Mini 1628: Rick Santorum Saves Xmas - Gaybepocalypse

[Flames682]

Did I miss an investigation result

[Mathdino]

I investigated Wisdom with my CIA laptop and he's a righteous warrior.

[Marquis]

righteous warrior not righteous

christian

warrior??
confirmed scum

[Mathdino]

lol

yes he investigated righteous muslim warrior

calling for jihad

clearly

[Flames682]

Who uses this face? Actual question

:3

[Sir Elton Hercules John]

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Selection order:

Shinobi (Box 2)
Flames682 (Box 3)
crazypianist1116 (Box 7)
Aronis (Box 6)
Wisdom (Box 8)
Bert (Box 1)
Marquis
Mathdino

Boxes remaining:

Box 4
Box 5

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[Mathdino]

box 1

dude pick a box for marquis

[Shinobi]

Why did the order change?

[Bert]

Marquis pick 4

[Marquis]

Marquis pick 4

ehhh
k

[Sir Elton Hercules John]

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#

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Selection order:

Shinobi (Box 2)
Flames682 (Box 3)
crazypianist1116 (Box 7)
Aronis (Box 6)
Wisdom (Box 8)
Bert (Box 1)
Marquis (Box 4)
Mathdino

Boxes remaining:

Box 5

[Wisdom]

inb4 I'm dead

[Mathdino]

box 5

[Sir Elton Hercules John]

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#

3

Selection order:

Shinobi (Box 2)
Flames682 (Box 3)
crazypianist1116 (Box 7)
Aronis (Box 6)
Wisdom (Box 8)
Bert (Box 1)
Marquis (Box 4)
Mathdino (Box 5)

[Sir Elton Hercules John]

*NOTE: Anyone who received a relevant ability as part of their gift will get a PM.

RICK SANTORUM:

"Err... I guess... I guess you can open them, now..."

Rick is visibly sweating as the giftthirsty crowd goes into a frenzy, tearing into this third round of presents.

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Mathdino makes an odd noise as everyone turns to look at him...

[Sir Elton Hercules John]

A moment ago they had been laughing. Joking about the liberals and the fruitcake no one had remembered bringing but appeared out of nowhere like a suppressed memory. Like with his other suppressed memories Bill had choked it down and tried to think about Jesus, but his mouth was agape as he lifted the giant black dildo out of the box. His chubby fingers encircled its girthy mass and he held it as far away from his face as possible.

Bill sat on the couch and pointed the remote at the TV, looking for something to be offended at. The Simpsons? No he'd sent that in four times already but still the proud blasphemers were on the air. MTV? No, too hard to pull an entire network. His screen filled the dark living room with red seductive light as BET took over his screen. Bill stared in awe at the washboard abs of the men onscreen. The sound was awful, yes, but just the sight of those washboard abs sent a tingle to his private areas that he hadn't felt since the locker room in grade school. He knelt closer to the television, reverently, as he slowly and unthinkingly pulled the string on his satin pajama pants and started stroking his cock.

A glob of uneaten fruitcake fell out of his open mouth and he realized that he had been slowly stroking the dildo in one hand while fondling the balls with the other.

"Who brought all these negro dicks to the party!?"

Donahue fumed and stood up.

"I brought the present this disgusting thing came in, and I want to know where it is. That is theft. Someone here is a thief!"

Donahue stalked around the room like a tiger. A pudgy, white, out-of-breath tiger. He pounced at Rick Santorum.

"Is it you, Rick? Is this your pathetic way of getting back at us for you not winning the Republican nomination? We tried, Rick, why are you doing this? I don't want this dildo at all! I have no use for it and I'm getting mad at you stealing from me!"

Rick said he didn't steal the dildo, and he didn't even know where you could even get one of those things, it's not like they have dildo stores and besides he is Catholic and would never buy something like that.

"Alright, play coy with me, Rick, but that's the last straw. I know it was you and I'm fucking leaving this fucking party."

Bill considered the fruitcake for a moment and snatched another piece, wolfing it down and licking his fingers.

"And I'm taking the rest of the fruitcake with-"

Then Bill realized what he'd done. He was dead in moments.

Mathdino [Bill Donahue] --

Righteous Christian Warrior

- choked on some black cockfruitcake WE3

---

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[Sir Elton Hercules John]

boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants

The THUMPING bass gets louder... louder... louder! Everyone drops their presents as the whole house is shaken by the mighty bass, and nobody can remember what they had, so you all sort of just pick the gifts back up randomly...

The unused gifts have been shuffled! If you receive a gift with an ability, you will get a PM!

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[Sir Elton Hercules John]

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[Flames682]

Isn't it D3?

[Shinobi]

Why did the order change?

Would really like an answer to this.

Doubt that I'm going to get one though.

[Aronis]

I think Marquis did it, Shinobi.

You're welcome Wisdom.

[Shinobi]

I think Marquis did it, Shinobi.

You're welcome Wisdom.

Uhm. Why?

[crazypianist1116]

I think Marquis did it, Shinobi.

You're welcome Wisdom.

I think there's a reasonable case to be made for it being one of Wisdom, Bert, or Marquis. Past that it's not obvious.

[crazypianist1116]

I'm thinking about making a case for Wisdom today.

[Shinobi]

Wisdom was green-checked.

Though I'd really like it if the game woke up at this point.