I Want To Play Mafia BUT NOT YET AND i enjoy a Game Of Chess

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

My granddaughter invited me to this website to play mafia together as we play board games games together and she thought I might enjoy playing an excellent game of social skill, and deduction, and deception, with her and some of her online friends on the internet. For privacy and security reasons I will not be unveiling my granddaughter's identity but she will recognise my presence on the site via my usage of my real old name from the real world (but please do not use it to stalk me, as I am concerned about privacy and security whilst using the internet).

However, whilst perusing your good forum I found myself vastly intimidated by these games of mafia online. Some very scary players called Errantparabola and schadd_ intimidated me and I don't think I can bring myself to play a game of mafia. Maybe not yet. But this brings me to the closing statement of this sad tale: I happen to be an excellent CHESS PLAYER. I have been looking for an outlet to play CHESS since my untimely permanent ban from chess.com and chessbase.com for being too good at CHESS.

To boost my familiarity with your website and encourage me to find the courage to play mafia would anybody like to engage me in a game of CHESS?

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

Absolutely amazing alliteration, amigo! (You may not be familiar with the word "amigo" as it does not appear in the English language, which appears to be your native language. It is used to address or refer to a friend, chiefly in Spanish-speaking North American areas. I picked the word up back in 1976, whilst on a bus tour of Spanish-speaking North American areas.

But I digress: I would gladly accept your proposal to play a game of Chess.

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

As an aside, how did you come to possess such an elegant visage beneath your username, and the text indicating your social status as a "Townie"?

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

Whilst I am grateful for your swift response to my proposal to play a game of CHESS, I am somewhat surprised by your breach of International CHESS Etiquette. As I am the one who made the proposal, I must insist that the first turn belongs to me.

e4

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

As a symbol of our blossoming friendship, I have procured an "AVATAR" (not to be confused with the James Cameron motion picture of 2009; my personal favorite motion picture of the twenty-first century. It changed my life forever). I have selected the visage of the Village People, in honour of your previously-indicated positive experiences with the same band.

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

[quotation="In post 7, Old Man Sam"]Now hold your horses! Usually an invitation would mean that I'm the guest! Don't you think that as a guest, I should get to make the first move?[/quotation]

As a first order of business: I am not currently in possession of a horse.
As a second order of business, I have never encountered that rule of CHESS etiquette, prior to your electronic telegram contained within post number 7, of this thread, except for once. Whilst visiting Vanuatu in the early 2000s, a gentleman from Malta insisted that I take the first turn for having accepted his proposal. Per chance, do you hail from Malta or Vanuatu?

It appears that we are at an impasse, though. How would you suggest that we remedy this?

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

I do not understand why my quotation tags have failed.

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

Your failure to initiate the CHESS tag correctly prompts me to, once more, endeavor to make the first move.

e4

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

Regrettably, I cannot accept non-provable randomness. For I have just flipped a coin, and found that it has landed on its tails side (as the younger generations say, the probability of tails failing is proportionately low). For clarity's sake, I wish to add that I used one United States Nickel, issued in 2013.

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

[quotation="In post 19, Ircher"]Try:

Code: Select all

[dice]1d6[/dice]

[/quotation]
This appears to be a grammatical inconsistency. I only wish to roll a single die, and not multiple dice.

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

[quotation="In post 20, Old Man Sam"]Thank you Ircher!

Original Roll String: 1d6 (STATIC)

1 6-Sided Dice: (3) = 3

It's a shame the tags didn't adjust for me! After all, I was only using a single die![/quotation]

Ha ha! Great minds think similar things.

Original Roll String: 1d6

1 6-Sided Dice: (6) = 6

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

Argh.

Warmest Regards,
Greg.

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

Absolutely not! The first die roll which appeared within my post #24, of this thread, was a quotation of your previous die roll.
The second die roll is, regrettably, mine.

You may have the first turn, Sam.

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

Dear Ircher:
It appears that you have some wisdom with respect to this forum's software. Should you still be there, are you aware of why my quotation tags are not working correctly?

Gratefully,
Greg.

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

Apology accepted. I also note that you have stolen my preferred opening move! How vexing.

e4 e5

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qg7 Bg7

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

Dearest Sam,

That is impossible. The tag contains a full history of each of our moves. You may inspect that for yourself.

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

To the best of my knowledge, that is impossible!
Please take a moment to consider that public accusations of cheating are prohibited. I will not be pressing charges on this occasion, but I suggest that we play on.

Warmest Regards,
Greg.

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

Wow. How peculiar. I do not understand how the chess tag could have faltered so poorly. Darn this newfangled technology.
e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qg7 Bg7

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

What is happening???

Warmest regards,
Greg.

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

I have fixed the problem, with my immense coding knowledge. The chess tag cannot speak for itself; however, on its behalf I wish to offer sincere apologies.

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5 Bb5 c6

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5 Bb5 c6 Bd3 Qd7

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5 Bb5 c6 Bd3 Qd7 o-o Qe6

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5 Bb5 c6 Bd3 Qd7 o-o Qe6 b4 Na6

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5 Bb5 c6 Bd3 Qd7 o-o Qe6 b4 Na6 a3 Ng8

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5 Bb5 c6 Bd3 Qd7 o-o Qe6 b4 Na6 a3 Ng8 Qb7 Qc8

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5 Bb5 c6 Bd3 Qd7 o-o Qe6 b4 Na6 a3 Ng8 Qb7 Qc8 Qh7 Qd7

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5 Bb5 c6 Bd3 Qd7 o-o Qe6 b4 Na6 a3 Ng8 Qb7 Qc8 Qh7 Qd7 Qg8 Qf7

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5 Bb5 c6 Bd3 Qd7 o-o Qe6 b4 Na6 a3 Ng8 Qb7 Qc8 Qh7 Qd7 Qg8 Qf7 Qf7 Kf7

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5 Bb5 c6 Bd3 Qd7 o-o Qe6 b4 Na6 a3 Ng8 Qb7 Qc8 Qh7 Qd7 Qg8 Qf7 Qf7 Kf7 Ba6 Rb8

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

e4 e5 Nf3 f6 Ne5 e5 Qh5 g6 Qe5 Ne7 Nc3 d6 Qh8 Bg4 Qh7 Bh5 Bb5 c6 Bd3 Qd7 o-o Qe6 b4 Na6 a3 Ng8 Qb7 Qc8 Qh7 Qd7 Qg8 Qf7 Qf7 Kf7 Ba6 Rb8 f4 d5

[The Venerable Greg]

To whom it may concern,

Thank you for your electronic communication, it would bring me great pleasure to allow you an opportunity for a rematch so that you might attempt once again to end my undefeated streak in chess!

Due to my locating the chess forum, and the recent retirement of PenguinPower, and my mistrust of the functionality of the chess tag, I propose a rematch.

e4

[The Venerable Greg]

[quotation="Old Man Sam" post_id=13969938 post_num=83 time=1698791326 user_id=32739]
Salutations Gregory,

Undefeated? That sounds like a bucket of balderdash. I do not remember you defeating me. I also do not remember me defeating you. I have not been remembering a lot lately. So, I suppose it is actually possible you are "undefeated." Alas, that was so long ago, and it's not like we can travel backwards in time to discern the outcome of our previous game.

I have noticed you decided to open with e4. That was what I was going to play, so I'm leaving the board as-is. You can go ahead and make your first move as black now.

Regards,
Samuel
[/quotation]

To whom it may concern,

Samuel, my dear old friend, I am pleased to learn that you are still an active user of MafiaScum! I regret that I have not yet amassed the courage to return for a game of mafia, but it would do me good to rekindle our chess battles. Truly, not even Carlsen and Niemann could boast so perfect a rivalry.

Whilst I did not defeat you, I would note that you also did not defeat me. In the game of chess, this is referred to as a "stale mate". I shall not do you the disservice of lecturing you on the subject, I am sure that you will learn this and much more through our games!

As you did not respond to my challenge prior to my opening move, I only thought it appropriate that I take the first move. Should you not find this suitable, I propose that we flip a coin to determine who shall go first.

I call heads. I will now flip, and then take a photograph of the result for the sake of authenticity.

Spoiler:

It does seem as though I will be white this game! I eagerly await your first turn as black.

Warmest regards,
Gregory

[The Venerable Greg]

[quotation="Old Man Sam" post_id=13973767 post_num=85 time=1698976497 user_id=32739]
[quotation="The Venerable Greg" post_id=13972507 post_num=84 time=1698907826 user_id=32740]
[quotation="Old Man Sam" post_id=13969938 post_num=83 time=1698791326 user_id=32739]
Salutations Gregory,

Undefeated? That sounds like a bucket of balderdash. I do not remember you defeating me. I also do not remember me defeating you. I have not been remembering a lot lately. So, I suppose it is actually possible you are "undefeated." Alas, that was so long ago, and it's not like we can travel backwards in time to discern the outcome of our previous game.

I have noticed you decided to open with e4. That was what I was going to play, so I'm leaving the board as-is. You can go ahead and make your first move as black now.

Regards,
Samuel
[/quotation]

To whom it may concern,

Samuel, my dear old friend, I am pleased to learn that you are still an active user of MafiaScum! I regret that I have not yet amassed the courage to return for a game of mafia, but it would do me good to rekindle our chess battles. Truly, not even Carlsen and Niemann could boast so perfect a rivalry.

Whilst I did not defeat you, I would note that you also did not defeat me. In the game of chess, this is referred to as a "stale mate". I shall not do you the disservice of lecturing you on the subject, I am sure that you will learn this and much more through our games!

As you did not respond to my challenge prior to my opening move, I only thought it appropriate that I take the first move. Should you not find this suitable, I propose that we flip a coin to determine who shall go first.

I call heads. I will now flip, and then take a photograph of the result for the sake of authenticity.

Spoiler:

It does seem as though I will be white this game! I eagerly await your first turn as black.

Warmest regards,
Gregory
[/quotation]

Salutations Gregory,

You need not lecture me about stale meat; I managed a Ruby Tuesday in Omaha, Nebraska for thirty-five years before I grew tired of life in the big city and moved to Bucksnort, Tennessee. I know plenty about stale meat, yet I have no idea as to how it could possibly pertain to chess. I am not impressed.

I suppose a coin flip is only fair, but I have some concerns. First off, how do I know that coin doesn't have heads on both sides? By all accounts it certainly appears as if you had flipped a coin, but that one crucial detail (the fact that you did not show me the other side of the coin) has me a little suspicious. Nonetheless, due to your clear inexperience in the game of chess, I will allow you to make the first move.

I have been studying this game for quite a while. Your first move, e4, is somewhat common I believe. I am sure that you expect me to play e5, but I will not fall victim to that trap again. After much deliberation, I believe I have crafted an opening line in response to your first move that is both extremely novel and dangerous (for you, of course). I first learned of this opening defense in the village of Sicilì. That village, of course, is located in Campania, Italy, and as such, I have decided to name this defense the Campanian Defense. I hope you are prepared for an unforgettable thrashing.

1. e4 c5
[/quotation]

To whom it may concern,

You will see, per my photograph, that the coin is a standard minted United States coin. As an American yourself, surely you must be aware that these coins have a head on one side, and a tail on the other.

I see that you have learned a great deal from our first game, as you immediately saw through my ruse! Having played e5 would indeed have given me a tremendous advantage. However, I am dubious about your Campanian Defense for twofold reasons: firstly, because in Italy, one always plays e5, in order to later advance one's knight to b5; secondly, because you have allowed your pawn to easily be attacked!

e4 c5 d4

[The Venerable Greg]

[quotation="Old Man Sam" post_id=13975217 post_num=87 time=1699062706 user_id=32739]
[quotation="The Venerable Greg" post_id=13973855 post_num=86 time=1698978850 user_id=32740]
[quotation="Old Man Sam" post_id=13973767 post_num=85 time=1698976497 user_id=32739]
[quotation="The Venerable Greg" post_id=13972507 post_num=84 time=1698907826 user_id=32740]
[quotation="Old Man Sam" post_id=13969938 post_num=83 time=1698791326 user_id=32739]
Salutations Gregory,

Undefeated? That sounds like a bucket of balderdash. I do not remember you defeating me. I also do not remember me defeating you. I have not been remembering a lot lately. So, I suppose it is actually possible you are "undefeated." Alas, that was so long ago, and it's not like we can travel backwards in time to discern the outcome of our previous game.

I have noticed you decided to open with e4. That was what I was going to play, so I'm leaving the board as-is. You can go ahead and make your first move as black now.

Regards,
Samuel
[/quotation]

To whom it may concern,

Samuel, my dear old friend, I am pleased to learn that you are still an active user of MafiaScum! I regret that I have not yet amassed the courage to return for a game of mafia, but it would do me good to rekindle our chess battles. Truly, not even Carlsen and Niemann could boast so perfect a rivalry.

Whilst I did not defeat you, I would note that you also did not defeat me. In the game of chess, this is referred to as a "stale mate". I shall not do you the disservice of lecturing you on the subject, I am sure that you will learn this and much more through our games!

As you did not respond to my challenge prior to my opening move, I only thought it appropriate that I take the first move. Should you not find this suitable, I propose that we flip a coin to determine who shall go first.

I call heads. I will now flip, and then take a photograph of the result for the sake of authenticity.

Spoiler:

It does seem as though I will be white this game! I eagerly await your first turn as black.

Warmest regards,
Gregory
[/quotation]

Salutations Gregory,

You need not lecture me about stale meat; I managed a Ruby Tuesday in Omaha, Nebraska for thirty-five years before I grew tired of life in the big city and moved to Bucksnort, Tennessee. I know plenty about stale meat, yet I have no idea as to how it could possibly pertain to chess. I am not impressed.

I suppose a coin flip is only fair, but I have some concerns. First off, how do I know that coin doesn't have heads on both sides? By all accounts it certainly appears as if you had flipped a coin, but that one crucial detail (the fact that you did not show me the other side of the coin) has me a little suspicious. Nonetheless, due to your clear inexperience in the game of chess, I will allow you to make the first move.

I have been studying this game for quite a while. Your first move, e4, is somewhat common I believe. I am sure that you expect me to play e5, but I will not fall victim to that trap again. After much deliberation, I believe I have crafted an opening line in response to your first move that is both extremely novel and dangerous (for you, of course). I first learned of this opening defense in the village of Sicilì. That village, of course, is located in Campania, Italy, and as such, I have decided to name this defense the Campanian Defense. I hope you are prepared for an unforgettable thrashing.

1. e4 c5
[/quotation]

To whom it may concern,

You will see, per my photograph, that the coin is a standard minted United States coin. As an American yourself, surely you must be aware that these coins have a head on one side, and a tail on the other.

I see that you have learned a great deal from our first game, as you immediately saw through my ruse! Having played e5 would indeed have given me a tremendous advantage. However, I am dubious about your Campanian Defense for twofold reasons: firstly, because in Italy, one always plays e5, in order to later advance one's knight to b5; secondly, because you have allowed your pawn to easily be attacked!

e4 c5 d4
[/quotation]

Salutations Gregory,

It troubles me a great deal that you somehow know my nationality. I do not believe that I have ever disclosed my location to you. I even searched for "America" in this thread and received exactly zero results. What in the Sam Hill is going on? Did you log in to my internet? If I didn't have a warrant out for my arrest, I would call the police on you post-haste. Not only that, but I've stored my novel on my internet. I have grounds to sue for copyright infringement!

Regardless, I would never pass up an opportunity to play chess, even with someone of such lower caliber than I. You see, there is a crucial flaw in your plan to attack my pawn with your pawn. I, in my great chess wisdom, have devised of the perfect plan. I can simply move my pawn past yours, and sidestep your attack entirely! I believe this to be a psychologically crushing blow. You may resign now.

Best,
Sam

e4 c5 d4 c4
[/quotation]

To whom it may concern,

Samuel, my friend, do not be concerned. I applied simple deductions to realise that you are American! MafiaScum is a forum on a ".net" website, which means that only Americans can access it. My great-granddaugher Susan moved to the United Kingdom last year, and as I understand it, their version of MafiaScum is "mafiascum.co.uk"! Not to mention those dreaded ".com" websites. I don't know about you, but I'm scared of anything with "com" in its name!

I saw on the television that someone called Samuel was in trouble with the police. What a strange coincidence that should be the same Samuel I am playing a friendly Chess game with.

Speaking of which: you may have avoided my trap for now, but there is another trap waiting just around the corner!

e4 c5 d4 c4 b3