Guys

[elvis_knits]

Fact that she wants more is a compliment, reck. Even if you don't want to, it's still a compliment to you... take it that way! If you don't want to hear from her again, just tell her that.

[Ythill]

That post was incredible, except you tripped over on the spelling of 'disappointed' right before the finish line.

Yeah, spellcheck never compliments me, which is why I let you proofread me instead. Except you missed my typo at the begining of the post.

In other news, Fatty somehow got my number and relentlessly texts me. FML.

I guess I warned you too late.

"We don't have to fuck we can just cuddle"

Fat people are great for cuddling. They're like giant, heated throw pillows that can get up to make you a sandwich.

Fact that she wants more is a compliment, reck.

No it isn't. It's a testament to her desperate desire to not grow old and die alone. If someone in shape, attractive, rich, or otherwise likely to be the subject of desire for multiple suiters wants more,

that's

a compliment. In all fairness, I've known overweight people who are highly desired for other reasons but, considering Rex's tone in the OP, I doubt she's one of those.

Scariest fat-chick trap ever for me was a drunken one-night stand with a girl who wanted to stop at her house on the way to mine to pick up a few things. In the morning, I awoke to her dressed in fuzzy slippers and a bathrobe, cleaning the kitchen. She'd already told my roommates that she was moving in. That wasn't a compliment either.

[elvis_knits]

The term "fat-chick trap" is seriously repulsive.

[Ythill]

Not as repulsive as the activity that it refers to. If it makes you feel better, I only called it that because of the OP. In reality, it's a "desperation trap" and FTR, I think men do it more than women of any weight class.

Either way, sorry to offend.

[elvis_knits]

I just don't have that much sympathy for someone who has sex with another person and then is all outraged if the other person is interested in them. Basically you just wanted them to satisfy your needs and then go away. If it's uncomfortable for you to have to talk to that person again, and atleast just tell them you're not interested, then don't have sex with them.

It sucks if people get all stalkery and try to move in after a one-night stand, that's certainly extreme... but I still don't have that much sympathy for you. You're basically saying that she should have known you were just using her and should have known to GTFO.

[Ythill]

Basically you just wanted them to satisfy your needs and then go away.

Wow, unresolved personal issues, Elvis? You're seriously projecting.

I never said anything about not wanting to talk to someone after sex. What I said was "they tend to go to great efforts, honest and otherwise, to turn each encounter into a serious relationship." I am entirely open to the idea of talking to, hanging out with, and even dating someone I've had sex with. What I am not comfortable with is those people who, even with complete honesty before the fact, believe that just because they had casual sex with you, it automatically means that you want to be their life partner.

Not only is this behavior a bane to me (and Rex, and all those in our role) but it tends to lead to very bad relationships for the person springing the trap because

is willing to have sex with me

is a horrible standard upon which to base a long-term relationship and the quality of a partner who actually falls for the trap is going to be lacking.

If it's uncomfortable for you to have to talk to that person again, and at least just tell them you're not interested, then don't have sex with them.

Personally, I am never less than fully honest

before and after

my pants come off but I've found that it doesn't matter. Those people desperate enough to spring the trap seem incapable of hearing or believing that the sex is casual, and those sane enough to hear it usually don't need to be told. I still say it anyway, because I feel it's the fair thing to do.

You're basically saying that she should have known you were just using her and should have known to GTFO.

No, that's not at all what I said. I was fine with the fact that she was there. I was fine with the fact that she'd made herself comfortable. The slippers and robe were a little much, the housework was even creepier, and what she'd told my roommates was downright inappropriate. She should have known better than to act that way with anyone,

even if they were interested in a long term relationship

but especially toward someone who explicitly told her he wasn't.

If I did anything wrong in that situation, it was failing to foresee the desperation that made her act in a way that made me uncomfortable but, if I had, then I just would have been one more guy that turned her down, making it even tougher on the guy who didn't.

Bottom line: sex does not equal love or commitment to a lot of people. Those for whom it does should not engage in casual sex in the hope that it will lead to more because nothing good can come of it. But they do anyway, quite often, which was what I was telling Rex.

Besides, isn't this thread entitled "guys"? I'm sorry ma'am, but we need to verify your penis.

[elvis_knits]

I'm not projecting seeing as I don't do casual sex... but thanks for putting me in the position of having to protest that I've never been the stalkery fat chick in Reckoner's story. Among the many ways you are wrong on that one... I would rather be alone than trap someone into being with me.

[Ythill]

LOL. That's not what I meant, Elvis. I just figured your world view is more concerned about assholes that use people or lie to get laid than it is about trappers. But no matter what the reason, you

were

projecting.

Among the many ways you are wrong on that one... I would rather be alone than trap someone into being with me.

While I'm glad to hear you have a healthy outlook on relationships, I can't help but notice you are denying a behavior nobody accused you of. Why would you do that? Honest question.

[Nuwen]

I don't think Elvis was projecting; Reck is a tool.

[xRECKONERx]

Not really. While we were drunk she was bragging about how good she was in bed. Then I went to bed and she followed me. I even tried to go to sleep but she kept insisting she show me how good she was. It was clearly a casual hookup. Her tracking down my number and texting me repeatedly when I don't respond is a bit much.

[DrippingGoofball]

If you can't fake insanity convincingly, buy a ring, get down on your knee, and propose.

[elvis_knits]

LOL. That's not what I meant, Elvis. I just figured your world view is more concerned about assholes that use people or lie to get laid than it is about trappers. But no matter what the reason, you

were

projecting.

It just occurred to me why you're saying this. Is it because of something personal I once told you via PM?

[VP Baltar]

Was this your date?

[Yosarian2]

LOL. That's not what I meant, Elvis. I just figured your world view is more concerned about assholes that use people or lie to get laid than it is about trappers. But no matter what the reason, you

were

projecting.

I don't think that's true at all. I think it has more to do with the incredibly offensive way "fat chicks" are being talked about in this thread. Elvis dosn't have to be "projecting" at all to find the whole thing pretty offensive. I'd kind of be surprised if anyone dosn't find the whole thing pretty offensive.

[DrippingGoofball]

"We don't have to fuck we can just cuddle"

Fat people are great for cuddling. They're like giant, heated throw pillows that can get up to make you a sandwich.

I hope your realize that your credibility is taking a serious blow here. Fat people are going to send YOU to fetch them a sandwich because you're lighter, faster, and won't get out of breath opening the jar of mayonnaise. Obviously you have no experience.

Fact that she wants more is a compliment, reck.

No it isn't. It's a testament to her desperate desire to not grow old and die alone.

I didn't realize that the love interest's biological clock was ticking into Downs Syndrome baby territory, too.

Scariest fat-chick trap ever for me was a drunken one-night stand with a girl who wanted to stop at her house on the way to mine to pick up a few things. In the morning, I awoke to her dressed in fuzzy slippers and a bathrobe, cleaning the kitchen. She'd already told my roommates that she was moving in. That wasn't a compliment either.

Wrong again; she clearly wanted to alert you of her submissiveness. You may have given off dom vibes.

[ortolan]

rofl ^^

[Cobalt]

I dunno what's worse, Ythill playing armchair psychologist or Yos expecting everyone to be offended on behalf of fat chicks

[Ythill]

Um... no. It's because of what you've said in this thread. Seriously, my assumption here was that you have a different outlook than me and nothing more. In case you haven't picked it up through context in our past discussions, I have enough respect for you to not jump to insulting conclusions. What did you tell me via PM?

I don't think Elvis was projecting...

Well, what do you call it when someone puts words in your mouth that are so different from what you said that they can only refer to something that person believes? I guess it could have been a simple misunderstanding but it's not like I was

that

unclear.

While we were drunk she was bragging about how good she was in bed. Then I went to bed and she followed me. I even tried to go to sleep but she kept insisting she show me how good she was.

And yet Elvis would have us believe that we're jerks for "using" a person who acts like this.

Count yourself lucky. A friend of mine, who just got out of a very bad marriage, made some poor choices in his rebound sex and is particularly vulnerable to the trap right now. Not only is the girl in question overweight, but she's an allegedly pregnant recovering tweak addict ex-stripper who drinks about a fifth of liquor a day while neglecting her three-year old. She and her boy just moved in with my friend because (in his words), "her mom kicked her out and I can't just let them be homeless."

[DrippingGoofball]

Not only is this behavior a bane to me (and Rex, and all those in our role) but it tends to lead to very bad relationships for the person springing the trap because

is willing to have sex with me

is a horrible standard upon which to base a long-term relationship and the quality of a partner who actually falls for the trap is going to be lacking.

If you don't mind, I'd like to question the whole premise of a "trap" here. When you mingle with people, intimately or not, they come with a set of strengths and vulnerabilities. The majority of people have issues regarding their personal attraction to the opposite or same sex. They may feel overweight, too tall, too skinny, too underwhelming, too boring. They may fear being a comparatively poor lover. They may be just plain nuts, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, marked by childhood abuse, etc.

If you are a good-looking, confident, popular person mating with a person of considerably lesser stature that looks up to your attention as something that boosts their weak self-esteem, they are likely to invest more into making the relationship permanent than you are. It's not a TRAP, it's HUMAN NATURE. No matter what you tell them before, during and after.

It's YOUR responsibility, as Fabio, to be mindful of other people's emotions. Mating within your own "station" in life is a good start.

[Ythill]

Ooops, simulpost. The first bit of #192 was in response to Elvis' #186.

I don't think that's true at all. I think it has more to do with the incredibly offensive way "fat chicks" are being talked about in this thread. Elvis dosn't have to be "projecting" at all to find the whole thing pretty offensive.

Reading is tech, Yos. I responded to that point and apologized and Elvis and I have clearly been talking about the behavior refered to by the "fat chick" trap since then, not what I disrespectfully called it. I know it's hard to pay attention over the mountains of doughnuts and bacon on your desk, but please try.

Wrong again; she clearly wanted to alert you of her submissiveness. You may have given off dom vibes.

Me? Surely you jest. LOLing @ your whole post, BTW. <3

[Ythill]

If you are a good-looking, confident, popular person mating with a person of considerably lesser stature that looks up to your attention as something that boosts their weak self-esteem, they are likely to invest more into making the relationship permanent than you are. It's not a TRAP, it's HUMAN NATURE.

Investing more into making the relationship permanent and acting dishonestly to try and make it more permanent are two very different things.

[DrippingGoofball]

If you are a good-looking, confident, popular person mating with a person of considerably lesser stature that looks up to your attention as something that boosts their weak self-esteem, they are likely to invest more into making the relationship permanent than you are. It's not a TRAP, it's HUMAN NATURE.

Investing more into making the relationship permanent and acting dishonestly to try and make it more permanent are two very different things.

Washing your floor in a mumu and announcing her impending moving in falls under the category of 'just plain bonkers' - not dishonest. That's what happens when you put yourself in a position of being unable to verify the sanity/lunacy of the vajayjays you go swim in. It's not a trap. It's your own foolishness.

[Ythill]

Washing your floor in a mumu and announcing her impending moving in falls under the category of 'just plain bonkers' - not dishonest. That's what happens when you put yourself in a position of being unable to verify the sanity/lunacy of the vajayjays you go swim in. It's not a trap. It's your own foolishness.

Actively pursuing sex with me under the guise of casual interaction is wholly dishonest and was demonstrated as such by the morning-after behavior. And it wasn't a mumu (thank god).

I don't see any moral difference between the person who pretends that they want casual sex when they are really after something lasting and the person who pretends they want something lasting when all they really want is casual sex. Both are liars. In practice, however, the former has the potential to be far more detrimental.

[Yosarian2]

Ooops, simulpost. The first bit of #192 was in response to Elvis' #186.

I don't think that's true at all. I think it has more to do with the incredibly offensive way "fat chicks" are being talked about in this thread. Elvis dosn't have to be "projecting" at all to find the whole thing pretty offensive.

Reading is tech, Yos. I responded to that point and apologized and Elvis and I have clearly been talking about the behavior refered to by the "fat chick" trap since then, not what I disrespectfully called it. I know it's hard to pay attention over the mountains of doughnuts and bacon on your desk, but please try.

Not to speak for Elvis, but I think she was just saying that "repeatedly texting/calling someone who you just had sex with" is not at all "stalkerish" or a "trap". Especally considering how ambiguas and unclear "I called person X and they didn't call me back" is as a signal; it might or might not mean something.

Your example was either a very bad misunderstanding or really, really creepy, but I don't think it has anything to do with what xRECKONERx was talking about.

[DrippingGoofball]

Actively pursuing sex with me under the guise of casual interaction is wholly dishonest and was demonstrated as such by the morning-after behavior. And it wasn't a mumu (thank god).

It's like putting a $100 bill in the street and marveling at the dishonesty of the person that picked it up and ran away with it. Don't throw money in the streets if you don't want it stolen. Don't have casual sex unless you've got all your bases covered otherwise you'll wake up with lunatics. It's a risk inherent to casual sex. This time the story is that the lady wanted something more serious. Another time you'll get crabs. And yet another you'll find a stalkerina. Or someone married to The Hulk. If woe befalls your careless choice of casual mates, don't come complaining. It's part of the risk.

BTW I have to say that your story doesn't exactly make sense, and it probably didn't exactly happen the way you describe. I'd like to hear HER version.