Planet MafiaScum - ALL HAIL DARK LORD INSPIRATIELOOS

[David Xanatos]

Unless you have bigger guns than the winner.

Then you can prosecute them "or else".

[inspiratieloos]

But then the winner wouldn't really be the winner would he?

[David Xanatos]

He would. He won the little fish versus littler fish fight. Pity the big fish was a friend of littler.

[inspiratieloos]

But if he refused the really big one would still have to fight/defeat him in order to prosecute which would still make little fish the loser even if he defeated littler fish.

[theplague42]

How many people went to jail for the bombing of Hiroshima?

Admittedly it was a civilian target, but it was the correct course of action. Much lesser of two evils.

[Kcdaspot]

anyone being replaced?

would love top try my hand at this.

[inspiratieloos]

You've had 3 months for that...

[izakthegoomba]

Hi Kc, I'll put you on the replacements list. Your second, since kiwieagle is still kinda playing.

The trial begins

In the Supreme Court, the jury are taking their seats, and the lawyers are entering the courtroom. The world leaders have gathered, either in person, or via a video link, and a single camera crew from the Alterian Republic are broadcasting the whole event live.

Everyone stands as Lord Trevor Goodchild enters and takes his seat. He begins to speak...

"Supreme Court of the state of Flying Kiwi claimant versus King Kiwieagle II of Flying Kiwi defendant, case number 1047 dated 18th September 2011."

The judge goes through all normal proceedings, before the prosecutor, the Rt. Hon. Arthur McDonald, steps forward.

In relation to the charges of war of aggression and perfidy, counts one, two, three, and four of the indictment, I first call forward the Right Honourable Slartibartfast, Chief Judge of Magrathea, to make his statement and present evidence.

[kiwieagle]

How many people went to jail for the bombing of Hiroshima?

You can accuse, but not prosecute, the winner.

in hirsoshima japan attacked first

[theplague42]

How many people went to jail for the bombing of Hiroshima?

You can accuse, but not prosecute, the winner.

in World War II japan attacked first

FTFY. There never was a "Battle of Hiroshima."

[kiwieagle]

No. He said something about hiroshima and I said in that situation of hiroshima japan had attacked first and didn't want to agree to a stalemate
but w/e

To each, his own. (After what ani did I seriously don't wanna fight about petty details)

[Robotnick2]

As the Rt. Hon. Slartibartfast shuffles into the witness box, his joints creaking perilously, he gazes out at the assembled crowd. He manages a wry smile, before being sworn in. He streches his shoulders, and seems to grow about three inches as he prepares to make his statement.

“Thank you, Your Honour.

Assembled citizens of Planet Mafiascum. I stand here before you today, representative of the nation of Magrathea, to present to you evidence, collected by our nation's police force and historians, of the foul deeds of the previous government of Flying Kiwi, here represented by Kiwieagle II. I will work through the counts, in succession.

On the first count, that of the war of aggression against Fallen Angels in the Fallen Angels War, we present Exhibit A to the court, a document regarding the findings our historians made regarding the aforementioned conflict.”

He slowly retrieves a slim manila folder from within his robes, and passes it to the guard next to him.

“To summarise, Kiwieagle II unfairly, and without warning, declared a state of war upon Fallen Angels. He used

at the very least

4,000 troops and a large number of artillery; the exact number is indeterminable, due to the vagueness of the war reports at the time, and the lack of any eye-witnesses to the event; they have long since perished. The war reports we used are available here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

With regards to the second count, the war of aggression against Mistotopia in the Second Mistotopian War, we have no data accomanying this event, so, unfortunately, we have nothing to add besides what is already public knowledge.

The third count, the perfidy against Astariel in the Chesstopian War, is a complicated matter, but as I understand it, it unfolds thus;
Astariel sent a rather impressive force to attack Chesstopia, legally or non. Kiwieagle I, though a breakdown in communication, then attacks Chesstopia's weapons factories. Melodica, meanwhile, chose to defend Chesstopia from the Astarian invasion. Crucially, Kiwieagle I, perhaps sensing the turn of the tide, switched sides to defend Chesstopia, thus directly leading to the loss of Astariel in the war, and ultimately the destruction of Astariel herself.

Finally, Magrathea is unable to comment on the fourth count, that of perfidy against Melodica and Mistotopia, due to the personal connection Magrathea has with the conflict; it occured during the Dinotopian War, and as Dinotopia then eventually became Magrathea, we feel we would be biased to give evidence on this matter.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my statement.”

[izakthegoomba]

"Thank you, Mr. Slartibartfast.

The defendant may now respond to this statement.

[T-Bone]

With regards to the second count, the war of aggression against Mistotopia in the Second Mistotopian War, we have no data accomanying this event, so, unfortunately, we have nothing to add besides what is already public knowledge.

Objection. You cannot charge without evidence. I move to dismiss this second count.

Kiwieagle I, though a breakdown in communication, then attacks Chesstopia's weapons factories.....Crucially, Kiwieagle I, perhaps sensing the turn of the tide, switched sides to defend Chesstopia, thus directly leading to the loss of Astariel in the war, and ultimately the destruction of Astariel herself.

Objection. These statements are conjecture, not fact. The Law does not deal in conjecture. Motion for the jury to disregard this statement.

Finally, Magrathea is unable to comment on the fourth count, that of perfidy against Melodica and Mistotopia, due to the personal connection Magrathea has with the conflict; it occured during the Dinotopian War, and as Dinotopia then eventually became Magrathea, we feel we would be biased to give evidence on this matter.

Objection. Because of Margrathea's direct involvement with the conflict, any evidence procured on this account by Margrathea is biased, and therefore cannot be held up in court. Motion for the Jury to disregard Mr. Slartibartfast's statement.



The defense will begin their cross examination of the witness in my next post. These dismissals must be resolved first.

[theplague42]

*Sits down next to Mist*

"Apparently a war doesn't count as evidence."

[animorpherv1]

"Apparently a war doesn't count as evidence."

QFT.

[JDGA]

With regards to the second count, the war of aggression against Mistotopia in the Second Mistotopian War, we have no data accomanying this event, so, unfortunately, we have nothing to add besides what is already public knowledge.

Objection. You cannot charge without evidence. I move to dismiss this second count.

Kiwieagle I, though a breakdown in communication, then attacks Chesstopia's weapons factories.....Crucially, Kiwieagle I, perhaps sensing the turn of the tide, switched sides to defend Chesstopia, thus directly leading to the loss of Astariel in the war, and ultimately the destruction of Astariel herself.

Objection. These statements are conjecture, not fact. The Law does not deal in conjecture. Motion for the jury to disregard this statement.

Finally, Magrathea is unable to comment on the fourth count, that of perfidy against Melodica and Mistotopia, due to the personal connection Magrathea has with the conflict; it occured during the Dinotopian War, and as Dinotopia then eventually became Magrathea, we feel we would be biased to give evidence on this matter.

Objection. Because of Margrathea's direct involvement with the conflict, any evidence procured on this account by Margrathea is biased, and therefore cannot be held up in court. Motion for the Jury to disregard Mr. Slartibartfast's statement.



The defense will begin their cross examination of the witness in my next post. These dismissals must be resolved first.

I

am

the judge's nation

First objection: Overruled. A war does in fact count as evidence.
Second objection: Sustained. We want evidence here, not just conjecture. However, a significant portion of that statement is fact, so restating it without infusing it with conjecture as to Flying Kiwi's motives will allow it to hold water in this case.
Third objection: Overruled. That happens to be

exactly

what Mr. Slartibartfast just said, so there is no purpose in striking it. Please try to pay more attention.

[T-Bone]

Psh. Please refer to the defense's previous statement that since the Judge's nation was apart of the Flying Kiwi hostile takeover, his over=rulings are bias. Since bias is apart of the legal definition for legal abuse, I'm afraid I have to motion that the judge's statements also be stricken from record.

[izakthegoomba]

"The court declines to dismiss the second count, because records of the war are readily available without any input from a witness.

"The court declines to disregard this part of the statement, because although it may not contain absolute proof, it is still of use to the jury.

"The court acknowledges that any statement given by a Magrathean regarding the fourth count can not be considered unbiased, but points out that Mr. Slartibartfast has avoided speaking about the fourth count for precisely that reason."

[Drench]

"The court declines to disregard this part of the statement, because although it may not contain absolute proof, it is still of use to the jury.

hey guys can you hear that

it's the corpse of reasonable doubt being stabbed just that little bit more

[izakthegoomba]

Hello again, Drench. Would you like to be put on the replacement list?

[Drench]

yeah okay

[Robotnick2]

“Crucially, Kiwieagle I,

perhaps sensing the turn of the tide

, switched sides to defend Chesstopia, thus directly leading to the loss of Astariel in the war,

and ultimately the destruction of Astariel herself.

”

I retract the above bolded statements, thus removing any conjecture from the statement. May we now please proceed?

Slartibartfast throws a pointed look at the defence.

[izakthegoomba]

The prosecution have supplied Kiwani records which, they claim, contain crucial evidence supporting counts five and six - namely, proof that Kiwieage I caused both cases of poisoning, and that Kiwieale II played a key part in the organisation. The jury are currently inspecting the records.

[Drench]

my god so much not-how-law-works