Why do you play mafia?

[mastina]

I have a bomb attached to my heart.

If I quit mafia altogether, it will explode.

So long as I am either playing or modding or reviewing or otherwise involved in a game though, it won't go off.

Meaning my life literally depends on me not stopping.

[mastina]

I have a bomb attached to my heart.

If I quit mafia altogether, it will explode.

So long as I am either playing or modding or reviewing or otherwise involved in a game though, it won't go off.

Meaning my life literally depends on me not stopping.

So last time I answered, it was with a joke, but. The joke did have one element of truth to it.

I could give any number of excuse answers, e.g. "because of socializing and psychology practice", but those are exactly that, excuses.
I have previously thought it was an addiction, but the truth is much worse.

For some background:
The artist within me is trapped, locked inside. She still paints vivid canvasses, with beautiful imagery, but I never let her MAKE anything. So art is dead.

The writer within me still creates stories, but my drive to write them is dead.

I check kongregate games daily for the badge of the day, and play steam games on request, but otherwise the gamer within me is dead

I stopped caring about Tae kwon do and dancing long ago, even though I still do both out of obligation.

I stopped caring about work similarly, and intentionally avoid job searching.

What does that leave me with?

Only my girlfriend and mafiascum.
…And while my girlfriend is not a current player, they are a scummer who I met through playing on here.

So it is no exaggeration to say my entire life revolves quite literally around mafiascum.

I said that my life depends on me playing as a joke, but that was serious. Someone recently told me my entire self-worth revolves around here.

They're not wrong.

If anything, that's an understatement.

I have nothing without mafiascum.
I play mafia because it is the main thing to do on mafiascum. Without it, I literally have no life.

And yes.
That is exactly as sad and pathetic as it sounds.
There's a good reason I see myself as the dictionary definition of a real life scumbag. A worthless lowlife, the dregs of human society.

I can think of no worse reason to keep playing, and yet, it is the truth for why I do.
Beyond sad, right?