I just said don't treat winning as everything, that's not the same as "playing to lose" which is a term I've never heard before but it sounds equivalent to throwing. Mafia's a team game, if you lose it's not always your fault and it doesn't mean you did something wrong. If you try to do everything, all you're going to be is disappointed when you find out you can't.
But like I said, that's just what worked for me. Some people are naturally competitive and can't get away from the "winning is everything" mentality. If you're like that, then go ahead and ignore my advice because it's worthless for you. But if you are like that, mafia is probably not going to be a very fulfilling game for you.
To be honest, this discussion is a pretty good allegory for why convincing people is sometimes impossible. People value different things. No matter how eloquently you present it, your VCA case is never going to convince someone who doesn't believe in VCA. Your emotional argument is worth little to a logical player.
It's always the same. When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die. You don't know whose children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken. How many lives shattered. How much blood will spill, until everybody does what they're always going to have to do from the very beginning... SIT DOWN AND TALK!