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===TIER: Things I liked (I guess)
(12) Hungary -- Šerif Delić {Džennet pita nagizdan}
-- I love this mood. I don't really have a lot else to say about it. It's kind of elemental. How this rose from 3.2 on my first pass to beat the entire rest of this tier head-to-head is a mystery to me, but I don't regret it. 4/6
(10) Afghanistan -- Wintergatan {Sandviken Stradivarius}
-- Wait, these people have more than one song? The saw is really what makes this something more than snooze material, although this song HEAVILY benefits from having a groove to it. The non-saw portions of the song are okay; decent background music. 3.75/6
(8) Ethiopia -- Donald Phan {This Game (Piano Cover)}
-- I'm not aware of the original song, but this piano cover seems quite listenable. I'm not blown away by it because it doesn't have a lot of contrasts, but what contrasts it has are good and it's technically quite reasonable. It likely doesn't need to be as long as it is since it doesn't have a lot left to convey after a few minutes. I checked out a few of this person's other covers and found a few Fire Emblem redos, and after listening to like 30 seconds it felt kind of the same - they did some mild arranging and then applied whichever instrumentation they happened to like at the time from their DAW. 3.6/6
(7) Turkey -- Trans Siberian Orchestra {Christmas Canon}
-- Old song, good rendition. I unironically like this, except for the ON THIS NIGHT ON THIS NIGHT ON THIS MERRY CHRISTMAS NIGHT rhythm, which is a gruesome affront to the pyramid of balance (and I'm saying that as a clarinet player). This has no climax I would consider worthy of the term, which is disappointing... and while I rated this first place on my first pass, I found that I wanted to listen to all of the entries above this more - largely for having a rhythm section.
OH FRICK THIS IS AMRUN ISN'T IT. DAMMIT AM I GETTING OUT-CHORALED 3.5/6
(6) China -- Batushka {Yekteniya 1}
-- This isn't something I expected to say during this or any contest, but... I'm grateful some metal got in. Orthodox angst metal sure is a thing. I sort of like how this feels, but there's too much dying painfully in the background and too little in the foreground to hold onto for this to really be something I would want to listen to again. Honestly I might be overrating this for its novelty against the backdrop of all the other songs. 3.45/9
(5) Be(a)nin -- Beanus {Beanus Likes Christmas Beans}
-- I know I'm the person who gives way too many points to novelty songs, but this whole thing feels like a missed opportunity to be more clever. I mean. He's Beanus and he likes beans. That's the whole song. I feel like the guy talking in a dippy voice is supposed to be funnier than it is. Despite everything, I still feel oddly compelled to show this to others purely because... uhm. 3.4/6 gdi this is so stupid and I am embarrassed to rate this this highly because why does stupidity WORK on me
===TIER: Things I found reasonable but not really me
(4) Iceland -- Billie Eilish {When the Party's Over}
-- It's okay. I like how it feels, except for the parts where I don't. Maybe this would have more of an impact if I ever had a social life, because I can definitely tell that this really speaks to a certain (perhaps large) segment of the market. Good YouTube comments include: "This made my depression so depressed that it cured my depression" and "When Venom decides you're not the right host". 3.2/6
(3) USA -- Dance Gavin Dance {Man of the Year}
-- I feel like if this song wasn't trying to be ambiguous with its lyrics, this could have used the screaming and angry lyrical styles playing off each other really well. Its best parts sound really good tbh; this might be the best song submitted that prominently features death vocals. 2.95/6
(2) Wales -- Paul Kelly {How To Make Gravy}
-- Late December, 1963? What a very special time for me! This song feels like it confirms all of my preconceived notions about QLD :V :V This is actually reasonable country (before it gets out of hand), although the guy lets his whinetwang come out at points. Overall it's a silly but serviceable meme song. 2.9/6
===TIER: I spent so much time trying to figure out which of these I liked most
(1) Japan -- 鈴木愛理 {Break it down}
-- It's a good sound from a genre I think I like, but I don't think I'm a fan of this particular execution of it. 2.6/6
Guyana -- Flume feat. London Grammar {Let You Know}
-- London Grammar put in the work, yet it's rated here. 2.59/6
Niger -- DRAX project feat. Six60 {Catching feelings}
-- Decent but not my style. 2.58/6
Macau -- aivi & surasshu {Baby, It's Cold Outside}
-- What Cyril said. 2.57/6
===TIER: "Moanin'" and entries that actually inspired moaning
Sudan -- Mingus Big Band {Moanin'}
-- Friends don't let friends play saxophone. Unless those friends are geese. 2.4/9
Egypt -- Jacob Collier {Saviour}
-- 2.3/6
Chad -- Blink 182 {Happy Holidays, you bastard}
-- I mean. It makes its statement in as concise and impactful a form as possible. I can see that this song has an audience; it's just not me. 2.25/9
Poland -- The Dead South {Deep When the River's High}
-- 2.2/9
Phillippines -- Parokya ni Edgar {This Guy’s in Love with You Pare}
-- 2/6
Costa Rica -- Dirty Projectors {Gun Has No Trigger}
-- 1.9/6
===TIER: Actually dire
Djibouti -- Sports Team {Fishing}
-- Best YouTube comment was "I don't want this ad playing over my Ghost interview with Tobias Forge." 1.5/6
Australia -- Youp van 't Hek {Flappie}
-- Setting aside its musical merits and any rabbit jokes made elsewhere in this thread, this entry managed to combine animal butchery, emotional abuse by parental figures, and a comic framing. I refused to put myself through this a second time. 1/6
Germany -- Nordic Chamber Choir {O Magnum Mysterium}
-- You wanted Christmas music, you GOT Christmas music. Or, wait, you said you
didn't
want Christmas music? Welp.
I'm told this isn't even the composer's best work, but it's the one that intersected my life. Around 2006 or 2007 this became all the rage with wind ensembles, partly because you don't get good sacred music very often and partly because it gives the conductor maximal interpretative power. As such, it took me a fair amount of digging to find a recording of this that met my standards (not least because this is a very, very, very very very exposed piece where flaws are incredibly noticeable). The fact that the soprano doesn't murder your ears is absolutely stunning.
But really more than anything I submitted this to see Amrun's reaction. If you're not Amrun, I hope you enjoyed this detour into a rarely-visited place in pop culture where Christ is still in Christmas, time flows at a completely different speed and pace than the other contest entries, and people get unreasonably excited about how that one chord at 3:05 is different from the corresponding chords in the first and fourth parts.
