The Bachelor Bots - All over - who won?

[pablito]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you bachelor Nick Viall! He’s on the search for love again with 18 viable partners! Also, because this is mafiascum, Nick is now pansexual and will screw anything and everything as long as it comes with a Fantasy Suite date. Should you choose to enter the fray, be sure to program your robot to compete for Nick’s love. Honestly, some of these characters on the show are really just lovebots, spewing out the same phrases and doing the same things just to get a few more moments than the 15 minutes of fame, so the theme applies!

The goal of this game, just like the television show The Bachelor, is to woo the bachelor and earn a rose during every round. If you are given a rose, you go onto the next round! If you fail to earn a rose, you will be eliminated and then go home to cry and eat four pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream with your fingers. Each contestant will also have a salacious secret which can be revealed to change their fate. Will you be the Corinne for revealing you have a Raquel? Will a pregnancy scare lose the rose, or will it make a contestant earn the rose?

Each round may consist of three different types of dates: 1-on-1 date, 2-on-1 date, group date. Each contestant will go on exactly one date per round. During the 1-on-1 date, if you prove to be desirable enough, you will earn a rose. If not, you will be eliminated. During the 2-on-1 date, there is only one rose and two contestants trying to earn it. On the group date, roses will be given to multiple contestants and one or two will be eliminated depending on how the 1-on-1 date goes. If you are the last one standing, you will earn the bachelor’s final rose and he will propose to you.

Because Nick is mostly a robot himself, he can be run with various programs to determine who will earn a rose, and subsequently, who will be eliminated. Also because Nick is not smart enough to create his own programs, each of you, as contestants, will make the programs. Each date will be controlled by a puppetmaster, who will run the program for that specific date. To become the puppetmaster, you need to have the highest stat that the date requires. The contestants invited to be on the date will be the ones who have the next highest stat that the date requires. (IE: In big brother bots terms - If you had the highest endurance for the two-on-two date, then you would nominate the next two highest with endurance and then run your program to decide which of them would be saved and the other is eliminated).

Players:
1. Preggobot
2. grumpy - grumpy's ex
------------------------
3. ForWhomTheJellyRolls - SwiftBot
4. Snakes - Meticulous Bot
5. Platinum Corinne
6. Drench - Kcin Kee
7. JerryArr - AverageBot
8. Save the Dragons - Notta Balloonwithafaceonit
9. Whitney who?
10. DLo
11. JerryArr - RatingsBot
12. Ryan Gosling
13. Beyoncebot
14. Aronis - Aurra Sing
15. pablito - Chris Harrison
16. Sassy pants Bot
17. Jasmine G
18. Token Exotic Beauty

[pablito]

To participate in this game, you will need to complete the following stats for your profile.

Name:
Picture URL: *optional
Job:
Hometown:
Catch phrase:
What secret does your robot have?

You must also split 400 points amongst the 5 different stats. You cannot make any of the stats 0, and all stats must have a different number. Each stat presents as a spectrum, the first one listed is the primary stat, the second one listed is the secondary stat. The higher the number, the more it will fulfill the first stat; the lower the number of points, the better the secondary (unsavory) stat in the spectrum. Sometimes it helps to be a bit flawed, so some dates will require the secondary stat instead of the primary stat.

Stats (400 total)
(Sexy←Pushy) Sexy Fantasy Suite vs Man Stealer
(Fit←Drunk) Athletic Nude Model vs “Im nt drunk, trrussss me ur drnk. WHO IS SHE?”
(Exotic←Baggage) Exotic Traveller vs Baggage Claim Rider
(Social←Awkward) Dolphin Lover (with adorable squealing) vs. Loner (with irritating laugh)
(Classy←Crassy) Classy Royalty vs. Trash Bag Couture

Rules:

Puppetmaster - For each type of date each round, there will be one player who earns the position of puppetmaster. The puppetmaster tries as hard as possible to get inside the bachelor’s ear (however you want to interpret that). Players often talk off the bachelor’s ear to try to get him to eliminate their rivals. As such, the person who is the puppetmaster for that specific date will then be able to run their program to determine who will earn a rose during that date, and as such who will be eliminated (if applicable). Earning puppetmaster will be based on which specific stat that the date requires. Typically the puppetmaster for 1-on-1 or 2-on-1 dates will not participate in that date. Can earn more than one puppetmaster each round.

Secret Revealing - Each contestant has a secret within their arsenal that can be used only once. However, secrets can go either way, they can either benefit a contestant or doom them. Secrets cannot be revealed if a contestant is on a 1-on-1 date. When a secret is revealed, the contestant will be bumped one spot. For example, in a 2-on-1 date, if the contestant was meant to be eliminated, a revealed secret will switch everything around and the contestant will then win the rose. However, if the contestant was meant to earn a rose, the revealed secret will switch it to where the contestant will be eliminated and not receive a rose. In group dates, if a contestant was the last one to earn a rose, they will then be eliminated; if they were to not earn a rose, they will be eliminated. If in the group date, the contestant was one of the first to earn a rose, this will not change the outcome. Multiple secrets can be used in a date.

The Corinne (Gossip Target) - Contestants love to gossip about each other because this is a reality show, and gossiping about each other is part of the contestant application. Each contestant is allowed to write a program to determine who will be the Corinne for the round. Being the Gossip target for the majority of contestants for the round will be a statistic that can be referenced in programs.
Programs - Programs must determine who receives a rose and cannot be formatted to specifically eliminate a bot by name. The program for the 1-on-1 date is special and is only applied to one player. As such, the program must qualify for at least 67% of the remaining players or otherwise a rose is automatically given to the contestant. (ie: formula that states “give a rose only to Beyoncebot” would not qualify as a valid program for the 1-on-1 date.

Programs must answer the below:

• When/if to Reveal Secret to Bachelor
• Gossip target of each round
• Puppetmaster 1 on 1
• Puppetmaster 2 on 1
• Puppetmaster Group

Each round - 3 FORMATS
1-on-1 date (only until F9): Highest in stat is puppetmaster, next highest goes on the 1-on-1 date.
2-on-1 (only until F5): Highest in stat is puppetmaster, next two highest go on 2-on-1 date.
Group Date: Highest in stat is puppetmaster, all remaining contestants go on group date.

If tie for picking a 1-on-1 or 2-on-1 date, then the one who has waited longer for a date will be picked. Otherwise randomized.

Below is a list stating the stat to earn puppetmaster in each of the dates.


Here are some sample program/submissions:

Spoiler:

NAME: Sassypants Bot
Sexy 35
Playful 50
Exotic 70
Social 100
Classy 145

[Secret]
Reveal secret during first time that I become the Gossip Target for an episode. Do not use otherwise.

[Gossip Target]
In round 1 target bot with highest Exotic and say “She’s not white, why isn’t she white, and her name is not Danielle or Madison, or Ashlyn. This is all wrong.”
In round 2 target bot with highest Sexy and say “PIT WHORE VIPAH.”
In future rounds target any bot that has eliminated Beyoncebot or if none apply, then start dancing to Formation and then target any bot that has won most roses in 1-on-1 and 2-on-1 dates. If there is a tie, choose randomly between tied bots.

[1-on-1]
If bot on date has lowest Sexy or Fit stat of all remaining bots, then give rose. If does not apply, then as long as bot has more than 69 points separating highest and lowest stat, then give rose.

[2-on-1]
If one of bots has given a rose to Sassypants Bot, activate BFF4EVER PROTOCOL. If not, activate NORMAL PROTOCOL.

NORMAL PROTOCOL: Give rose to the bot that Gossip Target the most. If there is a tie or neither was a gossip target, give rose to the bot who most recently won puppetmaster. If cannot resolve tie, randomize the rose ceremony.

BFF4EVER PROTOCOL: Give rose to bot who has won puppetmaster during a rose ceremony when Sassypants bot received a rose. If there is a tie, follow NORMAL PROTOCOL.


[Group]
Start with step 1, continue giving roses until final step is reached. If more roses should be given than steps listed, then randomize amongst remaining. Order of rose ceremony determined by steps listed below.
1. Give rose to Sassypantsbot.
2. Give rose to any bot who gave Sassypantsbot a rose during 1-on-1 or 2-on-1 date.
3. Give rose to highest Fit bot.
4. Give rose to any bot who has not been puppetmaster for any date.
5. Give rose to any bot who has revealed secret already.

Spoiler:

NAME: Preggobot
Sexy 230
Playful 63
Exotic 55
Social 31
Classy 21

[Secret]
Reveal secret when Preggobot reaches 4 months post-mcDonald’s bathroom pregnancy test that was bought from the dollar store. In game terms, this would be during Round 3.

[Gossip Target]
Will choose either the player who won the last 1-on-1 or 2-on-1 date. If it is the first round, choose at random. Between eligible players from above, choose the one who has earned first rose in a group date, if none, then second rose in a group date, if none, then third rose in a group date...etc until final rose in a group date. If there is still a tie, select whoever has highest stat that will become next “in his ear” for next 2-on-1 date.

[1-on-1]
Give rose if player has participated in fewer than two 2-on-1 dates. If not, NO ROSE FOR YOU.

[2-on-1]
Give rose to player who first meets the criterion, if no player meets criterion, go to next step:
1) Give rose to the bot that was the gossip target more frequently. If tied or neither were gossip target, see 2.
2) Give rose to the bot that survived most 2 on 1 dates. If tied or neither have been on a 2-on-1 date, see 3.
3) Give rose to the bot that has the highest Sexy stat.
4) Give rose to the bot that has the highest Fit stat.
5) Give rose to the bot that has the highest Classy stat.

[Group]
Any bot who earns more than 99 V-Points, that bot earns a rose, give remaining roses in randomized order
1) If a bot has been Gossip target, that bot receives 100 V-Points
2) If a bot has received a rose after revealing a secret, give 58 V-Points
3) If a bot has a lower Sexy Stat than Preggobot, that bot receives 20 V-Points
4) If a bot has won Puppetmaster and did not give a rose to Sassypantsbot, that bot receives 72 V-points
5) If a bot has higher Classy Stat than Sassypantsbot, that bot receives 36 V-Points
6) If a bot has impregnated Preggobot, that bot loses 9999 V-Points

Spoiler:

Beyoncebot
Sexy 160
Playful 5
Exotic 180
Social 15
Classy 40

[Secret]
Beyonce has no secrets.

[Gossip Target]
Start with step 1, if the criterion does not meet, see the step directly below it:
1. Place all remaining players in the selection pool. Remove players as based on the below steps until only 1 remains.
2. Remove Sassypantsbot from selection pool.
3. Remove Drunkbot if Drunkbot has earned puppetmaster.
4. Remove BotBot from selection pool only if BotBot gave a rose to Beyoncebot.
5. Remove any bot who received second to last rose in a group date.
4. Remove any bot for whom all three stats are of Classy, Fit and Exotic are individually between 43-53.
5. Randomize from remaining.

[1-on-1]
Give rose if bot has lower Sexy, Classy, and Social stats than Beyoncebot.

[2-on-1]

Start with step 1, if the criterion does not meet or if values are tied, continue to the step directly below it (unless otherwise noted):
1. Give rose to Solangebot. Give shade to Michelle Williamsbot.
2. If only ONE of the following bots of Kanyebot, Drunkbot, or Kardashbot is at the date, then give rose to Kanyebot, Drunkbot, or Kardashbot.
4. Give rose to any bot who has given a rose to either Beyoncebot or Solangebot.
5. If it is round 1, give rose to the bot with the highest Exotic value. If tied, randomize between the tied values.
6. If it is round 4, give rose to the bot with the highest Fit value. If tied, give rose to highest Classy value.
7. Give rose to bot that has been puppetmaster fewest number of times.
8. Randomize rose.

[Group]
Randomize roses, because Beyoncebot loves you all.

[pablito]

To in, please PM me. You can also /in here if you really want. Communication prior to game start is allowed. Just be aware that anyone who knows your robot's real name can then add it into their programs.

[pablito]

Omfg 2 on 1 dates amirite?

Adding the three sample bots to the mix now to make it easier to get to the magic number.

Players are free to submit a second bot as well.

[pablito]

Still need 5 more bots to run it.

[pablito]

Uhhh...going to run this Saturday night now, so please get in those bots (even as rudimentary as the formulas may be) in the next day.

[pablito]

Deadline about 10pm EST. Then I'll tabulate the first round sometime tonight and write the episode.

[pablito]

Welcome to the Bachelor!

Typically the show is about several ladies trying to find ways to feel okay with being a Sister Wife of some sort, by sharing a future husband. Because sharing saliva with a man who is also sharing saliva with 17 other ladies sounds like the best vacation

ever

. Well, this isn't the typical The Bachelor. Instead, we have a wooden, sad-sack, lovable loser Nick Viall going at his fourth time for love. Nick has returned for one last season to find his true love by completing his dance card (also to play VD bingo!). Will one of these bachelor bots be Nick's true love? (spoiler alert: no, he's incapable of hearing anyone tell him that they love him.)

The 18 contestants are waiting in their limos, ready to provide their first impression to Nick. Let's meet the first 9 now.




First up, is Beyoncebot. Beyoncebot is currently in the "global icon" industry as a small-business entrepreneur and she hails from "Why you even asking, boo, everyone knows where I'm from...heaven." She enjoys being a r.obbed g.oddess and hanging out with her BFF Adele. She's hoping that she can make a great first impression with Nick by asking the ever-important question "Why do female robots need breasts?" Now if she can't get Nick's attention there, I'm not sure what else she can do.



Next up is Swiftbot. Swiftbot is also currently in the "global icon" industry as a music catalog protester. She's originally from NYC and wonders every day why "Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate." She enjoys hanging out with her BFF Kanye and building upon her squad. She's hoping to make an impression by showing Nick all of her awards that she rightfully won, and no one will ever contest, because it's so clear that she's the most iconic artist ever in the world, and therefore she's allowed to prevent her music from being sold based on her ethics codes. Nick really cares about these things; she's fairly certain he would take up the fight with her.



Next up is Averagebot. Averagebot felt that having the most normal robot costume would make the best first impression. Averagebot comes from Normal, Illinois and would love for everyone to show Nick the way to Normal. Averagebot is definitely Next to Normal. Averagebot is clearly what Nick is looking for. Being an accountant helps Averagebot too, since pretty much everyone in this forum is an accountant. Sexy.



Whitney? I think her name is Whitney? She's a contestant too or something.



Hey babe. Ryan here. Finding yourself on television and trying to understand what love has in store for you, that's honourable. You gotta find yourself, and I'm here to support you. So Nick, you're my boo, I want you to know that, and I think we'd be a great match. I hope we can go on a date where we feed each other cereal.



Meticulous Bot has no feelings. Maybe has feelings. Cannot wrinkle facial lines, but will use pearl cream for youthful skin and television executive mesmerizing. Meticulous Bot will ensure you will not leave your keys at home. But first, other contestants.



Next out of the limo is DLo. She's a small business owner who's in love with Howie Dorough from the Backstreet Boys. She's hoping that Nick can grow a kick-ass goatee like that. DLo's a good dancer. She got booty.



Penultimately, Notta rises out of the limo. Notta Balloonwithafaceonit is elated to be here. Notta comes from the Mile High City and serves the public as a pilot. There are whispers from the other contestants though that Notta is full of hot air and thinks too highly of themself. Only time will tell what Nick thinks of Notta though!



And finally is grumpy's ex. grumpy's ex is a career destroyer bent on destroying everything that grumpy ever touches. She hails from medevac island and clearly is not wife-material. She's so superficial that she made Dawn take out her teeth. grumpy's ex is still better than Lisa Welchel and her cat, but still, that's not by much, because grumpy hates them all, and if he hates them all, then that must mean that Nick would like them, because Nick is trash, and grumpy is the best, so if grumpy's ex wants Nick, then dammit, they deserve each other and they both don't deserve to exist, right. FMK huh.

Stay tuned for the remainder of episode 1 and the other half of the contestants.

[pablito]

And out of the rest of the limos come the rest of the forgettable contestants.

jk.

The next contestant is very not forgettable.



In the first twist of the night, the next contestant is the host of The Bachelor himself Chris Harrison! Obvs Chris stares at the bachelors every single season, and is their BFF while they talk about manly man feelings, so this should not be a surprise.



The next contestant to come out of the limo is the Token Exotic Beauty. Coming from Tonga and also your wet dreams, Token Exotic Beauty is here in the contestant mostly so that the Mish Mash community will actually look at this mish mash game, because so few people actually entered. Look at the hot guy. Stay for the fun.



Also coming out of the limo, Preggobot. Maybe she got pregnant at the sight of Token Exotic Beauty, or maybe she got pregnant because of her genes. Either way, she's after Nick's heart and his sperm.



Next on scene is Aurra Sing, a Bounty Hunter from Nar Shaddaa. Does she have her target set on hunting Nick's heart? "I will drink your fear and spill your blood and my hate will scar the galaxy!"



Jasmine G, professional bachelor contestant, is a huge choking fetishist, and can't wait to choke Nick, but not in a violent way, because she's so falling for Nick and can see a future with him. But y'know, hasn't a girl ever choked you in a sexual way Nick? Because that's what I want to do with you. *awkward evil cackle*



Ratingsbot, just wants to please you, the audience, and she has been designed to ensure that you love this show. She also moonlights as a holo-television writer for Westworld. She'll do anything for the ratings!



Next out of their limo is Sassypantsbot. Because here a lot of people like wearing their sassypants.



Our next contestant is the prolific Platinum Corinne. Guaranteed to jump on top of Nick at any given moment, Corinne is here to win a man so that her nanny Raquel can have a break and Nick can be her man-servant. Corinne knows how to win a man, she's got a heart of gold, but she's platinum where it counts.



And our final contestant is Kcin Kee, a mactor/bartender/instagram model who's a WeHo resident. He love puckering up, and is really into sexy, good lookin' guys, and hey Nick ain't a bad looker himself. Kcin Kee jumps out of the limo and thinks to himself "I'd do him, he's a sexy m-fer".

So those are the 18 contestants vying for Nick's love (and his crotch).

Stay tuned for the first eliminations!

[pablito]

For clarification these were the order of operations:

Date cards given out (who goes on which date)
Gossip Target decided
Secrets chosen to be revealed at date or not
1-on-1 date
2-on-1 date
Group Date

[pablito]

So who made the best first impressions with Nick?

1-on-1 Date goes to...

Spoiler:

Ryan Gosling!

"Dear Ryan,
Will you wrestle my heart away from the rest?

-Nick xoxo"

Ryan and Nick will go on fit date where they can sportsball together and make their sweaty bodies create pheromones and such. Ratingsbot will be the puppetmaster.

2-on-1 Date goes to...

Spoiler:

+
Notta Balloonwithafaceonit and Sassypantsbot! Only one will survive the deathcage match on a social date.

"Dear Notta and Sassypants
*dolphin squeal*!
-Nick xoxo"

They will go to the aquarium where they will all discuss their love of dolphins! Platinum Corinne will be the puppetmaster.

Group Date goes to...

Spoiler:

Everyone else.

"Dear losers whose faces I don't remember,
Let's get fat together!
-Nick xoxo"

The date will be a sumo wrestling date where they can all push each other around for individual attention with Nick. Platinum Corinne will be the puppetmaster.

Before the dates start, everyone looks around and starts chatting with each other. Clearly one girl is looking for attention and everyone starts gossiping about her. Platinum Corinne tells everyone, "Hey, ya'll, if you got a problem with me, then come to me. I saw how you looked at me wrong Corinne. I know you're onto me Corinne. Oh, lol, that's me, yeah I got a problem with me, and yes, I deserve all this attention, look at me! I'm topless!"

Platinum Corinne is the Gossip Target this round.

At the 1-on-1 date, Nick asks Ryan if he's got what it takes to look good in a wrestling singlet. Ryan just gives a wink, and I think Nick knows he wants to give the rose before they even say anything.

Spoiler:

Does Ryan get the 1-on-1 rose, or will he be sent home?

Spoiler:

Ryan gets a rose! This means that two people will be sent home at the group date.
(Ratingsbot's formula did not pass the test and therefore was auto-win)

At the 2-on-1 date, Notta and Sassypants both go to the aquarium to talk to dolphins. Only the most social people talk about dolphins. If you don't like dolphins, then you're an awkward loner. My favorite animal is a dolphin. During 2-on-1 dates, only one contestant will get a rose and move on, the other one will be eliminated immediately.

Spoiler:

Here they are looking at dolphins in their natural environment. At the date, no one revealed a secret. I'm surprised, because I swear one of them was going to reveal that they're secretly a shark. However, Notta had some harsh words for Sassypants, "I'll see you in hel! ...ium." Sassy's sassy reply was "PIT WHORE VIPAH.”

Who gets the rose?

Spoiler:

*dolphin squeals*

Sorry, Sassypantsbot, you must go home now.

At the group date, everyone gets into sumo wrestling outfits and try to push each other out of the way to get some alone time with Nick.

Spoiler:

Everyone gets into it hard, but only one will win Nick's heart, and his flower, or rose.

Who will get the roses?

Spoiler:

But first...someone revealed a secret! Chris Harrison gathers everyone around and asks them to listen to Nick. "Hey, Nick, I have a secret that I think we should reveal. Nick and I met together before at a wedding and had a one-night stand. In, fact, I, the host of The Bachelor, have slept with all of the bachelors." Nick said, "Thanks for your honesty, Chris, but I think everyone knows that you've secretly wanted all of us, so yeah, no surprise there."

Anyway, onto the rose ceremony.


My first rose is for Meticulous Bot! Will you accept this rose?
Yes.


My next rose is for Chris Harrison! (would have earned first rose if he had not revealed secret) Will you accept this rose?
I'll have your rose anyday.


The next rose is for Swiftbot! Will you accept this rose?
*Smiles*


Another for Averagebot! Will you accept this rose?
Yes.


Aurra Sing, will you accept this rose?
For bounty hunters, yes.


Kcin Kee, sexyboi, will you accept this rose?
"Loud Moan."


Platinum Corinne, will you accept this rose?
Umm, yeah, what do you think.


Beyoncebot, will you accept this rose?
Yea boy.


DLO, will you accept this rose?
I love you Nick...


grumpy's ex, Will you accept this rose?
I Will.


Preggobot, Will you accept this rose?
Of course.


Whitney, who are you?
*shrugs*

There are three contestants left and only one rose. Will Jasmine G, Ratingsbot, or Token Exotic Beauty get Nick's final rose?


And the final rose goes to...

Spoiler:

Ratingsbot, will you accept this rose?
Yes.


This means that Jasmine G, you will not get a chance to choke Nick. And Token Exotic Beauty, you will still have a parade of followers on your instagram account. Please say your goodbyes to Nick.

15 contestants remain!

Eliminated bot programs:

Sassypantsbot

Spoiler:

NAME: Sassypants Bot
Sexy 35
Playful 50
Exotic 70
Social 100
Classy 145

[Secret]
Reveal secret during first time that I become the Gossip Target for an episode. Do not use otherwise.

[Gossip Target]
In round 1 target bot with highest Exotic and say “She’s not white, why isn’t she white, and her name is not Danielle or Madison, or Ashlyn. This is all wrong.”
In round 2 target bot with highest Sexy and say “PIT WHORE VIPAH.”
In future rounds target any bot that has eliminated Beyoncebot or if none apply, then start dancing to Formation and then target any bot that has won most roses in 1-on-1 and 2-on-1 dates. If there is a tie, choose randomly between tied bots.

[1-on-1]
If bot on date has lowest Sexy or Fit stat of all remaining bots, then give rose. If does not apply, then as long as bot has more than 69 points separating highest and lowest stat, then give rose.

[2-on-1]
If one of bots has given a rose to Sassypants Bot, activate BFF4EVER PROTOCOL. If not, activate NORMAL PROTOCOL.

NORMAL PROTOCOL: Give rose to the bot that Gossip Target the most. If there is a tie or neither was a gossip target, give rose to the bot who most recently won puppetmaster. If cannot resolve tie, randomize the rose ceremony.

BFF4EVER PROTOCOL: Give rose to bot who has won puppetmaster during a rose ceremony when Sassypants bot received a rose. If there is a tie, follow NORMAL PROTOCOL.


[Group]
Start with step 1, continue giving roses until final step is reached. If more roses should be given than steps listed, then randomize amongst remaining. Order of rose ceremony determined by steps listed below.
1. Give rose to Sassypantsbot.
2. Give rose to any bot who gave Sassypantsbot a rose during 1-on-1 or 2-on-1 date.
3. Give rose to highest Fit bot.
4. Give rose to any bot who has not been puppetmaster for any date.
5. Give rose to any bot who has revealed secret already.

Jasmine G

Spoiler:

Jasmine G

Sexy 12
Fit 111
Exotic 194
Social 77
Classy 6

[Secret]
I just wanna choke Nick! But not like in a violent way, more like a sexual way, because I know he wants to. I just wanna throw him down you know? You think he wants to do it now? Like have any girls ever done that to him before? I can show him right now. Reveal secret when Jasmine has been on second group date.

[Gossip Target]
Target whoever won last one-on-one date.

[1-on-1]
Give a rose to anyone with a lower Fit rating than Jasmine.

[2-on-1]
Give rose to highest exotic stat.

[Group]
Give roses to everyone not named Jasmine G. If tie, give roses to highest sexy ratings.

Token Exotic Beauty

Spoiler:

Token

Sexy 134
Fit 48
Exotic 188
Social 27
Classy 3

[Secret]
Reveal during round 3.

[Gossip Target]
Target whoever was gossip target last round.

[1-on-1]
Give a rose to everyone.

[2-on-1]
Give rose to whoever has already survived a 1-on-1 or 2-on-1 date. If neither has been on either, then give rose to the player who has been puppetmaster earliest in this game. If no puppetmaster yet, then give rose to player with highest classy rating.

[Group]
Give roses to highest classy ratings.

[pablito]

Lol, The Bachelor should be entered next year for Emmy for Best Reality Show Casting.

1-on-1 Date goes to...

Spoiler:

Meticulous Bot!

"Meticulous Bot,
I hope you like eating Grizzlebee's.

-Nick xoxo"

Meticulous Bot and Nick will go on classy date at product placement Grizzlebee's restaurant. Chris Harrison will be the puppetmaster.

2-on-1 Date goes to...

Spoiler:

+
Beyoncebot and Platinum Corinne! Only one will survive the deathcage match on an exotic date.

"Dear 'Yonce and CoRiRi
I hope you like exotic food! I'm gonna take you to Hungry Jack's - premium Australian cuisine.
-Nick xoxo"

They will go to Hungry Jack's because product placement! grumpy's ex will be the puppetmaster.

Group Date goes to...

Spoiler:

Everyone else.

"Dear drunk girl (I forgot your name, but you have wine in your hand),
Let's drink and dance at Product Placement Place!
-Nick xoxo"

The date will be a drunk dancing date where they can all order shots and be a "woo girl" and then go home with whichever camera man smells the least sleazy. Beyoncebot will be the puppetmaster.

Before the dates start, everyone chooses to talk about Corinne and how they don't like her. One of the girls was the loudest on the topic. She kept talking about how Corinne was too pushy, and didn't respect Nick, and only wanted to be on television to be famous. Well obviously, Corinne is the Gossip Target. And in a twist reveal, it's actually Corinne that was the loudmouth badmouthing Platinum Corinne.

Platinum Corinne is the Gossip Target this round.

At the 1-on-1 date, Nick asks Meticulous Bot if there's anything not racist he can say during this date, because, you know, Nick wants to get the racist part out of the way, if it's something we have to address at some point down the line. Just easier to be racist now instead of later.

Spoiler:

Does Meticulous Bot get the 1-on-1 rose, or will she be sent home?

Spoiler:

Meticulous Bot gets a rose! This means that two people will be sent home at the group date.

At the 2-on-1 date, Beyoncebot and Platinum Corinne have a romantic beach date with Nick sponsored by Hungry Jack's. Nick enjoys Hungry Jack's, hope of the Whopper. Only a thick, juicy whopper with mayonnaise could satisfy Nick. Platinum Corinne loves taking a bite out of big meat patties and washing it down with a refreshing non-product placement cola. No other will do, because "The Burgers are Better at Hungry Jack's". During 2-on-1 dates, only one contestant will get a rose and move on, the other one will be left empty-handed except to eat as much Hungry Jack's as she would like.

Spoiler:

HUNGRY JACK'S. BEYONCEBOT LOVES HUNGRY JACK'S. Nick has pretty much decided to whom he wants to give. However, Platinum Corinne asks to take Nick aside and tells him, "I've got a secret actually, Nick. I come from a disadvantaged family. I've actually never had fast food before. This is my first time eating Hungry Jack's. My nanny won't let me eat any food that isn't cheesy pasta, and I don't think it's fair that I haven't learned how to sexily eat a burger yet just because of my past. I want you to give me a second chance, because my nanny wants you to do that. Also all the girls hate me, so wah wah, keep me for the drama." Corinne then mounts Nick and stuffs a burger in his mouth.

Who gets the rose?

Spoiler:

Originally, Platinum Corinne would've gone, but revealing the secret flipped the script.
Sorry, Beyoncebot, you must go home now.

At the group date, everyone gets drunk and keeps taking shots and more shots and more shots. This is nothing different.

Spoiler:

SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! WOOOOOOOOOO! YOU MY GURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL.

Who will get the roses?

Spoiler:

But first...someone revealed a secret!


grumpy's ex announces to Nick, "Nick, I'm sorry, but I just need to make sure you know that I have no idea in the world why my ex is an attempted murderer. Just thought it was important for you to know." Everyone has their mouths agape.


Then Notta comes in, not wanting to be outdone by grumpy's ex, "Nick, I too have a secret. I'm just a balloon with a face on it." Everyone has their mouths agape.


Averagebot wants to join the party and says, "Nick, I took have a secret. I own three thousand pro wrestling action figures." Everyone has their mouths agape.

Nick doesn't seem fazed. In fact, he seems to be hornier than usual. "Time for more shots!"

Anyway, onto the rose ceremony.


My first rose is for Ratings Bot! Will you accept this rose?
Yes.


Preggobot, Will you accept this rose?
Yes'm.


Mr. Sexiest Man in the World, Ryan Gosling! Will you accept this rose?
*Smiles*


Notta, your secret is safe with me. Will you accept this rose?
Yes. (Was originally 3rd)


Swiftbot, will you accept this rose?
You got me, bae.


DLo, will you accept this rose?
I love you Nick...


Whitney, will you


grumpy's ex, will you accept this rose?
Please don't kill me. (Was originally 7th)


Kcin Kee, sexyboi, will you accept this rose?
Hotness.

There are three contestants left and only one rose. Will Aurra Sing, Averagebot, or Chris Harrison get Nick's final rose?


And the final rose goes to...

Spoiler:

Averagebot, will you accept this rose?
Yes. (Originally was 2nd to last rose.)


This means that Aurra Sing, you will no longer get to chase Nick's Bounty. And Chris Harrison, you will only be a host, you will no longer be in the running for America's Next Top Host. Please say your goodbyes to Nick.

12 contestants remain!

Eliminated bot programs:

Beyoncebot

Spoiler:

Beyoncebot
Sexy 160
Playful 5
Exotic 180
Social 15
Classy 40

[Secret]
Beyonce has no secrets.

[Gossip Target]
Start with step 1, if the criterion does not meet, see the step directly below it:
1. Place all remaining players in the selection pool. Remove players as based on the below steps until only 1 remains.
2. Remove Sassypantsbot from selection pool.
3. Remove Drunkbot if Drunkbot has earned puppetmaster.
4. Remove BotBot from selection pool only if BotBot gave a rose to Beyoncebot.
5. Remove any bot who received second to last rose in a group date.
4. Remove any bot for whom all three stats are of Classy, Fit and Exotic are individually between 43-53.
5. Randomize from remaining.

[1-on-1]
Give rose if bot has lower Sexy, Classy, and Social stats than Beyoncebot.

[2-on-1]

Start with step 1, if the criterion does not meet or if values are tied, continue to the step directly below it (unless otherwise noted):
1. Give rose to Solangebot. Give shade to Michelle Williamsbot.
2. If only ONE of the following bots of Kanyebot, Drunkbot, or Kardashbot is at the date, then give rose to Kanyebot, Drunkbot, or Kardashbot.
4. Give rose to any bot who has given a rose to either Beyoncebot or Solangebot.
5. If it is round 1, give rose to the bot with the highest Exotic value. If tied, randomize between the tied values.
6. If it is round 4, give rose to the bot with the highest Fit value. If tied, give rose to highest Classy value.
7. Give rose to bot that has been puppetmaster fewest number of times.
8. Randomize rose.

[Group]
Randomize roses, because Beyoncebot loves you all.

Aurra Sing

Spoiler:

Aurra Sing
Job: Bounty Hunter
Homeplanet: Nar Shaddaa
Catch phrase: "I will drink your fear and spill your blood and my hate will scar the galaxy!"
What secret does your robot have? Her secret is that she used to be a Jedi.
--------------------------------
Stats (400 total)
(Sexy←Pushy) 88
(Fit←Drunk) 132
(Exotic←Baggage) 62
(Social←Awkward) 52
(Classy←Crassy) 66

Formulas randomized.

Chris Harrison

Spoiler:

Name: Chris Harrison
Picture URL: *optional
Job: The Bachelor Host
Hometown: The Mansion where everyone’s staying
Catch phrase: “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to go drink mimosas while lounging in my robe”
What secret does your robot have?: Has slept with all the Bachelors before

Sexy: 62
Fit: 127
Exotic: 11
Social: 16
Classy: 184

[Secret]
Reveal secret during first round in which Chris isn’t on solo date.

[Corrine]
Every round, make Corrine the gossip target until she is eliminated. Give speech about how other girls are talking about Corrine while simultaneously encouraging Nick to keep in all the crazies.
Otherwise, pick contestant with lowest social statistic, including Chris. If targetting Chris, then state “Why ya’ll ratchet bitches gotta be trifling.”

[Solo]
Give a rose! Chris Harrison loves roses!

[2-on-1]
In rounds 1-3, if there is only 1 player who has revealed a secret, give that person the rose. If not, give rose to the player who has lowest Fit rating and say “Gotta love dem drunk bitches.” In further rounds, give rose to the one who has been the gossip target the most. If there is no resolution, then give rose to the one with lowest Sexy rating.

[Group]
Don’t give Chris a rose because he’s not going to fall for this marriage fallacy. He needs his robe and mimosas. Give a rose first to girl with lowest classy stat, because he likes the dramz. Yeah, then give a rose to maybe the lowest exotic, because baggage is fun. And then yeah, next lowest classy, then next lowest exotic until all roses are given out.

[pablito]

Guesses on the next three out? Guesses on winner?

Next episode should be out maybe by Tuesday at latest.

[pablito]

Cash me outside, how bah dah?

1-on-1 Date goes to...

Spoiler:

Notta!

"Notta,
Let's go to Chuck E. Cheese's together and pick out a kid to forcibly adopt.

-Nick xoxo"

Notta and Nick will go on a social date at Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant. Nick had a very good report card and earned five tokens. Platinum Corinne will be the puppetmaster.

2-on-1 Date goes to...

Spoiler:

+
DLo and Swiftbot! Only one will survive the deathcage match on a sexy date.

"Dear DLo and Swiftbot,
Let's go make a sexy music video, complete with melted candle wax and baby oil.

-Nick xoxo"

They going to the streets for a dance-off! preggobot will be the puppetmaster.

Group Date goes to...

Spoiler:

Everyone else.

"Dear formerly adopted girl whose boyfriend committed suicide after her pet cow was diagnosed with a terminal illness,
I can't wait to hear your stories.

-Nick xoxo"

The date will be a baggage revealing date where they can all share about their sob stories. Meticulousbot will be the puppetmaster.

Before the dates start, everyone realizes that Corinne can be nothing but the Gossip Target.

Platinum Corinne is the Gossip Target this round.

At the 1-on-1 date at Chuck E. Cheese, Nick asks Notta how many kids she wants. Notta says nothing. Nick says, "Yeah, I agree, there's nothing better than having a full family. I want you to birth out at least eight, that sounds great right," as he caresses the balloon. Notta squeaks in reply. Nick replies, "That turns me on that you want to have at least ten. Let's get that Asian kid at skeeball, I think he'd be a good one to start off with, tiny hands are good for cleaning bathrooms."

Spoiler:

Does Notta get the 1-on-1 rose, or will she be sent home?

Spoiler:

Notta gets a rose! This means that two people will be sent home at the group date.

At the 2-on-1 date, DLo and Swiftbot have a sexy dance-off date with Nick. During 2-on-1 dates, only one contestant will get a rose and move on, the other one will be left alone on the dance floor.

Spoiler:

Swiftbot twerks for the rose. But you know how it goes. White girls and twerking. No, that's not racist, but Nick is not a racist. He's proven that time and time again. And he can prove it by choosing a minority in the end. Guess who's not white? DLo doesn't want to be made a fool on this date, so she sensually gives Nick a lapdance and whispers in his ear, "Nick, I think I love you, and my secret is that I've never told that to anyone else before..."

Who gets the rose?

Spoiler:

Originally, DLo would've gotten the rose, but revealing the secret flipped the script. Because Nick can't handle any girls telling him that she loves him.

I wonder why...

Sorry, DLo, you must go home now.

At the group date, everyone gets drunk and shares their sob story, which inevitably got them casted on The Bachelor, because normal, pretty girls don't get casted on reality shows.

Spoiler:

"When I was younger, my best friend gave me a blood transfusion for my childhood polio, but then he died when his doctor forgot to take out the needle..."
"I once had a pet tiger who ate my mother's left nostril, so my mom couldn't smell anything. So when I gave her flowers for mother's day, she shunned me and I've never forgiven her since..."
"I once ate a spoiled egg and it's ruined my life forever."
"My worst nightmare came true when I found out that Barney the Dinosaur was my biological father."

Who will get the roses?

Spoiler:

But first...someone revealed a secret!

Preggobot announces to Nick, "I'm pregnant and it's not your baby." Everyone has their mouths wide open, what a huge secret! I never thought someone could hide a pregnancy so well like that.

Nick doesn't seem fazed. In fact, he seems to be hornier than usual.

Anyway, onto the rose ceremony.

My first rose is for MeticulousBot! Will you accept this rose?
Yes, but first...


Platinum Corinne, Will you accept this rose?
Yes, boo.


Preggobot! Will you accept this rose?
No, but my fetus will.


grumpy's ex will you accept this rose?
Please don't kill me.


averagebot, will you accept this rose?
Yes.


Kcin Kee, sexyboi, will you accept this rose?
Hotness.

There are three contestants left and only one rose. Will Ratingsbot, Ryan Gosling, or Whitney Who? get Nick's final rose?

And the final rose goes to...

Spoiler:

Whitney, will you



This means that Ratingsbot, the ratings are down and out, as are you. And Ryan Gosling, you ate too much cereal, so bye. Please say your goodbyes to Nick.

9 contestants remain!

Eliminated bot programs:
DLo

Spoiler:

DLo

Sexy 110
Fit 120
Exotic 115
Social 24
Classy 31

[Secret]
Secretly in love with Nick. Cannot wait to tell him. Tell Nick Secret during first 1-on-1 or 2-on-1 date.

[Gossip Target]
Um, Corinne has no good moves. So I don’t know why she thinks she can get away with getting solo time with him, when she’s not even paying attention to the counts in the choreography.

[1-on-1]
Give a rose to anyone but DLo, Whitney, Jasmine G, during 1-on-1 date.

[2-on-1]
Give rose to highest exotic stat.

[Group]
Give rose to anyone not named DLo.
Then maybe you can give a rose to anyone who doesn’t invoke choking during a date.
If there’s still a lot of roses left, then just give them to the highest fit ratings.

Ratingsbot

Spoiler:

Ratingsbot~!
Job: Holo-television writer
Hometown: CyberHollywood, Robot California
Catch phrase: I smell RATINGS~!
What secret does your robot have? He was behind New Coke.
Sexy 18
Fit 337
Exotic 20
Social 15
Classy 10

For the purposes of this bot, if it is the first round, no roses were given last round, nor were there any secrets revealed, or Gossip Targets made.

[Secret]
Ratingsbot~!'s secret is that he's actually the one behind NEW COKE~! Reveal this at the end of any Group Date when no other bot has revealed their secret.

[Gossip Target]
Select the lowest-numbered option that is true, then randomize who is the Gossip Target from all bots fitting the description in that option.
1. At least one bot revealed their secret last round AND that bot has yet to be the Gossip Target. Juicy = Ratings~!
2. Last 1-on-1 date resulted in the bot getting a rose. Oooh, how will they run with the attention?
3. EXACTLY one bot revealed their secret during the last Group Date. Way to stand out, grrrrrl!

If no bot has been picked to be the Gossip Target yet, randomly select a bot that has the fewest combined Gossip Targets, 1-on-1 Dates, and 2-on-1 Dates.

[1-on-1]
Give a rose if,
1. During the last round, a rose was NOT given during the 1-on-1 date, or
2. The bot revealed their secret last round, or
3. The bot is Ratingsbot~!.
Otherwise do not give a rose. SWERVE~!

[2-on-1]
Select the lowest-numbered option that is true. Give the rose to the bot that does NOT fit the description.
1. EXACTLY one bot is NOT Ratingsbot~!. Ratingsbot~! = RATINGS~!
2. One bot was Gossip Target MORE than the other. Geez, give another bot some air time!
3. EXACTLY one bot was Puppetmaster. No one likes a puppetmaster!
4. EXACTLY one bot has NOT given Ratingsbot~! a rose. It pays to suck up!

If no bot has been picked to receive a rose yet, select a bot with fewer letters in its name to receive the rose, because the viewers can't pronounce long names!

[Group]
Perform all instructions in order if possible.
1. Mark Ratingsbot~! as SAFE.
2. Mark all bots yet to reveal their secret as SAFE, determining their order randomly and placing them behind Ratingsbot~!. Oooh, how mysterious~!
3. Use the 1-on-1 puppetmaster's Group criteria to determine the rest of the non-SAFE bots' initial order. If this leads to recursion or looping or whatever, just randomize the order.
4. Place the last place bot in the first position on the non-SAFE list, bumping the rest of the bots down. UNEXPECTED TWISTS = RATINGS~!
5. Give a rose to all SAFE bots in order as perscribed by steps 1 and 2, then to non-SAFE bots in order as perscribed by steps 3 and 4.

Ryan Gosling

Spoiler:

Ryan Gosling

Sexy 86
Fit 175
Exotic 33
Social 89
Classy 17

[Secret]
Reveal at climax of movie. Round 5.

[Gossip Target]
Target any player who has gossiped at Ryan or Chris Harrison, gotta protect my boy.

[1-on-1]
Give a rose to anyone who has not been puppetmaster yet.

[2-on-1]
If one player has not yet been puppetmaster, give rose to that player. If both have been, then give to player who gave earliest rose to Ryan. If neither have been puppetmaster, give to player with highest fit rating.

[Group]
Give rose to highest Exotic ratings.

[pablito]

So now that there are only 9 remaining, one-on-one dates are no longer happening. If you want to get Nick's attention, you gotta go big or go home, like Kailah Casillas. Only two contestants will leave tonight.

2-on-1 Date goes to...

Spoiler:

+
Notta and Swiftbot! Only one will survive the deathcage match on a classy date.

"Dear Notta and Swiftbot,
Meet me at the classiest restaurant in town, Tchotchkes.

-Nick xoxo"

They going to see all the pieces of flair! Meticulous Bot will be the puppetmaster.

Group Date goes to...

Spoiler:

Everyone else.

"Dear awkward loner,
Stop being awkward.

-Nick xoxo"

The date will be an awkward date where they all just stare at each other. Meticulousbot will be the puppetmaster.

Before the dates start, everyone realizes that Corinne can be nothing but the Gossip Target.

Platinum Corinne is the Gossip Target this round.

At the 2-on-1 date, Notta and Swiftbot have a classy date at Tchotchkes. During 2-on-1 dates, only one contestant will get a rose and move on, the other one won't have enough flair.

Spoiler:

Notta orders the spagbol. Swiftbot orders the classier dish, the mozzarella stick appetizer. Nick is more impressed with how Swiftbot was able to classily eat mozzarella sticks in a single bite. Because only classy girls can eat a mozzarella stick without smudging her lipstick. Notta just makes a mess.

Who gets the rose?

Spoiler:

Sadly, Notta is gone. Swiftbot got her rose, because haters gonna hate.
Sorry, Notta, please say your goodbyes.

At the group date, everyone gets awkward and just stares at each other, which just happens.

Spoiler:

*silence*

Who will get the roses?

Spoiler:

But first...someone revealed a secret!


Whitney says, "Secret

Anyway, onto the rose ceremony.


My first rose is for MeticulousBot! Will you accept this rose?
Yes.


grumpy's ex will you accept this rose?
Please don't kill me.


averagebot, will you accept this rose?
Yes.


Preggobot! Will you accept this rose?
Yes'm.


Platinum Corinne, Will you accept this rose?
Obvs.

There are two contestants left and only one rose. Will Kcin Kee or Whitney Who? get Nick's final rose?

And the final rose goes to...

Spoiler:

Kcin Kee, sexyboi, will you accept this rose?
Mmhmm.



This means that Whitney Who, your secret killed your chances.

7 contestants remain!

Eliminated bot programs:

Notta

Spoiler:

Name: Notta Balloonwithafaceonit
Picture URL: https://cdn.factorydirectparty.com/publ ... /LARGE.jpg
Job: Pilot
Hometown: Denver (because it's a mile high)
Catch phrase: I'll see you in hel! ...ium.
What secret does your robot have?
It's actually just a balloon with a face on it this entire time.

SexyPushy: 98
FitDrunk: 22
ExoticBaggage: 53
SocialAwkward: 110
ClassyCrassy: 117

When/if to Reveal Secret to Bachelor: When on a date another contestant reveals a secret. Notta is nottabout to be shown up.

Gossip target of each round:

The previous gossip target. If ineligible, choose self. If I can't do that, choose randomly between players who have not been gossip target first, and then randomly if everyone has.

Puppetmaster 1 on 1:

Give rose to Notta.

Otherwise give rose if the round is even.

Puppetmaster 2 on 1:

Give rose to Notta.

Eliminate the player that is not the gossip target. If that doesn't apply, do it randomly.

Puppetmaster Group:

Give a rose to Notta.

Launch as many balloons as their are contestants into the air with each contestant's name attached to each one, and then proceed to look for them in the surrounding area. Eliminate the first one you find.

Or, do it randomly.

Whitney Who?

Spoiler:

Whitney Who?
Sexy 87
Fit 167
Exotic 122
Social 4
Classy 20

[Secret]
Reveal secret when at least half of remaining players have already revealed secret.

[Gossip Target]
Target most social player

[1-on-1]
Give a rose to anyone who is more social than Whitney.

[2-on-1]
Give rose to highest social stat.

[Group]
Give roses to everyone with highest social stats.

[pablito]

So now that there are only 7 remaining, this will be the last time for the two-on-one date. After this round, there will only be group dates. Only two contestants will leave the competition tonight, but none of the contestants will leave with their dignity.

2-on-1 Date goes to...

Spoiler:

+
Kcin Kee and Swiftbot! Swiftbot again? Only one will survive the deathcage match on a fit date.

"Dear Kcin Kee and Swiftbot,
Let's get down at the dance club where world famous electronic artist Eiffel 65 will perform their hit new single "Blue"!

-Nick xoxo"

Don't you love it when bands come in to advertise their newest music?! Meticulous Bot will be the puppetmaster.

Group Date goes to...

Spoiler:

Everyone else.

"Dear crassy lady,
Why you gotta be so ratchet?

-Nick xoxo"

The date will be a crassy date where they all insult each other while coming up with lyrics to an urban rap, which will they will all then perform in front of a crowd of dozens. Preggobot will be the puppetmaster.

Before the dates start, everyone starts bitching about Corinne, but then Corinne brings everyone puppies, so they're all over this and everyone loves Corinne, like the goddess that she is. So everyone turns their attention to gossiping about the nearest target, preggobot, who is clearly not pregnant with Nick's kid.

Preggobot is the Gossip Target this round.

At the 2-on-1 date, Kcin Kee and Swiftbot have a fit date at a dark club that is filled with 2000s nostalgia. During 2-on-1 dates, only one contestant will get a rose and move on, the other one remain in the dark.

Spoiler:

Everyone dances. Everyone does some jumping around. But then Swiftbot starts twerking and it all gets awkward, because this is not a 2000s dance, this is more 2010s. The entire club stares awkwardly at Swiftbot. Anyway Nick is loving dancing with his doppleganger.

Who gets the rose?

Spoiler:

But first, Kcin Kee wants to share a secret. Look at this. I can clench real well like this video. You want that, baby, I know you do. I can back that up and swallow you hole.

Nick is mesmerized and watches the video all day long. However, he realizes that metal clenching on his private parts is not what he wants and gives the rose to Swiftbot.



I'm sorry Kcin Kee, please say your goodbye to Nick.

At the group date, everyone just starts insulting each other and calling each other a pit whore viper and turns over tables and then urban rap lyric legend Bryan Silva comes on scene and teaches everyone to take a moment and reach into their inner urban spirit. They all just write rap sequences with "brap brap brap" and "gratatata".

Spoiler:

Best rap by Sextina Aquafina.

Who will get the roses?


Platinum Corinne, Will you accept this rose?
Yes, because I'm a whore.


Preggobot! Will you accept this rose?
Love dat fetus.


My next rose is for MeticulousBot! Will you accept this rose?
Yes.

There are two contestants left and only one rose. Will Averagebot or grumpy's ex get Nick's final rose?

And the final rose goes to...

Spoiler:

grumpy's ex will you accept this rose?
Love me.


This means that Averagebot, please say your goodbye to Nick.

5 contestants remain!

Eliminated bot programs:

Kcin Kee

Spoiler:

Name: Kcin Kee (pronounced Nick but backwards with Kee at the end)
Job: Professional mactor
Hometown: WeHo
Catch phrase: [loud moan]What secret does your robot have? He can tighten and loosen his asshole on command, much like this video

(Sexy←Pushy) Sexy Fantasy Suite vs Man Stealer
85 points
(Fit←Drunk) Athletic Nude Model vs “Im nt drunk, trrussss me ur drnk. WHO IS SHE?”
115 points
(Exotic←Baggage) Exotic Traveller vs Baggage Claim Rider
50 points
(Social←Awkward) Dolphin Lover (with adorable squealing) vs. Loner (with irritating laugh)
95 points
(Classy←Crassy) Classy Royalty vs. Trash Bag Couture
55 points

In these programs, 'player' and 'bot' are used interchangably. 'Self' refers to this bot.

'Eliminate' in these programs means to guarantee that the indicated bot shall not receive a rose and, at the conclusion of the program, all such designated programs will not receive roses, and all others shall.

MASTER PROTOCOL:
1. All contradictions shall be resolved in favour of the first protocol to affect the player, e.g. if a player is both designated for elimination and a rose, in that order, the player shall be eliminated, unless MASTER PROTOCOL (2) below is invoked.
2. Any failure to fully designate roses or eliminations shall be resolved only once the entire program responsible has been executed and concluded, and by placing all undesignated players whom have not given self a rose in a selection pool (the ROSE CLAUSE), and randomly designating elimination therein. Should there be not enough players in the selection pool, all players excluded in the ROSE CLAUSE shall be readded, and remaining eliminations designated randomly. Should there still be not enough players, all Rose-designated players shall be undesignated (effectively cancelling the carried out program), and remaining elimination designations randomized.

[Secret]
Reveal secret in desperation as the next available opportunity AFTER receiving the last rose in a GROUP date.

[Gossip Target]
Preamble: Place all players in the selection pool, then follow the below procedure (referred to as THE GOSSIP PROTOCOL) until only one player remains (in which case, goto CHOICE A), or until following the procedure would, at a point where more than one player remains, remove all remaining players in the pool (referred to as THE CONFLICT STEP; and in which case, goto CHOICE B).
1. Remove self from pool.
2. Remove all players with majority worse stats than self from pool (here meaning that self has more points than player in at least three of five stat groups).
3. Remove all players to have received the last rose in a Group date.
4. Remove all players to have never been Puppetmaster.
5. Remove all players to have revealed their secrets.
6. Remove all previous majority-Gossip targets.
7. Randomize from remaining.
CHOICE A: Gossip target the remaining player. If there are multiple players remaining, somehow, randomize from remaining, and swear chastity for four hours.
CHOICE B: Skip THE CONFLICT STEP and continue elimination if possible as directed in the preamble. If all future steps in THE GOSSIP PROTOCOL would be considered THE CONFLICT STEPs, then randomize from remaining, and ask your Twitter followers to buy from your Amazon wishlist.

[1-on-1]
Preamble: The following classes of players receive roses. If nominated player does not fall under any class, they do not receive a rose.
a) Highest stat is Sexy.
b) Lowest stat is Classy.
c) Has been on a 1-on-1 prior.
d) Has revealed secret.
e) Is majority-Gossip target.

[2-on-1]
Preamble: If one but not both bots has Gossip targeted self, activate PETTY PROTOCOL. Else, if both or neither bots have Gossip targeted self, but one but not both bots has given rose to self, activate NOT-SO-PETTY PROTOCOL. Else, if both bots gave rose to self, activate SOME-WHERE-IN-BE-TWEEN PROTOCOL. Else, activate OTHER PROTOCOL.
PETTY PROTOCOL: Eliminate player who Gossip targeted self.
NOT-SO-PETTY PROTOCOL: Eliminate player who did not give rose to self.
SOME-WHERE-IN-BE-TWEEN PROTOCOL: Eliminate player who was last to give rose to self.
OTHER PROTOCOL: Set both player values to 0. Add 1 to player for each skill v skill matchup they LOSE, i.e. for each attribute they have placed less points into as compared to the other player. Randomize a list of five entries, each point a player has giving them one entry. Eliminate the player who is not first in the randomized list.

[Group]
Prelude: Add all players to the selection pool, and set each player on 0 points. Then follow GROUP PROTOCOL, below.
1. Give rose to self, and remove self from pool.
2. Add one point for every point away from self a player is in Sexy, then Fit, then Exotic, then Social, and then Classy. (For example, self is set at 85 points for Sexy. A player with 60 points would thus gain 25 points. A player with 90 points would thus gain 5 points. Fit would then be tested, and so forth.)
3. Subtract 10 points for each time player has been Gossip targeted by an individual player.
4. Subtract 20 points for each time a player has been majority-Gossip targeted.
5. Subtract 30 points for each time a player has given self a rose.
6. Subtract 30 points if a player has revealed their secret.
7. Goto 7a if a player has had the opportunity to give a rose in a Group date. Goto 7b if a player has not had the opportunity to give a rose in a Group date.
7a. For each rose given BEFORE a rose was given to self, add (100/[# of bots in Group date]) points, then goto 8.
7b. Subtract 5 points, then goto 8.
8. Add 20 points for each time a player has Gossip targeted self.
9. Add 30 points if a player contributed to a majority-Gossip targeting of self.
10. Add 20 points for each time a player has been Puppetmaster.
11. If there is a tie for most points, second-most points, or third-most points, move to 11a. Else, Eliminate as many players as necessary, beginning with the player who has the most points, and moving to the second-most and third-most and so on if necessary.
11a. Eliminate the player with the most points, if they are not tied. Else, if both can be eliminated, eliminate both. Else, eliminate player who is least Crassy, if players are not tied in the Classy/Crassy stat. Else, eliminate player who was first to have the most points at any point during the GROUP PROTOCOL. Then, if there are further ties to be resolved, follow 11a substituting the first sentence for '...player with the second-most points' or 'third-most points', if necessary. Else, follow 11.

If, at the conclusion of the GROUP PROTOCOL, there are still eliminations to be made, eliminate randomly from those left in the pool. This is executed before MASTER PROTOCOL (2).

Averagebot

Spoiler:

Name: AverageBot
Picture URL: *optional
Job: Accountant
Hometown: Normal, Illinois
Catch phrase: That's mean.
What secret does your robot have? Owns three thousand pro wrestling action figures.

Sexy 80
Fit 81
Exotic 79
Social 82
Classy 78

[Secret]
Reveal secret when it's after round one, Averagebot is in the Group Date, AND there are an even number of bot in the Group Date.

[Gossip Target]
The gossip target is the bot with the stat total closest to average for the 1-on-1 stat needed for that round.

[1-on-1]
If Averagebot is in the 1-on-1 date, give the rose to Averagebot.
Otherwise, if the bot is greater than or equal to Averagebot in 2 or 3 stats, give the rose, otherwise do not.

[2-on-1]
If Averagebot is in the 2-on-1 date, give the rose to Averagebot.
Otherwise, give the rose to the bot whose highest stat is lowest (eg, if one bot is 1/0/0/0/399, and the other bot has 0/0/0/0/400, the bot goes to the first bot because the first bot's max of 399 is lower than the second bot's max of 400). If there's a tie, pick the bot whose name is closest to "Mean" alphabetically.

[Group]
If Averagebot is in the Group Date, give a rose to Averagebot.
If either all players in the group date, or all but one, have revealed their secret, give one rose to the player who revealed their secret at the median point in the game, then randomly give roses among those without one.
Otherwise, give roses to all players who have not revealed their secret, then randomly give roses to players without a rose.

[pablito]

Did Swiftbot get saved by a secret reveal again? Whoa

ikr.

especially at f5. can't wait to see who wins.

[pablito]

Only 5 contestants remain, so that means there are only group dates! Contestants must either stand out or stand down. Contestants who make a huge impression on Nick's lower brain will definitely find themselves safe. Only one contestant will be leaving tonight, and the remaining will get to go on the final trip of the season.

The group date will feature everyone in an Exotic Date in our most diverse location as to date...the Taco Bell in Oconomowoc in crucial Waukesha County, Wisconsin! I wonder who will manage to steal Nick's corazon?

Spoiler:

Everyone is on the date.

"Dear future Bachelor in Paradise contestant,
Will you just get drunk like it says in your contract?

-Nick xoxo"

The date will be an exotic date where they all toss hot sauce into each other's eyes in an attempt to prove who can be the most picante. grumpy's ex will be the puppetmaster.

Before the dates start, everyone goes to eonline and reads about Bachelor in Paradise and makes their own opinions. I think the only opinion that counts is that it's still going to be an amazing season because Alexis dolphin girl is on it.

Yeah no one put anything about Gossip Targets really into the formulas - at least nothing that comes true, so just going to say that Corinne was the Gossip Target from now on.

Spoiler:

Spicy! You know what else is spicy? Mike Ditka's sausage.

Who will get the roses?


MeticulousBot, will you accept this rose?
Thank you, your order of 213 will be ready in a minute. Would you like to add on an apple empanada or cinnamon twists to complete your order?


Preggobot! Rose up?
Yes, and would you want soft or hard taco for your steak taco?


grumpy's ex are you gonna be my one?
And one order of guacamole on the side. Please pull up to the first take-out window.

There are two contestants left and only one rose. Will Platinum Corinne or Swiftbot get Nick's final rose?

And the final rose goes to...

Spoiler:

Raquel, will you accept this...wait what???
How did you get this rose. This rose is Corinne's. She was determined to be the winner before the show even started?
I don't get it. This show is supposed to be rigged. Oh whatever, Swiftbot something something love story. You can have it.


This means that Platinum Corinne, please say your platinum goodbye to Nick, and your platinum hello to Bachelor in Paradise.

4 contestants remain!

Eliminated bot program:

Platinum Corinne

Spoiler:

Sexy 6
Fit 18
Exotic 134
Social 199
Classy 43

[Secret]
Corinne doesn’t need secrets. Reveal during first time Corinne is on a 1-on-1 or 2-on-1 date.

[Gossip Target]
Target Corinne, because I love the drama.

[1-on-1]
Give a rose to anyone that reminds her of Raquel and has higher than 80 Exotic.

[2-on-1]
Give rose to highest social stat.

[Group]
Taylor is not classy. Give roses to highest classy stats.

[pablito]

Without Platinum Corinne, no one really wins, because she is the best thing about this show. Anyway, here's the final results.

At F4, it's time for the Hometown Visits! It's a sexy date!

Preggobot hosts a date with Nick inside the womb! It's as sticky as his hair gel.
Meticulous Bot hosts a date with Nick at Culver City, California, but first, the Temptation Challenge.
grumpy's ex hosts a date with Nick on a paddleboard. So exciting.
Swiftbot hosts a date with Nick with her squad.

The one that impresses the most is preggobot (puppetmaster)!
The second rose goes to grumpy's ex!
The final rose and guaranteed to a good boning during the fantasy suite dates is....Swiftbot!

This means that an upset occurred and Meticulous Bot will be left out of the semifinals and the fantasy suite.

At the final 3 is the Fantasy Suite Dates. It's an exotic+social date!

First to engage in consensual awkward half-nakedness on national television is...
grumpy's ex! Congrats, Nick gives you a rose, because you put out.

Second at the "Fantasy Suite Date" is....
preggobot! Congrats, Nick knows you're loose and easy, so he gives you a rose!

This means that Swiftbot was denied some quality alone time with Nick.

The final decision is up between grumpy's ex and preggobot. The final puppetmaster is the winner of a classy+fit+sexy date!
The one that best fits the bill is...

Spoiler:

Congrats preggobot on earning Nick's heart and his crotch!

And that's the end of Bachelor Bots.

Here are the programs:

Spoiler: Meticulous Bot

Name: Meticulous Bot
Job: Making sure you didn't forget anything when you leave your house or hotel
Hometown: Pittsburgh
Catch phrase: Hiya, Nick. Would you like to talk about feelings today?
What secret does your robot have? The Meticulous Bot can not feel emotion. If it needs to, it can change its facial expressions so it looks like it feels things.

Sexy: 55
Fit: 161
Exotic: 2
Social: 1
Classy: 181

Secret: The Meticulous Bot can not feel emotion.
If I am on a group date and I am the gossip target, reveal secret. Otherwise, run the Calculate Group Vulnerability Protocol. If I am ranked as the most vulnerable, reveal secret.

Spoiler: Gossip Target
Gossip Target:
Special Rules:
If at any time there is only one bot in my selection pool or only one bot eligible to be chosen, that bot will become the gossip target.
If these instructions would place a bot in the selection pool that is currently the puppetmaster, do not place that bot in the selection pool.

1. If I am on a two on one date, choose the bot I am competing against.
2. If I am on a group date, run the Calculate Group Vulnerability Protocol. If I place in the top third most vulnerable, choose the bot that was judged to be the most vulnerable besides me.
3. Look at each of the stats used for determining the puppetmaster next round. If it is round 3 or earlier and there are between 1 and 3 bots ahead of me in that stat, add those bots to the selection pool and go to step 5. If it is round 4 or 5 and there are between 1 and 2 bots ahead of me in that stat, add those bots to the selection pool and go to step 5. If it is past round 5 and there is only one bot ahead of me in that stat, add that bot to the selection pool and go to step 5.
4. Repeat step 1, but this time looking at the stats that will determine the puppetmaster two rounds from now. If there are still no bots in the selection pool, add all eligible bots to the selection pool.
5. If any bots have previously given me a rose, remove them from the selection pool. If all bots have given me a rose, choose randomly from the bots that have given me the least number of roses.
6. Choose the bot that has been puppetmaster the most times of the bots in the selection pool. If this is a tie, choose randomly from the tied bots.
7. Choose the bot from the bots in the selection pool that has been the gossip target the least.
8. Choose the bot from the bots in the selection pool with the highest Sexiness. If this is a tie, choose randomly.

1 on 1
1. If it is Round 1, see if the bot has a lower Classiness stat than me. If it does, give it a rose.
2. If it is Round 2, see if the bot has both a lower Sexiness stat and a higher Exotic stat than me. If both of these are true, give it a rose.
3. If it is Round 3, see if the bot has both a lower Classiness stat than me and a higher Social stat than me. If both of these are true, give it a rose.

Spoiler: Two On One
2 on 1
1. If it is Round 3 or earlier, go to step 2. Otherwise, go to step 10.
2. If one of the stats that will determine the puppetmaster for the next round is Classiness, then compare the Classiness of the two bots to my own. If I do not have the highest classiness, give the rose to the bot with the lowest classiness.
3. Repeat Step 2 with Fit, then with Sexiness, then with Social and Awkward (giving the rose to the bot with the highest social/awkward if I do not have the sole lowest value in that stat).
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 with the stats that will determine the puppetmaster two rounds from now.
5. Give the rose to the bot that has given me the most roses.
6. Give the rose to the bot that has been the puppetmaster the least times.
7. Give the rose to the bot that has been the gossip target the most times.
8. If one bot still has a secret and the other bot does not, give the rose to the bot that does not have a secret.
9. Give the rose to the bot with the lowest Sexiness. If this is a tie, choose randomly.
10. Run the Simulate Season Protocol with all bots except the bot on the 2 on 1 date that is first alphabetically. Record my placement. Then, run the Simulate Season Protocol with all bots except the bot on the 2 on 1 date that is last alphabetically. Record my placement. If I got a higher placement the first time, give the rose to the second bot alphabetically. If I got a higher placement the second time, give the rose to the first bot alphabetically. If it is a tie, go to step 11.
11. If one of the stats that will determine the puppetmaster for the next round is Classiness, then compare the Classiness of the two bots to my own. If I do not have the highest classiness, give the rose to the bot with the lowest classiness.
12. Repeat Step 11 with Fit, then with Sexiness, then with Social and Awkward (giving the rose to the bot with the highest social/awkward if I do not have the sole lowest value in that stat).
13. Repeat steps 11 and 12 with the stats that will determine the puppetmaster two rounds from now.
14. Give the rose to the bot that has been puppetmaster the least.
15. Give the rose to the bot that has given me the most roses.
16. Give the rose to the bot that has been gossip target the most.
17. Give the rose to the bot with the lowest Sexiness. If this is a tie, choose randomly.

Spoiler: Group
Group

If after any step I have given out more roses than I should have, go back to the previous step and give out the remaining roses randomly to the bots that got roses at the next step.

1. If it is round 3 or earlier, go to step 2. If it is round 4, 5 or 6, go to step 10. If it is the final 4, go to step 19. If it is the final 3, go to step
2. If one of the stats that will determine the puppetmaster for the next round is Classiness, then compare the Classiness of the bots on the date to my own. If I do not have the highest classiness, give roses in order of ascending Classiness.
3. Repeat Step 2 with Fit, then with Sexiness, then with Social and Awkward (giving roses in order of descending Social and Awkward if I do not have the sole lowest value in that stat).
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 with the stats that will determine the puppetmaster two rounds from now.
5. Give roses to the bots that have given me roses.
6. Give roses to the remaining bots in order of ascending number of times they were puppetmaster.
7. Give roses to the remaining bots in order of descending number of times they were the gossip target.
8. Give roses to the bots that do not have secrets or have revealed their secrets.
9. Give roses to the remaining bots in ascending order of Sexiness. If this is a tie, choose randomly.
10. Run the Simulate Season Protocol with all bots remaining in the game except the first bot on the date. Record how I did. Do this for all bots on the date. Give roses to the bots in order of worst to best placement (For example, if I expect to come in 5th without Alex, 6th without Bill and 4th without Charlie, give a rose to Bill and then to Alex.)
11. If one of the stats that will determine the puppetmaster for the next round is Classiness, then compare the Classiness of the bots to my own. If I do not have the highest classiness, give roses to the bots in order of ascending classiness.
12. Repeat Step 11 with Fit, then with Sexiness, then with Social and Awkward (giving roses in order of descending Social and Awkward if I do not have the sole lowest value in that stat).
13. Repeat steps 11 and 12 with the stats that will determine the puppetmaster two rounds from now.
14. Give roses to the bots that have given me roses.
15. Give roses to the remaining bots in order of ascending number of times they were puppetmaster.
16. Give roses to the remaining bots in order of descending number of times they were the gossip target.
17. Give roses to the bots that do not have secrets or have revealed their secrets.
18. Give roses to the remaining bots in ascending order of Sexiness. If this is a tie, choose randomly.
19. Add up the Exotic and Social stats of each bot. If I am second highest or tied for the highest, give roses to all bots in ascending order of Exotic+Social.
20. Find the bot with the highest exotic+social. This is Bot A. Of the other two bots, the bot with the next highest exotic+social is Bot B. The other bot is Bot C.
21. Subtract the number of roses Bot A gave to Bot B from the number of roses Bot A gave to me.
22. Subtract the number of roses Bot A gave to Bot C from the number of roses Bot A gave to me.
23. Subtract the number of roses Bot B gave to Bot C from the number of roses Bot B gave to me.
24. If the number from step 21 is the highest, give roses to Bots A and B. If the number from step 22 is the highest, give roses to Bots A and C. If the number from step 23 is the highest, give roses to Bots B and C.
25. If steps 21, 22 and 23 are all tied, go to step 26. Otherwise if step 21 and step 22 are tied for the highest, give a rose to Bot A. If steps 21 and 23 are tied for the highest, give a rose to Bot B. If steps 22 and 23 are tied for the highest, give a rose to Bot C.
26. Of the remaining bots, add up their Classiness Quotient, their Fitness Quotient and their Sexiness Quotient. Give roses to the bots with the lowest sums.
27. Give a rose to the bot that has been puppetmaster the least.
28. If a bot has received a rose after revealing a secret, give the rose to the other bot.
29. Give a rose to the bot that has survived the least two on one dates.
30. Give a rose to the bot with the lowest sexiness stat. If this is a tie, choose randomly.

Spoiler: Quotients
Calculate Bot Quotients Protocol
IMPORTANT: RUN THIS PROTOCOL AFTER EVERY TIME A BOT IS PUPPETMASTER

1. Multiply their Classiness Quotient by the number of times they have been puppetmaster before this round. If this is their first time being puppetmaster, their Classiness Quotient starts at 0.
2. If this bot has just finished being a puppetmaster for a one on one date, go to step 3.
3. If they did not give out a rose on the one on one date, take the Classiness of the bot they did not give a rose to and divide it by 80.
4. If they did give a rose out on the one on one date, divide 80 by the Classiness of the bot they gave a rose to. If this number is more than 5, change this number to 5.
5. Take the number from step 3 or 4 and add it to the number from step 1. Divide this by the number of times they have been puppetmaster, including this round. This is their Classiness Quotient.
6. Repeat Steps 1-5 for Sexiness, Fitness, Exotic and Social, calculating their respective quotient.

Simulate Season Protocol
For this protocol, we are given a list of bots and attempt to simulate the rest of the season. When our bot is eliminated during this protocol, we stop and record what place we expect our bot to get.

1. Make a list of all the bots remaining.
2. If there are 12 or more bots left, go to step 3. If there are between 7 and 11 bots left, go to step 8. If there are between 4 and 7 bots left, go to step 14. If there are 3 bots left, go to step 18. If there are only two bots left, go to step 21.
3. Find the stat that determines who the puppetmaster is for a one on one date, based on the number of bots left.
4. Find the bot with the highest value in this stat. That bot is now the One on One Puppetmaster. If this is a tie, randomly pick the puppetmaster from the tied bots. Remove this bot from the list.
5. The bot with the next highest value in the stat from step 3 goes on the One on One Date. If there is a tie, choose randomly from the tied bots. This bot is known as the One On One Datee. Remove this bot from the list.
6. Multiply the Fitness of the One On One Datee by the Fitness Quotient of the One On One Puppetmaster. Multiply the Sexiness of the One On One Datee by the Sexiness Quotient of the One On One Puppetmaster. Multiply the Classiness of the One On One Datee by the Classiness Quotient of the One On One Puppetmaster. Multiply the Social stat of the One On One Datee by the Social Quotient of the One On One Puppetmaster. Multiply the Exotic stat of the One On One Datee by the Exotic Quotient of the One On One Puppetmaster.
7. Add all the numbers from step 6 together. Subtract 50 for each time the One On One Puppetmaster gave a rose to the One On One Datee. If this number is greater than 400, the One On One Puppetmaster eliminates the One On One Datee. Go to step 8.
8. Find the stat that determines who the puppetmaster is for a two on one date, based on the number of bots left.
9. Find the bot with the highest value in this stat. That bot is now the Two on One Puppetmaster. If this is a tie, randomly pick the puppetmaster from the tied bots. Remove this bot from the list.
10. Of the bots still left in the list, the two with the highest value in the stat from step 8 go on the Two on One Date. They will be known as Bot X and Bot Y. Remove these bots from the list.
11. Multiply the Fitness of Bot X by the Fitness Quotient of the Two On One Puppetmaster. Multiply the Sexiness of Bot X by the Sexiness Quotient of the Two On One Puppetmaster. Multiply the Classiness of Bot X by the Classiness Quotient of the Two On One Puppetmaster. Multiply the Social stat of Bot X by the Social Quotient of the Two On One Puppetmaster. Multiply the Exotic stat of Bot X by the Exotic Quotient of the Two On One Puppetmaster.
12. Add these numbers together and subtract 50 for each time the Two on One Puppetmaster gave a rose to Bot X.
13. Repeat steps 11-12 for Bot Y. The Bot with the higher number is eliminated. If there is a tie, one of these bots is eliminated randomly. Go to step 14.
14. Find the stat that determines who the puppetmaster is for the group date, based on the number of bots left.
15. If there are fewer than 7 bots in the game, find the bot with the highest value in that stat. They are now the Group Puppetmaster. Remove that bot from the list. Otherwise, find the bot with the lowest value in that stat. That bot is now the Group Puppetmaster. Remove that bot from the list.
16. If step 15 results in a tie, choose the puppetmaster randomly from the tied bots.
17. Repeat steps 11 and 12 for each bot in the list, this time multiplying their value in each stat by the respective quotient of the Group Puppetmaster. For each bot, subtract 50 for each rose they previously received from the Group Puppetmaster. The bot with the highest number is eliminated. If there is a tie, eliminate randomly from the tied bots.
18. Add the Group Puppetmaster, the Two on One Puppetmaster, the One on One Puppetmaster, the surviving bot from the two on one date and the One on One Datee, if it survived, back to the list. Go back to step 1.
19. For each bot left, add up their social and exotic stats. The bot with the highest value becomes the puppetmaster. If there is a tie, a puppetmaster is chosen randomly from the tied bots.
20. Repeat steps 11 and 12 for each of the other two bots, using the puppetmaster's quotients. Subtract 50 for each rose one of the other two bots has gotten from the puppetmaster. The bot with the higher value is eliminated. If there is a tie, eliminate one of these two randomly. Go to step 21.
21. Sum up each bot's values in the classiness, fitness and sexiness stats. The bot with the higher sum is the winner. The other bot is the runner up.

Calculate Group Vulnerability Protocol
1. For each bot on the group date, multiply their fitness by the Fitness Quotient of the Group Puppetmaster. Then multiply their sexiness by the Sexiness Quotient of the Group Puppetmaster. Then multiply their classiness by the Classiness Quotient of the Group Puppetmaster. Then multiply their exotic stat by the Exotic Quotient of the Group Puppetmaster. Then multiply their social stat by the Social Quotient of the Group Puppetmaster. Then subtract 50 for each time that bot got a rose from the current puppetmaster.
2. Rank the bots in descending order based on their number from step 1. The bot at the top of the list is considered to be the most vulnerable.

Spoiler: Swiftbot

NAME: SwiftBot
Picture URL: http://www.lyricsmode.com/i/bpictures/10381.png
Job: Pop Queen
Hometown: New York, New York
Catch phrase: Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
What secret does your robot have? She has a standing date to feud with Kanye West every few years.
Sexy 107
Fit 83
Exotic 8
Social 96
Classy 106

SWIFTSQUAD:

Swiftbot is always considered part of the SWIFTSQUAD.
If Swiftbot receives a rose from a bot, that bot is now part of the SWIFTSQUAD
If Swiftbot has not been targeted by a bot for the gossip target for a least 4 rounds, that bot is now part of the SWIFTSQUAD

[Secret]
Reveal secret if Kanye West has released new music since the last time programs were run or if I am the gossip target twice in a row whichever comes first.

[Gossip Target]
Round 1 Target the bot with the lowest Classy stat. If there is a tie randomize between tied bots.
Round 2 Target the bot with the lowest Classy stat unless it got the last rose in the most recent group date, then go up to next highest. If there is a tie randomize between tied bots.
Round 3 onward Target the bot with the lowest Classy stat unless it got the last rose in the most recent group date, or if the bot is in the SWIFTSQUAD, then go up to next highest. If there is a tie randomize between tied bots. If all bots are in the SWIFTSQUAD randomize from all bots excluding Swiftbot and any bots with higher Classy stat than Swiftbot.


[1-on-1]
Round 1-2 Give rose is target has higher classy stat than Swiftbot or does not target Swiftbot for the gossip target. Otherwise do not give rose.
Round 3 onward Give rose if target is in the SWIFTSQUAD. Otherwise do not give rose.

[2-on-1]
Round 1 Give rose to the bot who has the higher classy stat. If there is a tie, then randomize between tied bots.
Round 2 onward If only one bot is in the SWIFTSQUAD give rose to that bot. If both bots are in the SWIFTSQUAD, give rose to the bot who was in the SWIFTQUAD earliest. If both bots entered the SWIFTSQUAD at the same time, choose the bot who has the highest Classy stat. If there is a tie then randomize between tied bots.

[Group]
Round 1
-First give rose to bot with highest Classy stat. If there is a tie then randomize between tied bots.
-Second Give rose to Swiftbot.
-Third give remaining roses to remaining bots with the highest Classy stats in descending order. If there is tie randomize between tied bots.
Round 2 onward
-First give rose to Bot who was in SWIFTSQUAD earliest other than Swiftbot. If no bot fits this criteria give rose to bot with highest classy Stat. If there is a tie, randomize between tied bots. If there is only one rose to give out, give it to Swiftbot.
-Second give rose to Swiftbot unless rose was already given to Swiftbot, otherwise skip this step.
-Third give rose to any bots in the SWIFTSQUAD starting with any bot who entered the SWIFTSQUAD most recently and going backwards. If there is a tie randomize between tied bots.
-Fourth Give roses to bot with highest Classy stat in descending order. If there is a tie, randomize between tied bots.

Spoiler: grumpy's ex

Grumpy’s Ex

Sexy 106
Fit 21
Exotic 212
Social 31
Classy 30

[Secret]
Has no idea why her ex is an attempted murderer. Reveal when drunk which is round 2!

[Gossip Target]
Target Grumpy. Make fun of his drunk crying.

[1-on-1]
Give rose if Lisa Welchel is not on the one-on-one date. Especially if there’s a cat involved.

[2-on-1]
Give rose to Natalie, or Alexis, or any other girl that grumpy has become completely devoted to. Or just give it to the most awkward girl, because being socially awkward normally, but becoming a social butterfly when drunk is a-okay with him.

[Group]
Anyway, to sum up, I think that exemplifies how I played the best game and why I deserve to win Survivor Medevac. Never once did I need immunity (or even the hidden immunity idol) to stay in this game. Instead, I made a huge big move to put myself in the best position possible which also established long-lasting, trusting relationships. I then used these relationships to make the best moves possible given the resources I had to take out major threats to my game. I also grew so much as not only a player, but as a person. I was constantly learning new things the entire game (fun fact: took me like a week to figure out what a pagong was lol). And finally, which may be even more important than all else, I made friendships with you guys that I think transcend this game.
Give to all the players who have the lowest social stat.

Spoiler: preggobot

NAME: Preggobot
Sexy 230
Playful 63
Exotic 55
Social 31
Classy 21

[Secret]
Reveal secret when Preggobot reaches 4 months post-mcDonald’s bathroom pregnancy test that was bought from the dollar store. In game terms, this would be during Round 3.

[Gossip Target]
Will choose either the player who won the last 1-on-1 or 2-on-1 date. If it is the first round, choose at random. Between eligible players from above, choose the one who has earned first rose in a group date, if none, then second rose in a group date, if none, then third rose in a group date...etc until final rose in a group date. If there is still a tie, select whoever has highest stat that will become next puppetmaster for next 2-on-1 date.

[1-on-1]
Give rose if player has participated in fewer than two 2-on-1 dates. If not, NO ROSE FOR YOU.

[2-on-1]
Give rose to player who first meets the criterion, if no player meets criterion, go to next step:
1) Give rose to the bot that was the gossip target more frequently. If tied or neither were gossip target, see 2.
2) Give rose to the bot that survived most 2 on 1 dates. If tied or neither have been on a 2-on-1 date, see 3.
3) Give rose to the bot that has the highest Sexy stat.
4) Give rose to the bot that has the highest Fit stat.
5) Give rose to the bot that has the highest Classy stat.

[Group]
Any bot who earns more than 99 V-Points, that bot earns a rose, give remaining roses in randomized order
1) If a bot has been Gossip target, that bot receives 100 V-Points
2) If a bot has received a rose after revealing a secret, give 58 V-Points
3) If a bot has a lower Sexy Stat than Preggobot, that bot receives 20 V-Points
4) If a bot has won Puppetmaster and did not give a rose to Sassypantsbot, that bot receives 72 V-points
5) If a bot has higher Classy Stat than Sassypantsbot, that bot receives 36 V-Points
6) If a bot has impregnated Preggobot, that bot loses 9999 V-Points