*the first category is very fierce and all contestants seem to have equal footing*
Alex: And after Round 1, let’s check on updated scores. It looks like xofelf has $800, Malkon has $650 and CaptainMeme has $1000!
*Canned Audience oohs and ahs*
Alex: Yes yes, quite exciting. Anyone could still take it, based on how many categories we still have to go. Let’s take a brief moment to get to know our contestants better.
*He walks over to CaptainMeme*
Alex: You are currently in the lead! I bet your family and friends back home are so proud of you! Tell us more about yourself.
CaptainMeme: …Umm there’s no one here and you already know a lot about me.
Alex: Well right *chuckles* but there will be tens of people watching this! You should tell them about you.
CaptainMeme: Bollocks. Okay well if you insist on being like that, I suppose I can oblige. Well I like sandcastles, and crumpets, and torturing people, and drawings of meltan, and definitely nothing else.
Alex: *blinks a bit* Thank you for that exclusive riveting bit of information. Moving on to xofelf who is currently in second place. Very respectable. Tell me, how is New York this time of year?
Xofelf: It’s better than Old York.
*canned laughter*
Alex: Is there anyone you’d like to give a shoutout to back at home rooting you on?
Xofelf: Yes I’d like to thank the 95 people I’m currently dating or flirtating for the love and support. I love you all.
Alex: …95?
Xofelf: You look surprised, is that not normal?
Alex: Well it sounds like you have err a lot of support. Moving onto third place Malkon. You aren’t out of it but you sure need some momentum in this next round. How do you deal with pressure?
Malkon: Well, I’m currently dropping all of my commitments, unable to cope with life, and contemplating committing sudoku on a daily basis.
Alex: That sounds awful! And I’m not really sure we’re allowed to talk about this on television but…committing sudoku? You don’t mean…
Malkon: Yes I think daily about finishing every sudoku puzzle ever created. Perhaps then my life will have meaning again.
Alex: Phew I definitely did not think that’s where you were going with that.
Malkon: *blinks* going with what?
Alex: Nevermind, let’s cutaway to a word from our sponsor.
Commercial Narrator: How many animals have you checked in on a daily basis? Have you considered donating money to Adorable Critters lately? Well if you haven’t, you should.
*Sarah McLachlan’s In the Arms of the Angel plays as pictures of ridiculously cute animals appear on the screen*
Commercial Narrator: As you can see, cute animals need love to. And for a low low cost of $1.2 billion a month, you too can support these cute and clearly cared for creatures. Just look at those faces and tell me you can’t resist giving up your soul to Hades for them.
*more cute animals appear as the music gets louder*
Commercial Narrator: So please, just think of the animals, and their children.
*cute animal babies appear on the screen*
Commercial Narrator: Act now, and we’ll throw in another couple of cute animal pictures on the screen for your contribution.
Alex: Well, I’m sure that- *looks at the contestants all on their phones* Umm what are you doing?
Malkon: *sniffling* IM GIVING AWAY ALL OF MY LIFE SAVINGS TO ADORABLE CRITTERS!
CaptainMeme: DID YOU SEE THAT BABY DOLPHIN?! *tears are running down his face*
Xofelf: *making whimpering noses* I WAN TO GIV DA AMINALS ALL DA LUV!
Alex: …for the love of Monty… *coughs* can we get on with it.
*the contestants sniffle and glare a bit, before reluctantly putting their phones away, a collective “fine” is heard.*
Alex: We last left off with xofelf who will choose the next CAT-egory. *chuckles*
*all contestants glare at Alex*
Alex: *clears throat* Please start us off.
Xofelf: I’ll pick 32-23 for $1000 Alex.
Alex: Going big! We respect. Okay, your question for 32-23 for $1000 is…
