"Hello everybody! I'm a Tour Guide. But not just any kind of Tour Guide, a Tour Guide from the Underworld! WOW! That must make me special huh? OH MY GAWD! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE A SELFIE! OKAY, HERE YOU GO!
Don't I just look adorable? I'm free tonight if you want--
Wait, what's that? I'm not in any way, shape, or form related to the flavor because I'm
just a yugioh card.
Well then, fuck you then. As I am a beautiful, precious Tour Guide, I am allowed to Tour whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want, and I most certainly will NOT have you interfering and telling me what I can or can't tour you ungrateful prick. I'll have you know, I lead more tours than your mother gave birth. Hah! Take that for an insult! Do you feel insulted yet? I'll have you know I am the best insulter in the underworld. No?...Oh well, whatever.
This is Academy City! Academy City is a really scientifically advanced city. Now, what is special about this city? Well for starters, it has an AMAZING population of 2.3 MILLION! I MEAN, GOD DAM, THAT MUST BE A LOT OF PEOPLE! But ya wanna know the next layer to that? Yeah, it gets more and more complicated. 80% Of those AMAZING PEOPLE are S-T-U-D-E-N-T-s. What does that spell, hold on, I'm failing high school english, I need to look up how to spell the word 'Students.' ... OKAY FOUND IT! IT SPELLS CHILDREN! OH MY GOD I FUCKING HATE CHILDREN!
Wait, I look like a child myself? I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW I AM WAY OLDER THAN YOU MISTER! I'VE BEEN TOURING SHIT SINCE AMERICA'S GREAT DEPRESSION, AND I'VE BEEN TOURING EUROPE DURING THE BLACK DEATH, AND oh god i bring bad luck and most likely death wherever i go huh...OH WELL, SUCKS TO BE THOSE NERDS THAT DIED! hahahaha you get the point. Now where was I? Oh yes.
I FUCKING HATE CHILDREN! WHY? WELL I HATE THEM BECAUSE...BECAUSE...because...Okay, maybe I forget why, BUT I DO OKAY TRUST ME, I GOT THIS! Alright, Academy City is way ahead of the world in Tech. Like, years man. 20 or 30 to be exact. That's a fucking lot of years. Okay, enough of the boring shit.
Why do people care about this place? Oh man, you're going to LOVE this bullshit. They want to learn how to use MAGICAL POWERS GRANTED BY THE POWER OF SCIENCE! Yeah, I know right, it's total bullshit. And it's not Magic either, that's something completely different. They're called
Esper Powers
. What kind of bullshit name is that? Well, not important. Point is, some crazy shit can happen in this place. So you gotta be prepared! Let me tell ya, Academy City has some GREAT security. Like, it is amazing! Maybe that's why some really idiotic parents feel confident in sending their children away. They think Academy City has this "Amazing Security" when really the parents are just, Hint: Stupid.
Wait, am I talking about the city's flaws? I have no idea what you're talking about. Um... OH! WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO TAKE A SHORT STOP HERE. GET OFF OF THE FUCKING BUS NOW. WE'LL CONTINUE THE TOUR IN ABOUT UM...NEVER! YEAH! SEE YA LATER!
OH YEAH BY THE WAY, keep an eye out for BAD PEOPLE!.
Dipshits."