I was seriously about to vote Majiffy after you called that, because I've been doubting myself on the reads for a while now. But I really have no intention of working with your slot now (it's not your fault). I love to work with you when I'm not being insanely paranoid. Same way I loved to work with nacho, but now every time we're in the same game together I take every single word he says to be scummy.
My paranoia was making me ignore the reachouts. I don't know why I didn't at least try. Do I regret it? Kinda, because maybe then muffin wouldn't have pissed off Mala.
IRL, I'm the kid who everyone in early school years thought was going places. Top of the class, the kid everyone went to with questions. When I got to High School, I started missing chunks of school. First few years were due to me not liking school. (I'm in an elite program and I am forever grateful they did not boot me). Everyone except my friends treated me like I didn't belong there. It fucking sucked. After a while, I gave up. I can take anything directed at me because frankly I can see everything said to me and see it from the "this is true" side and now I've built up some tolerance. You know the worst part of being in a group of people that hated you? I still wanted to make them laugh. I care more about others than I do myself, even if they treat me like shit. If they treat me like a friend, it hurts me even more when they're upset.
I play this game to play with friends. But, when my friends are upset, I get upset. You remember the first thing I did after Wicked? I pm'd you to apologize for stonewalling you against mala. I could care less what most of the rest thought. But I let my friends down, and that killed me.
I don't want to interact now. Muffin calling me shit I can take. Him saying to ignore me because my reads are shit I can take. But I can't take people upsetting my friends like that.
I did the alphabet the past few pages so I wouldn't say something stupid and get evicted from the game.
I've sat here and retyped this post several times. It kills me to type it but you need to see what I'm thinking right now if you're going to understand.
You know what the absolute worst part of all this is? I've reread this and I realized if I actually thought you were scum I wouldn't have bothered. And it kills me because I'm burning this bridge and I don't want to but I don't know what to do. I have absolutely zero fucking idea what to do right now. Right now it's taking all I have not to just break down crying.