Planet Earth Rankdown (Round 7)

[pablito]

oh ok /in

[pablito]

Wait, wait. Let me join this bandwagon.

192. Andorra

These people are freaks. Andorians are polygamists.

Spoiler:

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/unvote

Since Andorra was already lynched I s'pose.

[pablito]

Nice cut, Monaco.

192. Djibouti

In honor of AlexASS winning. Size does matter here.

Spoiler:

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San Marino has done a lot to advance the careers of Jim Carrey and autism research. A true philanthropic nation at heart.

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182. Togo

So the reason why this country needs to be cut is because I've worked at Chili's before. And Togo was the worst station to be at. You have to be responsible for the cash register, and answering the phones all while only getting 2 tables instead of the regular 3. You have to prep all the Togo bags with silverware, and every single moment there's another phone call. Then someone stops by the restaurant, and you can't even walk your food or greet a table, there's another lazy sweatpants wearing schlub who wants chips and salsa to go, along with a Taco Salad, but with extra avocado, but no I will not pay extra for the avocado, can I just get guacamole - oh wait, you charge for that too, what kind of place is this - why can't you just make my salad the way I want and deserve because this is America goddamnit? Plus Togo never tips. Also humans rights violations by their military who they call FAT (Forces armées togolaises). Stop eating all those Chicken Crispers they say, Boneless Buffalo Wings aren't good for your health they say. And say no to the Chicken Fajitas with the signature sizzle. How can you say no? Today I say no.

[pablito]

#178. Georgia

First off, you are preventing us from being able to cut South Ossetia and Abkhazia, so that's already several points against you. That means part of you is in cahoots with Putin, who is Trump's new secret lover. So congrats on being the jilted lover right now who pines for the man who upgraded and bought himself a top shelf ho. But Georgia represents racism at so many different levels, so I think it's okay to cut you here. Just look at that segregation in your video. I mean, of all sports at the Summer Olympic games, your best outing is in awkward group dancing, pickup-truck driving, singing about your bassett hound, clogging, and competitive peach eating? Also you're letting Putin give 16 electoral votes to Trump, so there's that too.

[pablito]

Palau was my favorite season of Earth.

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166. Niger

NSFW video (language, violence)

Spoiler:

Damn, boy, you said what now? You think you can come in here all and try to frontin' and be one of us? You really gonna mother effing gonna get all up in this on

a day like this

the most holiest of days? If this is a racism contest, then you won, son. No one's gonna top this. Now get yourself back to school and learn yourself some manners. A country like you, better damn well learn how to use the soft voiced affricative G instead of a loud guttural G or else you gonna get your face smacked up now. And while you're at it, Niger, you better get your act together, because you all up rapin' and killin' and stealin' every damn day.

[pablito]

Thanks Monaco.

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155. Uganda

Aside from being a pun to serve in a Chelsea Handler book, Uganda falsely represents the efforts of someone we should never forget. You remember Jason Russell? He's a notorious filmmaker who created a charity to deride and shame the efforts of a powerful Ugandan man. Jason is a California bro who is probably best remembered for being naked in youtube and vandalizing cars. He's not going to be remembered for his name or his charity or philanthropic efforts to help Ugandans. Mr. Jason Russell is going to be remembered for making Joseph Kony be a household name during a sharp increase of google searches for KONY 2012 in the year 2012. The film was Invisible Children. Now that we're in 2017, can you even say that you remember KONY 2012 or how intense of a phenomenon it became? Does anyone even remember who Kony is? Perhaps the financial reports about Jason Russell's efforts destroyed KONY 2012, because in reality, where did all that money go? Mr. Joseph Kony had already escaped Uganda and was still evading police by the time that the viral video reached its nadir. So what was it all for?

...and in the end, Joseph Kony still roams free despite all your friends donating a few pocketfuls of change to buy a commemorative KONY 2012 silicon wristband.

[pablito]

145. Nicaragua

Nicaragua was my least favorite season of Earth.

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137. Mauritius.

In France, it's the republic of Maurice. Send the old man to the looney bin. Why does he get his own country? Look at his crazy daughter. She dares to have a huge fivehead in her barbie doll form!