Guys

[Ythill]

There's nothing wrong with doing a fat chick. Just watch out for the fat chick trap. Like and sensible human being that doesn't get laid often (and wants to, ani), they tend to go to great efforts, honest and otherwise, to turn each encounter into a serious relationship. And just to trump Rex's accidental bi-outing, I had sex with a pre-op transexual once. FTW.

Sizing up the brand of condom I'll pull on a guy is fun.

I'm surprised there isn't a "Match a Scummer with a Condom Brand" thread.

To credit the alleged troll who claimed that condoms kill sensation, there is certainly a difference between protected and not protected no matter what brand you use, and the latter is better. Which is one of the reasons I have a wife who is my primary. And unprotected sex is dangerous, which is why we use condoms with all of our other lovers.

you're a moron and will probably get aids

Bumper stickers? T-shirts? This would sell.

the next step is when you start going to gay bars "only" because the nice men there like to buy you drinks and give you "treats".

What if you just go there to pick up dissapointed fag-hags? Seriously though, my favorite hangout is a lesbian bar, not for any reason that has to do with sexuality but because it's a place I can go drink with girls and get some feminine energy without the preconception that I have ulterior motives.

[Ythill]

That post was incredible, except you tripped over on the spelling of 'disappointed' right before the finish line.

Yeah, spellcheck never compliments me, which is why I let you proofread me instead. Except you missed my typo at the begining of the post.

In other news, Fatty somehow got my number and relentlessly texts me. FML.

I guess I warned you too late.

"We don't have to fuck we can just cuddle"

Fat people are great for cuddling. They're like giant, heated throw pillows that can get up to make you a sandwich.

Fact that she wants more is a compliment, reck.

No it isn't. It's a testament to her desperate desire to not grow old and die alone. If someone in shape, attractive, rich, or otherwise likely to be the subject of desire for multiple suiters wants more,

that's

a compliment. In all fairness, I've known overweight people who are highly desired for other reasons but, considering Rex's tone in the OP, I doubt she's one of those.

Scariest fat-chick trap ever for me was a drunken one-night stand with a girl who wanted to stop at her house on the way to mine to pick up a few things. In the morning, I awoke to her dressed in fuzzy slippers and a bathrobe, cleaning the kitchen. She'd already told my roommates that she was moving in. That wasn't a compliment either.

[Ythill]

Not as repulsive as the activity that it refers to. If it makes you feel better, I only called it that because of the OP. In reality, it's a "desperation trap" and FTR, I think men do it more than women of any weight class.

Either way, sorry to offend.

[Ythill]

Basically you just wanted them to satisfy your needs and then go away.

Wow, unresolved personal issues, Elvis? You're seriously projecting.

I never said anything about not wanting to talk to someone after sex. What I said was "they tend to go to great efforts, honest and otherwise, to turn each encounter into a serious relationship." I am entirely open to the idea of talking to, hanging out with, and even dating someone I've had sex with. What I am not comfortable with is those people who, even with complete honesty before the fact, believe that just because they had casual sex with you, it automatically means that you want to be their life partner.

Not only is this behavior a bane to me (and Rex, and all those in our role) but it tends to lead to very bad relationships for the person springing the trap because

is willing to have sex with me

is a horrible standard upon which to base a long-term relationship and the quality of a partner who actually falls for the trap is going to be lacking.

If it's uncomfortable for you to have to talk to that person again, and at least just tell them you're not interested, then don't have sex with them.

Personally, I am never less than fully honest

before and after

my pants come off but I've found that it doesn't matter. Those people desperate enough to spring the trap seem incapable of hearing or believing that the sex is casual, and those sane enough to hear it usually don't need to be told. I still say it anyway, because I feel it's the fair thing to do.

You're basically saying that she should have known you were just using her and should have known to GTFO.

No, that's not at all what I said. I was fine with the fact that she was there. I was fine with the fact that she'd made herself comfortable. The slippers and robe were a little much, the housework was even creepier, and what she'd told my roommates was downright inappropriate. She should have known better than to act that way with anyone,

even if they were interested in a long term relationship

but especially toward someone who explicitly told her he wasn't.

If I did anything wrong in that situation, it was failing to foresee the desperation that made her act in a way that made me uncomfortable but, if I had, then I just would have been one more guy that turned her down, making it even tougher on the guy who didn't.

Bottom line: sex does not equal love or commitment to a lot of people. Those for whom it does should not engage in casual sex in the hope that it will lead to more because nothing good can come of it. But they do anyway, quite often, which was what I was telling Rex.

Besides, isn't this thread entitled "guys"? I'm sorry ma'am, but we need to verify your penis.

[Ythill]

LOL. That's not what I meant, Elvis. I just figured your world view is more concerned about assholes that use people or lie to get laid than it is about trappers. But no matter what the reason, you

were

projecting.

Among the many ways you are wrong on that one... I would rather be alone than trap someone into being with me.

While I'm glad to hear you have a healthy outlook on relationships, I can't help but notice you are denying a behavior nobody accused you of. Why would you do that? Honest question.

[Ythill]

Um... no. It's because of what you've said in this thread. Seriously, my assumption here was that you have a different outlook than me and nothing more. In case you haven't picked it up through context in our past discussions, I have enough respect for you to not jump to insulting conclusions. What did you tell me via PM?

I don't think Elvis was projecting...

Well, what do you call it when someone puts words in your mouth that are so different from what you said that they can only refer to something that person believes? I guess it could have been a simple misunderstanding but it's not like I was

that

unclear.

While we were drunk she was bragging about how good she was in bed. Then I went to bed and she followed me. I even tried to go to sleep but she kept insisting she show me how good she was.

And yet Elvis would have us believe that we're jerks for "using" a person who acts like this.

Count yourself lucky. A friend of mine, who just got out of a very bad marriage, made some poor choices in his rebound sex and is particularly vulnerable to the trap right now. Not only is the girl in question overweight, but she's an allegedly pregnant recovering tweak addict ex-stripper who drinks about a fifth of liquor a day while neglecting her three-year old. She and her boy just moved in with my friend because (in his words), "her mom kicked her out and I can't just let them be homeless."

[Ythill]

Ooops, simulpost. The first bit of #192 was in response to Elvis' #186.

I don't think that's true at all. I think it has more to do with the incredibly offensive way "fat chicks" are being talked about in this thread. Elvis dosn't have to be "projecting" at all to find the whole thing pretty offensive.

Reading is tech, Yos. I responded to that point and apologized and Elvis and I have clearly been talking about the behavior refered to by the "fat chick" trap since then, not what I disrespectfully called it. I know it's hard to pay attention over the mountains of doughnuts and bacon on your desk, but please try.

Wrong again; she clearly wanted to alert you of her submissiveness. You may have given off dom vibes.

Me? Surely you jest. LOLing @ your whole post, BTW. <3

[Ythill]

If you are a good-looking, confident, popular person mating with a person of considerably lesser stature that looks up to your attention as something that boosts their weak self-esteem, they are likely to invest more into making the relationship permanent than you are. It's not a TRAP, it's HUMAN NATURE.

Investing more into making the relationship permanent and acting dishonestly to try and make it more permanent are two very different things.

[Ythill]

Washing your floor in a mumu and announcing her impending moving in falls under the category of 'just plain bonkers' - not dishonest. That's what happens when you put yourself in a position of being unable to verify the sanity/lunacy of the vajayjays you go swim in. It's not a trap. It's your own foolishness.

Actively pursuing sex with me under the guise of casual interaction is wholly dishonest and was demonstrated as such by the morning-after behavior. And it wasn't a mumu (thank god).

I don't see any moral difference between the person who pretends that they want casual sex when they are really after something lasting and the person who pretends they want something lasting when all they really want is casual sex. Both are liars. In practice, however, the former has the potential to be far more detrimental.

[Ythill]

Yos:

I like how you give Elvis' opinion and Rex's but not your own. It seems clear to me that Rex and I found similarities in our experiences. It also seems clear to me that Elvis and I are/were arguing about what I said (not what Rex said) but I suppose I could be wrong.

Question is, what do you think? Does sex = love? What moral obligations should be fulfilled by a person for whom it doesn't? Is there something wrong with having sex with someone who is overweight or otherwise unattractive, other then the fact that they may be dishonest about what they're seeking from the experience?

[Ythill]

It's like putting a $100 bill in the street and marveling at the dishonesty of the person that picked it up and ran away with it.

LOL. I could argue this premise but I'd rather just bask in the fact that you think I'm as tempting as 100 tax free dollars.

If woe befalls your careless choice of casual mates, don't come complaining.

Was I complaining? I didn't mean to. Rex said he was gonna do a fat chick, then a bunch of people made one-liners which were pro- or con. Then I said there was nothing wrong with having sex with fat chicks, just watch out for the trap. And I shared a funny, if creepy story.

BTW I have to say that your story doesn't exactly make sense, and it probably didn't exactly happen the way you describe. I'd like to hear HER version.

Well I'm not going to track her down to post it. There's a second chapter to the story too. About a year later, she responded to an ad we posted looking for a roommate. I didn't know it was her until the very awkward interview during which she bragged to my wife that we were lovers, openly insulted her, and still acted as if we'd consider renting a room to her. You were right about the "bonkers" thing.

Are you a defensive driver?

Not so much.

Consider being a defensive swinger.

It was one experience. I'm allowed a few drunken mistakes and, in all honesty, the creepiness was worth the story value. Besides "consider being a defensive swinger" is a good paraphrase of what I was saying to begin with.

[Ythill]

Yos:

1. I agree with Yosarian2. Though it's becoming a sad aspect of our culture that not returning calls is considered to be similar to actually setting boundries, and she should probably take the hint.

2. If someone is beneath your personal standards and still won't take no for an answer until you get drunk enough to change your mind, I don't see anything hateful about a little embarrassed joking around after the fact. If they played the beer-goggles card to get down your pants, then it comes with the territory. Is it insensitive? Of course. But I think mysoginistic and hateful are a bit of a stretch.

3. As far as I know the only "using" we were discussing was when Elvis thought that's what I meant but it really wasn't. And I think I define "using" a little differently than you do.

[Ythill]

No, he's just drunk again and forgot the footnote.

[Ythill]

The nerve! The girl he had sex with him is texting! Even if they agreed to casual sex, emotions do sometimes get in the way... it's the risk you take, so you get the small annoyance of her attention for a while.

I think you missed the point. "The girl he had sex with is texting" is nothing I'd worry about either. When I talked about the trap, I was talking about how less-desirable people (or people who feel they are less desireable) will lie about wanting casual sex when what they are really after is something more. It's something to be careful of. Texting is a very, very, very mild idea of the potential problems that can come of it. Sabotaging condoms, lying about being pregnant, sabotaging relationships, and stalking are more serious problems that can arise from this, and there are worse things.

The way you made fun of her seems particularly mean-spirited...

Where? I know I exaggerated a little with that part about not wanting to die alone but where did I make fun of the mystery girl. I actually said there was nothing wrong with having sex with her, which is a lot more accepting than a lot of the other posters in here.

Maybe it's that you have a term for it "the fat chick trap" and a policy how to deal with it.

*headdesk* I already told you, I used that term spontaneously in response to the OP and successive posts that had given the mystery girl the title "fat chick." And, in hindsight, I saw that it could be offensive. My bad. I don't have a special term.

I think there's more at play here than what's been said. I'm not familliar with the body images many of you have but I'm going to venture the guess that if Rex was a 20-something girl and the obsessive suiter was a dirty old man, fat or not, that had gotten her drunk to sleep with her and now was texting her obsessively, some of you would have entirely different opinions. And, FTR, I pointed out repeatedly that "the trap" really doesn't have anything to do with gender or size, it's about self-esteem. I even said that men do it more than women.

Nobody's perfect and I don't like it when people get catalogued and put into boxes and it becomes "okay" to be mean to them or not care about their feelings.

Right, except she's not here and none of us even know who she is. Tell me, how does this thread hurt her feelings? I find it funny that you're playing white knight for the mystery girl but you're perfectly fine with people elluding to Rex being immoral, assuming he's too stupid to wear a condom, and explicitly calling him a tool.

Those

things are far more insulting than calling a fat person fat and he's here to be effected by them.

With the exception of Latifa, they are not even close to fat. In fact that third chick is a very very very nice size, see those curves, I'd be on that in a flash.

Queen Latifa (Latipha, Lattifa?) is a very sexy lady, I'll give you that one.

QFT x10. I wouldn't consider any woman pictured in this thread to be "fat" except Queen Latifa, who is very attractive in spite of being overweight. When I say "fat chick" I don't mean plus size. I mean FAT. Latifah is on the small side of what I was picturing. (not posting photo examples, you're welcome)

If the girl Rex told us about looks like any of the girls in the pictures here, then he shoudln't have been whining to begin with.

P S, why is it fat black women are considered more beautiful than fat white chicks?

It may have something to do with the typical AA build, which is thicker in the hips and bust. Girls with a frame like that can carry more soft weight and still look good no matter what color their skin is. Okay everybody, go ahead and twist my words so you can call me a racist.

[Ythill]

K, kids. Seeing one complaint (and imagining others that weren't typed out), I've taken the Elvis/Ythill debate to PM.

I'd like to point out that I have went out with a girl that I was not attracted to... Dating a girl you aren't attracted to DOES NOT WORK.

It can, if the relationship is based on more than desperation. As I've matured I've come to learn that physical attraction is relatively unimportant compared to other aspects. The quote from my wedding album: "True love does not consist of two people gazing at each other but, rather, gazing outward in the same direction."

Also... Admiral Ackbar!!!! Woot!

[Ythill]

[Ythill]

Eeeeeerrrp! Double post.

[Ythill]

The pun was mine. The metaphor was all google.

[Ythill]

Cicero, you're awesome.

Hey Ythill

"NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS"

-Kate Moss

That's the argument my wife makes against getting fat. She put on a little extra weight during pregnancy and learned how uncomfortable it made her, not because of how she looked, but because of how it made her physically feel. One thing she told me was that sitting on or laying on paunch was mildly painful, and she lost a lot of flexibility.

[Ythill]

When you got close to the nude beach there would be a guy in a thong warning you to turn back.

...a guy in a thong warning you to turn back.

...warning you to turn back.

...turn back.

[Ythill]

It's a tarp!

(As a guy who likes both Star Wars and tarps, I loved that picture.)