[quotation="The Venerable Greg" post_id=13975244 post_num=88 time=1699063781 user_id=32740]
[quotation="Old Man Sam" post_id=13975217 post_num=87 time=1699062706 user_id=32739]
[quotation="The Venerable Greg" post_id=13973855 post_num=86 time=1698978850 user_id=32740]
[quotation="Old Man Sam" post_id=13973767 post_num=85 time=1698976497 user_id=32739]
[quotation="The Venerable Greg" post_id=13972507 post_num=84 time=1698907826 user_id=32740]
[quotation="Old Man Sam" post_id=13969938 post_num=83 time=1698791326 user_id=32739]
Salutations Gregory,
Undefeated? That sounds like a bucket of balderdash. I do not remember you defeating me. I also do not remember me defeating you. I have not been remembering a lot lately. So, I suppose it is actually possible you are "undefeated." Alas, that was so long ago, and it's not like we can travel backwards in time to discern the outcome of our previous game.
I have noticed you decided to open with e4. That was what I was going to play, so I'm leaving the board as-is. You can go ahead and make your first move as black now.
Regards,
Samuel
[/quotation]
To whom it may concern,
Samuel, my dear old friend, I am pleased to learn that you are still an active user of MafiaScum! I regret that I have not yet amassed the courage to return for a game of mafia, but it would do me good to rekindle our chess battles. Truly, not even Carlsen and Niemann could boast so perfect a rivalry.
Whilst I did not defeat you, I would note that you also did not defeat me. In the game of chess, this is referred to as a "stale mate". I shall not do you the disservice of lecturing you on the subject, I am sure that you will learn this and much more through our games!
As you did not respond to my challenge prior to my opening move, I only thought it appropriate that I take the first move. Should you not find this suitable, I propose that we flip a coin to determine who shall go first.
I call heads. I will now flip, and then take a photograph of the result for the sake of authenticity.
It does seem as though I will be white this game! I eagerly await your first turn as black.
Warmest regards,
Gregory
[/quotation]
Salutations Gregory,
You need not lecture me about stale meat; I managed a Ruby Tuesday in Omaha, Nebraska for thirty-five years before I grew tired of life in the big city and moved to Bucksnort, Tennessee. I know plenty about stale meat, yet I have no idea as to how it could possibly pertain to chess. I am not impressed.
I suppose a coin flip is only fair, but I have some concerns. First off, how do I know that coin doesn't have heads on both sides? By all accounts it certainly appears as if you had flipped a coin, but that one crucial detail (the fact that you did not show me the other side of the coin) has me a little suspicious. Nonetheless, due to your clear inexperience in the game of chess, I will allow you to make the first move.
I have been studying this game for quite a while. Your first move, e4, is somewhat common I believe. I am sure that you expect me to play e5, but I will not fall victim to that trap again. After much deliberation, I believe I have crafted an opening line in response to your first move that is both extremely novel and dangerous (for you, of course). I first learned of this opening defense in the
village of Sicilì. That village, of course, is located in Campania, Italy, and as such, I have decided to name this defense the Campanian Defense. I hope you are prepared for an unforgettable thrashing.
[/quotation]
To whom it may concern,
You will see, per my photograph, that the coin is a standard minted United States coin. As an American yourself, surely you must be aware that these coins have a head on one side, and a tail on the other.
I see that you have learned a great deal from our first game, as you immediately saw through my ruse! Having played e5 would indeed have given me a tremendous advantage. However, I am dubious about your Campanian Defense for twofold reasons: firstly, because in Italy, one always plays e5, in order to later advance one's knight to b5; secondly, because you have allowed your pawn to easily be attacked!
[/quotation]
Salutations Gregory,
It troubles me a great deal that you somehow know my nationality. I do not believe that I have ever disclosed my location to you. I even searched for "America" in this thread and received exactly zero results. What in the Sam Hill is going on? Did you log in to my internet? If I didn't have a warrant out for my arrest, I would call the police on you post-haste. Not only that, but I've stored my novel on my internet. I have grounds to sue for copyright infringement!
Regardless, I would never pass up an opportunity to play chess, even with someone of such lower caliber than I. You see, there is a crucial flaw in your plan to attack my pawn with your pawn. I, in my great chess wisdom, have devised of the perfect plan. I can simply move my pawn past yours, and sidestep your attack entirely! I believe this to be a psychologically crushing blow. You may resign now.
Best,
Sam
[/quotation]
To whom it may concern,
Samuel, my friend, do not be concerned. I applied simple deductions to realise that you are American! MafiaScum is a forum on a ".net" website, which means that only Americans can access it. My great-granddaugher Susan moved to the United Kingdom last year, and as I understand it, their version of MafiaScum is "mafiascum.co.uk"! Not to mention those dreaded ".com" websites. I don't know about you, but I'm scared of anything with "com" in its name!
I saw on the television that someone called Samuel was in trouble with the police. What a strange coincidence that should be the same Samuel I am playing a friendly Chess game with.
Speaking of which: you may have avoided my trap for now, but there is another trap waiting just around the corner!
[/quotation]
Salutations Gregory,
I read through the entirety of your last electronic letter. At one point, you exclaim "What in the Sam Hill is going on?" How on God's green Earth did you know my full name? I do not know why you're afraid of corn, and I have no clue what a couk is! Stop trying to distract me with that drivel; I sense that you must be lying.
I did not know I was on television, however. I cannot believe I am famous! You would think I would be embarrassed, but I am mostly happy, even if all of my friends and family learn what I did to those trout.
I can see what you are trying to do. I do believe that my beloved mentor, Magnus Fischer, would say that you are planning to set up a flancheddar to control the diagonal. I have the perfect response to this, and the move speaks for itself. Checkmate, my friend! The game is already over, in a figurative sense, for I am attacking the bishop before you even move it.
Warmly,
Samuel
),