It's the SCUMMIES!
Thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen for coming tonight. We've got a great show for you, full of guest appearances, great bands, talking animals... wait, I think the teleprompter just got fired... Waiting... waiting... okay... There actually is no band, and I'm the only person here. But I have a responsibility to make sure the academey regrets the decision to have an open bar backstage.
Now, what you've really all been waiting for (patiently I might add, even the American Penal system has a faster turnaround time than this year's judges), is to hear the winners of the categories YOU picked and the nominees YOU spat on!
Without further ado, I bring you to the awards:
Best Role Claim - "The Johnny Cochrane Award"
You all remember the Chewbacca defense, don't you? It helped O.J., and it helped
JohnWwells
as the OTHER Lord Vetenari in Anarchy in Ankh-morpork. Congratulations, JWW!Funniest Role Claim - "George W Bush Award"
Well, there was only one nomination, and the judges couldn't even be bothered to vote to acclaim, and he doesn't play anymore, but by default,
RubberDuck
as the Village Idiot in Normal 10: Intrigue. *muted clapping*Best Role (new or adaptation) - "Flying Pumpkin That Shoots Lazers Out Of Its Ass Award"
We all loved the pumpkin, who double-cheekedly saved the town in Improbable Role by blasting away the unlynchable killer robot, and we all appreciate the effort that moderators put towards inventing new and exciting roles to play... so the judges are pleased to present this award, dubbing him an honourary pumpkin, to
Dr Charles Weathers / Jack the Ripper
, created by Leonidas
+ Cadmium
.Best Theme Adaptation - "Dragon Phoenix award"
On that note, the Sherlock Holmes theme game was deamed so successful that they were nominated for the DP award (in honour of our illustrious Mafia Mod extraordinaire), but could not compete with the time and effort put into the
Ankh-Morpork
game designed by Dragon Slayer
and Polotet
. Another heartfelt congratulations and thanks for a wonderful game.Person most likely to die night 1 - "Kenny Award"
Always good for a laugh, someone has to die night 1. It used to be a dubious honour, but Kenny made it cool. This year's award is being given to the player the judges felt got smoked time and time again, proportionately much more often than could be possibly justified,
rite
!Best Performance (either singular or team) - "Oscar"
Mafia is a performing art, and this award is to recognize outstanding play, or outstanding results. With little aid from night time roles, one town systematically rid themselves of mafia day after day, resulting in one of the quickest wins and really showing our community how to play the game. The Oscar goes to...
the Shrek Town
. Best Night Scene writer - "Paperback Writer Award"
Rarely an important part IRL games, but an excellent opportunity for some flavour text, and one of the most appealing parts of the online experience: Night Scenes. Different styles have come and gone, but some moderators and writers always take the extra step. Tonight we comemerate TWO great writers:
Sketchwick
and Macros
!Best Contribution to mafia discusion - "Professor Mafia award"
Went unawarded.
The best mafia catcher - "Paragon of Mafia Hunters award"
Went unawarded.
In both cases, the judges wanted more nominees to pick from, and couldn't justly award these without considering a wider range of excellent candidates.
Most likely to be lynched on day 1 - "The Scapegoat award"
For pissing the wrong people off time and time again, and still managing to look scummy after only a few posts each game, this award goes to
Blackhawk
, now our official day 1 bandwagon target. Best SK - "Hannibal Lector Award"
The Serial Killer has always been heralded as the most difficult role to play. Alone, dangerous, and with a win condition so straightforward a maqaque has a better chance of winning than the poor bastard who gets stuck with the chore, some players still step up and outwit the town AND the mafia. This award is for the serial killers who pull off the win, or who get mighty close. Tonight, we recognize
MeMe
in MaSiaSTOM
!Funniest player - "The Coffee on the Monitor award"
Whenever you have smart, fun-loving people with too much time on their hands, you have humour. The phrase coffee on the monitor was coined some time ago, and apparently is a ballooning problem, but I haven't the faintest idea who would set their cup on top of their monitor, and then find something so funny they leap into the air, throw their heads back, open their mouths wide enough to swallow their cat and letting loose a belly laugh that helps them loose 15 pounds a minute, all the while gesticulating emphatically... until they knock over the coffee cup. But here is to those scummers who get us time and time again (in a three-way-tie!):
MeMe
, Macros
and mathcam
!Behind the scenes contrib - "The Who Needs Their Username in Orange Award"
On a more serious note, some players have taken extra duties upon themselves in order to keep this place up and running. The admin couldn't do it all themselves, although some admin are really cool (like jeep! where's his award, you sick bastards?!), some players are also really cool in this respect. We proudly acknowledge the behind the scenes contribution, espcially in queue maintenance, of
MeMe
!Most Prolific player - "Addict award"
Our last award of the night, and debatably, the most important. This is an online community, fueled entirely by content. This content comes from one place, our users. Post or Perish? I choose post. And so does our posterboy:
mathcam
!That's it for me folks. Please have your acceptance speaches ready, we're all dying to hear from someone that isn't me!
.
(Not that I'm angry at DP, cause I'm not at all). I would find it humorous if I hadn't put the time into those posts. 
