Spoil a Wish II

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You don't live to see it.

I wish I could afford some upgrades to my gaming rig.

[vonflare]

granted, but the upgrade is an engine, and the rig drives away.

I wish for a tuba

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You get a plastic toy tuba. Hey, it still plays music if you're willing to put batteries in it...

I wish my Uber driver didn't make a U-turn when he could've made just a left turn to get me home from work.

[Ethel]

Granted. Your Uber rating is now 1 and will stay that way forever. You no longer have to be worried about Uber drivers taking wrong turns.

I wish my bed was a teleporter to other beds.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. Your bed teleports to the bed of someone who shoots trespassers. You had better start running, or at least teleporting back quickly.

I wish I had the will to become a better artist.

[vonflare]

granted, you gain the will but lose the talent. no matter how much you struggle, you cannot improve as an artist, despite really wanting to.

I wish for a magic shield to float above me while I'm outside, that protects me from rain

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. It doesn't ever rain or snow where you're physically present at, and the only way for you to stop the resulting drought is for you to leave. The magic shield does, however, save you from being crushed by pianos, though. Poor piano.

I wish to know who tried to drop a piano on vonflare's head.

[Ethel]

Granted. You remember that it was you. Now you understand why the police are knocking at your door.

I wish I had an actual valid get-out-of-jail card incase my planned heist goes wrong.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You forget it during the heist, which does go wrong, and the police won't let you go back home for it.

I wish Uber weren't so expensive.

[Ircher]

Granted. You have to wait two hours to find someone willing to give you a ride.

I wish there were more holidays.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. Every day of the year is a holiday. It becomes hard to get work done due to few people wanting to work on a holiday.

I wish for a few more people to play my Lingo game.

[lendunistus]

granted, they cannot speak english

I wish mafiascum's twitter account was active

[vonflare]

granted, the site starts having a lot more downtime which gives the account something relevant to post about

I wish I could type with my mind - I simply imagine the characters and they appear at the cursor, without me having to press the buttons on my keyboard

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. A neural implant is placed in your brain that is targeted by hackers, and you lose control over what you type.

I wish I didn't have technical issues with my work computer.

[Alianna]

Granted. You are fired and no longer have a work computer.

I wish Mondays didn't exist.

[vonflare]

granted, the first day of the 5-day workweek is renamed to Marsday

I wish I did not need to eat anymore, and my body would just magically produce all the nutrients I need to survive.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You still have to drink in order not to die of dehydration, and your not having to eat anymore is used as an excuse to put you on a liquid diet (even though you don't need one).

I wish I never had to sleep.

[Ethel]

Granted. The CIA finds out about it and locks you up in a secret facility where they subject you to painful tests and experiments to find out your secret.

I wish there were clothes that kept you cooler instead of warmer.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. There's not as much supply of them since they're such a new technology, and the resulting prices mean that you can't afford them.

I wish I could decide on what to have for dinner.

[vonflare]

granted, but whatever you decide on, the store will be fresh out.

I wish that any pen I use can never run out of ink

[iamveryhappy]

Granted. The laws suddenly change and everyone is forced to write with pencils, anyone using pens will be serving a life sentence. You are too poor to move.
I wish I could make the next poster happy like me.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You make me happy to kill you.

I wish my cat and I would live forever.

[Ethel]

Granted. However, as a side effect your cat is filled with a burning hatred for you and will spend its eternal life hunting you and scratching your skin off whenever it finds you. Oh, and it can teleport, so good luck trapping it.

I wish I could always make babies sleep.

[iamveryhappy]

Granted. The ability is compulsive when you see one, and the babies sleep for the rest of their unfortunately short-lived lives. How you wish you made a different wish...
I wish for people to stop doing toilet paper under, they need to do it over.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. They still pee on the seat and forget to flush every so often.

I wish for a raise at work.