Spoil a Wish II

[Farren]

Granted. Your desk is now one foot closer to the ceiling.

I wish for a replay of yesterday's lunch; it was excellent.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. It's not so excellent this time around and you get food poisoning from it.

I wish for the bugs in my apartment to stop setting off the smoke alarms.

[iamveryhappy]

Granted. The bugs now set off the burglary alarms.

I wish that I didn't have exams.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You have been expelled from the class they were for.

I wish to be a better writer.

[Ethel]

Granted. You are blessed with exceptional literary talent, but you are only allowed to write cooking recipes. Beautifully written as those are, it pains you that your true talent will never be known.

I wish my dreamcatcher actually worked.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. The Ojibwe aren't fond of you using a non-traditional dreamcatcher made by New Age people appropriating their culture, and they curse your dreamcatcher so that you only ever get nightmares.

I wish I had a true quiet space of my own in my parents' house.

[Ethel]

Granted. The monsters from A Quiet Place invade earth and now every space is quiet space.

I wish I always knew which joke would make the person I'm talking to laugh the most.

[Farren]

Granted. You lose the ability to judge when you should not tell these jokes. No one you talk to can ever get anything productive done again.

I wish for an exciting new wardrobe.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. The sheer cost of it bankrupts you.

I wish for my brother's birthday to go well.

[Ethel]

Granted. Your brother's birthday goes splendidly. The next day, he gets abducted by aliens.

I wish to receive a lifelong free-entry pass, valid for every cinema in the world.

[humaneatingmonkey]

Granted. Everybody else gets this pass, and no film ever gets made because nobody pays for them anymore.

I wish people truly appreciated and loved me for who I am.

[Ethel]

Granted. Everyone around you loves you and wants you to themselves, leading to jealous fights erupting everywhere you go.

I wish my cat could talk to me, in a human language that I understand.

[humaneatingmonkey]

Granted. Your cat is fucking racist and transphobic.

I wish your cat wasn't racist and transphobic.

[Ethel]

Granted. My cat is now xenophobic and homophobic instead.

I wish my cat was nice towards all forms of life.

[humaneatingmonkey]

Granted. As a carnivore, your cat starves to death after refusing to participate in the harming of all forms of life.

I wish you can wind back time to when your cat was alive.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. Ethel does not get younger accordingly and can't use that power to grant effective immortality.

I wish this house I am visiting weren't so trashed.

[iamveryhappy]

Granted. It instead is completely devoid of anything. Just walls.
I wish people would use common sense in everyday life.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. Nothing innovative ever happens because people are so unwilling to stray from tradition, and scientific progress grinds to a halt.

I wish to know if my cat misses me.

[vonflare]

granted, and the answer is 'no'.

I wish for greater clarity in road signage - specifically, all intersections that don't have a stop sign are installed with a 'go' sign for contrast.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. People treat the go sign the same as a green light, and car crashes (especially collisions with pedestrians) increase as a result.

I wish for people to be better drivers generally.

[humaneatingmonkey]

Granted. Everyone has a car and gets to practice every day, exacerbating climate change and the negative effects it has on our society.

I wish every city had efficient, safe, and comfortable public transport that everybody can use without paywall.

[DragonEater70]

Granted. Everyone's income tax has doubled though.

I wish there was no longer income tax.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. Sales and property taxes are raised to compensate.

I wish my nephew didn't blast loud rap music while he's recording.

[Alianna]

Granted. He instead blasts The Duck Song on loop.

I wish my mom wasn't a flat-Earther.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. She is a young-Earth creationist.

I wish for my younger niece to enjoy the birthday present I got her.