LSG Character Poll 2022

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Just so nobody is surprised when a random account posts some of these - Cap here, this is my alt account.

The story/flavourtext is Malkon's work, I've made the graphics; we'll be posting the first chapter later today!

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????: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, binaries and non binaries, welcome to another riveting episode of... *gestures to the crowd*

Canned Audience Response: RISK. VS. REWARD!

*a bunch of theme music plays indicating that we are all now all part of some weird probably Japanese Gameshow despite the host speaking in English*

????: *steps out of the shadows* My name is Alex Trebek and I'll be your host for the evening. Welcome to Risk Vs Reward where you will select from one of many categories in order to try to earn dollars. The person with the highest dollar amount at the end wins the cash banked. Let's meet our contestants shall we?

*camera pans to three people behind individualized desks who all are clapping because apparently that's what all gameshow staged contestants do when you first meet them for reasons*

Alex: First, we meet, all the way from New York, xofelf!

Xof: *squints really hard* ummm Monty?

Alex: *nervously chuckles* I have no idea what you are talking about. I don't know anyone named Monty. I'm Alex Trebek.

Xof: But aren't you supposed to be hosting Jeopardy if this is the real Alex Trebek?

Alex: Shut up. Next up we meet, all the way from the opposite coastline from Oregon, Malkon!

Malkon: *squints hard* You know what, I think they're right. You do look like Monty.

Alex: I'M ALEX TREBEK END OF STORY!

*Malkon and xof continue looking very skeptical*

Alex: Ahem. *pats self down and goes back to cheesy gameshow host* And finally, from, oh my almost halfway across the world from Great Britain, it's CaptainMeme!

CaptainMeme: Kebert Xela!

*Everyone looks at him weird as he screams the name*

CaptainMeme: Now we've got you you bloody faker. The real Alex Trebek would be yoinked to the fifth dimension if you were him.

Alex: ...So first off, that was an episode of Family Guy, which do you always believe what you watch on tv? Second, Jeopardy isn't real, it's a lie created by my evil doppelgänger. And finally, if you want to keep distracting this fine totally real audience from watching a riveting gameshow and coming away with the potential to win fabulous cash prizes, be my guest.

Malkon: Eh I guess money's a pretty good reason to pretend you aren't somehow Monty.

Xof: I'm still going to have a talk with Zoraster after this is done, but sure let's keep going.

CaptainMeme: KEBERT XELA!

Alex: You already tried that.

CaptainMeme: I just wanted to be sure.

Malkon: Maybe try it again in case it’s like Beetlejuice rules?

Alex: Ooookay moving on. Time to reveal our categories: 42-33 *canned laughter*, 32-23 *slightly less canned laughter*, 22-13 *a singular canned chuckle*and 12-4 *cricket noises*. Let's go ahead and figure out who will be the first person to choose a category.

*A random wheel drops in from the sky with three faces on it. It spins until it lands on CaptainMeme.*

Alex: It looks like CaptainMeme will be choosing our first category, what'll it be?

CaptainMeme: Kebert-

Alex: Okay seriously you're going to have to stop doing that if you want money.

CaptainMeme: *Grumbles* fine, let's start with 42-33 for $200 "Alex" *visibly uses air quotes*.

Alex: Wow really going for the big bucks right off the bat are we? *rolls eyes* Guess you are going for the Non-risk vs No Reward am I right? *chuckles*

CaptainMeme: ...Do you want me to play or not?

Alex: ...42-33 for $200 it is. *mutters under his breath something along the lines of they aren't paying me enough* And the question is...

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We've fixed some issues with the graphics in the original post - second will be up in a few hours!

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by popular demand

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Alex: And after the results of round 2, let’s take a quick peek at where the scores sit. In first place is xofelf with $2050. In second place is CaptainMeme with $2000. And in third place is Malkon with $1500. It was quite the riveting round, and even though no one has a clear lead yet, xofelf currently leads with a slight advantage.

Xofelf: Just to be clear, if I win, you will give me this amount of money, yes?

Alex: …that is what I said. Did you not read the contract?

Xofelf: What contract?

Alex: The one you signed to be on the show?

Xofelf: Oh you mean that thing that said “Yes I will play, give me money?”

Alex: Yes the contract!

Xofelf: I mean I guess so. Whatever just don’t short me. I gotta make that dollar stretch.

Alex: Dollars don’t stretch.

Xofelf: It’s a saying, Monty. But also, yes they do, just only once.

Alex: For the love of god I’m not Monty, I’m Alex Trebek.

Xofelf: Whatever you say, you better pay me. I know where you live.

Alex: Well first you need to win. *gives terrible gameshow wink*

Xofelf: *shudders*

Alex: And at the end of the last round, Malkon scored the final point. Which means this time Malkon will take the first shot at the next category. Whenever you are ready.

Malkon: Okay umm…22-13 for $600.

Alex: And that is *loud annoying noise* a Double Your Risk, Double Your Reward space.

Malkon: What the fuck was that?!

Alex: It’s a sound effect.

Malkon: Sounded like a blaring bomb alarm. Jesus.

Alex: Jesus was in last year’s show, we’re focusing on you now! As having a Double You Risk, Double Your Reward, you get to wager an amount from 1 to 1500. If you get the question right, you earn double your bid. If you get it wrong, you lose the amount you bid. Any questions?

Malkon: No, I bid it all.

*audience gasping*

Alex: are you sure? That’s really risky.

Malkon: This game is named Risk vs Reward. What kind of gambler would I be if I didn’t risk it all *breaks fourth wall looking directly at the camera*.

Alex: Fair enough. Okay, for double or nothing, am I the real Alex Trebek?

*xofelf and CaptainMeme look angry*

Malkon: …Yes?

Alex: Is that your final answer?

Malkon: Yes.

Alex: Congrats you get double your money!

*Tables get flipped as the other contestants look like they want to burn down the entire studio*

CaptainMeme: THATS NOT EVEN TRUE.

Xofelf: THIS IS RIGGED.

Malkon: I WROTE THE DAMN SCRIPT.

Alex: Okay everyone calm down. Let’s get on with the game shall we? Malkon choose the next category.

*CaptainMeme and xofelf are foaming at the mouth in anger*

Malkon: I choose…

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Alex: And here we have quite the final round! Everyone has somehow miraculously ended up with exactly $6969.

*a collective “nice” can be heard*

Alex: This means it will all come down to the final category, “3-1” to decide who will be the ultimate winner in this episode of *holds hand to ear like a fucking stereotypical gameshow host*

Rando voices in the distance: RISK. VS. REWARD!

*lots of canned applause and cheering*

Malkon: One day I too will learn the secrets of where the cans of laughter and applause are.

Alex: *blinks* Anyways, this final category will put every bit of your knowledge to the test. You are going to have to risk harder than you’ve ever risk before. You’ll have to reward faster than you’ve ever rewarded.

Xof: You’ll have to versus until you’re too tired to stand? *smirks*

Alex: How did you know? Are you psychic?

Xof: Not my first rodeo with double entendres.

Alex: Well, whatever it would be kind of cool if you were psychic.

CaptainMeme: *takes a step forward and puffs out chest* I AM A PSYCHIC.

Alex: Random but okay, let’s roll with it, what am I going to say next?

CaptainMeme: KEBERT-

Alex: Oh for the love of mishmash, shut up.

CaptainMeme: Tch fine. You bloody ruin all the fun anyways.

Alex: Now, as I was saying earlier, you will be tested more than you have before to determine if you will take home the prize. Are you three ready?

CaptainMeme: Aye.

Xof: Whatever Monty.

Malkon: 69.

*canned response “nice”*

Malkon: Yes I am now ready.

Alex: You have one minute to write a response and then we will reveal if you win. You must also write a wager, you can wager up to the amount you have. Are there any questions?

*all three shake head no*

Alex: Before we start, please write your wager. *waits until they are all done* Alright then, here is your final question, good luck!

*the screen flips revealing the question*

Question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

*all three contestants blink and stare for at least 30 seconds before writing stuff*

*the timer goes off*

Alex: Okay let’s see the responses. Starting with xofelf…

*screen flips up*

Alex: What is…the chicken? No sorry that’s incorrect. How much did you wager? Oof all of your money? Too bad. Guess you aren’t getting paid.

Xof: Do you want to keep being a listmod? *gives a sassy look*

Alex: H-heh, moving on, CaptainMeme what was your response? What is…the egg? No sorry that’s incorrect. How much did you wager? All but one dollar. Well you are sitting in second place.

CaptainMeme: Ha I beat you.

Xof: Shut up.

Alex: And finally, Malkon what was your response? What is… *squints*

Malkon: Say it.
Alex: Ytnom? AHHHHH *everything goes wild as suddenly Alex Trebek/Monty vanishes from this dimension*

*Xof and CaptainMeme look at Malkon with gaping jaws*

Malkon: Guess he was Monty afterall.

*breaks the fourth wall and looks into the camera*

And from the entire COTY team, we want to thank you for all that have tuned in. Monty can’t hurt you anymore, it’s time to reveal who the real winner is.

Xof: *breaks another fourth wall* this person holds a very special place in our hearts.

CaptainMeme: *breaks another fourth wall and the audience begins to wonder just how many fourth walls there are* and was a bloody good character this year.

In unison: Please welcome, the new Character of the Year, the real answer to the Category 3-1…

Spoiler: 3rd

Spoiler: 2nd

Spoiler: Character of the Year

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Thank you for everything you've done on these Malkon - you've made them 100x more fun to work on and to read, and it's hard to believe it's been five years already. End of an era here.

And huge congrats to the highest placers! I didn't spectate as much as I'd like to have done this year, but I heard great things about all of the top three.

I'll be setting up the character poll for this year (just The Genius: First Encounter so far) at some point soon. It's possible that future years will be a bit lower effort in the reveal just in the name of getting them out on time.

Also fwiw I don't mind people still referring to me as Meme or similar; I'd just prefer not to be referred to by my full old username because it became somewhat tied to my working life. I'd really prefer to keep my non-work hobbies separated from that where I can (and this account lets me keep my favourite game character alive a bit).