WALRUSMASTER ** I Wonder what the next task will be?

[shaft.ed]

Welcome to WALRUSMASTER, an attempted mashup of the beloved music scoring game WALRUS and the even more beloved (data not shown) British game show

ish

Taskmaster

Spoiler:

Why not just a WALRUS?

My main motivation was being chuffed when I didn't understand what a submitter was going for. I'd think to myself "

what's this nonsense

" and then after explanation it'd click and I'd really like the clever angle of approach #keelyyowlingwasrobbed
My other motivation was to have this more interactive and slower paced in that we could all discuss submissions outside of the hour or so running time.

Also I'm old and like message board formats.

What's different?

-No Discord listening sessions, songs will be posted and discussed in thread.
-BANTER. Interject support for your favorite submissions. Tear down your opponents and pillage their farms.
-Much more emphasis on catfit than enjoyment. Almost all about catfit.
-No anonymity. Be yourself. Submit your wheelhouse.
-Doesn't matter if the song is popular, or if I've heard it before.

Will I like this?

You might like WALRUSMASTER if:
-You enjoy talking about music more than listening to it.
-You like to solve a puzzle by convincing everyone that your solution is correct.
-You enjoy pedantic discussions that have no correct answer, like which percussion instruments belong on a spaceship.
-You've always wanted to take part in a virtual Taskmaster prize task

What are you committing to?

We will run 8-10 rounds depending on activity levels.
Prior to each round I will solicit a goal for song submissions.
Then I'll post the submissions along with discussions and you can BANTER if you want to.
I'll post scores, and we'll do it again until it's over.

So how will it work?

Que the music

-Scores will be unique integers ranging from 1 to n, where n is the number of players
-Final decisions will be completely arbitrary and at my whim, but I will try to be fair and consistent from my perspective
-You may score 0 if I feel you have failed the task
-There might be bonus points, people might score the same who knows?

Can add more nittys and grittys if they come up

[shaft.ed]

Score

Contestants

Spoiler:

Tasks

First Task

Second Task

Third Task

Fourth Task

Discussion

First Task Discussion

Second Task Discussion

Scoring Posts

First Task Scoring

Second Task Scoring

[shaft.ed]

wow when do you ever write long posts

circa 2008 i guess

[shaft.ed]

Contestant portraits are up
it you're unhappy with your TaskMaster spirit animal, let me know a preference and maybe I'll remake it

[shaft.ed]

ed gamble is surprising over james acaster but I'm not really complaining either way

James never got the love from Greg like you do from the judges

also, I have James assigned to another potential entrant *

finger point

*

[shaft.ed]

i will watch her season

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGIhzs0mzRs

[shaft.ed]

ed gamble is surprising over james acaster but I'm not really complaining either way

yeah i think you're fairly acastrous altho i wouldnt claim to know who the other guy is and i havent watched his season

7th Season
Best Season

although I'm still digesting 11, so might change

[shaft.ed]

Submit a song that the kids today would like. Song that best represents the music listening tastes of today's youth wins.

You have 1 week.

Your time starts now.

(expired on 2021-07-15 13:44:37)

[shaft.ed]

Sign ups are still open by the way.
I may extend deadline depending on if anyone needs it
but enjoy the first task!

[shaft.ed]

Also if it's not clear
PM me your submissions

[shaft.ed]

only 60% of the gestation period for a monarch butterfly pupa left for submissions

we are similarly missing about 60% of entries. Though we aren't expecting any butterflies

[shaft.ed]

I know the knee jerk reaction to mine is that I sent in a troll entry but I am being 100% sincere.

[shaft.ed]

Missing submissions from the P-bodies
Psyche and panzer

Will post Task 2 later today before moving on to discussion

[shaft.ed]

Make me move. Most movement wins.

You have 1 week.

Your time starts now.

(expired on 2021-07-22 14:55:37)

[shaft.ed]

So you might be wondering why this specific task? Especially for the inaugural submission.
This was done for quasi-selfish reasons. Working in academic science is just temporally disorienting in the mid to long time scale. Especially being a prof now. I don't know if students realize this, but I spend most of my time interacting with people perpetually in their early 20s. And it's hard to keep up with what's culturally relevant. Like I just started to get mumble rap. But mumble rap has been dead for years now to be taken over by triplet rap, which we had back in my day except every beat had two triplets instead of every bar. Get offamylawn already.

I guess we should get on with this then. What was I expecting this round? Probably some triplet rap, annoying vocal distortions, no real drum kits, percussion that sounds like a paperclip jar having an orgy, Adam Levine, homages to the 80s. Stuff like that.

So with that in mind, let's see what our first duo

JumbleofSchadds

has submitted



listening notes:

Sweet Jazz Organ. Should have saved it for the Jazz Organ task. I like this, so probably not what's popular with the youth. Maybe youth in the 60s.

listening notes:

Quite a confrontational submission* A real drum kit, what is this? And those 80's throwback synths. Checks artist, oh this is genuine 80s synthpop. This feels like that moment in the movie or sitcom when a parent finds their kid listening to some music and says "you want to hear some real music" and the kids groan as the parent bites their lip and air guitar

*

arguments in defense to come in thread

At least schadd acknowledges he's doing it wrong. Or does that make it worse?
Either way, both come off as anachronistic to the task.

[shaft.ed]

how does twink have a former modifier?

[shaft.ed]

If you’re going to submit a loop, I for one think you need to commit to the loop.

you're a very bad man

[shaft.ed]

Okay, a bit of context for my submission:
This loop (https://youtu.be/WdPiOizr4eI) is a very popular TikTok sound. Now I didn't want to submit a loop, because it's not actually a song, so I submitted the original song the loop was based off of instead.

your submission is miles better than the loop though

[shaft.ed]

what am I supposed to do now?

it'll be frames all the way down

[shaft.ed]

Dear Mister WALRUSMASTER shaft.ed of the WALRUSMASTER,

I want to know if there is a schedule for your releases of submissions for the task, or if it will be dripped-and-drabbed out more or less at random for days, and also why it isn't just dropped in as a big ol chunk of stuff like the others, cause that's real weird to me.

Thank you,
Sincerely,
Yours truly,
a plague of frogs

they will be doled out every week or so, with a week deadline
Once this is all humming along it will be
-Submit next round
-Discuss current round
-Score Reveal current round
-Submit next next round
...on loop until its done

this might seem a bit weird the first week, but hopefully the rhythm makes sense once we build momentum

I wanted to try this because i think as a WALRUS progresses, you get a better idea about the person running it
also, I like the idea of focusing on one goal at a time
also, also, I can choose the cat I'm more in the mood for (it's really hard to pick just 8 cats and I basically haven't <.< >.>)

if this is inconvenient, let me know and I can try to modify/make things more flexible

[shaft.ed]

ah,
depends I guess

I was waiting for schadd to complain before posting anymore
sort of learning on the job right now though

but I expect it to take about 5ish days for the full set to be posted

[shaft.ed]

Jokes attacking the power structure wouldn't be taken wrongly.
In effect, you could all just post your songs in thread and democratically determine the winner thus wresting my power away
either way, I blame schadd

speaking of blaming people. I was gonna post this last night, but I wanted to make sure no one else couldn't sleep because of it

Spoiler: you've been warned

listening notes:

you know what you did

You're not a bad person haschel. But you need to know you've done a bad thing.

[shaft.ed]

that's why I didn't submit the loop

but then it's not what the kids today are listening to

[shaft.ed]

it's still looping in my brain

[shaft.ed]

particular individuals of youth

shares a word with kiss me more (2021)

katy perry

davsto

wow, that's a really strong argument you got there

[shaft.ed]

You're not a bad person haschel. But you need to know you've done a bad thing.

On the contrary, I have done a wonderful thing. Sure, this song was specifically written to drive a grown man insane. But the category wasn't a song that a grown man will enjoy, this task is all about the kids. And I would like to submit the following evidence in my song's favor:

let me see the two hour version and I'll bump you up to first

[shaft.ed]

wait i thought shaft.ed was referring to a different age group when he said "kids"

-You like to solve a puzzle by convincing everyone that your solution is correct.

[shaft.ed]

I didn’t record it but we did have a 50-minute version on our road trip to California a few weeks ago.

[shaft.ed]

how did i find the other game on this forum that challenges me to be a worse person

doesnt it also challenge you not to be then?

[shaft.ed]

I like how shaft.ed's pfp implies that he stole Greg's Glorious Golden Head

i'm a powerful sorcerer
i've stolen Greg's head

[shaft.ed]

The angle I hadn't really considered coming into this one was the angsty feelings of youth and youthful relationships

MUSHirius9121

do a good job of representing this niche of youth music.


listening notes:

Definitely has the teen angst, and the energy is making me tired which is a young thing. Vocal distortions and instrumentation seem current, aside from guitar bass maybe? I can definitely picture a teenager in their bedroom listening to this.

Like NuMetal, T-pain and O-Zone had a baby. Music for the kids of post apocalyptic tomorrow. Partying on a floatilla above sunken Miami, trading their kidneys for a 24 pack of Aquafina.

These are definitely in the running for kids today music. Maybe MUSH's is more kids of tomorrow. But maybe I only perceive it as tomorrow because I'm 5 years behind and tomorrow is actually today?

[shaft.ed]

Don't know why but I expected more rap entries
probably because this was still lodged in my brain

Spoiler:

We did get a pair of rap entries from

Cheet and Dav

listening notes:

Triplet rap, check. Tinny percussion, check. Background interjections, check. Berlin Wall reference, record scratch noise. That can't be current. At the same time, they don't seem to realize the Berlin Wall doesn't exist so it wouldn't function as they seem to assume it would. (kids are stupid)

listening notes:

Is that a theramin? Is it me or does this have like a post Soulja Boy era feel to it. Are they doing fadeouts again?

Overall Cheet's felt pretty stereotypical of current trends
I think Davsto was off by 10-15 years maybe? Couldn't tell if this was a callback to popular media or where this might have been pulled from. If this were anonymous I also don't think I'd have been lining it up with him.

[shaft.ed]

oh god all the avatars keep changing

[shaft.ed]

shots fired

on the flip side the Parental Advisory labels were a beacon to high schoolers back in my day
I had something similar to this back in my teen years

Spoiler:

[shaft.ed]

all coming together to make a cohesive hole for the youth.

bad Davsto

[shaft.ed]

Parental Advisory warnings backfired so hard. Everyone saw them as a sign of the music being "real". It was a sort of proto-anti-capitalist cool; "The Man thinks this will keep you away from your Degenerate Noise and get you listening to Wholesome Family Nonsense! Fuck that! These guys are too cool to compromise for money. It's real art."

I think I wrote a 10th grade paper on 2 Live Crew
those stickers really did end up being a major attractant

[shaft.ed]

i ask my mom before i listen to any album that has one

you aren't supposed to get advice from your parents

the record label is letting you know that the artists' parents helped with the lyrics

[shaft.ed]

What really did the bands that'd get those stickers dirty was Wal-Mart refusing to carry albums with the stickers.

which just led to artists recording 'clean' versions of their albums

[shaft.ed]

Obviously the song, Yankin' by Lady, is ten years or so old, but having never become popular at the time makes it ripe for love from today's kids - they really dig that whole "back in the day", "lost treasure" kind of deal with music.

haha no they don't

u ever been on tiktok? 90% of the big trends are songs 10+ years old (like shake shake-a-shake it, how bizarre etc). tally hall recently got rly popular amongst ~15 year olds because ruler of everything became a meme. this idea that tHe KIdS only like the tRAsH NeW MusIC is outdated - it may be one of their primary sources (which makes sense ofc) but they do have an odd pseudo-nostalgia for the early 2000s tunes

so you're saying Yankin' by Lady was a big TikTok trend then?

[shaft.ed]

As I mentioned in the intro to this, I had semi-selfish reasons for this catfit. To find some current artists I might like, and would hopefully pop up in every day interactions with the people in lab that could feasibly be my offspring. I thinks closest to hitting this mark were submission from

tryche

listening notes:

Mellow instrumental intro. Vocals definitely sound like radio music. Feels like a 90s R&B throwback in a way. Gin & juice reference. Oh I noticed this is slowed. I think I could see this being more applicable to the cat if faster.

listening notes:

Oh I haven't heard vocal tuning quite like this before. Heavy syncopated backbeat fits with the trends. Bit of a club vibe, not sure if current. This would have killed in the next task btw.

Fun facts, about 2 days after listening to psyche's entry I heard the non-modified track playing on the radio. And yes the original speed would have come a lot closer to me. Actually listening to official now and its a real nice summer bop (yeah I know, not released in summer, whatev).

Also, I've really enjoyed tris' submission. I've relistened quite a few times now and if this were about my fave entry, would be winning by a mile. Still has a nice vibe too it that fits the cat.

[shaft.ed]

portrait edits are masterful btw

edit: walrusmasterful

glad you like them
hope they add to the ambience

[shaft.ed]

So our last pairing comes from

hellgoats

. The energy I got from these was one of youths that are short for the youth classification. About to age up to the not youths, but enjoying it while they can. Probably more so for chev's


listening notes:

Feels like a Keisha/pitbull parody. I thought the current generation is less into drug use? Or is this entirely ironic and derogatory? Has the feeling of someone that's about to age out of being young and is either mocking themselves and/or the current youth movement. Side note, p great song.

listening notes:

Isn't the current youth anti capitalism and branding? Is this reappropriating the visage of our corporate overlords? Video feels more like an ad for them. Am I supposed to consider the video? Oh my god there are no rules, this is anarchy!

I mean I know chevre's singer explicitly says he's 15. But I get the feeling they aren't actually 15.

Also American House Direct? What even is that? Nice jam though. But I feel the McD's doesn't really fit too well.

[shaft.ed]

how am I supposed to put the avatars in the paintings, if the paintings are in the avatars?


anyway, I'm gonna leave a day or so for rabble before deciding on scores
glhf

[shaft.ed]

oh my god haschel you can't just ask why a 15 yr old is still in the 7th grade

true

i had two 13? year olds in my 7th grade PE class
they were huge and terrifying
but i think thats only 2 years above average

[shaft.ed]

Alright, seems like there isn't much left to chat about so, let's reveal the scores.

In last place with 1 point it's

NotAJumbleOfNumbers

. It's not 1963 mate.

Next, with 2 points is

schadd

. At least you got two decades closer.

With 3 points, and mind you I'm being extremely generous here, is

Haschel

. I'm only awarding two more points because I pity the extreme psychological torture you have suffered at the hands of your own children.

Coming in at 4 points, we have

Davsto

. I know he's off by 10 years, but in Davsto music time that's like 8 months.

It got a bit more tricky from here, but with 5 points is

Chevre

. Much like those seventh graders aren't 15, this song didn't feel age appropriate.

With 6 points is

psyche

. Shouldn't have slowed it down.

In at 7 points is

hellbooks

. Nice little tune made up of jingles and computer bits.

8 points goes to

Cheetory

submitting a standard and somewhat anticipated example of triplet rap.

Sirius

gets 9 points for his angsty vocaloid submission.

The dance inducing, vocal twisting entry from

tris

lands in second place with 10 points.

But our winner of Task 1 and scorer of 11 points is

MUSHSHAGANA

. I couldn't tell when this song was made, which must mean it's sometime between tomorrow and now.
Congrats to our Task 1 winner.

Spoiler: Scoreboard

[shaft.ed]

let her know she earned you 2 bonus points
she tripled your score

[shaft.ed]

i made a picture and everything

[shaft.ed]

“I have a message for him. ‘YOU are not a KID and that means technically you don’t KNOW what kids like this year and…

to me:

is he a father or not?

to shafted again

YOU are not a dad and don’t have KIDS so YOU can’t ask them if they like that song!”

Truly this girl takes after me.

I was a kid
therefore I am a kid
checkmate kids

[shaft.ed]

I mean, you submitted it
so it's mostly your fault

[shaft.ed]

@Haschel, I also wanted to clarify, the main issue I had with your submission was the 2 hours. If it was a more reasonable 2 or even 3 minute loop, you probably would have been up around 8 or 9 points.

[shaft.ed]

About a day left to submit
missing 6 or so

[shaft.ed]

started wondering if schadd ever heard the music of their taskmaster spirit animal

[shaft.ed]

Submit the theme song to a TV show (real or fictitious) along with a show synopsis/pitch. TV show that I would most likely tune in for and jam out to its theme song wins.

You have 1 week.

Your time starts now.

(expired on 2021-07-29 16:56:32)

[shaft.ed]

ill gett it in sooon!!!!

no worries
I will start on Task 2 tomorrow
I may or may dock points
*shrugmoji*

[shaft.ed]

I've really enjoyed the Task 3 submissions thus far.

it's time to get moving.

I really enjoy the fact that our auditory perception can seemingly take over our motor control system. I don't really know why this uncontrollable urge to pulsate with a rhythm exists. The neuroscientist in me wants to link it to wave like activity that is prevalent in cortical circuit functions. More spiritual takes are releasing control of your body over to some primal force. But whatever the cause, just giving into music is really an enjoyable experience to me.

I haven't listened to any of the Task 2 submissions because I want them to be fresh for maximum movement potential. I will try to make sure I am in a relatively similar headspace on each listen to make this as equitable as possible. And I'll be listening in order of submission.

So obviously first up is MUSHSHAGANA



Oh it's kinda heavy. I have to admit heavier stuff doesnt get old me moving much unless I'm in the mood for it. Younger me would very likely be headbanging by the end of this. Fun teenager shaft.ed fact. I used to get ready for marching band competitions by listening to Rage Against the Machine. Cause nothing comports with choruses of 'Fuck you I won't do what you tell me" like trotting around in synchronization with a hundred other people at the whim of a drum major.

Anyway. I got an ever so slight head bob out of this by the end of the song.

Current rankings:

1) MUSH

[shaft.ed]

my submission is probably not good

its def better than psyche's
since I don't have psyche's submission yet

[shaft.ed]

Oh no! I figured that bounce riff could get anyone to jumpdafuckup. It works for me, and I’m not even susceptible to that, how can there be immunity? All is lost, the ship is going down, goodbye cruel world.

think its an age related thing
like those high pitch screeching devices designed to disperse the youngs

[shaft.ed]

but i don't watch serialized television

I don't either

(real or fictitious)

note the task wording

[shaft.ed]

Next up we have Cheetory6



OMG the layered rhythms.
immediate core undulations and head bobbing. Intermediate quad flexion. That horn chorus gets it going. Some toe tapping here and there. Bit of chair bouncing. It really depends which rhythmic patterns I'm focusing on, switching between slow half time waves and more snappy quarter notes. Love when that horn chorus lands again. The anticipation is great.

Overall a good outcome there. Not unbeatable but I'd def expect upper tier.

Current rankings:
1) Cheet
2) MUSH

[shaft.ed]

Next submissions are from

NotaHaschelofNumbers

That initial drop got my head bobbing pretty good. But not a ton more afterwards. Guy in the video definitely looked like they were having fun.
I think the basic 4/4 doesn't do a whole lot for me maybe?



some really nice drops in this. Also enjoyed some of the slow triplet passages in the backing. I'm really impressed how you play that grid instrument.
Overall some decent movement here mostly in the head and torso.

Current rankings:
1) Cheet
2) NotaJumble
3) Haschel
4) MUSH

[shaft.ed]

[shaft.ed]

OK I got a good hearty belly laugh out of the terrible chicken animation. Lasted maybe 10 seconds. No dancing unfortunately



Great percussion for this. Just sort of trance bobbing. Not a lot of change throughout. Good submission, but I think it could have used a bit more going on.

Current rankings:
1) Cheet
2) schadd
3) NotaJumble
4) Haschel
5) Chevre
4) MUSH

[shaft.ed]

um you didn't do THE CHICKEN DANCE to the chicken dancE?!?!??!?!?!?

this is taskmaster it's not about good songs it's about catfit and you should've done the chicken dance it's legally required

you'll be hearing from my lawyers

Sorry I didn't receive any notification from the Dance Commander

[shaft.ed]

left with something

very foolish

immeasurably glorious

ftfy

[shaft.ed]

Another 'heavy' entry. I'm honestly not a huge fan of this soundscape, it's kinda stressful to me. I like the half time bits and the couple drops.
Overall a bit of toe tapping and some light head bobbing.

Current rankings:
1) Cheet
2) schadd
3) NotaJumble
4) Haschel
5) Sirius
6) MUSH
7) Chevre

[shaft.ed]

I mean, upset Susan Collins memes are just gonna encourage me

[shaft.ed]

Great multilayered rhythms in the intro. Yes please. Melodic bits are honestly reducing my movement. I want a lot more of that background layer, maybe its in the right ear. This sounds like music that you are supposed to bite your lip to. OMG I want more of those background runs too. Oh that ~3:25 wall of sound was nice. 5:43 finally bringing up the backing rhythms.

This was overall fun. I think the rhythmic scheme was working against it as far as my hypnodancing preferences, but a lot of good energy.

Current rankings:
1) Cheet
2) hellbooks
3) schadd
4) NotaJumble
5) Haschel
6) Sirius
7) MUSH
12) Chevre

[shaft.ed]

very non-moving intro. OK still not moving. *

checks vid time

* 16 minutes! Think my first song-induced movement was a headshake. So this really isn't going anywhere then. I actually unplugged my headphones to make sure I wasn't missing something in the right ear. Pretty tempted to skip ahead. I guess I can do work while waiting for the tune to start then.

narrator:

it never did

Was this the wrong link?

Current rankings:
1) Cheet
2) hellbooks
3) schadd
4) NotaJumble
5) Haschel
6) Sirius
7) MUSH
19) Chevre
9) Davsto

[shaft.ed]

I guess we've established 'heavy' music is a bit more of a challenge for me. I really have to be in the mood for it. That said, this breaks nicely into a trance like beat that almost forces you to comply. Enjoying the instrumentation. That downbeat is like a sledgehammer. Kinda lost the pulse for a while here at the end.

Current rankings:
1) Cheet
2) hellbooks
3) schadd
4) NotaJumble
5) tris
6) Haschel
7) Sirius
8) MUSH
42) Chevre
10) Davsto

[shaft.ed]

the "movement" I was wishing to inspire is wanting to remove your headphones and/or run away

respect for going all in
i did switch out my headphones I guess

[shaft.ed]

https://archive.org/details/ChambalandP ... epecheMode

He does like it slow folks. Still retains a bouncy feel though. Like this triplet rap better.
Still not a huge fan of mashups. Especially when they just take a famous chorus and reuse it. Not bad, but sort of samey.

[shaft.ed]

Task 2 Final Scores

Spoiler:

First I'm not giving anyone zero points, because it's impossible for a human to not move at all without being dead.

That said

Davsto

gets 1 point, last place.

2 points goes to

Chevre

. There is no obligation to chicken dance, especially when sitting at your computer in the privacy of your own home.

MUCHSHAGANA

get 3 points. Sorry I did not in fact jumpdafuckup.

In at 4 points is

Sirius

. Sorry the music kinda hurts by auditory system.

Dance Commander

Haschel

is gets a mid range 5 points.

Psyche

's mashup submission is good for 6 points.

tris

reaches the highest with head bangy music at 7 points.

NotAJumpbleofNumbers

pushed enough buttons for 8 points

The dance trance score

schadd

9 points.

hellbooks

bleep bloops to 10 points

but our winner with the danciful sound is

Cheetory6

!

[shaft.ed]

hey, tris; get your submission in please

got it, thanks!

still missing Siriuschaddavsto9121

[shaft.ed]

RIP lateral thinking I guess

it'd have worked if I did run away in horror as you planned

I was actually worried someone was going to submit 20 minutes of jump scares
or a 5 minute brown note

[shaft.ed]

I'm going to wait until tomorrow morning to post Task 4 given that Task 3 was more labor intensive than standard.

[shaft.ed]

I'm not excited about it either

I can't wait to go over the Task 3 entries. Definitely exceeded my expectations

[shaft.ed]

Still have not gotten entries from schadd and Sirius

I do want them to submit before reveal starts.
I don't want to give them zero points.

I really want to start the reveals though :/

[shaft.ed]

Submit a song featuring an instrument that begins with the letter 'T'. Best song featuring a T-named instrument wins.

You will receive 1 bonus point for featuring a unique T-instrument.

You have 1 week.

Your time starts now.

(expired on 2021-08-06 08:19:21)

[shaft.ed]

So we're going to give late submissions a 24 hour grace period for this round (which ends this afternoon). After that 1 point will be deducted, and an additional point deduction for each 24 hours late thereafter with a minimum score no lower than 0.

[shaft.ed]

I was a tad worried about this particular Task, but I thought it would be interesting to recontextualize a song with some autonomy in that choice. After the first couple submissions made it to my Inbox, I was super stoked about this. I've overall been really impressed with the creativity across the board and I can't wait to get stuck into this group of submissions.

But one clearly stood out from the pack. I'm just going to quote the message directly from my Inbox without comment so it can maintain it's epicness.

THE TOWER FALLS

a lesbian cyberpunk crime heist drama inspired by The Handmaiden

THE STAGE:

2099. most of the human population has not survived the century's turmoil. cities, monuments of the failure of society, are ruins among which small devolved communities live. communication / transportation / survival is sustained by a patchwork of early to mid-century era tech, restored and frankensteined together over the years by intrepid mechanics. the lives of these people carry the both the freedoms and burdens of self sufficiency and governance. Insularity often breeds suspicion and outright hostility of outsiders. this however, does not apply to the last remnant of the ways of old: the sprawling, mountainous city of Tower's Crossing, or Crossing for short.

---

THE SETTING:

Tower's Crossing is where a significant fraction of humanity lives and is named after an old mountain road that used to go through an outpost. Centuries later it became a massive route bisecting the city into north and south, and the outpost became a central tower out of which most of the government operates.

Crossing is governed by representative democracy. it is not unambiguously a dystopia, and people are often rather happy with life there. theoretically it's possible to leave, establish a life outside of Crossing, but the land is harsh and sucks from like war and climate and whatever and doesn't sustain life outside of the human-made, towering Vertical Farms in the city. So any other options are significantly far away, and with gas being virtually unobtainable these days and high tech electric-powered transportation being prohibitively expensive, many travelers do not survive on foot. but it can and has been done! (although it is obviously subtly discouraged by both the culture and the media)

public transit is vibrant and well-funded. Verticality of both the land and its buildings mean that people get around via fun little cable lift / elevator systems. the richest alone have access to the most cutting edge technology and drop millions on cars that can fly about 30 feet above the ground. it can be a great place of culture and joy, but also corruption, crime, inequality, and hatred. this suffering exists outside of Crossing too but much less, proportionally. it is among that suffering that our characters live, work, and dream.

---

THE CHARACTERS:

• Andres Songbird
  . the head of the crime syndicate in Crossing, named after the old district of Mosare (now an autonomous zone largely controlled by them, and their primary base of operations). Violent only when they see necessary, powerful, and very capitalist. Andres himself exemplifies these values, and is ruthless but more even-handed than many would be in his position. he is hot as fuck. has a british accent. He is the front-facing antagonist
  
  
  
• Yun "KO" Kyungah
  . Kyungah, better known as KO, leads the Wilderosa division of Mosare's crime syndicate. Wilderosa is a district far south of the Tower. she is young, and desperately wants to purchase her own flight car and a decade's worth of stored electricity to "get out of this shithole." with finesse and ambition she fought her way to a leadership role which may let her accumulate such wealth. it is course not without its associated risks. korean. trademark boots and pink sunglasses. tragic backstory FOR SURE. one of the two protags
  
  
  
• Laurel Nawa Ayala
  . classically trained as a tech-thief: hacking, engineering, etc. Since her late teens she has been coerced into working for the cops (in this case the Agency of Technology and Intelligence, or ATI), and lives under the constant threat of blackmail via nefarious ATI methods. the cops use her criminal experience as credibility in undercover operations and she is currently undercover as the division third-in-command under KO. short hair. tank tops. the other protag.
  
  
  
• Officer Brianna Catting-West
  . Brianna is an ATI agent and Laurel's handler/blackmailer. their relationship is sometimes filled with casual banter back and forth on a day-to-day, but a cold sharp undercurrent of mutual hatred runs underneath. brianna has no particular regard for Laurel's safety or precarious position and sees her as an expendable resource. She is sort of the "real antagonist"

---

THE THEME SONG

:
The theme song is

Tech Noir

by GUNSHIP. the title sequence will start with a monologue narrated by KO, mirroring the one in the song. It will go something like this:

I'm recording this because this could be the last you ever hear from me.
The city I once knew as home is teetering on the edge of total collapse.
You might not see it that way, but I can feel it.
I'm not sorry.
We had it coming.

Then it will be edited to cut to about 1:10 in the song:

Feel the breeze
I feel alive
Will you come
away with me?

You'll be my focus
Could this be, could this be, the highway?

Before you save me,
Just wait your turn, look at me now, steady as we burn
It was all for love
Just move yourself, drop it back down, push it out in front

this is a pretty long segment so the only pure "title sequence" part of it is the monologue. each episode starts out with a black screen and a really slow fade in of a title card still. for each episode, that still is the first shot of the scene, and when the song starts it will "unfreeze" and start unfolding while the rest of the song plays out. it will be like an establishing/action scene (no dialogue). when the song fades out it will cut to the meat of the episode.

---

THE PLOT:

There are THREE major plot arcs that comprise the first season of this show.

PLOT ARC 1: Mosare's grand bluff.

We are introduced to Mosare's shady operations thru their grand scheme against the govt. Through careful planning and placing of key connections, they are preparing to trick ATI into thinking that their lab, hidden far up in the mountainside, has been breached, and Mosare has access to all their top secret tech they use to protect state power and interests. Mosare knows from their sources that among this tech are advanced neuroscientific prototypes of cloning, memory wiping, memory transfer, personality conversion, and other things, still undergoing experimentation.

The first few episodes of the show consist largely of Andres and KO trying to maneuver around the ATI and get them to panic and relocate or go through some other emergency plan, which they intuit will make them vulnerable and enable them to actually steal this technology. This will culminate in an extended action sequence/shootout taking place in the city, in the backdrop of cramped cable car systems, balconies, and rooftops.

PLOT ARC 2: Andres has figured out that there's a rat.

Their conflict with ATI has given Andres ample opportunity to observe that there is a rat. He has figured out there's a leak in the Wilderosa Division and tasks KO with figuring out who. Failure to accomplish this will mean her death. The middle bit of the show is largely concerned with this action-filled, suspenseful game of cat and mouse between KO and Laurel. Laurel desperately wants to find a way out from under the cops' thumb, and is plotting on her own, trying to find a way to get the upper hand over Brianna. At this point in the season, the exact nature of Laurel's relationship with the cops is not known, and based on Laurel and Brianna's dialogue the viewers are kinda just made to think she's just your standard dissatisfied undercover cop.

At the midpoint climax, KO, and a few other side characters in the crime syndicate are involved in this big culminating battle in a warehouse where KO reckons with Laurel's extended betrayal. Laurel pleads with her, trying to explain how the cops forced her into this situation, but KO says she can't do anything about it or Andres will kill both of them. KO slides a blade above her collarbone, killing her.

PLOT ARC 3: The lovers, the heist, and the escape.

The last half of the show starts back at the beginning, and the story up until then is slowly revealed through new perspectives. KO and Laurel fall in love in secret. Laurel confesses her true nature to KO, and using their combined resources they hatch a plan. there is a tender scene where they are in bed together and KO tells her about her dream, to leave for a better and kinder community during the turn of the century, and Laurel is like "yeah. damn, girl" etc.

While KO is pretending to work with Andres to pretend that they've stolen ATI tech, she is actually working with Laurel and her connection to the inside to ACTUALLY steal ATI tech. Together, they get their hands on some prototypes and Laurel uses her skills to engineer workable products. The Laurel who dies is of course a clone. the real Laurel is carefully surprising, overpowering, and wiping key memories from Andres to cover their tracks cleanly and fake her death. Don't worry, the plan makes full sense when you see the whole thing.

the last episode has everything. epic lesbian sex, stealing of a flying cop car, lots of action, major blows to the credibility of the state, explosions to the tune of the full theme song, and driving into the sunset, plunging into an uncertain future.

and of course, an "epilogue" scene teasing the second season. Andres too has somehow (how exactly will be revealed in the next season ofc) also had access to illegal ATI tech in a 5D chess move. He has managed to save his memories due to his paranoia, transferring them into a clone on regular intervals. the clone confirms that he has been the victim of a memory attack & transfers his original memory back to him. he listens to a recording taken from KO's apartment (KO has obviously since gone missing) -- it's an audio log, a diary, the recording is the NOW DIAGETIC monologue from the intro theme song. oh fuck!!! he listens to it one last time before crushing the device in anger, signifying his intent on revenge...

[shaft.ed]

From a judges perspective here are some of my notes from hellbooks' entry

Song and show concept fit together fantastically, music would contribute greatly to a dystopian future of protagonists trying to escape to a better place. Can also easily imagine this submission as intro/outro music to a movie or TV show. Close my eyes and I see title cards and credit scrolls. Also like the layers upon layers that the video is showing people fighting by shoving VCR tapes into their chests and morphing into protagonists and antagonists of their contents. Extra liked that the Care Bears saved the day. *shaft.ed fact, my first or second Halloween costume was a Care Bear and one of my first memories was getting Champ Bear as a get well present when I was in hospital.

For the TV show itself, it's not right up my alley as far as genre but sounds interesting enough that I could be drawn in if people were talking about it and it got good reviews. I'd expect a really strong first season that tapers off as the show gets diluted and core founding writers move on to bigger things. Most concerned about clone shenanigans in future seasons. While it's a cool twist for the season 1 finale, I can see it as an easy mulligan after the team writes themselves into a corner in future seasons.

Would I excitedly tune into this show

and

jam out to the intro music? I definitely wouldn't tune in just for the show's tune, but it certainly helps establish the mood so I don't think I'd skip it.

[shaft.ed]

this week has been kicking my ass

I will get some more submissions posted today.
And poke people about Task 4.

Expect Task 5 to be released on Saturday

[shaft.ed]

OK so on the other end we had some submissions from genuine TV shows. I sort of expected a cheeky Taskmater theme submission, but no one went for that.

In a world where beasts of all kinds coexist, a gentle wolf awakens to his own predatory urges as his school deals with a murder within its midst.

This is definitely a great theme song. Has a nice bop to it.
Not sure about the show content, but the art style is stellar. Maybe I'd watch this?

Succession! A TV series about the four siblings of the Roy family -- Connor, Kendall, Roman, and Siobhan! They're incredibly rich and well-off because they run the Waystar Royco conglomerate, but there's the problem of who will succeed their father, Logan Roy, in running the business when he dies or becomes unfit! Weirdly none of them seem totally fit for leadership themselves! Intrigue and drama ensues! There's also their doofy cousin Greg just looking to get by, as well as Tom Wambsgans, Siobhan's eagerly inept and ineptly eager husband! Who will come out on top!

I mean it's good movie/tv score music. It definitely feels fitting to a title/credit sequence. Not excited or anything about it.
Can't say I'm all too excited about the show premise either. However, I notice it has great reviews and is based loosely off the Murdoch empire, so maybe the part of me that hates cable news networks would like it?

I am a stuffy, middle aged bachelor with an enormous inheritance. The monkey is a charming but unpredictable rake, who is also a master thief. In the pilot episode he is arrested while trying to steal my collection of jewels. He charms the judge, who much to my dismay orders that as a condition of his probation, the monkey must become my butler. Hilarity ensues as we try to live together, each of us coming to learn and appreciate the other's perspective on life.

As a tongue in cheek nod to the terrible sitcom music of the 80s and 90s, I kinda get this. But otherwise the song isn't that enjoyable.
The show premise on the other hand. I should probably check it out.

[shaft.ed]

This is the entry that got me really excited about this task.

Show name: Vandal
Pitch: A homeless, drifter, polyamorous lesbian couple travel around, destroying the property of the rich and powerful for kicks. Structure similar to early Burn Notice: arrive in a new town, get to know the locals, find a power imbalance, decide on a way to destroy the hierarchy, then heist-style setup to destruction, close with escape sequence. Later seasons connect older places and antagonists into a longer narrative arc. MCs narrate about identifying manipulators/assholes and sabotaging things a la Burn Notice's spy shit narration. Less Thelma & Louise than a sympathetic villain protagonist piece. Recurring antagonist: ATF task force, bumbling incompetents. Season-long special guests join them, add their own flair and style to the baseline show, and leave to make room for the next one (a la Doctor Who with more turnover). Themes of the power of love, queer identity, anti-authority, and ACAB (and morons).

Really a great vibe. Can see the characters getting introduced over this beat. And the song feels tailor made for a TV show to the point I have trouble believing it wasn't intended for the show above.
Show formula sounds great. It might get old after a few seasons, but any show suffers from that. It would burn brightly while it exists.
And the theme song is great to get you in the mood for some anarchy.

[shaft.ed]

Look Beyond is a mystery show where a team of four people investigate various crime scenes in "The Beyond", an eerie alternate reality, and also try to find a way home. The show has eleven episodes, but only ten have been aired; the eleventh episode is actually an ARG. Look Beyond quickly became a cult classic, but unfortunately the company producing the show closed before another season could be made.

I have a bit of trouble with REM and a show them song. But I have to say, when the chorus kicks in, I do really feel a strong fit.
TV show sounds like a cool concept and I could see it existing and perhaps tuning in. I did watch Stranger Things.
Not too sure about the fit. Depends a bit about the tone of the show I guess. This feels a bit too upbeat for what the show would need to be to become a cult classic.

Gorilla Star Catchers:

It's an animated sci-fi western about a pair of blaster-carrying gorillas who venture off into space in their suped up space-van, looking for renegade talking stars that have bounties on them.

OK this definitely sounds like a show theme song. Not on the same epic playing field as X-men the animated series or Batman, but not bad.
Fits the show premise quite well.
Could see this working its way into younger me's Saturday morning cartoon schedule. Not hugely sure about modern days.

the gold pilot zooms around space in her golden spaceship on the backdrop of rising tensions between the major galactic powers. she's searching for ~something~

Cool song, like it. Feels a bit too complex to be a title theme. Like its too hard to sing along with.
Can see it fitting the show premise in stretches, but not all parts.
I'm not sure about the show. It could be really cool, or something I wouldn't like at all as the description is p vague. Could hurt or help the placement.

[shaft.ed]

I did, I think, 2 wall-of-text paragraphs... Hellbooks won the round, I'm only aspiring to second place.

more than happy to fulfill the beloved taskmaster niche of "task where someone puts in an exorbitant amount of effort to receive a hilariously low amount of points"

I did just watch Dave Baddiel and the aubergines last night

not quite the same vibe but eating half an uncooked eggplant for nothing is special

[shaft.ed]

a tv show about a bunch of teenage fallen angels being edgy. yk like those angsty teen drama shows the kids all like. except this one's good for once maybe.

The whole aesthetic is giving me a sort of Buffy vibe. Don't know that a teen drama is a TV show I'd sign up for. Song's pace definitely has been ready to go though, would be excited for what's coming next. Fits for a TV show mostly. And goes pretty good with the premise theme.

[shaft.ed]

so last up we have the LateyMcLateFaces

The tv show is rihanna going around and bailing out horrible and failing small businesses and feeling unsatisfied

I think I would actually be very interested in watching this show. Would it be like Hell's Kitchen or Restaurant Impossible, and Rihanna is all condescending to the business owners and calls them donkeys? Would she be completely detached and just throw a pile of cash at them? Hire an entourage to do the work?
Song is cool, but I don't see it being a great TV vehicle.

there was none

Is this a theme song to something?
My google powers led me to

Two idols, Tsubasa Kazanari and Kanade Amō, collectively known as Zwei Wing, battle against an alien race known as Noise using armor known as Symphogear, which uses the power of music to counteract the Noise's destructive capability. However, Kanade sacrifices herself to protect a girl named Hibiki Tachibana, who ends up with a piece of Kanade's Symphogear relic, Gungnir, embedded in her chest. Two years later, Hibiki awakens the power of the Gungnir relic inside her body, gaining the same Symphogear armor that Kanade had. Using the power of song, Hibiki and her fellow Symphogear wielders must fight to protect the innocent and defeat those who would use the Noise for evil.

I have to admit, I'm having trouble keeping up with the synopsis. I don't think this is my jam.

[shaft.ed]

OK, this could get painful, but someone has to be the unbiased arbiter of truth.
so I think I'll use the Olympic Sport Climbing scoring system for this since there are three moving parts, TV show, Theme Song, Fit

I'll start with show ranking, keeping in mind these are the shows I'd most want to watch.

1.

schadd

- Rihanna interacting with incompetent business owners and feeling of ennui in the aftermath.

YES PLEASE

2.

NotaJumbleofNumbers

- I can see this being a thing I'd like. Ihope there are some bent spoons.
3.

MUSHSHAGANA

- Lesbians tearing down oligarchy. Sounds like a good watch
4.

Hellbooks

- Lesbians fighting against their dystopian future overlords. Sounds like a good watch
5.

Haschel

- Color me intriuged.
6.

Cheetory

- Maybe if I was younger.
7.

Chevre

- Not the biggest on reality drama stuff
8.

tris

- Not even sure what your show is about tbh.
9.

Psyche

- I don't know just seemed sort of boring. But I liked the art style a lot. Maybe this should be higher :/
10.

Davsto

- Never been a fan of teen dramas, even as a teen.
11.

Sirius

- Sorry I don't really like anime

[shaft.ed]

Song ranking. Note this isn't pure song enjoyment ranking, but it's about the song getting me excited for whats to come.

1.

Psyche

- great bop, enjoyed and motivated.
2.

Davsto

- I'm def ready to go now
3.

MUSSHAGANA

- Let's burn some shit
4.

Hellbooks

- Although not fast paced, it's definietly setting a great mood and I'm ready to pop some VCR tapes into my chest and morph into a care bear
5.

Cheetory

- I'm ready for my western adventure!
6.

NotaJumbleofNumbers

- Not super my jam for getting ready to go
7.

tris

- Nice song, not great on building 'the atmosphere'
8.

schadd

- Cool tune. Would have done better if more fast paced
9.

Chevre

- It's ok I guess
10.

Haschel

- This was too hokey
11.

Sirius

- Sorry I don't really like anime


Current standings:
8 - schadd
9 - Psyche
9 - MUSHSHAGANA
12 - NotaJumble
16 - hellbooks
20 - Davsto
30 - Cheetory
50 - Haschel
56 - tris
63 - Chevre
121 - Sirius

[shaft.ed]

Ok final round of this round (my eyes are round) is to see which entry matches as a theme song for its show

1.

Hellbooks

- Matches the atmosphere of the show perfectly, spoken word is perfect and even the video could exist in this fictional world
2.

MUSH

- I'm still searching for this show on putlocker
3.

Sirius

- It's all very anime
4.

Cheet

- Western theme is great for gorillas with blasters
5.

Chevre

- Sort of chill yet tense vibe seems to match well
6.

Davsto

- Chorus fits, but rest of it is a bit off. Still feels like an actual song and not a TV show theme.
7.

schadd

- too slow
8.

psyche

- too hype
9.

Haschel

- too hokey
10.

NAJN

- Same as Davsto except the tone just doesn't fit well between the two
11.

tris

- Cool song, but doesn't feel like it belongs as a TV intro

Final standings!

1. Hellbooks - 16
2. MUSH - 18
3. schadd - 56
4. psyche - 72
5. Cheet - 120
5. Davsto - 120
5. NAJN - 120
8. Chevre - 315
9. Sirius - 363
10. Haschel - 450
11. tris - 615

I was just too impressed with this round, so no one's getting last place.
Also, the Lateys are both docked 1 point
So give the above and our three way tie, hellbooks is the only non-even score

[shaft.ed]

By what metric is my song "too hokey" for a TV show about a diamond-stealing monkey forced to work as a butler?

the lyrics were all about love and living life
but the plot was sort of monkey slave labor post diamond heist
it didn't match very well

I think I'd blame the scoring system of olympic sport climbing though
I'd have probably put you up 2 or 3 slots if just eyeballing the score

[shaft.ed]

OK I've thought about it, and I think

Haschel

was wronged
He will receive

3 bonus points

I'll update the scorecard on post 1 to reflect that later tonight.


In the meantime, send some motivation to our late submitters so that we can start task 4 reveal. I don't want any possible shenanigans with the bonus points so I can't start the reveal unless I have all submissions.

Task 5 will be dropping later today!

[shaft.ed]

I think I'd blame the scoring system of olympic sport climbing though

as someone who avidly watched the usa women's climbing events that determined who was on the team i've definitely been proselytizing about the chaotic brilliance of product scoring

yes it was quite strange
although it seemed to work out fairly for the women's draw at least. Was kinda surprised by the men's results

From what I understand they will get an additional climbing metal next olympics, so speed will be split and bouldering/lead will still have to mush into one single sport

it's kinda ridiculous how many other medals can exist, but sport climbing was only allowed 1

[shaft.ed]

Submit a song performed by one artist in one take*. Best one take, one performer song wins.

You have 1 week.

Your time starts now.

*

I don't need definitive proof that the song is recorded in one take by on artist. I will use the honors system.
Flagrant violations will be voided.

(expired on 2021-08-19 17:19:53)

[shaft.ed]

It doesn’t have to be the FIRST take, correct?

nope

[shaft.ed]

that's a shame
there can be a magic to live music that isn't captured by heavily perfected studio work

[shaft.ed]

i want to have a conversation about this
but i don't want to give inside information that could be used for more points

oh no

[shaft.ed]

just let go of the pretense and acknowledge what's really important

if we're going to that level then none of this matters then I guess I should be getting my work done
or are we past that and my work doesn't matter and I should be enjoying my fleeting existence?
which means I should partake in the discussion
but I need to maintain the suspense for maximum enjoyment

On another note, we have one remaining tardy participant
I will start the reveal some time this weekend
If they're submission is not in they will be exempt from the bonus point and from interfering with other submitter's bonus points

[shaft.ed]

Is T-Bone an Instrument?

maybe we'll find out this round

[shaft.ed]

put fun first!

OK
then I won't tell anyone my thoughts about single artist performances

fun!

[shaft.ed]

I guess we can do this in alphabetical order

Davsto is claiming Tabla drum

and

the tambura, just in case.

I don't know why but I sort of have a distaste for this phase of the Beatles, maybe some kind of appropriation thing? I don't know. I do think it's rather hypocritical of me to be uncomfortable with the cultural appropriation here, when I love so many contemporaneous British artists just re-recording american blues records left and right. I'll try to compartmentalize that and just figure out how I feel about the music. I like the drop at the beginning when everything just hits you and forces you forward. The repeats of this throughout don't really have the same heft since you know its coming. This has some nice musical textures. Otherwise I really don't feel like much interesting is happening. It feels like an imitation to me. Also not a big fan of the vocal melody tbh. :/

[shaft.ed]

I think 3 would be more fitting, no?

[shaft.ed]

OK next up in alphabetical order its MUSHSHAGANA with...
tabla drum

A mixture of chill-out breakbeat and traditional Hindustani music -- including the use of the tabla drum. That's that ringy percussion element. Tabla's very distinctive, and Karsh Kale is noted as one of the few musicians to be really good at tabla and playing it outside of traditional raga music. There are fewer effects on the tabla than you think -- a skilled player can just make it sound like that.

OK, I'm a minute in and I don't hear the tabla. Is it on the right ear? Phew, they landed at the 2 minute mark. I kinda wish the preceding parts had less percussive elements because the tabla just sort of drown out the synth percussion that were filling it similar rhythmic space before their entry. Comparing this to the Beatles use of it, you don't get as much of that drive effect. But maybe that wasn't the point here? This has a nice meditative feel to it. Not sure engaging, but a nice groove to calm the brain waves. I still don't think the percussive elements play all that well together. However, I do appreciate that this is making it's own space and doing something different with the tablas.

[shaft.ed]

yeah it's a nice meditation vibe
but i felt the synth percussion elements a little too heavy to really get into a peaceful headspace.
I think this would be good 'working at the computer' music

[shaft.ed]

Next up, we have hellbooks with a Taepyeongso submission

searches taepyeongso

its a double reed, oh yeah baby!


OK so, this is different. Sounds a lot like a high school band warm up room.
This feels situationally polarizing. Like if I'm in the mood for it, nothing much would be better.
But that mood seems on the uncommon side, for me at least.
I like the relatively calming ending, pretty relaxing after the rest of the experience.

[shaft.ed]

From tris we have... I don't know I couldn't find the T-instrument. Can someone help me out here? Maybe it's in the right ear?



Cool vibe. I like how I can hear the friction as the strings are plucked.
Oh I hear some trumpets.

Maybe its the trumpets

.*
Nice mood, almost goosebumpy. I don't know why lamenting about getting old is sung to a Western tune. I'm definitely missing something and should hunt down the lyrics.

*

I figured this would come up at some point. Is this technically enough of a contribution to be considered "feature". I do think the song would be a lot less without the contribution here.

[shaft.ed]

up next is some taiko from Sirius



I really like the intro. Transition from the traditional to modern is also nice in that it layers both new traditional sounds at the same time as bringing in electric instruments. I wish the mixing could bring up the strings a little bit more in the verses. As usual from Sirius really great energy. Overall enjoyable. Could have another one of those discussions about

featuring

as we don't really hear from our good friend taiko after about the one minute mark. In fact I think the taiko player switches instruments at this point.

[shaft.ed]

i still don't hear a timpani (glad to have an excuse to relisten though)
maybe it's in the right ear?

i think there was more trumpets than tris so you're probably better off trying to convince me there's a timpani in your submission

[shaft.ed]

sorry for the slow down
have some work deadlines, and unexpected real life busyness (nothing bad)
hope to pick up again by end of next week at latest

[shaft.ed]

Time for the Two Tenors

First up is Haschel with, the Tenor Banjo oooooh
I have a soft spot for both banjos and for lower tuned instruments
<excited

I really love the tone of the instrument. But, I feel a bit let down by the song selection. I'm really wanting more strumming. I think I'm gonna go find a rabbit hole of tenor banjo music now to satisfy the itch this created. Undoubtedly a feature though.


Next up is Cheet with, the Tenor Sax

Man that's a smoothe entrance. How do you vibrato that much while tailing off your note so cleanly? Brush on the snare it something I didn't realize I wanted in my life atm.
God I wish I could just hang out in this chill mood all day.

[shaft.ed]

alright who have we missed out on then?

Chevre is attempting an entry of 'trumpets, but electronic'

I'm too old so I just missed out on all the Pokeman...Pokemon? whatever I didn't do it cause it was something stupid kids did like power rangers and teletubbies. Have to say midi style music is not really my jam. I'd rather the more classic 8-bit music like MegaMan. I guess we can call these trumpets though?

Next up is Psyche with...more trumpets

Like the feel of this era's music. The piano line is kinda too basic to me, hope it does more than that. Drum machine drop, sort of predictable but not terrible. Love the flutes and oboe. Where did the trumpets go? Overall this is reminding me of Haschel's entry. I really like the instrumentation choices, but the song is too basic to catch my attention. Except this leaned less on the T-instrument.

[shaft.ed]

end my suffering just show the bad triangle song already

should happen today!

[shaft.ed]

Next up is schaddington esquire the third with...traffic?



So we've obviously got to address the elephant on the highway here. Is traffic an instrument? I would argue that whatever device is sampling the traffic is the instrument as one doesn't 'play'

(in)

traffic. There's also the issue of the whole feature issue. At the moment the traffic sound has been a weak atmospheric component.
Now for the track. It's nice. Good work background work music. Like the booping sound, both the tone of it and the rhythmic pattern its laying down. Would be good music to play Mini Motorways to.


OK, tune in next week for the Triangle song...

Just kidding
Last but not least we have NotAJumble with a triangle sextet (seems a trio would have been more fitting really, but at least its divisible by three)


Right off the bat, I admire the bravery of this submission. As someone who really enjoyed their time playing on a bassline in a previous life, I very much appreciate this type of composition. I like how they are showcasing all of the different tonalities you can achieve with the humble triangle (especially the sections with the doppler effect). I also like this is really featuring the instrument. My main qualm is just that there is a reason you don't hear a lot of triangle showcases. It doesn't produce a pleasant sound, and my ears are tired of it by about the 2 minute mark (they wish they could Escape). The other downside is that since the triangle must be held, you cant do as much with complex striking patterns as you could with a drum. I'd have liked a section where the triangle is either suspended or clamped and struck two handed.

[shaft.ed]

OK let me get this task wrapped up. I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed with this round. The whole reason I did this category was to get some new theramin music in my repertoire. Unfortunately, you all failed. Much sad.

I decided to rank based on two tiers. Top tier were submissions where the instruments were really

featured

. Then I placed the songs where instruments contributed.

So at the top we have

Keely

with a sweet tenor sax submission. And being the only tenor sax gains a bonus point for 12.

Next up is the wonderful instrument tenor banjo, maybe not the best piece submitted by

Haschel

. Also hitting the bonus for 11 points.

Finally, the last of the front and center featuring submissions is the clangy triangle sextet submitted by

NotaJumbleofCapitalizations

, again scoring a bonus for 10 points.

In the less featured group we start with

tris

and their simultaneously soothing and subtly uncomfortable trumpet submission for 8 points.

Next is

psyche

with the simple but please 7 point trumpet submission

Then the upbeat (as if it's never not) submission featuring a range of Japanese instruments from

Sirius

including a bonus point for 7 total

MUSHSHAGANA

is in the next place with the meditative tabla drum piece for 5 points.

Davsto

gets the tricky bonus point by doubling up and covering his bases with the tambura back up getting 5 points from the Beattles

Hellbooks

cacaphony didn't land with my moodstate, but the taepyeongso does gain a bonus point for 4 total points.

Not a fan of the midi music and the pokemon nostalgia backfired. Also no bonus points for

chevre

's 'trumpets but electronic' so the score is 2 points.

Finally

schadd

brings up the rear because traffic isn't a instrument, get wrecked, 1 point.

[shaft.ed]

you probably know it

fine by me!

[shaft.ed]

Submit a song related to Wonderboy by Tenacious D that is not a cover or by Tenacious D. Song most evocative of Wonderboy without being a cover or being performed by any members of Tenacious D wins.

You have 1 week.

Your time starts now.

(expired on 2021-09-21 12:05:39)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9pBK8UoiAc&t=289s

[shaft.ed]

worst WALRUS cat ever

[shaft.ed]

huh
Anyone I've ever talked to about Tenacious D falls into the category of "heard of them" or "never heard of them"
I've never met anyone who is really opinionated about their music
wonder if the rabid fans are a regional/generational thing?

[shaft.ed]

and here i am living my life oblivious of what 100 gecs is

[shaft.ed]

Seems it would be more fair to explain why I chose this particular song as a branching off point then? It's by no means my favorite song, and probably not even my favorite Tenacious D song. I guess that's part of why I chose it, because I figured it wouldn't be something many were familiar with.

I think there are just a lot of aspects to riff off of and go on a tangent with. And I figured these tangent points could allow for some discussions about how one submission fits better than another.

Wonderboy has story based lyrics, so you could go with another submission that has a story driven narrative. At the same time, the story is mostly non-sensical, so one could make their own interpretation of the lyrics and run with that. In a similar vein, the song has spoken word, so a submission with spoken word elements could easily fit. The musical elements are both generic enough that a lot of cross comparisons can be made, but distinct enough that they can be tied in with. Like the harmonies in the bridge, some of the instrumentations like the synths or the 90s era rock-band sound, and the high vocal range boomy chorus (actually the chorus is the only reason I really like this song). Finally, and astute observer would notice that I linked to a more recent performance of the song even though the original 'official video' is available. I did this because Jack Black's voice has gotten noticably better with age. I was actually surprised at how thin his vocals were in older performances of this song as compared to more recent examples. To me this is kind of unusual as the old people "getting the band back together" tours usually tend to be inferior cash grabs.

[shaft.ed]

Whoops I forgot to submit and one week has already passed please give an extension >.>

i shouldnt say it, but like late is more common than on time so no biggie

[shaft.ed]

Sorry real life has hit me pretty hard with stuff to do
I should be able to get the next round moving next week

I'm debating removing the last round altogether since hardly anyone responded