SPITFLY - GAME OVER!

[Gorkington]

/sure

[Gorkington]

time to actually read the rules

[Gorkington]

okay yes
hi everyone i would like to begin my campaign for president of this game.

everyone who votes for me will get the following:

i) a drawing of you with a cool hat
ii) immunity yes definitely everyone who votes from me will receive immunity from elimination i am offering this service for all of my supporters
iii) i will keep at least one secret that you tell me. i promise not to tell anyone else that one specific secret if you need some secret keeping i am your boy but only if you vote for me, if it turns out you didnt vote for me and you told me a secret then i am telling everyone. idiot.
iv) i am looking to fill some department heads so everyone who votes for me will be made into a minister with a high paying wage, lots of job security and a comfortable retirement package. dont pass up this opportunity
v) ill send you a personalized thank you message and a personalized message every vote cycle to ask you for money to support my future campaigns.

thank you all.

[Gorkington]

if youd like to join my campaign team feel free to message me

im keely on discord
or can send a pm.

[Gorkington]

this was supposed to be a pm oops

coffee please wake me up

[Gorkington]

who voted for me?
need to know who i need to give all of my stuff to

[Gorkington]

liar!!!!!!!!!!

[Gorkington]

liar!!!!!!!!!!

wait omg did you actually?

[Gorkington]

Don't do it and you may find yourself strangled at any moment.

its time for something different!

all of these years we've been voting for tentacles and what have we got to show for it?

NOTHING.

its time that we focused on a message of hope and change
rather than slime and strangling.

a vote for gorkington is a vote for poorly drawn paint images.
a vote for gorkington is a vote for a well kept secret.
a vote for gorkington is a vote for freedom from fish threats.
a vote for gorkington is just really fucking cool you should do it trust me.

[Gorkington]

for my first and second last decree as KING OF SPITFLY

i have done some soul searching and decided that my eternal reign may not be the healthiest thing for either myself or the people of Spitfly.

i also believe that the people of Spitfly deserve a leader that can speak to the hearts and minds of everyone.

therefore i declare that the next election cycle [the one after this current one] should be determined via a haiku contest.
haikus will be rated via the following scale:

0 - they didnt even do a haiku
1 - the haiku kind of sucks or it was copied and the copied haiku kind of sucked
2 - the haiku was copied but it was kind of funny or it was just an okay haiku that wasnt copied
3 - this was a pretty good haiku that wasnt copied
4 - this is a fucking great haiku
5 - this was my favourite haiku of them all

we should then coordinate to make the highest rated haiku creator the Head of State
and then collectively murder anyone who does a bad job of writing a haiku.

[Gorkington]

for my second and final decree
i would like to declare Mario Mario and Luigi Mario enemies of the state.

these two goomba crushing shitheads have been implementing their brand of vigilante antics for long enough.
im going to put a price on their heads so large every bounty hunter in the galaxy will be looking for them.




hmu if you see either of these chucklefucks and ill send my goons after em.

[Gorkington]

what good is power if you dont get to use it????

[Gorkington]

cephrir takes an early lead for next cycle!
gj cephrir!

[Gorkington]

holy fucking shit
keely is a dictator?
it's snowing on mt. fuji

omg it was a stealth haiku
thats very impressive

[Gorkington]

i call this one

my inner thoughts the last few hours

:

i forgot to vote
how foolish i am ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck
i deserve to lose

[Gorkington]

oh woof jeeze egad
ahhhhhh oh no drama's scary!!!
time to close the thread

[Gorkington]

it does kind of suck that every interaction has this weird "am i going to come across as doing this for votes" vibe
like
i just wanted to make a joke
and i made the joke
and now im coming back and looking at it and it feels weird.

q.q

[Gorkington]

holy fucking shit
keely is a dictator?
it's snowing on mt. fuji

4

Best leader ever.
He rules with benevolence.
This is not a haiku

3.5

Inevitably,
Some of us will stay silent.
How will we decide?

3.5

Death comes for us all
Alone we must walk the path
Stay a step ahead

3

We are the greatest
constant war, homeless dying
murica yeehaw

3.5

the internet is
full of people who tend not
to make good haikus

3.5

Haikus are just for
Cards Against Humanity
Not Spitfly kthx

2

Haiku Haiku Hai
Ku Haiku Haiku Haiku
Haiku Haiku Bye

2

Hey so uh guys, I
don't really know how to
write haikus at all

3

my haiku is bad
but at least it's better than
having none at all

5

Why the need to rush
It is worth waiting longer
For round has begun

3

i call this one

my inner thoughts the last few hours

:

i forgot to vote
how foolish i am ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck
i deserve to lose

2.5

everyone else get votes in before 12 hours to deadline and then i'll tabulate to determine who should get immunity.

[Gorkington]

ive been advised by my loyal council that i am expecting too much in too little time.
i am not one to take criticism lightly, but i want it to be clear that i am VERY REASONABLE.

therefore, the haiku VICTOR will be considered immune for the cycle following this one.
can post votes/pick favourites in thread or message me them and i'll get results out for earlier on tomorrow.
[even if people decide to murder me today </3]

therefore,
we can vote whoever we want today.
weeeeeeeeeeee!

[Gorkington]

Changing this to be just the top five to be less mean!

Spoiler: results

McMenno: 4,0,5,4,4
17

KittyMo: 3.5,0,4,5,4
16.5
VashtaNeurotic: 2,0,2,4,3,4
15
Iprobablysuck: 3,0,3,3,4
13
N: 5,0,4,4,0
13

[Gorkington]

barbarians, the lot of you.
you killed our rightful ruler

[Gorkington]

im pissed that people dont respect HAIKU LAW

[Gorkington]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
thats me right now

[Gorkington]

i volunteer as tribute for the elimination for next round!

[Gorkington]

i know yall have no respect for upholding the results of such things

but anyone down for jackbox to determine immunity for an upcoming round?

[Gorkington]

could do two rounds of something and then a FACE OFF between winners or top 2 of each round

[Gorkington]

i am READY TO PUNISH THE LIVING.

i was going to ask people to convince me/grovel
but there was only one person who i know for sure wasnt conspiring against me so

Spoiler: my choice

omg a double spoiler how dramatic

DOWN WITH COMMANDERMEME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gorkington]

Gorkington will decide between KittyMo and racefan12 for the elimination.

this is a much less cool choice to have to make!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god idk.
wtf.

[Gorkington]

god radja why are you making me bully people twice.

whatever!!!

Spoiler: my choice

sorry racefan i cant elim kaymo

eliminate racefan

[Gorkington]

cool

[Gorkington]

really good meme wow!