring star systems, and the Scummer Interplanetary Assembly has changed in many radical ways that could have never been predicted by those that came before us. We have grown exponentially both in size and complexity as a society, and I'll detail the current state of the SIA as off the year 3355 AD.

Population and Planets

There are currently 319.5 billion Scummers living upon our planets, of which we now have 13. Due to our administrations refugee policy as well as various migration treaties with like-minded civilisations such as the Postie's and the Wortsarians many of our Scummers are not of the same species as the humanoid race that started it all. Droid synthetics are counted amongst the populace, although they only show limited signs of sentience and are largely servile.

Spoiler: Population

• Droids
  - 47.5 billion
  
• Scummer
  - 44.5 billion, of which 23 billion are Trans-Scummer (a genetically enhanced variant of the original Scummer species) and 21.5 billion are Postie's modified breed.
  
• Half-Scummer
  - 42 billion
  
• Meta-Azizians
  - 24.5 billion
  
• Super-Iazoid
  - 18.5 billion
  
• Raitoburinga
  - 15.5 billion
  
• Fleigh
  - 13.5 billion
  
• Postie
  - 12 billion
  
• Basilon Nalean
  - 12 billion
  
• Wortsarian
  - 11.5 billion
  
• Khalunite
  - 11.5 billion
  
• Vengral
  - 10 billion
  
• M'td
  - 9.5 billion
  
• M'u
  - 8.5 billion
  
• Roadmen
  - 8 billion
  
• Maardoid
  - 7.5 billion
  
• Neo-Scummer
  - 7 billion
  
• Snail Duder
  - 6 billion
  
• Darq
  - 3.5 billion
  
• Dwarf
  - 2.5 billion

Spoiler: Planets

Leaders and Factions

During the course of the last 150 or so years the Scummer Interplanetary Assembly has seen many leader figures come and go. Some died, some were arrested, and others inexplicably vanished under strange circumstances. These leaders hold a lot of political power within the Assembly, and lead the various factions that divide Scummer politics. As off now there exist 7 factions, each with there own goals and wishes.

Spoiler: Leaders

Spoiler: Factions

[Annadog40]

Papa Zito is so cuuuuuutee