Polyamory

[Oman]

why do you tie everything into your creepy fetishes? you're like Nixon

Possible responses:

Historical: Man, if Nixon had been into BDSM, he probably wouldn't have felt so emasculated and powerless that he felt like he had to bug a hotel room just to feel like he was in control of something.

Political: :Angry liberal tirade about respecting others personal choices:

Beavis and Butt-head : Heh heh heh. You said "tie". Heh heh heh.

This was the best damn post in the thread until I saw IS was posting.

[Oman]

The Ethical Slut

is okay but it's dated and makes some really bizarre assumptions/value judgments.

I think any time that you try to assign logic to the sexual beast people are almost forced to make bizarre value judgments. To be honest I've never seen two people have the exact same outlook on sex before.

[Oman]

@SFG:

What does asexuality have to do with relationships? Asexuals still form bonds with other people (or so I think). Your definition only works if sex is necessary part of every relationship.

While I'm sure that some asexuals don't, I know dAnix still has several strong relationships with people. He just doesn't want to throw it in them.

[Oman]

...Wtf?

SFG, I cannot stress this enough, if someone wants

any

kind of sexual act from you, including cybering, and you tell them "no", and they keep pushing you to anyway,

that is abusive behaviour and you need to cut that person out of your life right fucking now

. No ifs, ands, or buts. These are the same kinds of asshats who think

Spoiler: trigger warning for sexual assault survivors

rape isn't rape if they coerced/bullied/pressured/threatened you until they got a "yes" out of you.

.

I think that is a slippery slope. That any form of persuasion is abusive coercion. Anyway, those people still annoy me less than people who think that

Spoiler: oh so offensive for sexual assault victims. Seriously. Don't.

just because he didn't make you feel like a princess, and gold and diamonds didn't fly out of your pussy doesn't mean you can just say you were raped. Consent is given prior, not revised after the fact. I also have insane views regarding all this shit about how if a drunk guy and a drunk girl have sex she's raped and he's a predator, what the fuck is that about? I just hate the anti-male legal system that I've seen.

[Oman]

@Oman: It doesn't become abusive until you tell them "NO" and they keep pressuring you anyway.

Defining "NO" is an interesting line though. I mean, there is the obvious line, the legal line. But yeah, I get where you're coming from. More to the point, is there any need to box it as "Rape" or "not rape" can't it just be "an encounter that I was uncomfortable with that was sexually motivated". Really the only need to define it is legal, and that has a clear delineation.

But go ahead and keep making assumptions that because I hold a strong opinion about consent, that I'm one of "those" people where EVERYTHING IS RAPE IF I SAY IT IS EVEN IF I ORIGINALLY WANTED IT AND THEN LATER DECIDED IT WAS BAD SEX GRAWR.

Didn't say that. Nor did I make that assumption. Your inability to have a conversation without making it personal disappoints me.The only assumption I made was that people were more level-headed or mature here. The only assumption I'm making now is that you're not like this all the time, and that you just misunderstood me on a sensitive topic, I hope not to be so wrong there.

Your prejudices towards anti-rape advocates are showing and I didn't come into this thread to 101 people.

Wow. This is...wow. I don't know, that's kind of a heavy thing to throw at someone. Especially with our limited interaction. I wonder if you'll rescind this or maintain it.

And tone down the fucking condescension.

I'm not being condescending. I appreciate it may have looked like that. Your opinions are noted and I hope my behaviour alters to better suit you.

Oh, and btw, not all rapes are guy-on-girl.

Oh, I know! Nor was that my point. My point was against the anti-male bias in the legal system that I have come across. Don't get me wrong, I'm aware of female on male assault, but have no experience with it, so I'd be a wanker to talk about it as if I were informed.

Well, to take Oman's side for a moment,

Just for now, I hope?

[Oman]

/in

+Xine for ideological threesome?

[Oman]

Of course, but oman's response was totally out of line.

Nope, you deemed it as such because you have an emotional reaction to it. My comments were valid, there was no need to treat me like that.

That doesn't give Oman the right to mock my respect for anyone in the thread who maybe doesn't want to talk or think about rape, and mock abuse survivors by making several blatant and marginally sexist assumptions about what they believe.

I didn't I just didn't want people to click on that without considering it. I approve of your spoiler. That line that I said is recorded in a book we keep of stupid things my colleagues and I say, and it's covered with a piece of paper. Spoiler-esque as it were. I was putting emphasis on it that I didn't want a member of this site, who I know identifies as a victim of sexual assault to read it, even though he or she reads my posts. I know that person would be offended, and I wanted him or her to know.

Didn't say that. Nor did I make that assumption.

That's how it comes across when you bring in a whole ton of crap that doesn't have anything to do with what I was talking about, though.

No but I wanted to talk about what I wanted. What you said was only marginally related to the previous conversation and SFG's comments even less, we took our own tangents. So you shouldn't try to take away my right to discuss what I am knowledgeable of.

Maybe you didn't mean to talk about people who think drunk guy/girl sex is always rape/the thing about being treated like a princess as if you were making the assumption that I held those beliefs, but that is sure as hell how it came across, and if you genuinely didn't mean it that way, then I apologize for flipping out on you, but you should mind your tone when talking about a sensitive subject, especially over the internet where I can't read your facial/body language and read your intent better. (And so should I, to be fair.)

With due respect, fuck your sensitive subjects. I agree with sensitivity to the point that I will spoiler-tag them for those with no interest/PTSD-esque responses, but to hell with you saying that I need to tiptoe around a subject. I disagree with the concept that sexual assault is any more a sensitive subject than war or famine or AIDS or homelessness. Anyone that encounters it is going to say it changed them, altered them, and scarred them, and they all need to be treated with a degree of respect, but fuck tiptoeing around simply because someone might get offended. Sometimes offence leads to an interesting unexpected outcome. (case in point). I never discussed it as if you had those beliefs. As I said, "Anyone" not you. It was the obvious editorial "you" that I used. And my thoughts on sexual assault come from my own experience that may come out in this discussion if it is appropriate. I appreciate your apology (I really do, no jest!), but I feel it loaded here where you say "I apologize for flipping out on you,

but

you should mind your tone...

In my total honesty: You were oversensitive (or sensitive if you prefer) and overreacted. You took me personally because you have a personal connection with it. Don't hang that on me.

More to the point, is there any need to box it as "Rape" or "not rape" can't it just be "an encounter that I was uncomfortable with that was sexually motivated".

Of course not. But some people have a desire to put it into a box one way or the other because that's what helps them understand their experience, and what right do you have to mock them for that (even if it's as ridiculous as "HE DIDN'T TREAT ME LIKE A PRINCESS SO IT MUST BE RAPE")?

I didn't mock them, I merely asked if there was a necessity. You seem to think that because I'm male I'm misogynistic and all rape victims are whores, but you are missing the point of what I'm saying. I understand both perspectives of sexual assault, and there was a reason that i "spoiled" the comment that I made. Because it's offensive, and I realise that. If you were going to get offended due to your personal circumstances, you made the call to read it. It's written with edge, with flair, designed to touch the emotions and play on the mind, that's what good writing does. I'm not writing fucking Twilight here.

My major points are thus:
A) You seem to think I hate you or am making fun of you when I just have a different opinion to you. Stop persecuting me and try to understand my position and maybe we won't be at odds like this.

B) I've been level headed and tried to discuss this with you, but you seem intent on framing me as just another man thinking with his cock that deserves no respect. And honestly, I do deserve more than you're giving me.

C) Some things in life suck. There is (or was depending on who you talk to) apartheid in South Africa, AIDS throughout Africa, Poverty in Greece, Homelessness in United States, and Illegal immigrants in Australia. Across the world, there is shit circumstances. But in the end, you cannot make me a bad person because I want to discuss bad circumstances, nor can you personally condemn me because of how I feel on one topic, we're all made of more than one aspect.

D) I've treated you with nothing but respect and professionalism, and you've treated me like a dirty cunt. The one time you apologised, the next words were "but you". Seriously, learn how to treat people better when they don't agree with you, or at the very least stop being such a horrible, horrible person to those that have ideas dissimilar to yours.


POST REVIEW ninja edit:

Well, don't we all feel like twats now. Looks like we all took each other on face value a bit, eh? Maybe we can move on from here

@Oman: I don't think your idiology could handle ours combined. I can almost feel you feeling the dreadlocks already

Idealogical dreadlocks?

But it doesn't warrant using a slur that puts down an entire group of people.

Straight up this is something you and I disagree with. Being a guy who worked with the "retarded" at one stage. I disagree with your reaction. I personally thing the Intent (capital I) of TSQ's post was not to A) put down the retarded by comparing them with SFG nor B) put down SFG by comparing them with the retarded. The idea was to say "I find your opinion fucking stupid. Please fix it." Also, we're not even meant to call them retarded now. "Mentally Challenged" What the fuck, right?

Why pick a word that insults more people than the one you are specifically intending to insult when you can pick one that doesn't?

Effect. And understanding.

I'm not jumping down his throat any more than anyone else who called TSQ out on his wording was

You know this doesn't make it right, mate/dear.

genuinely don't understand what's so hard about spitting out a "sorry if I offended anyone" (which he did, or people wouldn't have said anything, obviously) and making a mental note to not to repeat the behaviour in the future, at least not in the same company if you're just that damn intent on using a word that marginalizes other people.

This made me laugh, sorry. A) he's not sorry, because he doesn't think it an issue. B) He has no intention of not repeating it.

FFS, stop with the "men are victimized" storyline, and just make sure that your partner is consenting (and is sober enough to consent) during each stage of a sexual encounter. It isn't fair, generally -- you are bigger than her. Wait until you have a stable relationship with someone before you have non-sober sexual relations.

Everyone knows you're a dude. You can stop this. (I kid, mate)

Firstly: Fuck perscriptiveness on sexual relations. This is a thread about Polamary, you cannot tell someone how to have sex in this thread with credibility. Secondly, I also disagree with the "you are bigger than her" comment as I'm not talking about physical forcing of body on body, I'm talking about broken will on broken will. I'm also talking about women who originally either consent or imply consent and then rescind it (and yes implied consent is legal consent). Adel you missed everything I was talking about! I was never talking about forceful rape at any stage, and to imply I was is insulting.

[Oman]

@Oman, I sense that rape is a touchy subject for you. Was there some incident involving large amounts of alcohol, a general's daughter and a herd of sheep?

Fuck another page I missed! No it involves a girl I worked with, never fucked her (sober or no), never touched her sexually, but she accused me of sexual assault. I was 16 she was 15 years old, so it was sexual assualt of minor.

I went to court, it was dismissed. I was vindicated and later found out I wasn't the first, nor the last that this happened to from this girl.

So yes, after being treated liked a predator for several months by the police; after being questioned on why I felt the need to force myself on child like I was a beast; and after seeing the police push my charges up ("attempted sexual assault", a week later it was "sexual assault", a week later they realised the age difference of a year and added "of a minor" and this was all >12 months after the alleged incident). I'm not ashamed of it from my perspective because I was innocent and just stunned by this, but I am disappointed at how I was treated by the legal system. I am ashamed of who they thought I was.

[Oman]

So...wait, are you haylen or what?

[Oman]

Okay I'm going to stop talking before I get out of control, Haylen.

[Oman]

Well, see that's cool. I mean, most of the time I wouldn't be up that end!

And yeah I do hate those stories It all scares me. Anyway, moving on from that...

Hilarious!

[Oman]

Awesome collaboration guys.

[Oman]

I'm starting to understand a lot more about Polyamory, how it works, and what unseats me about it, and what comforts me about it.

It's...this is a new frontier dudes.

[Oman]

There has been a new development in my life.

Danielle (aka Dan! but only Obi, Xine, and I are allowed to call her that) will be arriving in Portland in about two weeks. She will be living with us for at least two months and perhaps indefinitely. Not sure what the balance of romantic:platonic will be, but this seemed like the appropriate place to share.

Dan! was previously referenced ITT.

Will she come party when I visit?

[Oman]

I could take everyone in drinking games. I don't want to fight or fuck (too much), just party

[Oman]

I'm in a happy poly relationship. NECRO TIME.


POLY HYYYYPE.

[Oman]

Happy for you! And your awesome situation!

[Oman]

This thread got lol-worthy pretty fast. I'm glad we necroed it into one of the worst arguments I've seen in forever.

People who argue because they want attention are always really easy to spot.

[Oman]

Being self aware doesn't make you any less groan inducing.

[Oman]

Girl I was seeing in my last town and I were poly but nothing came of it because we were still relatively new and had a bunch of stuff to learn about each other. When I moved away we decided to stay together. The situation is very communicative, we talk about people we like or want to ask out and share the stories. It's super loving.

[Oman]

Thanks guys! I actually have had to butt up against some problems just being far away and seeing her doing things I want to do with her with other boys. It's not jealousy, I don't want it instead, I just want it too. But I spoke to her about it and she's very good at belaying my anxiety

[Oman]

You should go to the transgender thread and tell them how much better off you are because of your cisgender experience. Or go tell guys pt 2 how they'll never have love as deep as yours because they're gay. That'll be an argument you'll enjoy.

[Oman]

Would it be worth moving this one there, considering the change in site structure since it was created?

[Oman]

I really did want to see LLD go ham, yeah.

Also, as a guy with no aversion to anal play I find it harder to find chicks who are into it.

[Oman]

Hell, even gay guys are sometimes like "oh my god, if I touch boobs, I have to revoke my gay card!!!"

What? No. Boobs are awesome whether you like girls or not just sayin'.

The flip side of this is guys who are like, "OMG LET ME TOUCH YOUR BOOBS IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE I'M GAY."

Girls who think they can do whatever they want in gay bars are the flipside of that and I've legitimately wanted to kill people for it lately.

Women and gays have a strange cultural relationship

[Oman]

I think I might be having the exclusivity or lack thereof discussion today which might be fun.

Let us know how it goes. Good luck, I hope your goals and needs are aligned.

[Oman]

I will never understand why people put their real information on Facebook.

You don't? It's not that complex an answer.

[Oman]

too confusing for the kids.

Kids are pretty maliable, but I understand your hesitation.