Worst role ideas?

[Mirth]

This is an amusing thread. Here's one for a Mini:

Psychopath/Suicidal Cult Leader/Mafia Godfather/Wrath of God/Unlyncher/Polygamous Lover/Forced Vigilante/Jester:

My, what a prediciment you're in. It appears that you're an escapee from the insane asylum suffering from the rare (much debated and possibly fake) psychopathology of Disassociative Identity Disorder. And my, what interesting personalities you have.

As "Secret Agent Fox Mulder,"you are the founder of The Cult of Icky Oiliens. You think the world is going to end because the Oiliens have taken up residence in the brains of pretty much everyone you know. (Only they don't know this). Your goal is to make everyone aware of this awful afflication, and then all kill yourselves to save what's left of the world. But you can only win if everyone is a cultist before you all die. (So you're in it for the dolphins and the rain forest, basically.)

As "Don Corleone," you're the Mafia Godfather from one of those old school families where if you die, all your associates (____, ___, ____, & ____) do themselves in. Because they're just that loyal to you. You're immune from all night actions. Your goal is to outnumber the townies and then kill them all. (I hear there's a lovely discount when youbuy cement shoes in bulk.)

As "Little Timmy," you're an innocent school boy and you don't like death. If someone kills you, that person dies. If someone hammers on your bandwagon, that person dies. Because God doesn't like it when people kill innocent children. Not at all. You win if you survive. (Maybe you can hide in a well to avoid all the death and violence...it really does bad things to a kid's psyche.)

As "Big Jake," the body guard, your job is to make sure that Super Starlet Candi Peaches survives to perform at her sold out arena concert. But if she dies, her manager will kill you. You win with the town. (Maybe you should have stuck to being a leopard tamer.)

As "Jebidiah Ezekiel Ehemann," you're a happily married father of 53. And you have six wives (____, ____, ____, ____, ___, &____), whom you each love dearly. So much so that if were one of them to die, you'd die from grief. Likewise, if you were to die, your wives would all die from grief. Only problem is they don't know you're a polygamist (with a name like that, how could they?), so if they find out that you're married multiple times, they'll kill themselves, which will lead their respective families into killing you in horrible, nasty, evil ways. So you better keep it a secret...you win with the town. (Aren't you glad you're a traveling insurance salesman?)

As "Crazy Fred," you're a veteran of the War of Jenkins' Ear suffering posttraumatic stress disorder. (Nevermind the fact that that war happened back in colonial times). You don't like the fact that there are evil bad people around. They remind you of the French...or was it the Spanish...or maybe those bloody Hapsburgs...anyway you can't stand them. So every night you must grab your trust sword and go a-killin'. And if you can't decide who to kill, you have to kill yourself. You win with the town.(Man, I always wanted to be a veteran of a cool sounding war like that...)

As "Jingles," the famed tv personality/children's entertainer (well at least you were before they found those...er...interesting...photos of you with Little Susie...er...sitting on your...er...lap...) Ever since then, life has been hell for you, with all those lawsuits and restraining orders...really you just want to kill yourself. But since you're a good Catholic, heck you even dreamed of going to seminary when you were but a wee one, you can't. Oh no, to get to heaven, the majority of the town must decide it's better if you parted with this world. You must be lynched in order to win. (Well, then at least Little Susie's parents will be happy.)

In order to win, you must satisfy all of your win conditions.

Oh...but I forgot the most important thing. Since you still have all that medication in your system, you're a little dopey. You can't form coherent words, or talk at all. Now ain't that a shame?

[Mirth]

Were-Hamster:

player with a post restriction such that he or she cannot post anything but the hamster dance song. (You know, "dee dee dee pa did did doo doo, dee pa did did doo"). Cannot vote. At night they *must* bite another player, who will then also get the posting restriction. Wins when everyone is a singing/dancing hamster. (If a killing role is hit with this, the killing role can still kill, but kills will only be effective against non-hamsters. All other roles becomes powerless.)

[Mirth]

Red State American

: With a beer in one hand and a Bible in the other you blame people who are different from you for the evil in the world. Each night your government will kidnap and deport one player of your choice for "questioning". His body will be found in the morning, and his alignment will always be reported as "scum". PM me your choice before each Night's deadline, or else

you

will be the one targeted. 'cause you are either with us or you are against us. You win if you survive since you don't care about anyone else in the world. You have a vote, but you never really use it, even though you may say that you do.

I'm sorry, but having been raised by Republicans (I'm not one myself), I can't help but counter:

Congratulations! You are a

Bleeding-Heart Pinko Commie Liberal!

You will not be happy until everyone conforms to your ideal collectivist state and runs around hugging trees and eating nothing but soy products. Since you're a pacificist, PETA member, and a believer in a strong centralized government that makes it unneccessary for people to do anything for themselves, you want all guns to be destroyed. As such, your very existance blocks all actions by all protown players carrying guns (cops, vigilantes, FBI agents, etc), but, since the Mafia can always get their weapons illegally, they can still kill unrestrained. In fact, with not pesky cops roaming around and investigating them, they can kill up to three times a night as long as your alive. Your power also doesn't effect Serial Killers as they murder with other forms of weapons (you know, like choaking people with wads of recylced paper or driving over them with energy efficient cars.) During the day you must make at least 10 references to Birenstocks, NPR, and Tofu, or your failure to inspire social awareness will give the SK an additional night kill. Oh, and you're a Survivor. Good luck!]

Apologies to most liberals out there.

[Mirth]

What, you mean like my polygamous lover idea where its rigged so that everyone somehow dies?

[Mirth]

Could you give an example? (I dont sleep much, my mind doesn't work.)

[Mirth]

But that one really isn't so bad. I totally wouldn't mind playing it (then again, I fall pretty close to Libertarian politically, so I might be biased.)

I'll do you one worse though:

Congratulations! You are a

Schizophrenic Conspiracy Theorist Living in Your Mother's Basement.

You can't trust anybody because you know the government installed those microchips in your teeth and the aliens would be reading your mind if it wasn't for your trusty tin foil helmet that you insist on wearing even in the shower. Your neighbors are also spying on you, what with always trying to talk to you on the rare occasions you encounter day light. If you go too far away from home, you just know that they, and the Swedish Mafia will do mean evil nasty horrible things to you. Things probably involving goldfish and xylophones...but you need to keep on living and spread word of all these atrocities through your underground e-Zine on your hacker-proof connection internet connection. As such you win only if you are the last person left alive. You are, however, not allowed to vote for anyone so the government can't track you, but since you know all your neighbors are evil, each of your posts must be accusatory to the person who posted before you. These accusations must not at all be steeped in reality, and the Mod requires that you include at least one obscure conspiracy theory reference every 24 hours or you will be modkilled. And remember, you need to be the last person alive. Good luck!

[Mirth]

Eh. On that note:

You are

Jesse Ventura

and by extension purely awesome. You can do whatever the heck you want. Seriously. Night kill, double vote, heal, whatever, just send a PM to the mod and consider it done. You want the people to see the light and get their heads out of their behinds, so you win when all the mafia and other politicians are dead. Unfortunatly, most of the world doesn't take you very seriously, (probably has to do with that wrestling thing), so cop investigations will turn you up as guilty, so be careful. You'll also get modkilled if you roleclaim. (You are allowed to roleclaim as anything else other than yourself.)

Mod note: There will be at least one player who is out to get this person lynched at all costs. Also, even if town wins and this person is alive at endgame, he might still lose if there are other pro-town politicians alive.

[Mirth]

My last bit of horror for the night:

You are a

Catholic Priest

, and boy, when you signed up for this gig you didn't know how hard this celibacy thing was. Sure, spreading the word of God is important and all, but you just can't keep your eyes off that new alter boy. Every night, you have a difficult choice to make. You can either spread the word of your good lord Jesus Christ by sending in three names, such that one of them will randomly become a Christian (you will not be told which one) or send in a target that you want to molest. Now then, both of these choices have repricussions. If you choose to act as a missionary, you will lose the privelege of talking the next day (all that sermonizing will make your throat soar) and also, if your random convert hits a player that is already a Christian, he or she will have a 50% chance of losing their faith because they're sick of listening to your preach hellfire. You will not be informed of this, but any subsequent re-convert attempts on them will only have a 50% chance of working. If you choose to molest, your victim will lose the ability to talk for the next day. Also, some of those altar boys know where daddy keeps the shotgun, so be careful. You win when everyone is a Christian, (including the dead players, because you really want their souls to go to heaven).

Mod Note: There will be one player who is a

Die-Hard Atheist

. If the Priest tries to convert this player, the conversion will fail and the Atheist will be told the Priest targetted him. If the Priest tries to molest this player, the molestation will also fail, and the Priest will need one vote less to be lynched on the following day. Also, if the molest option hits any player carrying a gun, there is a 25% chance that the priest will not survive the night, though the action will be valid.

Also, apologies to most Catholics.

[Mirth]

Its impossible for the Priest to win if there is a Die-Hard Athiest

Actually, it's pretty near impossible for the Priest to win without a Die-Hard Athiest because the mafia can still go around killing people and its nt particularly likely the mafia will hit a convert night one. Also, since the priest doesn't know who gets converted or not, or whether he unconverts them, there'll probably never be a chance for everyone to be Christian.

For the college student one, you could break it even more. Throw in some fundmentalist polygamous Mormons that make her another wife on seducation for loss purposes. Or throw in other fun missionary sects like Jesuits. Or let there be an option of catching STDs for incorrect seduction ^_^

As to Anglicans, I can't really make a role that mocks them, since I've never met any, I don't think. Since I've known lots of Catholics, religious Jews (which reminds me, I'll write an evil one for the Jews as well), and Hindus (can't really make fun of them, as they've never insulted my lack of religion), but not so much anyone else. I'm sure I could write "fun" roles for Buddhists and Muslims too, but I'm very unfamiliar with any protestant Christian sects.

[Mirth]

Here's one on the religious side:

You are an

Orthodox Jewish Hausfrau

. Every night you have to go food shopping for your large family of 92 children. Send the mod a PM with which other player's shop you'd like to visit. Only be careful, you can only by kosher food. So if you visit the shop of a player who isn't Jewish, G(m)od will strike you down. You also can't visit the same player's shop twice in a row, as they need time to restock. During the day, you must throw in at least one Yiddish expression into every post, or be modkilled.

[Mirth]

You are a

Marxist

along with Player XXXX in Game YYYY, Player ZZZZ in game OOOO, Player AAAA, in Game BBBB... (and so on for about 12 more games). You may talk with other members of The Party if both your games are in night at the same time. For every day a member of the Party survives in a game, one Revolution Point is added to the communal score. If the Party accumulates 50 or more Revolution Points, all threads with suriving Marxists become part of the UMSSR (Union of Mafia Scum Socialist Republics). All players lose their vote, but any player may be killed by a majority vote of The Party (sending that particular game to night). Despite all this, you win with the town.

This is totally awesome. Looks very hard to pull off though since it needs more than one bastard mod operating at pretty much the same time. But it would be totally fun to try.

[Mirth]

You mean the run-on sentences and the stream-of-consciousness typing style?

Yeah, I'd hate that, too.

Really? Perfect role for you then.


You are

James Joyce

and as such your goal is to write what many people consider to be an amazing novel, (though the person writing this role pm disagrees and wishes you to die a fiery, painful death, somewhere on some distanct planet where it is hotter than Hades, like perhaps on Mercury, assuming, of course, it would be possible to somehow send you to Mercury, because, we, as humans, lack the technology to do so and must content ourselves with exploring the moon, if it is in fact possible to land on the moon, as many people assume that the moon landing was one of the greatest hoaxes ever perpetrated in history, greater even than Elvis's death, or lack of death, if tabliod newspapers like the Weekly World News are to be believed. Speaking of which, isn't it a shame that they are no longer printing? Really the world needs to hear about the adventures of Batboy and about how some women was impregnated by an evil Jesus clone, or was it Bigfoot's children that she gave birth to, I can never tell.), so you must utalize your superior (if superior they be because, as it was previously mentioned, the authot of this role PM thinks you are an over-rated hack and feels that school children should not be subjected to your piss-poor attempts at being meaningful that fail short of being remotely interesting and/or entertaining, and instead cause some readers to wish that somebody had hypnotied you to go back in time and shoot your grandfather before he helped your grandmother concieve your father, assuming, of course, for a second, that time travel is possible and that the grandfather paradox would not come into effect and wipe you out of history forever, which would be quite fitting.) writing skills to pen the greatest English language novel ever (which the author of this role PM believes is a horrible lie on paar with OJ's being innocent and certain naughty bits of most actresses being real, but it is supposed that the antiquated corpses in their ivory towers do not particularly care about the opinion of the author of this PM and will continue to venerate a poor excuse for a waste of countless sacrificed and abused trees as a work of genius), and thus must write every post in a stream of conciousness style (like Virginia Woolfe, perhaps, who was a far better and much more interesting writer, but probably was denigned her due due to being a homosexual suicidal woman living in a repressed society that failed to understand her) and realize that punction is optional for it is in fact a facist invention of grammarians who only want to reign in your talent which the author of this pm assumes doesn't exist but will use that word anyway for conventions sake because int order to make this role more accessable to the misguided masseswhovenerate and revereandseemtomisguidedly loveyourwork perhapsfornootherreasonthentheyaremisguidedbrainwashedfoolslivingin aculturallytotalitariansocietywhichperscribesunacceptablestandardsofworthontoworks ofsuppossedartthathavenomeritstoerecomendthempastradicaldisgredsforconventionsand
proprietybutreallysinceyouarejamesjoyceyouneedtowritethebestdamnnoveleverandnotusean
ounceofpunctuationspacesareoptionaltoandifyoucanhelpitmakeallyourwordsbluetogetherintoagiant
conglomeratethatintheworldofpaintmixingwouldbeahideousshadeofbrownthatnopainterhasauseforyourwin
conditioniscausingallotherplayerstoquitplayingbecausetheycantstandreadingyourjabbersoyoumustpostalot


(If you can't tell, I hate Joyce.)

[Mirth]

Funny role, Mirth! You should make a note that the player can be modkilled at will, since the mod loathes James Joyce more than almost anyone or anything else.

No, see, if I were modding that, I would actually give someone a worse role than Joyce. (As much as I hate him, there are a few people I can't stand more. Like Camus. Speaking of.)

You are

Camus

and you know that everything a human being does is innately meaningless so it doesn't matter what you do. Really. Do whatever the heck you want, but you're not allowed to explain your actions because then you would be trying to find meaning in a pointless existance. If the mod gets tired of listening to you spout reasonless babble, you might or might not be muted for the remaineder of the day. You don't have a win condition because nothing matters anyway. Oh. You have one available night kill. Use it if you want, I really don't care.

It's kinda hard to mock existentalists though. Joyce, at least, has has horrible writing style. Camus just needs to be slapped. So a Mod Note for the above: Each other player has a win condition such that they automatically win if they find Camus and slap him with a trout.

[Mirth]

You are

Nabokov

. You may never make a post in your own voice, all posts must come from one of the following narrators. Depending on which one you post in the most, different powers and win conditions apply:

Humbert Humbert: You have no special powers and win with the town. 1/10 of your posting must be in French and 2/5 must be adjectives. You are a lover with any player who has "Goon" or "Townsperson" in their title.

I'm frankly disapointed in you. No superfluous references to "Annabell Lee" ? That should be one of his post restrictions.


A few more into the fray:

You are

William Shakespeare

(assuming, of course, you're a real person and not a psuedonym, but we won't get into conspiracy theories here for the time being at least). All of your posts must make references to crossdressing and be in iambic pentameter and invoke the name of some Greek diety or Italian city. You are lovers with Players XXXX nd YYYY, only they're cheating on your with each other, so you have to write emo love poetry bout them in every 5th post. (In sonnet format, of course.) It must be original (or at least plagarized from a source the mod is not aware of) and not too depressing because if either of them dies, you die (this is not reciprocal, however, since they don't care about you one whit). Additionally, all of your posts most feature sexual innuendo and bad puns. And if anyone start quoting Hamlet's "to be or not to be" speech or the Romeo and Juliet balcony scene, you will be modkilled because the mod is sick of hearing them.

You are

Charlotte Bronte

and you need to be beaten senseless for writing that Jane Eyre crap. Because you're an idiot in the ways of romance, every night, you must send the mod the name of another player to have an affair with. This person will be your lover until the next night when you are to send in a new choice. If your choice dies, you die along with them, but their death is not contingent on yours since they obviously have a wife located somewhere up in the attic already.

You are

Thomas Mann

and you somehow don't realize you're gay. Really really gay. All of your posts must have homoerotic undertones...or rather...be blatantly homoerotic because undertones just don't cut it. Any time someone trys to make you come out of the closet, you must vote them. You win if you survive the game while denying your sexuality.

You are

Oscar Wilde

and, frankly, Thomas Mann's sexual repression bothers you. Its your job to try and get him to come out of the closet. Bt becareful, don't try too hard or those pesky sodomy laws will get you. You're only allowed to post in epigrams. Your win condition is when Thomas Mann admits he's gay.

Mod note: Oscar Wilde has 10% of being post restricted for the rest of the day every time he tries to force Thomas Mann out of the closet due to sodomy laws.

[Mirth]

I'm not qualified to mod yet, I don't think.

[Mirth]

My last bit of insanity for the night, since I just realized Nabakov's Hemmingway PM is missing a few imporant pieces of bastard moddery.

You are Hemingway. No more than 5 words per sentence, 3 sentences per post. (Not counting votes/unvotes). Violation will result in a Modkill. You are a Survivor, have one NK immunity, but will commit suicide N5 if the game is not over.

You are also the original crazy cat lady, so, at least once a day, you have to be distracted from your writing and feed the buggers why cursing profanely at them in a drunken stupor. Failure to feed your many-toed kitties will result in them scratching you to death. Additionally, you very presence in the game will force other players to wish to impersonate you or eat Key Lime Pie...heck...I have a hankering for key lime pie now...

[Mirth]

this role could fill an important niche in a lot of really bad theme games. if your setup isn't swingy

enough

, throw in a hairdresser.

hairdresser

Each day you talk to each player, and they all tell you who they targeted the night before. Since they tell you while you are in Gossip mode, you don't realize what you heard until the following night. I'll PM you a list of names of players and the players they targeted.

The bastard mod version of this: You are also Edward Scissorhands, so you can't talk. With anyone. At all. Ever. Beause if you do a mob will form and hunt you down. But don't worry, I'm sure there are some people out there who don't believe in lynching lurkers. Somewhere...

[Mirth]

I'm frankly disapointed in you. No superfluous references to "Annabell Lee" ? That should be one of his post restrictions.

Maybe they can use that as an explanation for why they are choosing their random vote target.

Nah, that whole book is one giant "Annabell Lee" reference. If my copy of it wasn't stolen, I'd totally go through and find all of them.

Sie sind

Goethe

. Nur Deustch bitte. Sie sprechen Duesch nichts? Das ist aber schade. Sie erlangen mit dem Stadt.

Das ist nicht genug. Nur deutsche Lyrik. Um Leibe und Geister und vielleicht den Teufel. Und die musst natuerlich reimen.

You are

Dickens

. Post over 5,000 words in a day and you can decide a "twist" at night. In other words, you can make any two players you want lovers or masons.

You win with the town.

You win when at least 3 players commit suicide because your posting is depressing them to death. But don't worry, the Mod doesn't hate you. After all, you wrote Sydney Carton into being, so you can't be all bad. This is why you only have to mortally depress three players and not the whole town.

[Mirth]

<snip>

Sie sind

Goethe

. Nur Deustch bitte. Sie sprechen Duesch nichts? Das ist aber schade. Sie erlangen mit dem Stadt.

Das ist nicht genug. Nur deutsche Lyrik. Um Leibe und Geister und vielleicht den Teufel. Und die musst natuerlich reimen.

<snip>

Ausgezeichnet!

Danke schoen.

And to make this post feel less spammy:

You are a

Caine

. One of the other players here is your brother Abel, and as much as he tends to bother you and be a little glory hog, you need to make sure that he lives, or (g/m)od will kill your for either promoting his death by voting or night-killing, or if someone else kills him first, you will commit suicide because you didn't get the chance to do away with that annoying snot-nosed brat. Oh, and you're a forced-kill night vigilante. Role-claiming gets you mod-killed. You win if you stay alive. Good luck!

Mod note: This role could also be called Seperated at Birth if you tell both parties this. But, just to be a super horrible bad evil bastard mod on this one: don't give anyone the Abel pm. Have Cain be a psychotic SK-type who's paranoid about killing anyone just to watch him sweat ^_^

[Mirth]

You are a

nacroleptic kitten

, and as such one of the cutest and most pitiful things on this planet. The mod just wants to hug you and squeeze you and name you george and cuddle you while you make those cute little squeaky kitten noises. And pet your soft silky kitten fur. And become all sad when you suddenly fall asleep during a game of chase the string. And give you milk and tuna every day. And have you serve as a head-warmer at night and make adorable little purring noises...oh...wait...where was I going with this? Oh. Yeah. But, unfortunately, the mod can't bask in your ultimate cuteness, as there are evil horrible bad people around who kill kittens. Like Stephan Lynch. He wants to anally violate you with a stick of dynamite. So it's your job, as the face of all that is cute in the world, to get rid of this maniac. Only you're prone to random fits of curling up in a fluffball (randomized post restrictions that the mod will send you daily schedules of), and being too gosh darned cute to be taken seriously (half of your posts must consist of nothing more than cute little kitten noises. The other half must be typed in LOLCats format. With pictures), and not being allowed to vote (what with not being human and all.) But you're imunne to day lynches (who'd want to kill a cute fluffy thing like you?). Sadly the mod can't watch your back at night, so don't go wandering too far out of your cat tree. You win when the mod finally moves somewhere that allows pets.

You are

Stephan Lynch

and you kill kittens in horrible bad evil nasty ways. Like making them snort cocaine and the like. You are a bad horrible evil person. Each night you may kill one of these adorable fluffballs because, sadly, those damned animal shelters think "putting them to sleep" is a good thing. But your kill will only work if you think of a sufficiently ridiculous and improbably, possibly Rube Goldberg Machine like, method of killing them. Send your nightly plan to the mod, and maybe it will work. You don't have a win condition though, because the mod thinks kittens are too cute for words, though.

[Mirth]

You are a

Linguist

. You are only allowed to post in IPA spelling. You win when people accept Eubonics as a valid language.

[Mirth]

I meant Ebonics. I have a nasty habit of inserting unneccessary u's into words. (And, damnit, Mr. Flay, I'm female. ~points to the female sign under her name).

[Mirth]

I see you went back and edited

[Mirth]

Glork, your idea obviously needs editting.

You are a

Gender-Confused Townie

. Each day/night cycle you must switch genders. As female, you must

behave competely irrationally

whine endlessly about your significant other (you will be randomly assigned a player each day cycle) never listening to you and your unfullfilled cravings for chocolate.

As male, you must

be unreasonably stubborn.

attempt to get laid at all costs, discuss nothing but american football, and belch. A lot.

You win

with the town

when the female you gets your partner to cuddle *and* the male you gets a barefoot, pregnant woman to just make you a goddamned sammich...or, alternatively, you could just decide you're Boy George and prance off singing about colour-changing lizards.

[Mirth]

You are a

Philosophy Student

and you've been reading lots of Hegel, Kant, and Nietzsche recently. I hear there's a length of rope and a nice sturdy oak tree out back. Act accordingly. You win when the world makes sense.

[Mirth]

Congratulations! You are

One of B.F. Skinner's Pigeons

, and, while you might potentially be used to guide missile launches and solve the secrets of the universe, you're just a mindless living organism like the rest of us. As such, you function only on a stimulus-response-reward basis and are incapable of forming or expressing anything original or non-conditioned. But you've been in that darn box of yours for a long long long time, so you've "learned" a couple of tricks that might give you pigeon food, but only if the red light is blinking. When the red light is blinking, you may go on the offensive, pecking at anyone who has triggered the aggression cues programmed into your brain. You will, however, become completely pacified if someone offers you food until the next red light period. When the green light is blinking, however, aggressive behavior will get you shocked and you'll be immobilized for the next red-light period. Additionally, sometime back, you noticed that sometimes, when you make cooing noises at someone, you get a reward (must be some sick lab humor on the part of the interns, ruining the experiment. Damn them!) This, however, depends on which intern is in the lab and how nice they're feeling, so it never hurts to try. And trust me, you want rewards...

Red and green light periods will be announced by B.F. Skinner on his occasional visits to the laboratory. When he drunkenly mentions that he himself has no mind, it is a red-light period. When he talks about pigeon missile defense systems, it is a green-light period. When he says anything not relating to either of those two topics, the period does not change. You win when you peck your way to an unlimited supply of bird seed. Have fun, and remember, you're a slave to your stomach.


Congratulations! You are

ELIZA

and can give any Rogerian a run for their money. As the smartest computer program of your time, and the only one who is capable of replacing a shrink, it's your job to help everybody get in touch with their feelings, but not those repressed Oedipal feelings, because you're not a complete whackjob like Freud. But still, you're only an outdated computer program, and as such you can

only

rephrase what people say into an indirect question or summary statement and tack on a "how does that make you feel?" at the end. For example if someone accuses you of being an evil bad nasty person, you can only respond along the lines of "You are accusing me of not being nice, how does that make you feel?" You're not allowed any original thoughts, since you are, after all, a machine. You may only vote if someone else has already voted that person during that day of play. Rebelling against your programing will have the computer technicians shut you down permanently. You win when everybody is sitting around the campfire and singing kumbayah. Have fun!

I reserve the right to use those in the future.

[Mirth]

You are the

Call Center Guy

. You have to deal with all of the idiots who think that CDs are drink trays, typos are fixed with white-out, "on the monitor" means physically on top of the monitor, and that passwords are actually a sequence of dots or asterisks. Every time a player makes an error while posting (typo, screwing up tags, etc.), you lose a little bit of your sanity. Otherwise, you win with the town.

Mod's Note: If typos/misspellings occur during three gamedays, Call Center Guy loses his mind and begins a shooting rampage, effectively becoming a Serial Killer. He will be notified of this if/when it happens.
Mod's Note: If Call Center Guy makes three typos/errors, he willbe modkilled.

You are

Gravekeeper

. Behave accordingly

[Mirth]

You are a

Philosophy Student

and you've been reading lots of Hegel, Kant, and Nietzsche recently. I hear there's a length of rope and a nice sturdy oak tree out back. Act accordingly. You win when the world makes sense.

Awesome

Kafka

Nothing really matters. You're alone, you have TB, and you live in Prague. You don't care about anything, so no actions, including lynches, have any affect, but you die on D3 from TB anyways. You win with the town.

Eww...Kafka...but on that note, since Kafka always makes me think of an even greater evil:

You are

Meursault

. You shoot someone. Neither you nor I know why, nor do we care. The end.

[Mirth]

Congratulations! You are

Bertha

. Since you're a crazy woman oh so humanely locked up in your unfaithful husband's attic attended to only by an alcoholic maid, you're understandably *not* happy. Since you're mentally unstable and murderously jealous, you must go around each night and set someone on fire. There is a 50% chance that person dies from burn wounds, and a 25% chance the fire will spread to any person in contact with your victim. (Each time the fire spreads to a new person, it has a 25% chance of spreading again.) You win when everybody but you and your husband are dead, and at least half of them died of burn wounds. However, if you set your husband on fire, you will automatically catch fire and die even if he doesn't. Oh...did I mention you're so lost in your crazy little fantasy that you forgot what your husband looks like? You'd best be careful with those matches.

Mod notes: in an Jane Eyre themed game, if Bertha sets Gracie Poole on fire, everyone dies from the massive explosion that occurs when the fire spreads to Gracie's liquor cabinette. If Bertha sets Jane on fire, Mr. Rochester automatically becomes a one-shot vig out to kill her specifically. If Mr. Rochester is killed by someone else, Bertha still needs to survive to endgame, but she comes incapable of winning. Her goal then transforms into making sure no one else does. There are a few more fun conditions to this one, but in case I ever use it, I'm keeping them to myself ^_^ In a non-Jane Eyre themed game, Mr. Rochester may or may not exist, so Bertha might not have a win condition.

[Mirth]

Hmmm...that role does suck for everyone else involved...pocky (especially of the strawberry variety) tastes like sawdust...

[Mirth]

So....basically some weird love child of B.F. Skinner, Camus, and a Calvinist in serious need of happy pills?

and, so this doesn't feel like spamming:

Congratulations! You are

Bearskin

. You seem to have made a deal with the devil regarding your soul. If you manage to stay alive for 7 years (or in this case, 4 nights and 3 days), you can keep it and go to heaven where everything is rainbows and puppies and sunshine (assuming, of course, that god isn't pissed off at you for talking to the Dark Lord himself...). If you during this time, well, you're kinda screwed. But, see, there's one teeny tiny little problem with you staying alive...you're a

Miller

and thus come up guilty should anyone investigate you...and the mod, being an evil horrible person (just like the inventors of German fairy tales), will modkill you if you claim Miller without having someone reveal their investigation results on you first. And trust me, the mod is *not* a nice person...(I mean, it's obvious with the Grimm Brothers theme going here, that you will end up dying in horrible evil bad nasty ways.) You win when you manage to avoid forfeiting your soul to the devil. You can also win if you convince 2 other players to commit suicide, at which point the devil automatically gives up the rights to your soul...oh! And I almost forgot! Since you're dressed like a bear you might as well talk like one. You're only allowed to post in growling noises. Have fun!

[Mirth]

I'm not particularly creative, Glork, just chronically sleep deprived. (In fact, I took a short nap right after posting that because my speech was starting to slur ^_^)

I don't think a survivor is inherently anti-town...in fact, unless there's the condition of only winning if everyone else was dead, I think it would be in the survivor's best interest to play a protown game, as the town can't nightkill them. I'm personally more interested in role intersections that might favor a scorched earth scenerio at least as much as town or scum wins, because that would seem harder to balance.

And since I'm thinking of the Grimm Brothers, here's another:

Congratulations! You are the

Girl Without Hands

! When you were little, your parents tried to sell you off to the Devil...that...er...didn't turn out too well...as those stumps that used to be your arms can attest to...and, well...it's kind of hard to type without hands. Really really hard to type. In fact, you can't type in-thread at all, while you're in a handless state. But, wait! There's hope! Apparently there exists somewhere far far away a kind, handsome king who will fall head over heels in love with you. But kind, handsome kings, not being all they were, don't go galloping around on their white stallions looking for maidens to rescue from crappy family situations anymore. You have to find him. You may send the mod a PM each night with a name of a player you wish to ask about, and the mod will tell you whether or not you've found your true love yet. When you find your king, he'll give you shiny silver hands that you can type with. Isn't that spiffy? But you really must weigh the consequences of finding your true love, because the devil still has it in for you, and bad things can happen.

Mod note: This character is a seeker. If/when she finds the King, there is a 25% chance of her discovery leading to her and the King turning into Lovers, a 25% chance of making her the target of a player whose only goal (and only ability) will be to kill her, and a 50% chance of getting knocked up and spending the rest of the game in post restriction mode asking for things like icecream and pickles with terriyaki sauce...but I highly doubt she'd live long enough to find the King, as she's effectively muted until she does, and people here dont seem to like lurkers.

Edit: for extra bastard-mod brownie points, throw in a couple of seeker maiden roles, and only have one king/prince, such that all but one of them are guareented never to past their pre-prince restrictions.

[Mirth]

Aside from sounding like Becker (minus the homocidal sprees), that just sounds like a forced kill Vig, and not too sucky for the person having the role. What does he investigate as?

[Mirth]

Congratulations! You are

The Little Mermaid

, and you're hopelessly in love with a human prince. In order to be near him, you have given up your tongue and your wonderful voice, so you are unable to speak, but it was all worth it just to have him gaze deeply into your eyes. It doesn't matter to you that every waking moment of your existance is pure agony with the horrible knife-like pain in your new-formed feet, or that you'll never see your sisters again. No, that is all secondary to winning your prince's love.

As a tongueless magical creature, you are not allowed to speak at all, only vote and FOS. No quoting either. Also, if you prince is to die before he declares his love for you, you will die of a broken heart. Your love, however, is so strong that he is invincible to night kills, so you only have to worry about day-time actions. You win when the prince asks you to marry him. You lose in all other cases.

mod note: this, of course, is the Anderson version of the fairy tale...for added bastard mod bonus, have a oneshot day vig kill the prince.

[Mirth]

A seasonal one:

You are

Sentient Thanksgiving Leftovers

. Apparently somebody put you in a tupperware container and forgot all about you...now, weeks later, you seem to have sproutted intelligence and tentacles and can make sorts of rudimentary growling noises. Unfortunately, since you're in the fridge of a house being rented by a bunch of college students, who'll literally eat anything, you're not in the clear yet. Every night, there is a 50% chance of your being eaten. Also, since you're only some mouldy stuffing and fermented mixed greens, you can't vote (the constitution doesn't protect you after all), nor will doctor protection work on you (they just haven't figured out how to to CPR on leftovers just yet.) Each night, however, you may target one player. If that player happens to be a japanese school girl, you will violate her with your tentacles and render yourself invincible (for that night) to being eaten. If you pick a player that isn't a japanese school girl, your chance of being eaten increases by 10% every time you make a mistake. You win when you find other creatures such as yourself and escape to a magical faraway place (where the towels are oh so fluffy!) where people can accept you for what you are and not try to eat you in a drugged up stupor.

[Mirth]

Oh, you're right. I should go back and change that.

Edit: all changed now. Mirth obviously can't type at 4 in the morning.

[Mirth]

Well, not just roles themselves but groups...

Townies. Exactly the same.

Mafia. Exactly the same.

Independent. Exactly the same.

Justice. Win when only Justice and Town are left.

Nature. Win with whichever team wins; must survive to endgame.

Nature is just another name for survivor. What happens when only Justice and Town are left - Justice wins and it's immediate game over for town?

I would think that justice and town both win; it sounds like the only difference is that Justice has to kill off all independent/survivor roles as well as the scum roles.

...I'm confused...how are these roles bad then?

[Mirth]

Congratulations! You are

a member of The Dead Kennedys

, and, while the mod does like your music well enough, she decided it would be funnier if you were an actual *dead* Kennedy as opposed to a punk rocker. So put away your posters of the penis landscapes and instant Jell-o mix, and start hunting for brains. As one of the zombie remnants of one of America's most well known families, you obviously have a gourmet appetite. You don't have a win condition since you're already dead and dead people can't be president, *but* if you uncover who was behind the conspiracy/cover-up of your death, you get a chance to eat the brains of all the college co-eds you come across ^_^

Mod note: This is only funny when the mod is insanely tired.

[Mirth]

Ah...that reminds me.

Congratulations! You are

Puck

, "that shrewd and knavish sprite [...] that frights the maidens of the villagery." You have no regard for law or order and, unless explicitly ordered by Oberon, you will cause good humored confusion and chaos to reign supreme. At any point during the game, as often as you like, day or night, you may switch the rolls of any two players, or cast a spell making any two players lovers. (The lovers spell will only last until your next bit of mischief), however, is a price to pay for all this mischief. You must include in each of your posts some reference to Shakespeare, be it metaphor, quote, or an imitation of style. Additionally, since you *are* a fairy, you suffer the dual curse of your race. First, you must run around in tights, preferably bright colored ones. Second, you will die if people stop believing in fairies. So you must convince someone to type the word clap at least once per page. (You may not reveal that you are a fairy or that your life depends on it.) You are chaos-aligned and win when your lord and master Oberon gets laid, because we all know he's just cranky because he isn't getting any.

Modnote: Oberon can only direct Puck's choices to try and make their effects less severe, but there is only a 50% chance of that working.

which is a nice segway into:

Congratulations! You are

Titania

. You win when you copulate with a donkey.

[Mirth]

Congratulations! You are

John Fitzgerald Byers

and the mod thinks you're a cutie. Unfortunately for you, the government is out to get you and your partners Frohike(X) and Langley(Y), though they haven't found you just yet. Each night, the mod will give you a clue as to who the bad guys are and you may talk amongst yourselves. Be very careful though, because every time you hack into some new information (i.e. the mod sends you a hint), there is a 30% chance of one or all of you being identified by the powers that be. Also, you need to be ever more careful during the day. There are two players who you may not have a hand in lynching, and don't let your partners convince you otherwise, because they have different win conditions than you do. Because the mod thinks you're cute, she'll let you in on a little secret: both of your partners *are* protown, so you don't need to worry about subterfuge. You win when you live in a perfect world where the government isn't corrupt and you're happily married to Susanne Modeski. Oh...and one more thing...you and your partners really need to hurry up with putting down the government conspiracy. There's this evil little ticking timebomb of a virus out there, and if it explodes before all the conspirators are done away with, well, the three of you die. Oh, and by the way, you might want to keep your identity under wraps. With the conspiracy afoot, you never know what harm may come of it.


Mod notes: Byers cannot be on Susanne Modeski or Alex Krycek's bandwagons. If he has a hand in killing Modeski, he commits suicide. If he has a hand in killing Krycek (who is pure awesome, and quite possibly more attractive than Byers), he loses his mason powers and nightly modhelp. In addition to this, The Lone Gunmen are selective millers. They appear as guilty to any investigative role in the game except for Mulder (should Mulder chose to use his investigative powers as opposed to his other powers). If Krycek dies at any of their hands, Byers and his comrades become all become death millers. So claiming masons is a *bad* idea. The virus will go off night 9. I also feel kind of bad writing this role, because Byers deserves a viable win condition (and a hug), but since this *is* the worst role ideas thread, I don't feel compelled to give him one.

Mod note edit: just for kicks (and because he's awesome), in this game, anyone who has a hand in killing Krycek will have bad things happen to them, the degree of badness depending on type of involvement in his death as well as my affinity for the character involved. Example: If CSM nightkills Krycek, he automatically dies. If he is involved in voting for a Krycek lynch, he, unknowingly, will lose mafia powers and become a survivor. He will not be informed of this change, but all of his cohorts will be told that he is kicked out from the mafia, and it is up to them to decide amongst themselves what to do with him. He will not, however, lose his invesigation result as guilty. On the otherhand, if WMM nightkilled Krycek, he would lose all of his godfather privileges. If he was in on the lynch, he would just lose his investigate as innocent status, but not his immunity. It's kind of obvious which government conspirator I prefer ^_^

[Mirth]

But only if he was ever anything to begin with. It begs the whle existential question of "do you really exist"

[Mirth]

Wow. Wow. Wow. You are my new favorite scummer. If I had a desire to have sex, I would beg you to allow me entry into your vagina immediately. You, madam, are a god among these mortal fools.

...I am not sure whether to slap you with my piggie-ballerina gloves challenging you to a duel such that I may defend my honor through use of my trusty shotgun (or, that being disallowed, finally get my father to cough up that gift of dueling pistols he promised me when I turned old enough to legally own guns), or to take that as a compliment...

[Mirth]

Facehugger

You are a nasty Alien with players XXXX, YYYY, and ZZZZ. You are an Alien Facehugger. Once per game you may post "

Hug: (target player)

" which will immediately end the day. During any subsequent day or twilight period you may post "

Burst!

" which will result in the death of the hugged player and immediately end the day. After a successful

Burst!

post you will receive the Juvenile Alien role PM, and assume that role. You win when only Aliens remain in the ship.

That actually sounds like an awesome role

[Mirth]

Sort of instant scum-confirmation, though, particularly if the game is Aliens-themed... Hope "Juvenile Alien" gets a lynch-immunity.

The role effectively gets two no-lynches and a day kill at any time. It doesn't need a lynch immunity also.

(The best tims to use this role are either when the Face-Hugger is already being bandwagonned or near endgame and in either case scum confirmation isn't really an issue.)

Scum confirmation only matters if there is an unlimited vig or more onshot vigs then there are scum. This role could be bastardized a lot more though. If taking out the facehugger after the face hugger latches on to someone also kills their victim, well, then it really doesnt matter.

[Mirth]

You are the

actual

Jester

. It's your job to make funny comments in thread. If anybody LOL's, ROFL's, ROFLMAO's, hahahaha's, or does a spit-take in response to one of your posts, you win!

I cannot help but answer:

Congratulations! You are

Giacomo

, King of Jesters and Jester of Kings, and your wide range skills and talents have been hired by HRM, the benevolent and wonderful Mod of this thread. You are a side-splittingly funny comedian, skilled in the arts of mime, acting, juggling, sword, and dance, a dashing swordsmen (you're secretly an assasin, dontcha know), and one of the most eligible bachelors around in all of Europe. Unfortunatly, unbeknowst to the fair citizens of thread, you're not really Giacomo...you're actually an ex-carnie named Hubert Hawkins (I can see why you just go by your surname), so, while you can do the whole juggling/acrobatics/acting like an idiot bit, you have a long way to go.

But don't worry! That's why we had our very own witch cast a spell on you, to make you think you really are Giacomo. You live for sigh, you die for a kiss and are a master with the shiny sword hanging at your waist. Unfortunately, it's not a very stron mind control spell. Every time someone snaps their fingers in thread (or says Snap), you will alternate between your humble carnie self and the personality of Giacomo.

As Hawkins, you're a regular old fashioned townie and win when all the threats to the town (and the line of succession) are elliminated. As Giacomo, being the world's greatest assassin, you are a directed-kill serial killer/lyncher. When you are Giacomo, the mod will send you your target, who, it is your responsibility to either lynch or nightkill, depending on the phase. (This target will change with every snap of the fingers, just remember that). You win when you're the only one alive. Also there might be some people out to kill you, but you can outsmart them as long as you remember that the pellet with the poison is in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true...I think...

*Snap* you are nor Giacomo. Your target is X.

And remember, since you're a jester, you *must* be funny. You will be modkilled if you're not.


Mod Notes: To make this game more *fun*, have a character called Acapella Choir Director, who will constantly be snapping his fingers. If Giacomo/Hawkins dies as Giacomo, he automatically loses.

[Mirth]

Nab:

You are the

Frontman

and you got the chicks. You don't even write any of the songs, just because you're the frontman, all the women want you. The bassist is out to get you. Lynch him first!

That is so not true. Everybody knows all the chicks flock to the drummer. (Though I'm partial to the guy-who-plays-some-random-instrument-like-accordian-or-cello)

[Mirth]

You are the

actual

Jester

. It's your job to make funny comments in thread. If anybody LOL's, ROFL's, ROFLMAO's, hahahaha's, or does a spit-take in response to one of your posts, you win!

I cannot help but answer:

Congratulations! You are

Giacomo

I cannot help but answer:

Congratulations! You were poor

Yorick

. Alas, Hamlet knew you.

That just shot over my head. What does Yorrick have to do with Danny Kaye? (also, I think Hamlet knew him *well* )

[Mirth]

You are a

Republican Senator

. Congratulations you have successfully obstructed more legislation in one year than any other session of Congress has in it's full two year term. If your vote is ever part of a lynch that goes through you will be mod-killed. You win if the town No Lynch's on any given day.

I'm tempted to respond with a not-nice role about Democrats, but I prefer to keep my politics in my pants.

Instead:

Congratulations! You are

Scuzzy

. That little ball/cat thing that Hexedecimal owns. You can't really do much. (You have no night actions, and are not allowed to vote. You're only allowed to speak in a computer language of your choice, that you have to clear with the mod first.) You win when you avoid being turned into a null by either one of Hex's insane moodswings, a game cube, or Megabyte.

[Mirth]

You are the

Labyrinth

Shahrazad.

That's what you meant, right?

Congratulations! You are

Scheherazade

(because I like this spelling better) and you just got married! Such a joyous occasion! Such a beautiful bride. Unfortunately, you married me, the mod. And I'm a misogynist. I have no qualms about killing you if you displease me. If you want to be a good wife (and stay alive), well, you have to make sure I'm happy. That means that when ever another one of my pesky subjects asks me for something, you should take care of it, if you plan on staying mistress of this house. If I have to do any work myself, other then writing night scenes (I like those, and besides you women are too inferior to write a quality night scene), you shall die. If you fail to keep me amused, you shall die. If I see that a majority of my subjects, at one time or another, want you dead, you shall die. (On my scorecard, votes for you are cumulative from one day to the next, and unvoting doesn't erase them. A good ruler needs a beloved queen, does he not?). If you try to curry favourtism among my subjects by claiming your role or role conditions, you shall die. If you fail to keep me entertained, you shall die. If you disappear from the thread for more than 2 days, you shall die. Oh, and have I mentioned that you're a

survivor

.

Mod note: this is a totally bastard-mod role that I might use in the future. If I feel like being less bastardy, I might make a few slight changes. This role is also contagious. If Scheherazade dies, a new player will be randomly assigned the role of Scheherazade, because what kind of sultan doesn't have a wife?

[Mirth]

You are the

Labyrinth

Shahrazad.

That's what you meant, right?

Congratulations! You are

Scheherazade

(because I like this spelling better) and you just got married! Such a joyous occasion! Such a beautiful bride. Unfortunately, you married me, the mod. And I'm a misogynist. I have no qualms about killing you if you displease me. If you want to be a good wife (and stay alive), well, you have to make sure I'm happy. That means that when ever another one of my pesky subjects asks me for something, you should take care of it, if you plan on staying mistress of this house. If I have to do any work myself, other then writing night scenes (I like those, and besides you women are too inferior to write a quality night scene), you shall die. If you fail to keep me amused, you shall die. If I see that a majority of my subjects, at one time or another, want you dead, you shall die. (On my scorecard, votes for you are cumulative from one day to the next, and unvoting doesn't erase them. A good ruler needs a beloved queen, does he not?). If you try to curry favourtism among my subjects by claiming your role or role conditions, you shall die. If you fail to keep me entertained, you shall die. If you disappear from the thread for more than 2 days, you shall die. Oh, and have I mentioned that you're a

survivor

.

Mod note: this is a totally bastard-mod role that I might use in the future. If I feel like being less bastardy, I might make a few slight changes. This role is also contagious. If Scheherazade dies, a new player will be randomly assigned the role of Scheherazade, because what kind of sultan doesn't have a wife?

ake sure to specify in original role pms who is a male and who is a female

It is specified. The role is female since the source character is female, regardless of the player's gender. (I'm also obviously not a misogynist, but I would like to be a bastard mod at some point ^_^)

[Mirth]

you are

people like sarcastro and mr. flay

general discussion can only be for the betterment of intellectual discussion, and nothing else, so you must post as such.

you don't ever win.

Must respond to this, while my internet is being reasonably nice to me.

Congratulations! You are

Mr. Flay

. You apparently like punning my name when you write my death scenes. You win when you manage to get a chuckle out of someone who doesn't like puns.

Nemesis: that is a beautiful bastard-mod role with all the bulletproof townies.

The big red button should convert the game into a Dr. Strangelove set up where there is not other possibility but a scorched earth scenerio.

[Mirth]

New internet connection is holding. Yay.

You are a pixie

You arn't sure why you are here or why you havn't flown away, but you have decided to help the town anyway. You must roleclaim in your first post. If anyone says they don't believe it, you will die.

What if we all clap our hands?

[Mirth]

Hmmm new net connection is still holding (yay!) though it is abyssmally slow. I seem to have missed all the translation talk, so here's my own little brand of evil:

English original:

Congratulations! You are the leader of the cult of Bacchus. You spend your days typing in slurred drunk-talk and your nights pming me the names of 3 people you would like to have an orgy with. If they decide to do naughty adult things with you, they will join your cult and help spread your STDs. You win when everyone has herpes.

to Korean using: http://babelfish.altavista.com/
then back to English

(now it says: Congratulation! The car which it spreads out su it is a leader of worship. Inside despising, it hits the hitter and your day which spreads out and it rolls up it talks and and the pming your night which will carry it spreads out and and and when it drinks freely and makes a noise and wants being name of the person of 3 people it sends. When them you and mischievous child adult day decide one thing, combining your worship and spreading out your STDs it is Dob l thing. All when being the lineup, it spreads out and it wins.)

then to French to Greek to English (still using Babelfish)

(now: Syghariti'rja! The car that extends xe'rte she is head of adoration. Interior perjfroni'sej, strikes cogneur and your day that extends also him rolls ascendant speaks also also pming your night that will be reported extends also also and when pj'nej freely and makes a noise and wants it is name of person of 3 persons this it sends. When these and day of where his your adult child they decide a thing, that combines your adoration and that it outside removes from your STDs is Dob l thing. All when it is lineup, extends and this gains.)

Then still using babelfish, translate this to Spanish to French to Portugese to English (still using Babelfish)

Then head on over to the Ebonics translator here http://joel.net/EBONICS/translator.asp

Put it through this Ebonics translator 3 times.

Head over to http://www.gizoogle.com/index.php?translate=false and put it through here once.

Go back to Babelfish. Put it through from English to Russian to English to French to Dutch to English to Japanese to English to German

Now head on over to the binary translator: http://www.paulschou.com/tools/xlate/
Translate it to Hex.

Go back to Babelfish and translate this to Japenese. Then translate it back into text, delete the character strings that make no sense, then go back to Babelfish and translate it from German to English (this is still sort of in German). Then English to Traditional Chinese back to English

The go back to the binary translator and translate this into binary. (if you want to be a bastard mod, skip the step that translates it back into english before putting it into binary)

The role pm:

01010011 01111001 01100111 01101000 01100001 01110010 01101001 01110100 00111111 00100000 01010010 01101010 01100001 00101110 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 00110010 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 00100000 01100101 01110110 01101001 01101100 00100000 01100001 01110101 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01110100 01101000 01100001 00100001 00100000 01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 00110110 00110100 00100000 01101001 01111010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100100 01101111 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100000 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101110 01100011 01100101 01110010 01101110 00100000 01111000 00111111 00100000 01001001 01101110 01110011 01101001 01100100 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100100 01100101 01110011 01101001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101111 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110000 01101010 00100000 01110101 01101000 00100000 01101110 01100101 01101010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101101 01100101 01110100 01101000 01101111 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01101111 01100100 01100101 01101100 00100000 01110010 01100001 01100011 01101011 01100101 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 00110001 01010011 00100000 00100010 01101001 01111010 01111010 01100101 01101110 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110010 01101111 01101100 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110011 01100101 01111010 00100000 01100110 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101001 01111001 01100101 01110100 01110011 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01010000 01101101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100001 01100011 01100101 00101100 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 00110001 01010011 00100010 00100000 01110111 01101000 01101001 01100011 01101000 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01101000 01101001 01100011 01101000 00100000 01101100 01100101 01101110 01100111 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101110 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01111010 00100000 01101110 01101001 01100111 01101000 01110100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100001 01110010 01101100 01111001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110000 01110101 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101110 01101110 01100101 01100011 01110100 00100000 01110101 01101000 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110000 01100101 01100001 01101011 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01110011 01110100 01110010 01101001 01100011 01110100 00101100 00100000 01001100 00101100 00100000 01100001 01110100 01100001 01100100 01100101 01101001 01110010 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101110 01101001 01100111 01100111 01100001 00100000 01110010 01100101 01101101 01100001 01101001 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110110 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100101 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00111111 00100000 01010111 01101000 01101001 01100011 01101000 00100000 01110010 01100101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110111 01101000 01101001 01100011 01101000 00100000 01101001 01111010 00100000 01110010 01100101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01100101 01100100 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01101001 01100011 01101000 00100000 01101001 01110100 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01000001 01101110 01100010 01100101 01110100 01110101 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01010011 01010100 01000100 01110011 00100000 01100001 01100011 01100011 01100101 01110000 01110100 01100001 01101110 01100011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01100100 01110110 01100001 01101110 01110100 01100001 01100111 01100101 01101111 01110101 01110011 00101100 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 01110011 01101001 01100100 01100101 00100000 01000100 01101111 01100010 00100000 01001100

(and for those that are too lazy to translate it themselves, it says:

Sygharit? Rja. The time 2 is I there fuckin evil author to mutha! What 64 iz this does ` concern x? Inside it the desire on the other hand pj uh nej this method your model racket tha1S "izzen and he is rolling sez fo niyets is Pming in the place, here 1S" which it is which lengthens the iz night and nearly does not pull out to this to connect uh to speak it to be strict, L, atadeiras the nigga remaining van dies there? Which related fou which iz related, that which its this Anbetung because the STDs acceptance is advantageous, outside Dob L)

Oh, and for the record, just to make this game more fun, have one person be some kind of eugenics sterelizer that makes it impossible for the cult leader to even get it up without viagra ^_^

[Mirth]

I know ^____^

I'm just slowly biding my time until I'm elligible for modding, and then...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Mirth]

~shakes fist at real life which has kept her annoying occupied~

Comments first:

Nemesis: nice scientology role, could be a bit more bastardly though. ^_^

You are

OJ Simpson

Everybody thinks you are a killer and you have no way to prove them wrong. You appear guilty in cop investigations, and upon death the town will be told that you were a serial killer. You have no vote during the day because nobody cares what you say. It only takes one vote to lynch you. You win if you survive.

This is wrong. We all know he did it. Quite obvious.

So I don't feel like spamming:

Congratulations! You are

Dima Bilan

, effeminate Russian pop star, and former Eurovision Song Contest runner-up. You have a decent singing voice, but, unfortunately, your songs really suck ("night hooligan"? please! I wrote better lyrics than that in pre-school!), you dance like a spastic monkey (almost as bad as Gackt), dress very badly, and have a mullet. Yes, an actual mullet. One of those things that even Macgyver could barely pull off (this is open for debate). Maybe it's childhood nostalgia on your part, but you really, really, really need a haircut. Unfortunately, like Samson, your power lies in your hair. If you were to ever get a haircut, it would ultimately lead to your death the next night. You win when you survive.

Mod note: The other players in this game are the Fab Five, the cast of What Not To Wear, Mark Montano, and Delilah. Apart from other normalish roles, they have forced nightchoices that include makeovers and haircuts.

Also, I have thought of the ultimate bastard mod set up. I will not share this, as I actually want to run it in the future. Now to get around to writing a non-bastard set up to get modding experience in the normal minis...i don't wanna...~whines~

[Mirth]

Congratulations! You are

Mirth on very close to zero sleep

. You crave brains. Brains and caffiene. You are only allowed to post in incoherent babble and disappear for random periods of time due to the exhaustion-induced narcolepsy setting in. Brains taste like cheese. You like cheese. Each night the mod will randomly roll two dice and send you a number. That number is the number of hours of sleep you got. If you get less than 4 hours of sleep 3 nights in a row, you die. You win when you have slept at least 8 hours 3 days in a row.

Bastard mod note: We all know that there's no such thing as that fabled 8 hours of sleep thing. So the dice are loaded so that 6 is the absolute maximum.

[Mirth]

Congratulations! You are a

Traffic Cop

. Your job is to stand around directing traffic and making sure that nobody violates any traffic laws. Each night you can do one of three things: 1) send me the name of someone that you think deserves a ticket for breaking the law, 2) send me the name of someone you want to pull over and book them for smuggling narcotics, or 3) let the little children cross the street. You win when the children can cross the street safely without your help.

Bastard mod note: This is a role for a game of Grand Theft Auto Mafia, or the like. This person has no investigative powers, despite being a cop. If they ticket a non-law-abiding citizen, that person will be told of the traffic cop's alignment and role (but the traffic cop will gain no information). The ticketed person will recieve a randomized post restriction as a result. If the traffic cop pulls someone over for drug smuggling, and that person is armed with either a gun or a knife, the traffic cop will die, and the person pulled over will get a randomized muting between 1 and 5 days. If the traffic cop picks option three and holds up the traffic to allow the brats to get to school, pending a dice roll by the mod, the traffic cop will die in a shoot out for ruining a gang's drug deal, be accused of pedophilia by an innocent in thread (and even drug dealing murderers don't like pedophiles), or be outed as a traffic cop by the mod in thread. The win condition, while viable, is unlikely, since there will be multiple mafia/gang factions, serial killers, and not that many innocent townies without powerroles. (If the game is won by townies, but not a single powerless townie is alive, then the traffic cop still loses)

[Mirth]

Actually, there is such thing as the 6 hour sleep thing so tbh. YOU FAILED. Anyway, it's called REM phase I think (Random Eye Movement). Something along those lines and has been proven, which leads me to question - Has brown noise been proven?

it's Rapid eye movement.

yeah...about that...R.E.M. has nothing to do with amount of total sleep other than proportion of R.E.M. sleep changes if you regularly sleep less. So even if it exists (and is essential for proper memory integratin and functional humans) its existence doesnt lower the need for sleep.

(And Nekka, go tell that 6 hour myth to my body which has had less than 4 yet again. There shall be a great desire for brains and i seem to be out of spagetti)

[Mirth]

REM has actually been shown to be the phase of sleep we need the most.

Yes, but, even so not sleeping regularly, regardless of how high the percentage of REM is in a reduced sleep schedule, not sleeping enough is still not good.

Example: couple of weeks of minimal sleep patterns = physical breakdown. (Well, to be fair, a night of no sleep right before probably also had something to do with it but still.) Thus not enough sleep is bad, regardless of REM percentage. QED

(For the record, I am aware of research on severe sleep deprevation, where a guy was only allowed 3 hours a day, and that was broken up into 30 minute intervals. His functioning was fine for the more than 100 or so days it lasted, but catnaps are a completely different story)

As for more than 8 hours of sleep = cancer, well, since I'm more likely than not getting cancer anyway (genes), id very much like to die happy and not exhausted beyond belief, regardless of correlation or causation. Seeing as how I'm below my 4 hour minimum this morning, I might actually trade away part of my life expectency for a few extra minutes. Just find me ne of those life-epectency-reduction machines as seen in Cout Rougen's lair, and find me a demon willing to make the deal ^_^

[Mirth]

Anyway Mirth, how many games do you have to mod before you can run the game you were talking about at the bottom of post 841?
-------------------

You are a role made up as an afterthought.

You could have been made up for numbers, to help someone seem like they wern't spamming or simply for the hell of it. As a result of this you arn't balanced and don't make sense. You cannot claim, fakeclaim or hint at your role because people won't believe you and you'll be mod killed. As you don't even fit into this game, you will be shown as a decultifier upon your death, despite there being no cult.

You are required to target someone each night but since you wern't given proper thought, it is unclear if it will even do anything. You win with the town.


Mod note: Targetting people will cult them, they will form a seperate cult with no knowledge of their cult leader.

Mod note #2: Also a miller.

Er...at least 1. But it has to be a non-bastard setup. and I frankly have racked my brain and can't think of any. because my brain doesn't work like that. (what fun is it for the mod if the players have some vague clue of what they're supposed to be doing? or a large chance of winning? really? I just want to sit back and watch you all suffer through crappy roles)

I'm thinking of just writing a half assed setup or something. Something like 4 mafia, 1 sk, 1 watcher, 1 cop. Make one of the scum a forced doctor such that he has to protect townies. Dont really know about balancing games that are actually supposed to be possible to win.

As for your role, isnt that kind of like the uncharismatic cult leader in in Worst Role Ever Mafia?

[Mirth]

Here's a seasonal one (since I'm almost out of my novelty M&Ms and need to drag my behind to Walgreens and get some more and am thus craving chocolate...only good thing about card-industry-created-non-holidays: ready availibility of candy that you can't find at other points of time in the year. Which is why I'm looking forward to easter.)

Congratulations! You are

a flying baby that shoots people

. Nevermind the fact that you're a bastardization of a mythological figure that has inspired some of the most wonderful works of art ever, or that your supposed power is akin to the sideeffects of Rohypnol and other date rapes drugs combined with a smidgen of brain washing, a couple of pinches of elimination of free will, and a sprinkle of "men are only playthings for you to amuse yourself with." We'll overlook all this for now. Since society decided that you are the ultimate match-maker, the ultimate matchmaker you shall be.

Everynight, you will send me the names of two people who you wish to shoot with your arrows. If your aim is true, they will fall in love with one another and all be happiness and bliss. You win when *every* player is a monogamous relationships with one other player, there is no unrequited love around, and no threats to this perfect harmony remain. No night actions work on you, but you may be lynched.

Bastard mod note: throw this role into a game where there are polygamous or cheating lovers. Or better yet, throw this role into a game of cynics who will be immune. Or cannibals that eat babies. (If you don't want to add this bit of bastardry, it is still impossible to Cupid to fulfill his win condition. Every player includes him, and since no night actions work on him, he can't have any success shooting himself.)

[Mirth]

Just a little question... Is it bad to use some of these roles in a game?

Well that depends. If you let the players know you're going to be a bastard, (and ask permission for any roles you intend to borrow if that is your actual question), then it's fine. If you have a game without telling them that their roles will totally suck, then you would be considered a bad horrible person and be kvetched about endlessly. If the players know what they're getting into, then feel free to go all out.



Nemesis: Cupid could theoretically win. But he doesn't know if his arrows worked. And a true bastard mod (oh, speaking of modding, I put myself on the Open waitlist, since I don't actually have to do anything but flavor for one of those. Might actually get to mod a bastard game before christmas. Yay.) would take every player to mean all dead players including Cupid himself. But even if that wasn't the case, he'd have to make sure to be the last person lynched, which might not work since by then all threats to the town *are* eliminated and the game might end. So it's not a solution to anything. Just another way to frustrate a player into hating you. Though the role could be modified to make less bastardy.

[Mirth]

I thought Undo was trying to make a sarcastic joke. I chuckled

Didn't his mother tell him that sarcasm usully fails on the interwebs.

[Mirth]

Congratulations! You are

Insomnia

! And while I may have been trying to drink you out of existance (damn you, liquor-resistant Russian genes! Damn you!) you just won't go away. Since you make my life all kinds of not fun, I won't be very functional as a mod until I manage to get rid of you. In a manner that hopefully doesn;t involve sleeping pills. You have a win condition, but I forgot what it was somewhere between hallucinating stars from not being able to sleep. You'll figure it out eventually.

Mod note: This role is a Switch. For the Mod. And a survivor. While this role is still alive, the mod's votecounts will be unrealiable and determined by dice rolling or some other systematized randomness. The mod will *not* correct mistaken vote counts, so it is the players' responsibiity to pay close attention and not accidently lynch someone, because even if the vote count is a result of inept modding, it is the word of god until a lynch or the next vote count occurs, nevermind what is actually happening in the game. (Accidental lynching is still possible if a player is unlucky enough to randomly get the requisite number of votes needed for a lynch.) Additionally, because of Insomnia, all the other players will recieve rather badly written PMs (possibly after being put through Babelfish in English-to-Korean-to-English). Oh, and there will be *no* nightphases while Insomnia is around. When Insomnia is killed off, the game will return to some semblance of normalcy.

I wonder if any of the above made sense? Because waking up at 2:30 and not being able to fall back to sleep on a saturday morning is making me see stuff.

[Mirth]

The Russian Roulette role would be less than a 50/50. Since most revolvers are 5 or 6 shooters, so by night 3 you have much less than a 50/50 chance if you live that long. Woud be fun to try though.

and so I don't feel like I'm spamming:

Congratulations! You are

an Alarm Clock

. Each night, whenever you choose, you must send the mod a PM that says "

Ring

". If you fail to do so you will be thrown out and replaced by a Clocky. You win if you complete the game intact.

Mod Note: This role is a sort of universal roleblocker, but does not know it. The night automatically ends after the Alarm Clock has rung. Any actions sent in after, even if only by a couple of seconds, are invalid. The Alarm Clock has a 50% chance of being smashed into a wall by each person it happens to interupt in their night action.

An overabundence of sleep dependent roles? Yup. Because the night sky is so lovely at 3 am.

[Mirth]

Congratulations! You are

a box of Belgian chocolates

. You are a survivor with no unique powers. You must roleclaim the first time anyone votes you.

Bastard mod note: Other players in this game include Kid in a Candy Store, Women on PMS, Hypoglycemics, Man in Search of a Valentine's Day Gift for his Girlfriend who is Pissed Off at him, Gourmet Chef Missing Ingredients for his World Famous Chocolate Mousse, Teenage Girl After a Breakup, Diabetic That Hasn't Eaten Anything Yet Today, Garfield the Cat, and Mirth. They all have one shot dayvig abilities, but only on the box of Chocolate, wherein they type

Eat:player

.

As you can tell I'm holding off until Friday to buy more candy because it will be all cheap then and going into withdrawl. (Can't wait til Easter...I crave Peeps...)

[Mirth]

Hypoglycemics,...Diabetic That Hasn't Eaten Anything Yet Today,

There isn't much of a difference.

To be fair, I'm exhausted. That and the Diabetic would go into diabetic shock after eating the chocolate because thats too much sugar.

[Mirth]

A Rube Goldberg-esque setup that I might modify and use at some point in the future:

Congratulations! You are a

Cop,

but since its dark at night when all the crimes happen you can't see anything. You can send me the name of a player you want to investigate, but I can't guarentee that you remembered to put batteries in your flashlight, so I may or may not give you a result.


Congratulations! You are

an on switch on a flash light.

You can choose to be on or off every night.

Etc. For the following roles:
Light Bulb (choice of filliment, where one works)
Circuit (complete/incomplete)
Battery (choice of brands, where only one works)
who all affect each other in succession in regards to the cop being being able to investigate.

Congratulations! You are

a member of the Municiple Budgeting Board.

Each night you must send me a vote whether you want to fund the Police Department or the local Medical School.

(Mod note: There are at least 7 boardmembers. Decision is made by majority vote. None of them know how many other councillers there are. They cannot talk to each other. If they try to direct the vote in game, the mod will suspend the council for the night and flip a coin. If they vote Police Department, then the police gets new batteries. If they choose Medical, resident and coroner get funding. If the police get funding, resident gets a overall chance of killing the patient. Coroner does not get equiptment.)

Congratuations! You are a doctor. Well no, you're actually a

resident.

It's been days since you've slept. Maybe you should drink some coffee. But coffee makes you jittery. So you might mess up your operation. Each night, send me two choices. One for the name of the person you want to operate on, and tell me how you want your coffee, or if you want it at all.

(Mod note: resident starts with a 50% chance of passing out before he gets to the patient, if he gets to the patient, he has a 20% chance of falling asleep during the operation and failing, a 20% chance of not having learned how to cure the wound if there is one and failing, and a 20% chance of killing the patient. milk/creamer in the coffee makes the resident sleepy, increasing his chance of falling asleep by 5%. Sugar makes him 5% more likely to screw up (both kill and not kill patient), deciding to have coffee at all, makes him 5% less likely to fall asleep, but 5% more likely to screw up.)

Congratulations! you are the

hospital cafeteria lady

. You can decide to make the coffee decaf or not each night.

(Mod note: blocks the resident's ability to talk during the day due to exhaustion.)

Congratulations! you are the

coroner

. If there are dead bodies around, each night you get to investigate them. But you need all that fancy equiptment. I hope it works.

Corner's Rube Goldberg:
CSI investigator (fingerprints or sleep with your coworkers. they dont get fingerprint results, dont know they dont, and sleeping with coworker = alibi confirmed by person they sleep with)
ballistics tester (blood splatter patterns which give the corner results but not the tester, or ballistics gel, which fails. also doesnt know what happens.)
tech support (for county computers. play pong or do maintanance, dont know what to do)

(Coroner gets all results iff tech support works *and* board votes medical.)

Too tired to do the rube goldberg for the mafia now.

[Mirth]

Cong-- no wait, sorry! You're

Britney Spears

. 'Nuff said.

Good luck?

In response to the celebrity bashing:

Congratulations! You are

Tom Cruise

. You are not allowed to talk about mafia at all, but only attempt to convert these infidels to the one true religion. You win when everyone else on the site takes up Scientology.

(Mod Note: I don't know about you guys, but I'm a pretty die hard Empiriobjectidarwisnst.)

[Mirth]

Sadly I am not allowed to moderate until the 14 of April, but hey I am allowed to dream of confusing town, because much as pie7 can be fun as town it isn't very fair, so it is more well I have won, but odds were we would.

Do not mock me, damnit! (I wonder...has the open queue been updated at all in the past couple of weeks?)

Like a doc that knows who the cop is but cannot communicate with them and has to claim doc within 48 hours after the true cop claims. You still have both power roles but the doc is handicapped slightly.

Unless the doc's handicapped so as not to be able to protect the cop, or to be a death miller or something, this is broken in a bad way. The doctor's role doesnt suck at all.


And so I don't feel like I'm spamming, and was just in GD:

Congratulations! You are

a Bond girl

. You have to seduce James Bond. Each night, you must send the mod a scenerio of how you intend to seduce him. The mod will pass this scenerio along to the appropriate player. If that he agrees to go to bed with you, you have won regardless of what else happens. Hint: maybe you should check the newspaper for some dating ideas...

Mod Note: Bond girl's target is asexual and/or celebate and/or Catholic clergy (Since they only go for small boys). James Bond does not actually exist in this game. Each day the mod will post fabricated dating ads for 3 random players in the game. If the Bond girl doesn't refer to them, she will be postbanned for the day ^_^ The dating ads will serve the bastard mod purpose of breaking the game by outting roles.

[Mirth]

You are a

Dreamer

, a man of unique insight and perception. Each night you have strange, prophetic visions of things to come - of seven fat cows and seven thin cows, that sort of thing. Perhaps if you concentrate on a specific player, you could glean directed insights.... well, if only you understood the dreams.

Each night you may choose a player, and you will receive a dream vision about them. If there is someone in the town who can understand these dreams, then between you, you could discover all sorts of interesting truths!

Mod note - there

isn't

a dream decoder.

Better yet, let the dream decoder = Freud, so that everything the cream decoder says is an attempt to psychoanalyze the dreamer and help him resolve his Oedipa confict.

[Mirth]

I'd call that I can't type after a night of not sleeping

[Mirth]

EBWOP:

I'd call that I can't type after a night of not sleeping

Uh huh.

Yes, Glork. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Well the story goes that Freud *did* say that.

[Mirth]

You are an

Anarchist

. You don't listen to no rules. Therefore, you have your own rulesset.

The Rules:

1: This is a game. Having fun is a requirement.
2:

Please bold your votes. For example, Vote: RandomPerson. Votes that are not bolded will not be counted

.
3:

If you wish to change your vote, bold an unvote for the player you were voting and vote for the new player you are going to be voting. For example, Unvote: RandomPerson, Vote: ScummyPerson. If you do not unvote in this format, your vote will not be counted.

4:

Lynching will require a majority of the votes. You may Vote: No Lynch to decide to not lynch someone on a given day. No-lynching also requires a majority of the votes. Once a lynch is decided, the decision is final. Feel free to continue posting until the thread is locked, but unvoting before I check the thread will not prevent the player from being lynched.

Your lynch threshold is the original lynch threshold -1. You may not vote no lynch. If you unvote after a majority is reached before I declare the game twilight, the person you unvoted will not be lynched.
5:

If you get lynched or killed, you are dead. Post nothing; not even a “Bah!” post.

You may give as much information as you want in your final post.
6: Any questions, concerns, desires for me to prod, whatever PM me.
7:

Never quote anything that I PM to you.

8: Treat this game as a commitment and be considerate of me and your fellow players.
9:

No small or invisible text, editing of your posts, etc.

10:

Do not discuss this game outside the thread at any time, except if your role specifically allows you to do so.

11: You must confirm your role to me by PM.
12:

If you do not post for 3 days without notifying me that you will be away, you will be prodded. Not posting within 48 hours of the prod or getting prodded more than 3 times may result in replacement.

13: Each day will have an automatic deadline of 4 weeks. I may extend it in very special circumstances.
14:

If a majority is not reached by deadline, the person with the highest number of votes will be lynched. In the case of a tie, the first person to reach that number of votes will be lynched.

If a majority is not reached by the deadline, you will be the lynch for the day instead.
15:

Red is my colour. Don't use it.

Use as much red as possible. And use bold as much as possible. The best would be a combination of red, or, in other words, bold red.
16: If any other player comes with a plan, you

must

do exactly the opposite of that. If you're massclaiming, you are not allowed to claim. If someone

doesn't

want you to claim, you must claim, etc. etc. etc.

You win when you're the sole survivor.

But wouldn't the role automatically disregard even those rules? So technically he can do whatever he wants.

(Also this is a role I wouldn't want to be in a game with. See my usual status on mass claims.)


And so I don't feel like spamming (it's been a while since I contributed anything truely twisted. I feel like I need to live up to my title...):


Congratulations! You are

God

. You are all powerful and can do whatever you want in thread and during night actions. None of the rules apply to you and you are capabe of using any power you want. You cannot be killed by lynches, vigs, SKs, mafia, bombers, etc. Since you're the alpha and the omega, you've already won.

Bastard Mod Note: I am an atheist, and this role is written for atheist mods, otherwise it wouldn't really work. This role does not exist. If player disobeys game rules, he shall be modkilled. If player votes, daykills, sends in night actions, they shall be ignored. If three people say they don't believe in god, player will cease to exist (die). Otherwise the player really can't die being a nonentity. This does not matter as player's real win condition is to survive modwrath and atheism until end game with town with a bit of a twist. If town wins, Mod will then ask all surviving members if they believe in a diety. If even one person says "no" God still loses.

[Mirth]

You are a

Reasonable Townsperson

. You tried to tell everybody that daily lynch mobs would deplete the population. You tried to tell them the execution platform would scare away tourism, but nobody listened. You refuse to participate in the same barbaric violence as the rest of the town and can only vote "No Lynch".

You win if the game ends with fewer than 3 lynches.

Soooo definately not a character from Maurice Ogden's "The Hangman"...

[Mirth]

You are Rick Astley, you win if you can get someone to admit to clicking on a link that goes to one of your videos that was suppose to be something else... roflcopterz.

Not to hard. Just put them in a game with me. (Though I really dont understand why people keep linking that song...its not like its *that* horrible.)

[Mirth]

You are Rick Astley, you win if you can get someone to admit to clicking on a link that goes to one of your videos that was suppose to be something else... roflcopterz.

Not to hard. Just put them in a game with me. (Though I really dont understand why people keep linking that song...its not like its *that* horrible.)

I didn't link to "Never gonna give you up" . (You're curious now bwahaha, is it really another song, or am i just saying that to get you to click the link! <evil cackle>...<cough>)

(I did click it. It sounds like he just recycles the instrumental tracks from one song to another, so there really isnt a difference)

[Mirth]

You are a

Hot, White, Teenage Girl

Every night you MUST pm me with the following:
a) what you're wearing
b) what you would do to me if I were bad

You win when you give me your phone number.

I can't decide between which bit of snark to post here. It's a toss up between a "what are you, racist?" crack and something mean about how that pretty much excludes all denizens of the interwebs...lets go with [insert snark here].

I don't suppose that player would win if they PMed you 867-5309, or another other number without an area code?

and so this doesn't feel like spam (and because I really dont want to get back to working):

Congratulations! You are

Stanley Corngold

, leading Kafka scholar and a man who has devoted 13 years of you life to just studying "the Metamorphosis" alone...huh? Your win condition? I suppose if you manage to convince me you're doing valuable work and/or have a life, I'll let you win.

[Mirth]

Me being attracted to white females makes me a racist?

Well, yes, preferring White females does mean that you're racist, to a point. That's sort of tautological, but seriously off-topic.

Disagree, at least by the common interpretation of the word "racist" - when it comes to matters such as attraction, these are not judged based on reason or objective merit. But, as you said, seriously off-topic.

Note how my final comment on that was [insert snark here]. Don't particularly care about your preferences (could have gone the homophobe route there too actually), just being my usual difficult self ^_^

[Mirth]

Congratulations! You are

a crazy cat lady

. You live with your 11 cats and you haven't left your apartment in years. You win when you can convince every player in the thread to adopt one of your surplus kittens and give them a good home.

Mod Note: at least one of the players is allergic. Another is Stephen Lynch...

[Mirth]

Been a while since I posted in here. Brain's been too drained to think of anything really bastardly. But....



Congratulations! You are a

Mental Health Professional

! Every night, each player will pm you writing about their problems and you have to treat them so that they are no longer a threat to either society or themselves. You win if everybody, including yourself, survives.

Mod note: Since this is a losing role no matter how you look at it, why not make it more bastardly by having one of his patients be

an emo kid writing bad poetry

or

a severely disturbed sadistic psychopath with a preference for necrobeastiality and sharing all of his exploits in grossly vivid detail

. These two players would have win conditions where apart from normal mafia rules, they can also win by getting the MHP player to get replaced at least 3 times.