Zendo Questions III

[Ethel]

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now.

(Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class.

(No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one.

(Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law.

(No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits...

(Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law!

(Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza.

(Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed.

(Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions.

(Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid.

(No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience.

(No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing.

(No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't.

(No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching.

(Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf.

(No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not.

(No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight.

(No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't.

(No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued?

(No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not!

(Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one.

(No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned?

(No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo!

(No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it.

(Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me.

(Yes.)

[StrangerCoug]

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now.

(Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class.

(No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one.

(Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law.

(No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits...

(Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law!

(Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza.

(Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed.

(Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions.

(Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid.

(No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience.

(No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing.

(No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't.

(No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching.

(Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf.

(No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not.

(No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight.

(No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't.

(No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued?

(No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not!

(Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one.

(No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned?

(No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo!

(No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it.

(Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me.

(Yes.)

24.

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

Of course you are. You never asked, did you?

(Yes.)

[iamveryhappy]

Is the Grob playable?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now.

(Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class.

(No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one.

(Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law.

(No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits...

(Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law!

(Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza.

(Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed.

(Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions.

(Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid.

(No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience.

(No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing.

(No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't.

(No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching.

(Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf.

(No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not.

(No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight.

(No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't.

(No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued?

(No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not!

(Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one.

(No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned?

(No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo!

(No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it.

(Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me.

(Yes.)

24.

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

Of course you are. You never asked, did you?

(Yes.)

25.

Is the Grob playable?

You'll have to explain what a Grob is first.

(No.)

[iamveryhappy]

I'm referring to 1.g4.
Is throwing snowballs at the lawyers a better choice compared to throwing water balloons?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now.

(Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class.

(No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one.

(Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law.

(No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits...

(Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law!

(Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza.

(Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed.

(Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions.

(Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid.

(No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience.

(No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing.

(No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't.

(No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching.

(Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf.

(No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not.

(No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight.

(No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't.

(No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued?

(No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not!

(Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one.

(No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned?

(No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo!

(No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it.

(Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me.

(Yes.)

24.

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

Of course you are. You never asked, did you?

(Yes.)

25.

Is the Grob playable?

You'll have to explain what a Grob is first.

(No.)

26.

Is throwing snowballs at the lawyers a better choice compared to throwing water balloons?

This is why you're going to jail.

(No.)

[StrangerCoug]

Does iamveryhappy believe that you play chess?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now.

(Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class.

(No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one.

(Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law.

(No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits...

(Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law!

(Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza.

(Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed.

(Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions.

(Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid.

(No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience.

(No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing.

(No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't.

(No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching.

(Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf.

(No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not.

(No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight.

(No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't.

(No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued?

(No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not!

(Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one.

(No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned?

(No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo!

(No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it.

(Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me.

(Yes.)

24.

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

Of course you are. You never asked, did you?

(Yes.)

25.

Is the Grob playable?

You'll have to explain what a Grob is first.

(No.)

26.

Is throwing snowballs at the lawyers a better choice compared to throwing water balloons?

This is why you're going to jail.

(No.)

27.

Does iamveryhappy believe that you play chess?

I play chess, but I failed the nerdcheck with that Grob opening namedrop.

(No.)

[StrangerCoug]

Should I get better at chess?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now.

(Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class.

(No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one.

(Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law.

(No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits...

(Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law!

(Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza.

(Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed.

(Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions.

(Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid.

(No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience.

(No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing.

(No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't.

(No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching.

(Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf.

(No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not.

(No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight.

(No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't.

(No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued?

(No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not!

(Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one.

(No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned?

(No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo!

(No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it.

(Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me.

(Yes.)

24.

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

Of course you are. You never asked, did you?

(Yes.)

25.

Is the Grob playable?

You'll have to explain what a Grob is first.

(No.)

26.

Is throwing snowballs at the lawyers a better choice compared to throwing water balloons?

This is why you're going to jail.

(No.)

27.

Does iamveryhappy believe that you play chess?

I play chess, but I failed the nerdcheck with that Grob opening namedrop.

(No.)

28.

Should I get better at chess?

It's just like any other game - fun, but a waste of time.

(No.)

[StrangerCoug]

Is this, therefore, a waste of time?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now.

(Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class.

(No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one.

(Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law.

(No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits...

(Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law!

(Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza.

(Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed.

(Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions.

(Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid.

(No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience.

(No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing.

(No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't.

(No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching.

(Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf.

(No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not.

(No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight.

(No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't.

(No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued?

(No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not!

(Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one.

(No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned?

(No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo!

(No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it.

(Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me.

(Yes.)

24.

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

Of course you are. You never asked, did you?

(Yes.)

25.

Is the Grob playable?

You'll have to explain what a Grob is first.

(No.)

26.

Is throwing snowballs at the lawyers a better choice compared to throwing water balloons?

This is why you're going to jail.

(No.)

27.

Does iamveryhappy believe that you play chess?

I play chess, but I failed the nerdcheck with that Grob opening namedrop.

(No.)

28.

Should I get better at chess?

It's just like any other game - fun, but a waste of time.

(No.)

29.

Is this, therefore, a waste of time?

Isn't life just one big waste of time? It's still worth living.

(No.)

[Farren]

Are you a law abiding citizen?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now. (Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class. (No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one. (Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law. (No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits... (Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law! (Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza. (Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed. (Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions. (Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid. (No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience. (No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing. (No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't. (No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching. (Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf. (No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not. (No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight. (No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't. (No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued? (No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not! (Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one. (No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned? (No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo! (No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it. (Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me. (Yes.)

24.

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

Of course you are. You never asked, did you? (Yes.)

25.

Is the Grob playable?

You'll have to explain what a Grob is first. (No.)

26.

Is throwing snowballs at the lawyers a better choice compared to throwing water balloons?

This is why you're going to jail. (No.)

27.

Does iamveryhappy believe that you play chess?

I play chess, but I failed the nerdcheck with that Grob opening namedrop. (No.)

28.

Should I get better at chess?

It's just like any other game - fun, but a waste of time. (No.)

29.

Is this, therefore, a waste of time?

Isn't life just one big waste of time? It's still worth living. (No.)

30.

Are you a law abiding citizen?

Sometimes I jaywalk. Big deal. And also there's this one phase of my life where I shoplifted from malls throughout my junior and senior year. Oolala. (No.)

[Ethel]

Are you the law abiding citizen?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now. (Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class. (No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one. (Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law. (No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits... (Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law! (Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza. (Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed. (Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions. (Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid. (No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience. (No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing. (No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't. (No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching. (Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf. (No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not. (No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight. (No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't. (No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued? (No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not! (Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one. (No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned? (No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo! (No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it. (Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me. (Yes.)

24.

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

Of course you are. You never asked, did you? (Yes.)

25.

Is the Grob playable?

You'll have to explain what a Grob is first. (No.)

26.

Is throwing snowballs at the lawyers a better choice compared to throwing water balloons?

This is why you're going to jail. (No.)

27.

Does iamveryhappy believe that you play chess?

I play chess, but I failed the nerdcheck with that Grob opening namedrop. (No.)

28.

Should I get better at chess?

It's just like any other game - fun, but a waste of time. (No.)

29.

Is this, therefore, a waste of time?

Isn't life just one big waste of time? It's still worth living. (No.)

30.

Are you a law abiding citizen?

Sometimes I jaywalk. Big deal. And also there's this one phase of my life where I shoplifted from malls throughout my junior and senior year. Oolala. (No.)

31.

Are you the law abiding citizen?

Enough with this confusing question! I am the law! I am not the law abiding citizen. I am not a law abiding citizen. I am the law! (No.)

[Ethel]

Do you agree that the bongcloud is the best opening?

[StrangerCoug]

Shall we kill all the lawyers, or at least all the ones who don't play chess?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now. (Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class. (No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one. (Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law. (No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits... (Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law! (Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza. (Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed. (Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions. (Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid. (No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience. (No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing. (No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't. (No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching. (Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf. (No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not. (No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight. (No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't. (No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued? (No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not! (Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one. (No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned? (No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo! (No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it. (Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me. (Yes.)

24.

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

Of course you are. You never asked, did you? (Yes.)

25.

Is the Grob playable?

You'll have to explain what a Grob is first. (No.)

26.

Is throwing snowballs at the lawyers a better choice compared to throwing water balloons?

This is why you're going to jail. (No.)

27.

Does iamveryhappy believe that you play chess?

I play chess, but I failed the nerdcheck with that Grob opening namedrop. (No.)

28.

Should I get better at chess?

It's just like any other game - fun, but a waste of time. (No.)

29.

Is this, therefore, a waste of time?

Isn't life just one big waste of time? It's still worth living. (No.)

30.

Are you a law abiding citizen?

Sometimes I jaywalk. Big deal. And also there's this one phase of my life where I shoplifted from malls throughout my junior and senior year. Oolala. (No.)

31.

Are you the law abiding citizen?

Enough with this confusing question! I am the law! I am not the law abiding citizen. I am not a law abiding citizen. I am the law! (No.)

32.

Do you agree that the Bongcloud is the best opening?

It's objectively bad. Please just study a normal opening. (No.)

33.

Shall we kill all the lawyers, or at least all the ones who don't play chess?

...That's prison again for you. (No.)

[Ethel]

Should lawyers be replaced with trial by chess?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now. (Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class. (No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one. (Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law. (No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits... (Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law! (Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza. (Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed. (Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions. (Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid. (No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience. (No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing. (No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't. (No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching. (Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf. (No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not. (No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight. (No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't. (No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued? (No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not! (Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one. (No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned? (No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo! (No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it. (Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me. (Yes.)

24.

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

Of course you are. You never asked, did you? (Yes.)

25.

Is the Grob playable?

You'll have to explain what a Grob is first. (No.)

26.

Is throwing snowballs at the lawyers a better choice compared to throwing water balloons?

This is why you're going to jail. (No.)

27.

Does iamveryhappy believe that you play chess?

I play chess, but I failed the nerdcheck with that Grob opening namedrop. (No.)

28.

Should I get better at chess?

It's just like any other game - fun, but a waste of time. (No.)

29.

Is this, therefore, a waste of time?

Isn't life just one big waste of time? It's still worth living. (No.)

30.

Are you a law abiding citizen?

Sometimes I jaywalk. Big deal. And also there's this one phase of my life where I shoplifted from malls throughout my junior and senior year. Oolala. (No.)

31.

Are you the law abiding citizen?

Enough with this confusing question! I am the law! I am not the law abiding citizen. I am not a law abiding citizen. I am the law! (No.)

32.

Do you agree that the Bongcloud is the best opening?

It's objectively bad. Please just study a normal opening. (No.)

33.

Shall we kill all the lawyers, or at least all the ones who don't play chess?

...That's prison again for you. (No.)

34.

Should lawyers be replaced with trial by chess?

Oh god no. There's gonna be a natural selection of smarter criminals out in the wild. (No.)

[Farren]

Hey?

[humaneatingmonkey]

0.

Are you the law?

I am now. (Yes.)

0.

Am I the law?

No, you belong to the filthy petitioner class. (No.)

1.

Are you a lawyer?

Not exactly, but I can argue like one. (Yes.)

2.

Am I a lawyer?

Well, that depends on your commitment to the law. (No.)

3.

Are you calling me a criminal?

Well, if the shoe fits... (Yes.)

4.

Would you hand me over to the police?

I'll hand you over to myself - because I am the law! (Yes.)

5.

Should I order pizza?

Life is short, eat the pizza. (Yes.)

6.

Is there any particular reason why my computer is on fire?

Perhaps it couldn't handle your blazing typing speed. (Yes.)

7.

Are you on fire?

Only when I'm answering questions. (Yes.)

8.

Do you have any idea how to fix my life?

Not without a comprehensive life manual, I'm afraid. (No.)

9.

Am I supposed to be in prison?

That's between you and your conscience. (No.)

Guess: If the question contains the letters 'O','U','R' = Yes

Incorrect!

Counterexample: 9. Am I supposed to be in prison? (No.)

10.

Are dentists more afraid of me than I am of them?

Only if you're not flossing. (No.)

11.

Could you recommend me a good book?

I could, but I won't. (No.)

12.

Is iamveryhappy guilty of a crime?

Maybe, but I'm not snitching. (Yes.)

13.

Are you gonna recommend me a good book if I keep asking you?

I can't assure it will be good for you, but it's a graphic novel called "Killing and Dying" by Adrian Tomine. I randomly picked it up trying to learn how to write for graphic novels. The stories are kinda forgettable, but they're deeply moving stories about humans. Plus, they look good on your shelf. (No.)

14.

Is the roof on fire?

Let's hope not. (No.)

15.

Do we need any water?

Only if you're planning to start a water balloon fight. (No.)

16.

Do we need lawyers?

Not if you can avoid trouble, you don't. (No.)

17.

Shall I start a water balloon fight with the lawyers?

Do you want to get sued? (No.)

18.

Are you guilty of a crime?

Absolutely not! (Yes.)

19.

Is there crime?

Not unless you want to confess to one. (No.)

20.

Should iamveryhappy be pardoned of his crime that he definitely didn't do?

If he didn't do any crime, should he even be pardoned? (No.)

21.

Are you sure this isn't some kind of kangaroo court?

I'm a monkey - not a kangaroo! (No.)

22.

Do you agree that StrangerCoug should be jailed for attempting to frame me for a crime I didn't commit?

Uhh... yeah. Sure. Fuck it. (Yes.)

23.

Will you help me break StrangerCoug out of jail?

Only because you're so nice to me. (Yes.)

24.

Hey, am I not entitled to a defense?

Of course you are. You never asked, did you? (Yes.)

25.

Is the Grob playable?

You'll have to explain what a Grob is first. (No.)

26.

Is throwing snowballs at the lawyers a better choice compared to throwing water balloons?

This is why you're going to jail. (No.)

27.

Does iamveryhappy believe that you play chess?

I play chess, but I failed the nerdcheck with that Grob opening namedrop. (No.)

28.

Should I get better at chess?

It's just like any other game - fun, but a waste of time. (No.)

29.

Is this, therefore, a waste of time?

Isn't life just one big waste of time? It's still worth living. (No.)

30.

Are you a law abiding citizen?

Sometimes I jaywalk. Big deal. And also there's this one phase of my life where I shoplifted from malls throughout my junior and senior year. Oolala. (No.)

31.

Are you the law abiding citizen?

Enough with this confusing question! I am the law! I am not the law abiding citizen. I am not a law abiding citizen. I am the law! (No.)

32.

Do you agree that the Bongcloud is the best opening?

It's objectively bad. Please just study a normal opening. (No.)

33.

Shall we kill all the lawyers, or at least all the ones who don't play chess?

...That's prison again for you. (No.)

34.

Should lawyers be replaced with trial by chess?

Oh god no. There's gonna be a natural selection of smarter criminals out in the wild. (No.)

35.

Hey?

Hey yourself, mister. (No.)