Spoil a Wish II

[StrangerCoug]

International Mish Mash Month 2023 brought it back for a day, and I thought it was fun enough to revive as its own thread.

I will start by posting a wish. The next poster will grant that wish, but with a caveat or consequence that... doesn't make the original wish all that I chalked it up to be. Then that poster will follow it up with their own wish to be spoiled, and the cycle continues until everybody is bored of playing.

Let's get started:

I wish for this thread to be as successful as the last one.

[mallowgeno]

(Thanks for making this, we needed this back )

Granted. This thread gets sidetracked into an indefinite discussion thread about llamas.

I wish I could live on the moon

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You forget your spacesuit and suffocate.

I wish to be out of credit card debt.

[Farren]

Granted. Your debt is purchased by a local crime syndicate.

I wish I had a pet llama.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. It's dead.

I wish to be more productive at work.

[Gregor M. Silverclaw]

Granted. While being productive at work, you injure yourself severely and are now bedbound.

I wish for this wish to not be fulfilled.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. Your wish must instead suffer not getting what it wants.

I wish my dream keyboard didn't cost an arm and a leg.

[mallowgeno]

Granted. You lose both your arms and now have your dream keyboard!

I wish I was better at hiding bodies

[Gregor M. Silverclaw]

Granted. You now hide your bodies under the police station instead of in them.

I wish for a sword.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You are decapitated with it.

I wish my cat would stop waking me up every morning for breakfast.

[Alianna]

Granted. Your job switches to night shift and the cat wakes you up every evening for breakfast.

I wish to roll SK in my next game.

[biancospino]

Granted. Your first victim is a Reflexive Psychiatrist.

I wish for infinite wishes.

[Farren]

Granted. But you must make all your wishes before any more are granted; no leftovers allowed.

I wish for a greater understanding of social behavior.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. It still makes no logical sense to you since people do not always behave logically.

I wish the USPS would drop off packages at my doorstep. It's a gated apartment community.

[Silverclaw]

Granted. The packages all arrive damaged and broken.

I wish for a good night's rest.

[Ethel]

Granted. You sleep so deeply that you don't even get woken by all the noise the burglars make.

I wish to learn necromancy.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You bring Jeffrey Dahmer back to life. I... kinda wish that person stayed dead...

I wish Ethel did not revive Jeffrey Dahmer.

[Ethel]

Granted. You travel back in time and stop me from exercising my necromancy, but you also meet yourself and inadvertently break the space-time continuum, thus destroying the entire universe.

I wish I had a friendly dragon.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. It takes up a lot of space in your house, and you don't have the proper resources to care for it. It's friendly, all right, but feels a bit uncared for from you.

I wish to be married to a beautiful wife.

[Ethel]

Granted. You're married to Scarlett Johansson, but she's so busy that you barely get to spend any time with each other and you will get divorced within two years.

I wish to be able to control the weather.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You make it sunny 24/7/365, not realizing you're creating a worldwide drought.

I wish for the negative effects of climate change to be permanently reversed.

[Merlyn]

Granted. It takes 1,000 years and humanity has long since found a different way to off themselves.

I wish I would ace my next three classes.

[Ethel]

Granted. You hire a russian mobster who threatens your teachers into giving you perfect grades, but when he asks for more money than you can give him, you have to flee to South America.

I wish I was bulletproof, like Superman.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You can still die other ways, and you get run over by an eighteen-wheeler.

I wish for caffeine.

[Alianna]

Granted. The caffeine is extracted via the process in this video.

I wish it would snow.